Absence
by Delia Ra'Nar
Summary: Whenever Leonardo needs his brothers, they will be there- no matter what. But sometimes the only way to protect those you love is to leave them, and Leonardo loves his family more than anything.
1. Prolog

A/N:This is my first Ninja Turtles fic so be kind.

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Absence

The eldest turtle was exhausted far beyond the point of anything he had ever felt before, but as no one was bothering him now he took the opportunity to lay his aching head on one of his outstretched arms and rest, if even only for a little while.

"Um, Leo?" came the hesitant voice of Michelangelo somewhere a bit to his left. He cracked an eye and peered blearily at the orange clad turtle who squatted in front of him.

"Yeah, Mikey?" he managed tiredly.

"Leo, I'm scared," his youngest brother confessed hesitantly.

"Yeah, Mikey, I know" replied Leo with the caring, patience, and feeling of ritual that comes from long associations and oft repeated conversations.

"I mean, who's going to protect us if you leave, who's going to listen to my stories?" Michelangelo continued, sounding lost and perhaps not quite awake himself.

"Mikey, I'm not going anywhere," said Leonardo in a way that implied both a promise and encouragement for his younger sibling.

"You don't know that," insisted Michelangelo.

"I'll be fine, I'll get some rest- it's not really all that bad, besides, I have you guys."

"Yeah," whispered Mikey, "I just wish…" he trailed off uncomfortably. Leo shifted forward slightly.

"You wish what Mikey?"

"I just wish you could hold me," Michelangelo replied quietly staring at the floor.

"Yeah Mikey, I wish that too." Unconsciously, Leo's eyes drifted upward to the heavy chains that kept his arms suspended uncomfortably over his head. When he glanced back down Mikey was no longer there.

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A/N: Okay, this fic is a oneshot right now, but (I'm kind of breaking my own rule here) it may exspand in the future. Anyway, leave a review and tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 1

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A/N: So, as you have no doubt surmised, this is no longer a OneShot! (or, at least, I _hope_ that's good news...) Yes, well, Like I said, this is my first Ninja Turtle's fic, so be kind. Oh yea, I'm not secretly the owner, nor am I getting any money so don't sue me for playing with them.

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Leonardo was not sure exactly when his brothers had started to visit him in his confinement. Then again, he wasn't even sure how long he had been trapped there. The lights were too bright and there were loud sounds from some hidden source. He didn't think they wanted him to sleep at all, and soon he lost all concept of time. Oh, he knew that his brothers weren't real; that they were just his own sleep deprived hallucinations dredged up by his desperate mind to try and bolster his resolve. He'd known that since the first time he had awoken from a brief bout of unconsciousness to find Raphael pacing his cell. There had been a brief, blinding moment of elation; his brothers had finally found him! Then confusion, why was he still restrained? Even a short moment of terror when he thought that Raph had fallen into the enemies' hands as well, but all that passed by in a flash and he knew: this wasn't real.

Not that it really mattered in the long run. Raph still ranted and cursed for Leo when he could or would not, Donny still tended his injuries and even though he couldn't feel it and knew it was not real, the pain still receded, and Mikey was always there to cheer his big brother up and remind him, just by being there, what the blue banded turtle was fighting for.

Every day Oroku Saki visited Leo and asked him the same question, and every day Leo gave him the same answer: silence. Apparently the Shredder had grown tired of the turtles interfering with his business and his ninja. He wanted them gone once and for all, with no hope of retreat and nowhere to fall back to. He wanted the location of the Lair and he was willing to do anything to obtain it.

Luckily for the remaining Hamato clan, their mutated body chemistry made conventional truth serums more or less useless, though sometimes painful. Not that that fact stopped the Shredder from trying. And when drugs failed to get the truth fast enough Saki had far more primitive methods at his disposal that he took great relish in implementing. Still Leonardo refused to speak, he kept his jaw clenched on both curses and howls of pain that waged war in his throat, and Saki was denied the privilege of hearing him scream. He bottled up all his pain and torment and waited until he was alone in his cell with only the brothers of his mind for company before allowing the whimpers and pained cries of his body to cross his lips. He was still Hamato Leonardo Splinter-son and would not give Shredder the satisfaction of witnessing his weakness.

As time passed, however, he could feel his resistance and will being worn away as his body got weaker and weaker through injury and exhaustion. Leonardo was no doctor and knew little more about physiology and anatomy then he needed to bind a wound and use pressure points effectively, but it seemed that he knew enough to make his dream Donatello frown and look more worried each time he appeared. Even Michelangelo slowly lost his ever cheerful vestige and began to come to the imprisoned turtle more often in need of comfort, to be reassured that his older brother was not leaving and would be alright, then to cheer him up- which was fine with Leonardo for as long as his family needed him he could hold out for one more day, one more session, one more heartbeat. Still, something would need to change before something broke and Saki found a way to get what he wanted.

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A/N: Yes, very short, but I have much work to do- hopefuly I will be able to get more typed once Christmas vacation starts. But please, tell me what you think of it so far!


	3. Chapter 2

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A/N: Blech, too much studying, but it's okay just one more exam tomorrow (at eight o'clock in the morning, darn it) and then I'm free. So I'm taking a quick break to post this, hope you all enjoy it. Read, relax, and review people!

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"Raph," Leonardo croaked through parched lips. He peered blearily up when his younger brother failed to respond to his subdued greeting. Something in the red banded turtle's stance warned him that the coming conversation was not going to be a pleasant one.

"You're losing it, Fearless," stated Raphael without preamble. Leo sighed, not able to summon up even the least bit of reproach for either the abrupt tone and the use of the despised nickname.

"I know."

"Yeah?" demanded Raph, "well what you goin' to do about it"

"I don't know," replied the older turtle in defeat, "What do you want me to do?"

"Oh no. You're the Fearless Leader here, not me, remember? I ain't tellin you nothin. But we both know that sooner or later you're gonna slip up an get us all killed." Leo flinched against his restraints, pulling on torn muscle but not even noticing as he scrambled for a reason for Raphael to be treating him this way. But Raphael was not done. "You know he's probably got this whole place wired. And don't tell me you and your paranoia didn't consider the possibility- after all, it's what you do." Suddenly Leo's chest constricted. He knew why Raph was here, he knew why Raph was doing this- he was forcing Leo to listen to himself, to make him be the leader, the one who covered all the angles, when all the older turtle wanted to do was wait for his brothers and a miraculous rescue. Still, he couldn't give up his last handholds to hope so easily.

"Yes," interjected Leonardo weakly, "Yes, of couse I considered it, but I-I made sure we never said-"

"Yeah? Ya think so, Mr. Perfect?" interrupted Raph, moving into the chained turtle's personal space, "You absolutely sure you never said anything that could lead them back to us? You done everything to make sure that me , Mikey, Don an Master Splinter was protected- that right?"

"Yes," gasped Leo desperately "you're all safe. All safe."

"No we ain't, Leo, and you know it."

"Mikey and Don," whispered Leo, lowering his head in acknowledgement and defeat.

"You knew they was talkin' too much, but you didn't stop them," Ralph accused.

"You three aren't even here," pleaded Leo, hopelessly trying to convince himself, and therefore Raphael, that he had made no mistake, that he had not failed. His family was safe, and he could stop this conversation before he tore out any more of his own soul. "There's no way he can hear you if you aren't there."

"What, you don't think that he wouldn't hear when you talked back to Mikey about where he'd been 'boardin, or that telling Donny where he could find the best junk for the do-dad-thing he's workin on wouldn't endanger us? Why else wouldn't Saki have tried to get rid of us? He's smart, without us it'd be that much easier to break ya, so why hasn't he? He's getting information, that's why, closin' in on the Lair."

"You don't know that," Leo gasped numbly.

"No, I don't, but it's what you're thinking- you can't hide from it and you know you can't risk it. You're not at home, bro, we aren't really here, and pretendin we are is just goina get us, the _real_ us, killed."

"I know, Raph," said Leonardo firmly, with the sudden ring and weight of leadership pushing back the tears that tried to leak into his voice, "But without you guys to remind me, to keep me –keep me…" He faltered suddenly.

"Hey, bro," Raphael interjected with an empathy that the real Raph wouldn't have been comfortable showing, "you're strong, and this is for the clan, the family- I know that you can do anything for us."

"What if it's not my choice? Shredder hasn't given up testing his truth serums, eventually he's going to find something that works on me, what then?" Leo asked, shuttering involuntarily.

"Well, if that happens then it won't matter if we are still here or not. We can't protect you from that, bro." he replied as bluntly as ever, "But I know you, you'll think of a way to stop him." Something in Raph's tone made Leo jerk up his head and meet the other's gaze. Looking into his younger brother's eyes Leonardo suddenly knew what he had to do, and Leo knew Raph knew what he was going to do.

"It'll be dangerous, bro." cautioned Raphael. Leo glanced away. He knew that. Though, truth be told, he _had_ been thinking about this, the idea forming in the depths of his mind, drawing ever closer to his conscious acknowledgement, even as Oroku Saki got closer and closer yet to breaking the eldest turtle's determined silence. He raised his eyes to Raph's once more and an unspoken pledge passed between them: _For the Clan_.

"Will you tell Don and Miley for me?" asked Leo, once again feeling the weight of his long imprisonment, now that Raphael and he had come to an agreement.

"I could, but that wouldn't exactly be keeping me in character, huh, bro? I don't do that touchy feely stuff," he replied with a glint of ironic humor in his eye, "Naw, besides you know that they would never listen to me, not about this. 'Fraid it's up to you. Good luck bro."

"Thanks," whispered Leo, liking his lips with a dry tongue, but Raph was already gone.

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A/N: So, Raph was a little out of character, but remember, he's just a figment of Leo's mind, and so was being used by Leonardo's subconscious to force him to face some things he was trying to avoid. I tried to get that across in the chapter… tell me how I did/what you guys think. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 3

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A/N: In honor of my first official day of Christmas break I am posting this next chapter a bit earlier then planed, please enjoy peoples!

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Leo had just been returned to his cell after a long, hard 'conversation' with the Shredder. Fortunately it was still very much one-sided, but that small triumph brought little relief to the turtle's abused body and trembling limbs. Grating white noise played in the background, bouncing off the bright, stark walls, trying to deny him the sleep his mind yearned for. He hung limply in his restraints, arm held too high over his head for him to sit comfortably on the ground, and too tired to try and hold himself upright or even kneel. He just stared ahead of him with unseeing eyes until even the white light was lost in a blur. It took him a few seconds to realize that part of the blur was green and moving. By the time he blinked his small world back into focus Donatello was already kneeling at his side and rummaging through his bag in search of the equipment needed to bring his older brother at least some measure of relief. As Don craned his head to get a better look at the bruise that spread itself over the lower part of his face, ironically in the same place as the one Raphael had gifted him with on the night his world and his family had been ripped from him, Leo managed to jerk his head in a sharp negative gesture before meeting his brother's concerned eyes.

"You've talked to Raph." It wasn't really a question: Raph knew what Leo knew and Don knew what Raph knew; they were all in Leo's head anyway. But besides all that, Donny would have talked to Raph.

"Cornered, grilled, then chewed him out is more like it," Don conceded, reluctantly sitting back on his heels. "He shouldn't have even brought that up, it's not like he can really expect you to do anything." Donatello continued his nervous shifting and a slight fidget belied his calm tone. When Leonardo gave no response other than continuing to gaze calmly at his brother, Donatello's agitation increased. "You're not really going to go through with his idea, are you? It's crazy, I was hoping he was just shooting his mouth off, and barring that I was counting on you to be reasonable with your evaluations." Don babbled slightly, rambling in his denial.

"I have to, Donny," interrupted Leo placidly. "It's the only way to keep you safe."

"You don't know that, Leo," protested Don, eerily echoing Leonardo's own words an indeterminable time earlier, "you could be rescued tomorrow or-"

"Or never," interrupted Leo, his own self doubts stirred by his phantom brother making his voice sharper then he meant, "I can't tell exactly how long it's been but it's been awhile. Enough time for you, for them, to have found me."

"You have to give us more time," pleaded Donatello, ignoring his brother's intentional slip.

"No, Donny," returned Leo, calm and resigned once more, "I've been selfish as it is. Raph was right, _is_ right. I could be endangering you right now, if the Shredder is listening."

"Then send us away, send us away, don't talk to us, ignore us- just don't go through with this," pleaded Donatello, feeling his argument slipping.

"It's not enough," said Leo sadly, shaking his head, "Even if you did leave, I can't risk being forced into revealing your location."

"Yes," hedged Donny, "but this is crazy, it's completely illogical, and impossible, even for you. I don't care that you are the best at ninjitsu, even Master Splinter has never heard of this done successfully. Even he would never try it. It's a story, Leo. Do you know what this could do to your mind?"

"Donny," sighed Leo, sagging in his bonds, "If I don't do this there probably won't be all that much left of my mind any way. You know that- we are having this conversation, after all. You also know that I've thought everything out and that I've decided. You're not going to change my mind, bro."

"I-I know, Leo, but I had to try," the purple banded turtle gave a small depreciating smirk,."That's what I'm here for, right?"

"Heh," chuckled Leo, "You know that we couldn't do anything without you. And you know that I always listen to your opinions. You're our voice of reason. Well, except when you're talking about your next project."  
"Right," scoffed Don before quickly sobering, "Just- don't do anything without talking to Mikey- he's not really going to understand."

"Yeah," Leo sighed again shifting slightly, "Hope he comes soon though, it's getting harder, not sure how long I-," he paused, feeling his imagined brother's concerned gaze, "You'd think that I would be able to just call you guys whenever, considering," he continued hastily in a markedly different vein. Don chose not to comment and instead followed where his brother and his leader lead him.

"Sorry, bro, but you know they busted your shell cell." The abrupt flash of humor from his normally studious brother startled a chuckle, then a laugh, from the imprisoned turtle, but the brief cheer quickly collapsed into a painful fit of coughing. Donatello knelt by him, almost sitting on his hands to stop himself from disrespecting his brother's wishes and offering aid. After the spasm passed the brothers shared one last long look.

"Be careful, bro," and then he vanished, leaving the eldest alone, staring at the bright, bare white walls of his cell.

"Always," he whispered.

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A/N: Hmm. So, Review! Please?


	5. Chapter 4

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A/N: Yeah! Another chapter, go me! I'm sure none of you are surprised who visits Leo this time, but I hope at least part of it will catch you guys off guard.

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Leonardo failed to notice Michelangelo when the youngest next appeared in his cell. This was a grave failing for any ninja. No doubt Master Splinter would have been disappointed in his most promising pupil, but at the time, it was all Leo could do to breathe.

Saki had become more impatient with the eldest turtle as time slowly passed by, and to the Shredder impatient translated to violence. Just before being returned to his cell Leo had received a blow to the plastron that not only drove the air from his lungs but felt as though someone was trying to tear his ribs away from his heart. He had blacked out for a moment. Hopefully he had not screamed.

Now he found himself suspended once more, the heavy metal cuffs reattached to the hanging chains. The pressure before had been uncomfortable, but now it bordered on unbearable. It seemed to the turtle as if his plastron had been cracked in two and were now struggling to see which half would end his life, for it certainly seemed that one would crush his lungs or pierce his heart.

"Leo?" asked Mikey tentatively, drawing the elder turtle back to his surroundings, "Um, you okay, bro?" It was a stupid question, under the circumstances, but Leo understood.

"I'll be fine, Mikey, I'm –just- a little… out of – breath," managed Leonardo, his speech punctured by shallow gasps and his eyes blinking back dark spots.

"Maybe… maybe if you stood up, or leaned forward a bit, you'd be able to breathe better?" questioned Milkey in a rush. Leo just stared at his youngest brother for a moment, feeling as if he had just been told that he would have to get a snow cone from the top of Everest to relieve his thirst, but then a mask of determination blanketed his features. Mikey hated to see anyone suffer, but there was something more with Leo. He was the big brother, the eldest, the defender; he was supposed to be able to protect his family from whatever the world threw at them, not lay crumpled on the floor gasping like a fish. Gathering his waning strength he braced himself and slid his shell up the wall, wincing as the scores and scars caught even the featureless white walls. He had to balance all his weight on his left leg because his right would no longer support his weight. He didn't think it was broken, but his mind wasn't the clearest and Donny wouldn't be back to give him a second opinion.

He managed to get his feet under him, though the wall was forced to support much of his weight. It was uncomfortable and draining a position to maintain, but he managed to breathe without the grinding pain and the black spots that had been threatening to completely engulf his vision slowly dissipated. He managed a thin, but not entirely faked smile for his little brother. Mikey visibly relaxed as Leonardo's respiration became less strained and he bounded over to stand beside the blue banded turtle.

"Wow, that was scary, huh? You got to watch yourself, bro, or Donny's gonna have kittens next time he sees you. Although,… " he trailed off speculatively. Leo shook his head fondly, though it caused the room to tilt dangerously.

"Mike, I'm not going to be seeing Donny for a while."

"Why?" Mikey asked concerned, "You guys have a fight or something? I thought that was what Raph was here for."

"No, not a fight, not really." He sighed as deeply as he was able, "I have to go away for a while is all."

"Go away?" asked Mikey incredulously. "Bro, I thought that that was the problem, aren't you kind of stuck here?" he continued, waving his hand vaguely at their bleak surroundings.

"I don't mean physically, Mike," said Leo, too tired even to roll his eyes, but Michelangelo froze and paled visibly.

"You don't-" he stammered, "No, bro! You- you promised, you promised!" Tears sprang up in the younger turtle's eyes. Leo floundered for a second, then his mind jumped to a 'conversation' he had had with the youngest turtle shortly after his capture.

"No!" shouted Leonardo hoarsely, "Oh, no, Mikey, I didn't mean that," he gasped, his hand twitching as if to reach out and comfort his younger brother.

"But you thought it," accused Michelangelo, still caught up in the adrenaline rush of fear.

"I-I did, bro," acknowledged Leo, "You know I did, but I also promised you that I would not follow through, didn't I?" Mikey nodded. "Have I ever lied to you?"

"No, you don't lie, Leo. Honor is too important."

"That's right, Mikey," explained Leo patiently, as if to a child, "and that's why I have to go away for a while, for honor. And to protect you, you and Donny, and Raph, even Master Splinter." Some part of the eldest turtle remembered that he hadn't had to reassure Michelangelo like this for years and years. Mikey was fifteen, the same age as Leo and the others, but now, here in his mind, his brother needed reassurance that everything would turn out for the best, so that was just what Leonardo would provide.

"But Leo, who will watch out for us, and who's going to kick our shells when we don't mind Sensei?" asked the normally fun loving turtle tremulously.

"You'll just have to take care of each other for a while. I trust you."

"You-you gonna be back, Leo?" Mikey asked, baby blues burning into the older turtle while filling with tears. Leonardo hesitated, but could not find it in himself to lie, or even deflect the question, as he often did.

"I don't know. I hope so."

"Wh- what are you going to do, really?" questioned the orange banded turtle, though clearly frightened of the reply.

Leonardo looked deep into the eyes of this thing that was and yet was not his brother, as though trying to memorize every remembered detail of the delusion:

"I'm going to forget."

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A/N: Well, there it is… does that count as a cliffhanger? Anyway, please tell me what you all think of this chapter, I'm not sure how happy I am with it. Besides that I want to thank all you who have reviewed previously and wish all my readers a Very Merry Christmas! Delia Ra'Nar


	6. Chapter 5

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A/N: Okay, here is the next chapter! First I'd like to thank KameTerra for her edits, and all my other reviewers for their notes, _and _I hope all you readers had a merry Christmas. Sorry this took so long, but I think that it will answer a lot of questions.

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Oroko Saki was confused. He did not enjoy the sensation. In fact it made him angry, and when Oroko Saki got angry, people tended to die. Painfully.

'_That turtle, that damned turtle,'_ Saki fumed silently. _'He had been breaking! Mumbling to himself in his room, calling to the rest of his pathetic brood. The stubborn creature had even failed to muffle his cries during the last session, and now this!'_ It had taken weeks to bring the turtle to this point: starvation, sleep deprivation, physical discomfort, mental abuse. Not that the Shredder begrudged the time- on the contrary, he enjoyed it. It was not often that he was faced with such an interesting challenge. Still, he expected to get something for his trouble; this was unacceptable. He sneered his disgust at the boneless reptile sprawled at his feet. Unacceptable. What had the mutant done?

This thing before him was not Leonardo. Oh, it had the same color skin, the same scars, many inflicted by his own hand, but the eyes. The eyes where empty.

It had escaped! Somehow the turtle had escaped, even after being chained to the wall, even after the pains Saki took to be sure that it would not be found, even made sure he would be unable to escape to the next life; still, _still_ the turtle was gone. The Shredder kicked the creature viciously in hopes of releasing some of his anger, but the thing's lack of response merely enraged Saki further. He drew his foot back to release his fury once more, when the thing flinched.

'_Now that is indeed interesting,'_ thought Saki speculatively. '_Perhaps Leonardo is not quite as far away as he would have me believe.'_ The Shredder grabbed the turtle's green skinned neck and slammed him into the wall, forcing the shelled being to meet his eyes.

"Tell me where your brothers are hiding, Leonardo," demanded Saki, searching the other's eyes for any flicker of recognition, but finding none. "If you do not tell me, perhaps I will have better luck getting the location of your home out of one of them. The one you call Michelangelo perhaps." The turtle twitched, but that could have been caused by his injuries, or even lack of oxygen. Regardless, his eyes remained clouded and empty. Saki threw the turtle down in disgust, paying no attention as it skidded across the floor; the thing was less then useless now.

'_But perhaps, not _entirely_ useless. After all, I still have the turtle's body, even if his mind was too weak,'_ he sneered while carefully considering his options. He would proceed with his previous plan and administer his next few truth serums, just in case there was enough of a mind left to pull some answers out of. Once he was satisfied that there was no information there, or that he had his answer, he would use the turtle to clear up some lingering questions as to the turtle's physiology. When fighting an opponent virtually covered in armor it would help to know where the weak spots lay. Then he would reunite this pitiful shell with his pathetic brothers. After all, one does not need to speak to convey a message and the best spies are silent.

'_Yes,'_ he thought, gazing at the being curled up and cowering on the floor- the thing that used to be the warrior Leonardo. _'I would hate to miss such a heartwarming reunion.'_

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A/N: Okay, so it was a little short. Still, how could I not end the chapter there? Please tell me what you guys think, reviews are always appreciated!


	7. Chapter 6

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A/N: Happy New Year people, I thought that we should bring in the two thousand and eight right! Yes… anyway, this is something of a flash back, so bear with me. Read, relax, and review!

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Leonardo had been missing for over a month and his family was all but out of hope.

They had not parted on the best of terms. It had been a tense day in the Lair. Leo had burned out the toaster at breakfast. Again. Naturally Donny had used up the last of the heating coils the _last_ time Leo had used the toaster and hadn't been able to scavenge any more. Mikey had pushed Raph too far. Again. Right after Raph had been woken three hours early by Donny's pieced together smoke detector, set off by Leo's breakfast misadventures. Needless to say Mikey didn't have to do nearly as much as usual to earn Raphael's ire. Unfortunately the prankster also underestimated the force of Raph's reaction and Leonardo was forced to step in to prevent serious injury. Regrettably the blue banded turtle was forced to physically separate the two younger ones and so intercepted the vicious right hook meant for Michelangelo. Not that Leo was too inconvenienced. He had a much higher pain tolerance then Mikey, and he figured that the whole situation was his fault for burning out the toaster in the first place. Besides, now the entire Lair would be spared Mikey's moaning.

Leo's sacrifice was not viewed in the same light by everyone, however. Raphael had stormed off to the dojo, angry at both Leonardo for getting in the way, again, and at himself, perhaps even more so, for losing control. _Again._ If Leo didn't know how to roll with a punch, '_and have such a hard head' _he added silently- well, Raph knew how strong he was.

Michelangelo had been grateful to Leo for running interference, he knew how strong Raph was. All the same, he could not bring himself look at the ugly bruise he earned smeared across his brother's face and so spent a lot of time awkwardly gazing over Leo's shoulder. Of course, he felt less both grateful andguilty when Leo dutifully told Master Splinter _exactly_ what had happened when the old rat questioned the oldest turtle's darkening skin.

Master Splinter had sent a silently pouting Mikey to clean up the mess he and Raphael had caused and assigned both turtles to kitchen duty for the rest of the week. As Mikey trudged off to tell Raph the news before heading to the kitchen for his first day of KD, Splinter gave his eldest a stern lecture on keeping order in the family and the importance of moving to avoid blows in combat. Their Sensei made a point of driving home the fact that if Raphael had been wielding a blade there would be no need for this conversation and that Master Splinter would be burying a son. Leonardo chose not to point out that the fact that if he had moved then Mikey would have been hit as the eldest turtle had dodged, and Leo would never do that. If Master Splinter was forced to bury a son, Leonardo had every intention of insuring that it was he who was put into the ground. He would die to defend his brothers. He was the leader, after all.

Not that he voiced any of this. First of all, he would never burden his family with the worry such a declaration would bring, and secondly, Raph's punch had swollen the side of his face and the pain radiating up his jaw banished any thoughts of speaking, unless specifically addressed by his Sensei. 

Master Splinter eventually took pity on him and made an ice pack for his eldest before once again retreating to his room. Leo sat in the main room, pressing the cold pack against his injured flesh for almost a half hour, but became increasingly antsy as time slipped by, an abnormal feeling for the eldest turtle to experience, but not completely foreign. Usually at these odd times, when he simply could _not _sit still any longer, he would go work on his kakas or put in some sparring time in the dojo, but Raph had yet to emerge and Leo could still hear him pounding away at their unfortunate equipment. He really didn't want to deal with his fiery brother at the moment. Mikey was slamming the kitchen cabinets as he worked his way through the perennial pileup of dirty dishes that were a requirement of any teenage family, mutant, ninja, or otherwise, and the last time Leo had talked to Don he had been on the receiving end of a very firm and rigidly calm rant that told him on no uncertain terms what would happen to the Katana wielding turtle if he _ever_ dared touch the kitchen appliances again.

Suddenly the Lair seemed both stifling and far too empty. In the end he had poked his head into Donatello's lab and told the engineer that he was going for a run and asked him to tell Master Splinter if their Father was finished with his meditations before Leonardo returned. He was gone almost before Don had time to glance up from the scorched remains of the toaster he was still trying to resuscitate.

That was the last time anyone had seen Leonardo for one month, two weeks, five days.

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A/N: What, me torturing you? Would I do such a thing? Hmm, maybe we'll leave those as rhetorical questions. I just thought that this needed to be told. Reviews are always appreciated guys!


	8. Chapter 7

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A/N: Okay guys, sorry if this took a little long. And I'm doubly sorry, but it seems as though the flash back is going to continue a bit longer. Sorry, sorry, not my fault! Blame the turtles, they insist on telling their bit.

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Quite some time after Leonardo's rather hasty departure Mikey and Raph were watching television, fight forgotten or at least ignored, and Don had finally emerged from his lab to fix himself a snack, when Mater Splinter emerged from his sanctuary looking unusually anxious, tail twitching in apprehension.

"Where is your brother?"he asked sharply, without any of his usual preamble. Mike and Raphael exchanged blank looks, but Don, just walking out of the kitchen, was able to answer:

"He went out for a run about-" He glanced at the clock, "…six hours ago." He finished in surprise, he had no idea it had been that long. Not that is was unusual for the turtles to be gone that long on a scheduled training run, or even for Raph's ritual 'blowing off steam', but Leo? No, not like this.

"Go find him," demanded their Master. As one the three turtles headed for the door, pausing only long enough to grab their weapons. They knew their Sensei. He would have been meditating and while none of them really understood it, not even Leo, Master Splinter somehow _knew _things after doing so. It hardly even occurred to them to question such knowledge. And from their Sensei's voice, something had happened to Leonardo, something bad.

o0o.o0o.o0o

The three brothers followed all of Leo's usual runs through the sewers, but found neither sight nor shell of him. Donatello had tried repeatedly to raise or track Leonardo on his shell cell, but he could not get a signal. The purple banded turtle tried not to dwell on what that could mean for their eldest sibling.

After a short debate they decided to expand their search and look topside. Michelangelo argued that Leo wouldn't have left the tunnels, not when it had been practically the middle of the day when Leo went out. Raph agreed with him, a rare incident in itself, saying that 'Splinter Jr.' would never go against their Sensei's wishes. Sure, Master Splinter had eased up on the restrictions since they ran into April and had it out with the Shredder's goons a few times, but both he and Leo retained an annoying bit of paranoia. What with being alone, with no good reason for the trip and being in broad daylight? Raph didn't think he'd dare.

It was Donatello who insisted that they check above ground. Besides Leonardo himself, Donny was the most observant of the brothers, barring when he was deeply entrenched in a project, and he knew that sometimes Leo needed to get away like everyone else. Mikey had a lingering case of hero worship for their eldest brother, and Raph could just be plain bitter, both of which tended to skew their world view. But Donny had seen enough moments when Leonardo thought he was unobserved and heard enough of his nightmares to know that Leo had serious doubts about leading his brothers into battle and perhaps more about keeping and leading them when the battle was over. Don also knew 

from experience that the Lair could become very confining, and sometimes not even the sewers were big enough to hold one's problems. At such times Donatello usually found a grate through which he could see the stars and breath the semi-fresh air. On really bad nights he went for an illicit surface run and usually ended up at April's. She was always a good person to talk to when family would not do. He just hoped that Leo would do the same.

In the end Donny convinced his brothers to make a quick run to April's by the usual rooftop route. He had a feeling Mike and Raph only agreed because they had no other suggestion and were loath to return to their Sensei empty handed. So they followed the purple banded turtle as he headed for the manhole gateway to the surface world- though Don was sure he heard Raph muttering about sweeping the tunnels to the south again later. For some reason Donatello didn't think they would need to.

Fortunately for the turtles the sun was already setting when they emerged, though they were forced to make their way through the darkening twilight as opposed to the thick shadows of night. They exited a manhole close to April's house, but still on the run that Leo most often took. As they ran across the roof tops, the three turtles could not help but revel in the open air, regardless of the foreboding circumstances, and soon almost unconsciously fell into a reflection of their normal routine of ninja tag. Michelangelo quickly stole Raphael's lead and had lengthened it by over a roof and a half when the orange banded turtle slipped on a slick patch of roof while craning his head to check on his progress instead of his footing. He landed hard on his shell right in the middle of the puddle of- whatever it was, and managed to get the slightly sticky substance all over his plastron.

"Aw, man," Mikey moaned as he struggled to his knees, "this is so why I never win these things." He made a face and held up his now covered hands to the fading light. He froze and for a second could not find his voice. Finally he managed a tremulous call to his older brothers, "Guys, uh, a little help?"

The other two turtles were quick to respond to the distress exhibited by Mikey's slightly higher pitch and were on the roof in seconds. Don drew in a deep breath at the sight of their little brother, but Raph was much more vocal:

"God Mikey, what did ya do- we was only out of sight for ten freakin seconds!" By the time he had finished his brief tirade Donatello was already at their brother's side, trying to check Michelangelo for cuts and abrasions. Raph had drawn his weapons as soon as Mikey's cry had reached them and now automatically took up a guarding position, glaring into the shadows, daring any enemies to attack again.

"It-it's not mine, Donny," Mikey whispered numbly, still staring at his hands.

"What?" asked Don distractedly still running his hands over his brother's plastron, searching for hidden wounds.

"It's not my blood," repeated Michelangelo, gathering enough presence of mind to make himself understood, "It's not mine."

"What?" gasped Don again, sitting back on his heels and really _looking_ at the liquid surrounding them. Their blood, though red, was subtly darker and slightly thinner than that of the average human. A closer examination revealed that at least some of what coated Mikey's plastron and hands _was_ turtle blood, but also that some of the liquid was already congealing on the edges. While not old, this blood was not fresh enough to be Michelangelo's. "Then whose…" Don trailed off, not wanting to acknowledge the only feasible answer left. Donatello felt almost grateful when he was suddenly distracted by a sharp cry from Raphael, but his relief at the diversion was short lived as he saw his red banded brother drop suddenly to his knees.

Raph had been searching the roof top for any sign of the dead men who had dared attack his little brother, when his roving eye caught a dull gleam of sharp steel. He heard Donny and Mike murmuring in the background, telling him that they hadn't been attacked and noticed nothing out of the ordinary, which was fine cause Raph really wanted first go at these guys. He surged forward, sais ready and knuckles itching- only to have his silent charge abruptly halted by a familiar glimpse of blue.

Donny and Michelangelo scrambled to their brother's side, ready for any attack, only to find him kneeling, sais shoved hastily into his belt, forgotten. His hands cradled a single katana baring the harsh dents of recent combat and wrapped in an instantly recognizable shade of blue, the same color that their eldest brother had worn almost every day of his life. His katana were almost as important to Leo as his family, and sometimes it seemed to his brothers that he valued them over his own life. He would never willingly leave them behind, let alone abandon one in a pile of refuse on an unknown rooftop like so much garbage. A quick search found the second sword, usually so lovingly cared for, broken off at the tip and fallen to the ground. Judging by the hole in the wall, Leo had thrown it at an opponent, burying it in the wall. Judging by the bloodstains, he had not missed.

The remaining turtles carefully gathered their missing brother's weapons before setting off in pursuit. The bloodstains weren't more than an hour old and the three were sure that they could track a group of humans, at least one of which was injured, especially when they were encumbered with a large, bleeding, probably unconscious, giant turtle. They were trained to track them, should have been able to track them, but it was as if they just disappeared. Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael scoured the base of the building, both thanking and cursing the final fall of night, but found not so much as a blood stain. They quickly expanded their search, Donatello directing them in a grid pattern, until they had canvassed a good part of the surrounding neighborhood. They stayed out, feeling more desperate as their search continued with no sign of anything unusual, nothing but a blood soaked roof and a beaten pair of katana.

They paused at April's house long enough to ensure that their friend was still safe and sleeping soundly, but decided to let her slumber continue uninterrupted. There was nothing really that she could do to help them and they were eager to continue their search. And search they did, for hours without pause until even they began to stumble and the false dawn was brightening the eastern sky. Then, at last, they were forced to return to their Master in defeat.

o0o.o0o.o0o

He knew even before they entered that they did not bring his eldest back with them, but he could not stop himself from shuffling forward to meet his sons hopefully at the door anymore then he could stop himself from slumping over his cane as he was presented with Leonardo's damaged katana by an unusually solemn Raphael. Splinter shifted, taking his weight off of his cane before gravely taking the weapons of his eldest as though handling the very soul of his absent son.

"He has been captured then," the old rat stated, cradling the blue hilted swords to the folds of his tattered robe.

"We'll find 'im, Master Splinter," promised Raphael roughly, "We'll find 'im, and the guy that took 'im." Splinter gazed into the eyes of his remaining sons and was made proud by the loyalty he saw there, but neither did he fail to notice their exhaustion- the way Donatello swayed slightly while Michelangelo rubbed his hands distractedly against his shell, or the way the lingering metallic smell of iron wafted to his sensitive nose.

"Go then, my sons, but first you must rest. Sleep while the sun shines and I shall conduct my own search for your brother. Sleep well and go carefully." With that the old rat retreated to his room, clutching the damaged blades and readying himself to search for his missing son in the only way his crippled leg would allow. Still, as he sat in preparation for his meditation, he left his door open enough to allow the sounds of his remaining children getting ready for bed to filter into his room.

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A/N: Well, I hope that wasn't too bad. Just a bit more to catch up with Leo's present and we'll be good. Thoughts? Comments? Reviews? !!) I always love to know what you guys think!


	9. Chapter 8

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A/N: My brothers had to go back to school today, and so I thought I'd post this to cheer up any of you guys who had to do the same, I hope it wasn't too terrible. This is still a flashback, but it's wrapping up, promise! Please Read, Relax, and Review guys!

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It had been one month, two weeks, and five days without any sign of Leonardo. The boys searched every night, from dusk to sunrise, with absolutely no luck. April trolled the internet for anything suspicious and even Casey pitched in, roaming in the daylight hours when the turtles were forced to remain below, usually passed out from exhaustion, but not even his street contacts could come up with anything helpful. Donny and April had even tried to hack into the Shredder's network to try and dig up any information he had, but the only relevant information that they managed to salvage before having to break off their connection was enough to convince them that assaulting Saki's fortress without being sure that Leo was being held there was not an option. Apparently security had been upgraded since their last 'visit'. They were at their wit's end, driven to researching the entire city and hunting down the suddenly elusive Purple Dragons in the vague hope that the low level thugs and enforcers that made up the gang may have hear something, anything, from their Foot masters, if it was indeed the foot who had taken Leonardo. It was only Raph who admitted that he just wanted someone he could hit and not feel bad about it.

Through all this it was Master Splinter's quiet and certain reassurance that their brother yet lived that truly kept them moving forward even when it seemed that they were going nowhere. They believed their Sensei without question and clung to his word like a life line.

Perhaps that is why they reacted so badly when Splinter informed them gently and calmly one evening that he could no longer find the faint yet distinctive presence of their brother during his meditations. Splinter had felt Leonardo weakening progressively over the weeks, and yet was unable to pinpoint his location other than to say that he remained somewhere in the city. He tried to bolster his son's failing state by sending him his brothers' love along with Splinter's own, but there was something blocking him from his son and the old rat was unable to tell how effective his efforts were, if at all. He knew, intellectually, that even a spirit of Leonardo's strength could not hold out indefinitely, yet he was still shocked and horrified when Leonardo's presence suddenly disappeared, gone, cut off as if by a blade. He searched desperately for his son, throwing himself mentally at the place where he had last felt him, only to have his own essence disperse into a fine mist to recondense back in the Lair, as he had each time he had tried to discover where his son was being held, where his son had… died.

He had broken the news as gently as the old rat knew how, but nothing he said could shield his remaining sons from this grief. Michelangelo fell apart immediately, clinging to his Sensei as he had not done in years. Arguably this time had been hardest on the youngest. He had not pulled a single prank or cracked one joke since his brother had gone missing and any smile April managed to coax was halfhearted at best. Mikey was missing the bounce in his step and his usual energy as they scrambled over rooftops at night. When he slept he dreamed about the last time he had seen Leo and how he had never bothered to thank his big brother for saving him from Raph, how he hadn't even been able to look him in the eye. Master Splinter had caught his washing his hands at odd hours and he picked up the odd habit of dragging his palm across his plastron when he was distracted.

Donatello took the news better and tried to comfort Michelangelo even through his own heartache and shock. Though, to be honest, the brainy turtle had been expecting and dreading this news for weeks. The Foot had been suspiciously inactive lately and there were not too many people who could take his big brother down, and even fewer who could get a hundred and something pound reptile off of a roof without leaving any sort of evidence. Don also knew that if Saki _did_ have their brother then their chances of finding Leonardo alive dwindled by the hour. He wasn't prepared for the news, he didn't think that it was possible to be prepared, not for this, but he was expecting it, and he knew that Leo would want him to be strong for his brothers. He would be strong for his brother, he thought, ignoring the moisture trailing down his beak as he rubbed his little brother's shell.

Raphael had his own way of dealing with his grief: he refused to acknowledge it. He refused to accept or acknowledge that Leo could be dead; he would not let the last thing he said to his older brother be said in anger. He railed at his remaining brothers and even his father for letting 'some weird feeling' stop them from looking for Leo- as if some mystic mumbo-jumbo was enough evidence to make anyone give up hope. Truly Raphael had come to put as much faith in Master Splinter's 'weird feelings' as the rest of their small family, for the rat had yet to be wrong. Perhaps even worse was how much hope he had stored against his father's continued claims. And when hope failed the red banded turtle he turned to anger and cynicism. Master Splinter knew this, and had been a father long enough to know that he could not force Raphael to accept anything. So when his fiery son stormed out of the Lair he did nothing to stop him, though it pained him to lose sight of another one of his children, no matter what the reason, or the length.

Regardless of his desire to give Raphael time to cool off, Splinter was starting to worry about his second oldest and Don was seriously considering dragging the still sniffling Mikey to track him down. They were spared any rash actions when April called to let them know that Raph and Casey had spent the night roaming the streets and had both crashed at her place after some minor first aid. Raph stayed away from the Lair for over a week, spending his time bashing Purple Dragons with Casey and searching erratically for any sign of Leo, then falling asleep, exhausted, on April's couch.

Raph's absence only served to highlight the absence of the eldest, and everyone at the Lair felt the undercurrents of worry and tension underlying their grief. Mikey would have taken off and physically dragged his wayward older brother home if not for his Father's council and April's daily phone calls. He just wanted his family back together again, at least, all the family he could still reach. Donatello distracted himself from both the absence of his older brothers and his anger at Raph by looking after Mikey and trying to figure out how their family could move forward. Leo would expect no less of him. Raph would realize that before long.

As the days past, however, Master Splinter became certain that Raphael was searching for something, waiting, though he may not even have realized it. The old rat never felt his age as much as he did leaning on his cane, gazing at the battered weapons, carefully placed beside the shrine to his departed Master Yoshi. He began to think that nothing short of Leonardo's corpse or miraculous return would bring his broken family back together again. Little did he know how prophetic his words would prove.

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A/N: Ominous, no? or at least foretelling, I hope. Well, I hope that you enjoyed it. Unfortunately we are fast catching up to where I am now, story wise, and I myself will soon be returning to the hallowed halls of learning cough , but I'll try to keep posting at reasonable intervals. Please drop a note though, I love hearing from you guys! Till next chapter Delia Ra'Nar


	10. Chapter 9

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A/N: Okay, here is the next chapter guys. I just want to say: please don't kill me.

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Donatello was woken by the disturbingly shrill beeping of his shell cell at four o'clock in the morning. For the millionth time he asked himself what drove him to use that particularly grating sound. Though at four in the morning, pretty much everything sounded that way.

Apparently he had fallen asleep in his lab, again, and his muscles vehemently protested the awkward position he had settled into. He swiped clumsily at his still shrilling cell and just managed to fumble into his hand before his searching fingers chased it off the edge.

"'ello?" he slurred, trying to clear the fog from his mind.

"Don-," came a strained voice on the other end, "Don, I- he's here, Donny, I found 'im."

"What? Raph?" asked Donatello scrubbing distractedly at his eyes, trying to connect what was undisputedly his brother's voice with that particular tone. Raphael had never sounded like that before. He sounded …desperate. "Raph. Where are you?"

"April's, I'm on her roof and- God, get over here Donny, there's so much blood and I-I don't know what to do." Donatello's thoughts immediately crystallized at the mention of injury.

"Raph, listen, if there is bleeding try and find the source and apply pressure- get it under control. If you start to feel dizzy or disoriented try and stay conscious. We'll be there as soon as we can," Don said, doing his best to reassure his brother as he scrambled to dump all the supplies he would need to patch up his brother's battle wounds into his bag while at the same time grabbing blindly for his Bo and yelling for Michelangelo. So frantic was he to prevent the loss of yet another brother that he almost missed Raphael's next words.

"It ain't me, I'm not hurt." That caused Don to pause for a moment. Who was hurt? Surely Raph knew to call the paramedics if Casey ever got banged up hunting Purple Dragons. They'd done it before, and if April ever got hurt she'd be in much better hands with the human authorities as well. What was Raph thinking? Donatello was about to open his mouth and tell Raphael to stop wasting time and call 911 when Raphael spoke once more, his words both freezing Don's heart and causing a warm fountain of hope to spring up and sear the inside of his plastron as his heart tried to escape his chest.

"Don. It's Leo."

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A/N: Heh, so, yes. I'm sorry, I couldn't help but end it there! But, uh, any reviews would be greatly appreciated. She said quickly and sincerely, bare seconds before ducking into an open manhole and disappearing into the sewers. With luck she could elude her pursuers until she had something of value with which to barter for the remains of her pathetic existence.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: holds chapter out as a sacrifice to appease readers Seriously though, all of you , um… upset… with the length and ending of last chapter should now be able to forgive me now. …right?

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Raphael had been patrolling all night looking for Purple Dragons, or better yet, Foot Ninja to take his frustration out on and hopefully beat some answers out of, but had little success with the first, and none with the other. He still couldn't believe that his family had given up. He couldn't believe that he had left the lair. Actually he was having trouble believing anything lately, so he did what he always did: bash some heads.

'_It wasn't like Leo hadn't ever gotten his shell into trouble before, and he always, always managed to drag 'imself out,' _reasoned Raphael stubbornly, mentally shunning the image of Leonardo being thrown through April's window, _'and it ain't like Master Splinter's weird feelin's ave never been wrong before or nothin.'_ He grumbled silently, ignoring the fact that he could not recall a single instance when the old rat's premonitions proved false. The fact was, Raph held little to no real hope of finding his brother alive, not after so long without a word and faced with the bleak certainty of his Sensei. Though he found he still could not accept it. Not then, maybe not ever, at least not until he could bring home his brother's corpse and give it a funeral befitting the noble warrior Leonardo had been. Not even Raphael himself understood this clearly of course. He just felt a vague sense of things uncompleted. And perhaps the stirrings of homesickness, though he would never let that word pass his lips.

It was with a resigned air that he turned and headed back toward April's house. It had to be sometime after three. The humans would be getting up in a few hours and he was tired. He landed on the roof of the 'Second Time Around' antique store, or junk shop according to some, with a neat double summersault, landing silently on all four limbs. It wasn't until he straightened up and started walking toward the roof access that the dim street lights revealed the slumped form by the stairs.

'_What?'_ thought Raph, freezing in place, but he felt no other eyes on his shell. It didn't feel like a trap and if it were he wouldn't have seen the Foot until they attacked. Most people didn't make it a habit of sleeping on rooftops, especially when the fire escape only went as far as the floor below, and the vague outline he could make out sure didn't look like April. In fact, it looked rather like one of his brothers. '_Those jerks,_' he thought affectionately. Didn't they think he could look after himself? He'd come back when he was ready; they didn't need to baby sit him. But he wasn't really mad. He hadn't seen them for over two weeks and whoever this was, Donny or Mikey, they had cared enough to fall asleep waiting for his return.

Smart money was on Don, as far as Raph was concerned. Donatello had the patience to sit still and wait pensively until he fell asleep. Mikey, not so much. Even though Michelangelo had an impressive, and annoying, stubborn streak, not to mention an underdeveloped sense of pride that made it easy for him say what he was feeling, even if it was that he missed having Raph around. But if Mikey had tracked him down then he would have been hanging out with April and probably hunting down every scrap of pizza in the place. Raph almost rolled his eyes at the mental image as he carefully approached the sleeping turtle, careful not to startle him. Startling a ninja was never a good idea.

"Hey, hey Don- wake up bro, it's cold out here." He took another step forward, confused when he received no response- Don was a notoriously light sleeper. "Mikey?" he asked stepping forward once more. His foot landed in a puddle, causing him to shake his foot reflexively. _'Gross,'_ he thought absently.

"Hey, bro, come on, get up. I think that you may have sat in something here." He gripped the other turtle's shoulder and pulled him over onto his shell. Raph dropped the arm he had grabbed, not even noticing when it landed with a wet splash. He blinked twice in rapid succession and consciously resisted the urge to rub his eyes. There, not a foot in front of him was the bare, unmasked, but unmistakable form of his missing brother. Leonardo.

Raphael remained frozen for perhaps a minute, completely unable to process what his senses were telling him. Nine weeks. He had scoured the city for nine weeks and here he was, here was his brother. Raph wondered briefly if he had finally lost it. His brothers had always said he was a little crazy- even Leo- maybe, maybe they were right. This could not be real, it had to be a dream, a dream he hoped no one would wake him from. Then the gibbous moon emerged from behind the clouds and smog, plunging Raphael's surreal dream into a silver laced nightmare.

"Oh, shell…" managed Raphael weakly as the brilliant moonlight revealed the rooftop in all its technicolor glory. Leonardo's usually grass green skin was now a muted sage riddled with dark discolorations. And that was the small part of him that Ralph could actual see. Leo and an uneven two foot radius of the rooftop was covered in a seeping pool of blood. Dark blood. Turtle blood.

Part of Raph's mind simply blanked- he didn't do this, couldn't do this. He fought for his family, for his honor, and because it is what he did best. Give him a skull and he would crack it. Give him a body, he would protect it. This. He could not do this. Not when Leo's life depended on him.

Without realizing it he found his shell cell out and he was talking to Donatello. Donny said that he and Mikey were on their way, but Raph knew that until they arrived it would be up to him to do what he could. The click of a disconnecting cell swung him into action. He tried to follow the instructions given to him by his medically minded brother, but all the blood was making things difficult. He used his mask and the pads of his knees and elbows to try and wipe away enough of the blood to locate his brother's wounds, but the leather did little more than smear the red liquid over Leo's plastron. Eventually he used the relative warmth of the liquid and his on probing fingers to find where most of the blood seemed to be coming from. He pressed his pads against the slowly seeping wound on Leo's right shoulder, wincing as something shifted beneath his hands. He quickly pulled back, but Leonardo failed to respond in either pain or relief. And so he sat unwilling to look away, fearing that Leo would disappear if his attention wavered. Perhaps this _was_ a dream, a nightmare, but he would take it if it gave him a chance to put things right between his older brother and himself.

While waiting for Don to arrive, time took on a strange, timeless feeling for Raphael, as if there was just himself, his brother and Leonardo's next breath in the entire world. Seconds sped by as he felt his sibling's blood leak sluggishly between his fingers, but the minutes crawled by while waiting for help to appear. Never had the red banded turtle felt so helpless.

Suddenly he was being pushed aside by a green skinned arm. So focused was he that Raphael failed to notice the arrival of his younger siblings, something he could neglect to tell Sensei later. At the moment he just moved over, giving Don room to work, but still keeping pressure on the wound. He and Michelangelo watched their staff wielding brother's face carefully as he ran deft fingers over their eldest brother's shell and skin. Donatello tried to give away as little as possible as his search turned up wound and abrasion after scar. The wounds responsible for Leonardo's blood bathed appearance were not life threatening in themselves, as the major origins and arteries seemed to have avoided damage, but he had lost far too much blood. That had to be Donatello's first concern. Under his direction Raph and Mikey applied the pressure bandages he had brought while Don constructed a rough splint for Leo's right leg. Don was also worried about the structural integrity of his brother's plastron and shell. He had found some disturbingly deep scoring in his brief search, but until they got him back to the Lair, there wasn't much Don could do but tell the others to be careful. They weren't human: they didn't have the luxury of paramedics, back boards, or hospitals. All they had was each other.

"We need to get him back to the lair," Donny said into the silence of bandages being tied off.

"Um, back up there, bro, are you sure we should be moving him?" asked Mikey hesitantly. "I mean, he doesn't really look too good."

"Yeah," added Raph, "couldn't we just keep 'im at April's? " but Don was already shaking his head.

"No, I can't treat him here. We need to get him home, and soon. He's lost a lot of blood I don't want him going into shock." Raph shivered slightly as Don's words recalled his attention to the now cold liquid coating his plastron.

"Yea, okay, but how we gonna get 'im down from here- it's not like we can jump, not with 'im banged up like he is," responded Raph obstinately

"No," agreed Don, cringing as he thought of what a three story drop could do to Leo in his current condition.

"Why don't we take him down the stairs?" asked Michelangelo innocently.

"Don't be stupid, shell for brains," snapped Raphael unnecessarily. "If we take 'im out that way someone could see us."

"Well I didn't mean just walk out the front door," Mikey protested, understandably hurt, "I mean we can carry him to April's apartment then down the fire escape and into the ally- it'll be just a short drop, like a few feet." Both older turtles stared blankly at Michelangelo for a second before a small smile cracked Donny's worried expression.

"Good idea, Mikey; I can't believe I didn't think of it," praised Donatello.

"Yeah, well, I'm more than just a pretty face," he said with a weak grin. "And you do sort of have other things on your mind," continued Mikey, shooting a glance at their still bloodstained older brother.

"Right," said Donny taking charge, "Mike, you go first and make sure the way is clear. Raph, you pick up Leo- carefully. And watch his shell. I'll follow you down."

They made it to the fire escape without incident but the window was not nearly big enough to allow Raph to carry Leonardo through it. Donatello was forced to take his brother from Raph's arms before the red banded turtle could crawl out the window. Maneuvering Leo through to Raphael's waiting grip was harder than it had any rights to be, but Leo did not move once through all the jostling. Don almost wished that he would.

They made it into the sewers without incident and once again passed Leo from brother to brother until they were safely beneath the streets of New York.

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A/N: Well, I hope that this chapter makes you all happy. (and it better because it's really hard writing in the sewers- I'd rather not have to retreat there again ;) Please leave me a review, it would be much appreciated!


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: This is now officially my most reviewed story! I want to thank all you guys for your wonderful feedback, you know who you are guys, including those who weren't logged in- I can't send a reply, but thanks just the same!

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Okay, enough of that, on with the story! read, relax, and enjoy!

"Come on Raph," said Mikey, directing the other down a right handed branch of the sewer, "We brought the Sewer Slider, but it's too big to get down the access tunnels- but it's not far."

"Good," grunted Raph gruffly but not unkindly. For Raphael. "Lead on, Mikey." Michelangelo scampered ahead, eager to get back to the Lair and their Sensei. He yearned for the complete reunion of their family, no matter how battered- and subconsciously part of him still maintained the belief that if they were all together, nothing really terrible could happen. As Mikey lead the group onwards, Raph half turned his body towards Donatello as the younger turtle walked up beside him.

"I could carry 'im all the way back to the Lair- he don't weigh a thing. Don, what en the shell did they do to 'im?" Don could only shake his head for he too noticed the almost nonexistent weight of their brother.

The trip home was much expedited by the Slider but it was still was far too slow for Donatello who spent every second monitoring Leonardo's condition. As soon as they made it back to the Lair Don gathered Leo into his own arms and all three turtles swept through the main room with all possible haste, right by one very disturbed Master Splinter who had been coming to meet them at the door, and directly into Donatello's lab.

Ever since Leonardo's last run in with the Elite of the Foot ninja, Donatello, with April's help, had been stocking up on first aid supplies and reading up on biology, physiology, and anatomy. Unfortunately there wasn't much in the medical references materials on giant, mutated, teenage turtles, ninja or otherwise. Their blood also had several unique properties when compared with textbook examples and samples procured from April and Casey- Casey under substantial duress. Because of this new information, Donny had begun storing their own blood against the time of unexpected attack and substantial blood loss. That and he just didn't think that any hospital would willingly hand over the keys to their blood bank to a bunch of 'freaks' even if their blood _was_ compatible.

His brothers had complained good naturedly whenever they were called on and Don had to put up with vampire jokes for months afterwards. Right now though he was very glad that he insisted.

They lay Leo out on the makeshift examination table in Donatello's lab that they habitually used for medical purposes. This was where Don had set Mikey's leg after a particularly ill conceived skating trick and where he had stitched Raph up after he and Casey had been ambushed by a bunch of PD's. He just hoped that this would not be where Leo died. He was just getting used to him being alive.

Putting all other thoughts aside, Donatello got to work setting up the blood transfusion and hanging the bag on the nail that Raph had hammered in and bent upward just for that purpose. He set the other two the task of boiling water and cleaning the dried blood off their brother. As more of the green flesh was exposed, the extent of the abuse Leo had received became agonizingly clear. Leonardo had always placed himself between his brothers and danger, but he had never had so many scars.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo watched in growing horror as Donatello carefully cleaned Leo's limbs and moved to his torso. Never before had the youngest turtle ever been grateful for blood. They had all been hurt before- they were ninjas- but this, this was something else, far worse even then Leo's defeat at the hands of the Foot Elite. It looked like his shell was cracked, scored, and spider webbed. Mikey didn't even know that they could break. '_Hadn't Donny had once told him that a turtle would die if their shell was broken,'_ he thought frantically,_' And his chest, his plastron…' _Mikey mentally trailed off. There were two deep gashes running from Leo's right shoulder to the middle of his chest. Two parallel lines, noticeably deeper then the others as if _wanting_ to be seen. Any doubt as to the identity of those who had taken their brother evaporated into the air and tried to re condense in the back of their throats, burning there and making it hard to breath. Michelangelo stared dumbly as those two gash marks rose and fell with each of Leo's hesitant and hitching breaths. He noted distractedly that they still gleamed red even though Don had already wiped them clean.

"Mikey," said Don calmly, shattering the orange clad turtle's scrutiny of Leonardo's every breath. "Go tell Master Splinter what happened, okay? Go tell him for me. He shouldn't be left to worry."

Michelangelo blinked at Donny, who had yet to look up from his examination. The youngest turtle did not want to leave Leonardo's side, not so soon after finding him, but he could feel a hysteria scrabbling at the edges of his slightly numbed mind and bile clawing up the base of his throat. He swallowed convulsively. '_This is so wrong,' _he thought, even his inner voice sounding unusually high, _' so wrong. Nothing should have been able to do that to Leo, not to my oldest brother_.' His thoughts kept circling like a drain, _'Not even the Elite were this bad.'_

In the end he offered only a token protest when Don reiterated the need to explain the situation to their Sensei. He told himself that someone needed to talk to their father, and someone did, but the truth was that Donatello had offered him an escape, and he was ashamed that he had taken it. Still, it was better than being sick on the lab floor.

When he exited the lab Michelangelo paused and took as deep a breath as he was able. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring into the very worried brown eyes of their Sensei and father.

"Michelangelo, my son, what has happened?"

"We, uh, we found Leo, Master Splinter," replied Mikey, unable to force the level of joy and happiness he felt that such a statement deserved.

"He is- badly wounded?" asked their father cautiously. He had been sure that his eldest son was no more and the brief glimpse he was able to catch as his sons hurried by him did little to change that belief. Yet their actions had been frantic, actions of those fighting for life, and, while upset, his youngest did not seem as one who had carried the corpse of his brother home.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose you could say that…" Mikey stood awkwardly in front of the closed door fighting desperately with himself. Splinter looked at his youngest son knowingly. He consciously put aside his own feelings of shock, disbelief, worry and even failure at being told that the son he had given up for dead, that he had felt die, was fighting for his life one door away.

"Oh, my son," he said softly, holding out his arms. "It is alright, Michelangelo." With this permission, Michelangelo sobbed and dropped to his knees, flinging himself at the old rat. He buried his face in his father's furry neck and let the rat's loving presence support him as his fears spilled from him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"Okay, Don, what is it?" demanded Raphael as soon as Michelangelo closed the door of the lab. He'd known his brother's for fifteen years, and while not the student of nature that Leo was, he knew when Donatello was trying to get rid of someone. Donatello for his part did not bother to look up from the wound he was disinfecting and treating.

"This wasn't simply revenge or interrogation, Raph," said Donatello tightly. "This was," his mouth screwed up as though tasting something vile, "research," he spat.

"What?" gasped Raphael.

"These wounds, and those," Don said, gesturing stiffly, "those were systematic, logical, and… treated." Donatello ran careful fingers over stitchwork that was not his. "They didn't want him to die, bro, not then." A growl grew in Raph's throat and his fingers clenched as he surveyed his unconscious brother with new eyes. _'Those bas-'_

"Raph!" Don interrupted his older brother's thoughts abruptly. Maybe telling Raph had been a bad idea. No, telling Raph _had_ been a bad idea, but Don had to tell someone, and it wasn't going to be Mikey. Their little brother did not need to see or hear this yet. "Raph, leave it, please. For now. I need you here, Leo needs you here." It wasn't till then that Raphael realized that he had taken several steps towards the door. He consciously relaxed and turned back to his brothers. Retribution could wait.

Several minutes later Master Splinter entered the room. He did not disturb the working brothers but simply stood gazing at the living form of his eldest son, feeling the warmth of his breath.

"Your brother, Michelangelo," Splinter informed his middle children calmly, "is going to clean the main room, then make an evening meal. I am sure that by then we will all be grateful for his efforts." Both text and subtext were taken in without commentary, as were Splinter's actions when he took up his own needle and thread and set to tending Leonardo's remaining wounds with the ease of long practice.

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A/N: Well, how was it? I hate writing medicalish parts of stories; I'm completely out of my depth. Anyway, please tell me what you think!


	13. Chapter 12

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They ate their evening meal together on the hastily cleared countertops of Donatello's laboratory. The purple banded turtle would have some reorganizing, and more than one repair, to complete, but at the moment such thoughts did not even enter into his mind. Leonardo's wounds had all been tended, and regardless of his battered appearance, nothing had been life threatening. Don was worried about the armored portions of Leo's body, for they had seemed to be the most 'investigated'. Thinking it over as calmly and dispassionately as he was able, the scientist in him concluded that they had probably conducted stress tests on the organic armor that made up their shells and plastrons. Those tests, along with the apparent malnutrition had severely weakened the turtle's sturdiest and normally most protected areas until Don was hesitant to put any pressure on them at all. One bit of damage had not been caused by the calculating drills and strikes of scientists, however. A crack vertically bisected Leonardo's plastron from where it began shortly beneath his neck and traveled past the second section of his chest plating. Of anything, it was this that worried Donatello the most. It was flesh deep, liquid oozing occasionally through the crack in the plating, grating unpleasantly when they shifted. Infection would be an issue as well as support- it wasn't some bone that could be splinted. Worst of all, he didn't know if the plastron would be able to heal itself or how long it would take if it could.

For now though, he banished all such thoughts as he ate Michelangelo's undeniably delicious meal. Mikey only cooked this well when he was feeling upset or guilty about something. Leo had let him in on that little secret when they were about ten, so Donatello made sure to tell his youngest brother how much he appreciated the meal and his help in general. Judging by some of Master Splinter's comments, their Father knew about this particular 'Mikey Quirk' as well. Raph was clueless, naturally. But at least he still seemed to enjoy the meal.

Which was something else that had Donatello worried- Leonardo was undernourished as it was, and without the supplies for an IV drip, he would need Leo conscious if they were going to get any food in him. _'Oh, what the shell am I thinking!'_ he thought, panicking briefly, '_I can't do this, I don't know enough, he needs a doctor. Not me. I'm fifteen, I have books, it's not enough-' _His mental tirade was halted by the feel of familiar claws being gently place on his arm. He realized that he had been staring tensely at Leo's bandaged and covered form a split second before his eyes snapped to those of his father.

"Everything will be fine, my son," reassured Splinter , "If not for you our family would never have made it so far." Donny's cheeks burned and he ducked his head at the unexpected praise, feeling better, if not exactly up to the task. He glanced around at his family; Mikey had curled up on the table next to Leonardo, carelessly displacing one of Donatello's many sensitive projects, and was snoring softly while Raph dozed lightly in a chair halfway between Donatello and the door. Don could feel his own interrupted sleep catching up with him as he blinked slowly at his Sensei.

"Go to sleep, Donatello. I will watch over you all." With this simple reassurance the purple banded turtle lay his head on his crossed arms and drifted off into the arms of Morpheus. Splinter gazed calmly at his sons and their semi selected sleeping arrangements before sagely shaking his head.

"Kids," he muttered as he shuffled off in search of spare blankets for his children.

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A/N: now don't freak out. I know it's really short but it's just a random bit that I wrote and I really like, but didn't really fit with the next chapter. Speaking of, I should get that out in a few days- but if you review anyway I'll love you guys forever. Please?


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: As promised, here is the next chapter, nice, spiffy and quick. You guys who reviewed the last chapter (for which I am truly touched, I honestly didn't think so many of you would) I give my word that I will respond, but I figured you would rather have the next chapter already! So without further delay, Read, Relax, and Enjoy guys!

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Master Splinter started suddenly from his repose, the comfort he had felt when he had closed his eyes now replaced by a gnawing terror.

He had kept watch over his small but precious family for several hours before obtaining his own rest. He had taken this rare moment of peace and vulnerability and filed it away with his most valued memories. He seldom had the opportunity to observe his children as they slept, and they almost never slept together anymore- they had been 'too old' for quite some time. Splinter hardly ever even looked in on them at night anymore. Leonardo had quietly taken over the job of ensuring his brothers were sleeping safely soon after being officially named Leader. That is not to say that Splinter did not still indulge himself, but the stairs in their new home were becoming more and more of a trial for the old rat so he was usually restricted to making sure Donatello actually slept in his room once a week. That is, if Leonardo didn't beat him to it. A large part of him didn't consciously realize how much of the burden his eldest had gradually shifted onto his younger green shoulders until he was gone.

After an acceptable period of time it was almost inevitable that the light sleeping Donatello was woken, rather abruptly, by the thumping of his youngest brother's flailing arms.

"Aw, Mikey," he groaned softly, but good naturedly. He suddenly remembered why he had been so happy to finally get his own room. He sat up, rubbing his eyes to see their father watching them contemplatively from a careful perch on the counter top. Don smiled distractedly and stretched the kinks out of his shell. He was slightly surprised when a blanket slid onto the floor, but a quick glance confirmed that all of his brothers now sported such coverings. Now, more or less awake, he moved over to Leo, checking his status. Suddenly his master was beside him and it was only through long habit and association that he did not flinch at his master's materialization.

"There has been no change." It was as much a statement as it was a question.

"No," confirmed Donatello. Splinter nodded sagely but made no other move. Donatello took a moment to observe the old rat. The deep sorrow that had haunted their sensei, especially after his recent attempts at meditation, was much eased, but even he must be feeling tired by now. "Master, I think that I'll stay up for awhile now. Why don't you rest? I'll wake up Raph for a watch later, I promise," he added to forestall any argument. Master Splinter considered the offer for a second before smiling softly and tilting his head in acquiescence.

So Splinter had taken up a more comfortable position on the floor where he could rest against the wall, if he so desired. He gazed contemplatively over his sleeping sons once more, and watched Donatello take up Splinter's vacated perch. Slowly, almost unconsciously, he had slipped into a meditative state. That in itself was not an unusual or terrifying thing by any account, nor did it have the power to startle him, not under normal conditions. On the contrary, he was often soothed for, when he meditated, the old rat was more aware of his sons than he was at any other time. Their strong, continued, _safe_ presence was the most comforting feeling he had yet to discover. And now all of his sons _were _here. Safe. Hence the immediate fear and terror he felt when he realized that he felt only three of the four essences he had raised from hatchlings. Where was the fourth? Where was-

"Leonardo!"cried Splinter, jerking himself violently out of the confines of his own mind.

"Whoa, Sensei, it's a'right. Leo's fine." Apparently Donatello had kept his word and during that timeless drifting into himself, the Bo wielding engineer had convinced Raphael to wake up and take a turn keeping an eye on their older brother and the family as a whole. The red banded turtle was quick to try and assure their Sensei that nothing had happened during his watch. And it seemed to be so. The scene before him was almost exactly as he had left it save for a slight shifting of position among his three youngest- but Leonardo looked as though he had not so much as turned over. Driven by the burning emptiness still lingering in his chest, Splinter scrambled for the body of his eldest, completely forgetting his cane and barely gaining his feet at all. By the time he found a pulse and put his free hand gently on his eldest's plastron as if to assure himself that Leonardo still lived, the rest of the family had awakened and were staring at their Master with a mixture of trepidation and, in Michelangelo's case, sleep clouded bewilderment.

"Master Splinter, wha-" began Donatello even as Michelangelo questioned:

"Did you have a dream, Sensei?" Splinter took in the looks of concern on his sons' faces before shaking his head carefully.

"No, my sons, I fear it was not a dream." He paused to collect his thoughts and his breath, one paw absently tracing the line on Leonardo's temple where his mask usually lay. "Ever since you three returned with your brother, I have been asking myself how I could have been so wrong. I-I _felt_ when your brother left this world. Or so I believed. And yet- here he is." Seeing the anguish in their father's eyes, even Raph shifted his gaze uncomfortably to stare at Leo's gently rising chest, remembering harsh words spoken in anger, but Splinter continued. "It seemed obvious that I was mistaken, and badly so, causing you all much unnecessary grief. Since then I have reasoned that perhaps our enemies had discovered a way to block me from sensing his presence, or perhaps simply moved him out of range."

"But I don't understand, Sensei. Surely this is good news. And you must know that we would and do understand. We don't blame you," interrupted Donatello, still confused.

"It lightens my heart to hear you say so, my son," replied Splinter, not quite glancing at Raphael, "but I have yet to come to what currently troubles my thoughts. Since your return we have all been occupied and my mind has been distracted. However, after Donatello convinced me to take some rest I was able to meditate without fear of failing in my watch-"

"Wait a minute Sensei. Are you telling me that you and Donny both took watches- and Raph was up when you woke up- were you guys just going to leave me sleeping?" Michelangelo said sounding vaguely hurt, thinking that they didn't trust him to stay awake and watch Leo closely enough. As if he would do something that could hurt his older brother.

"Quiet, Mikey!" snapped Don uncharacteristically ignoring or at least over looking his sibling's unusually sincere tone. "This is important."

"When I did begin my meditation, my sons," continued Master Splinter, overriding his sons with practiced ease, "I still felt Leonardo's absence as keenly as ever."

"But Sensei, he's _right here_," Raph stressed, his agitation and creeping worry bleeding through as annoyance and anger.

"I am aware of that, Raphael," responded Splinter evenly, only the hand falling to grip Leonardo's shoulder betraying the old rat's feelings. "He is here and yet he is not."

"Could you sense the rest of us, Sensei?" asked Donatello into the silence, always the scientist.

"Yes. Everything is as it should be, except that your brother is simply not there." Donatello lapsed into a pensive silence, mulling over this new information. The purple banded turtle was most comfortable dealing with equations, quantifiable chemicals, and hands on machinery, but after seeing what they had seen he would have to be an idiot to dismiss the mystic, the unexplainable, even the occult. And Donatello was anything but an idiot- though it did make writing up his habitual lab reports rather challenging.

"Um, hey, dudes?" asked Michelangelo, wary of being shot down for interrupting again, but figuring that this was kind of important. "Guys? I think he's waking up." Immediately all other actions in the room froze as everyone's attention fixated on the exam table they all stood around.

"Leo?" asked Raphael, voice bordering dangerously on softness.

"Leonardo, my son, do you hear us?" asked Splinter, stroking the turtle's brow. The prone figure frowned slightly, as if processing a set of foreign and confusing signals. Slowly though, and to the great relief of his family, Leonardo's eyes cracked open and he blinked blankly at those gathered around him.

"Hey , bro! Long time no see!" chirped Michelangelo, unable to contain his enthusiasm, punching Leo lightly and carefully on his uninjured shoulder. But instead of rolling his eyes at his brothers incorrigibility, or even responding with a long suffering groan, their older brother flinched violently away from the contact, almost pulling his body over the edge of the table.

"Whoa there, Leo!" Raphael half yelled, griping his older brother by the shoulders and forcing him to lay still on the table. He wasn't a brain like Donny, but even he knew that moving around that much after a serious injury was a good way to get hurt all over again.

In the end little force was needed at all, for as soon as Raph got a good grip on his brother, Leo stopped struggling so abruptly that Splinter's heart almost ceased its beating: Raphael released his hold as if the contact had seared his skin, quickly backing away, his hands raised in horrified, mute denial. 

Donatello was there even as Raph retreated, ready to take care of any further or aggravated injury. He ran his hands over the bandaged torso and checked the bandages for signs of renewed bleeding, but found nothing new. Even checking again for signs of concussion failed to reveal anything. Sighing, Donatello also stepped backwards, as if that would give him some perspective. The effect was immediate. As if released from invisible bonds, Leonardo immediately began to struggle, seemingly ignoring his injuries, trying to get himself upright and scoot away from those surrounding him.

"Leonardo, my son," crooned Master Splinter softly, raising his hand and approaching slowly, deliberately being as non threatening as possible, "you have no enemies here, only those who would protect you. Your family, my son." As he spoke he continued to move forward until his clawed hand and soft fur brushed against Leonardo's cheek in a familiar caress that harkened back to when they were hatchlings just beginning to follow a slightly overwhelmed rat through the dank sewers.

Leonardo froze once again at the sensation, but instead of the worryingly blank expression and the complete lack of resistance, it seemed as if he was struggling internally with something. Slowly, in hesitant, jerking motions, Leo raised his hand to run over Splinter's own, feeling the soft fur and rough claws as his eyes drifted up to his father's uniquely elongated face. Leonardo's eyes, looking strangely vulnerable without his mask, held something, some emotion, that Splinter was unable to place, yet broke his heart. He leaned forward unconsciously as his eldest reached out his hand to feel his father's well worn robe and the soft ruff of his neck. A wane smile brushed the turtle's lips and something familiar flickered in the depths of his eyes.

Michelangelo shifted, making as if to say something, only to have Donatello raise a hand, palm flat, in a command to hold his peace. Even so the movement drew Leonardo's attention to the brightly masked, green skinned turtles watching him several steps from the foot of the table. The smile left his lips and he pulled a hand over his face in a distinctly 'Leo-like' gesture- but when it fell back to his side, the familiar flicker was gone, as if it never existed or a curtain had been pulled behind his eyes. His hands twitched twice before he once again slid into unconsciousness. There was a moment when nothing moved, then Raph drew a deep breath and asked succinctly:

"What the shell was that?"

* * *

A/N: So, enter Leonardo. What did you think? Thoughts, comments? And does anyone else have a problem controlling one very insistent old rat? He just insists on having a larger part! Oh well, till later ;)


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Okay guys here is the next chapter. Please Read, Relax, and enjoy!

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There would be no returning to sleep for the family that night, so the Hamato Clan gathered together a quick breakfast and quickly moved back into Donatello's lab. Don himself also paused to grab some yogurt- hopefully he would be able to get Leo to eat some without too much discomfort.

"Okay, Donny: what was that?" Raph demanded again around a mouthful of energy bar. Donatello stared blankly at his sais wielding brother, completely broad sided by the question as he walked in the door.

What exactly did Raph want from him anyway? He was an engineer turned medic by necessity. He didn't have much experience and he certainly didn't have enough information for that kind of an answer. The normally calm turtle could feel the frustration and helplessness build inside of him as he remained frozen just inside the door way. He was doing his best here, but he couldn't always have the answers.

"I believe, 'what that was', Raphael, is what I had feared," interjected Master Splinter smoothly, cleanly cutting off whatever unpleasant conversation had been about to take place between his sons. "Something has happened to your brother during his captivity, something that has made his mind retreat into itself."

"What? He's hidin'?" asked Raphael, confused and disturbed. Leonardo was the leader, as much as it chafed Raph sometimes. He didn't hide: his overdeveloped sense of honor wouldn't let him.

"No!" blurted Michelangelo, quickly looking down as all eyes turned toward him, yet he pressed onward, "Leo wouldn't just give up, Sensei," he said absentmindedly rubbing his palm over his plastron, "He wouldn't."

"Well, somthin happened, Mikey. What the shell do you think it was? You think that Leo's so freaken perfect , huh _Michelangelo_?" spat back Raph, wanting to believe Michelangelo's statement more that he would ever admit.

"My sons!" commanded Master Splinter harshly, "This is neither the time nor the place for such bickering and ill thoughts. Donatello, could there be some physical reason for Leonardo's behavior?"

"I-I don't know, Master. I suppose it's possible- but I don't have enough to go on, and, well, this isn't really my field of expertise." Donny managed looking extremely uncomfortable as the family once more turned to him for answers he simply did not have.

"Do not fear, my son," Splinter said reassuringly, "We do not expect you to be all knowing-" here a sharp glance was thrown at Raphael. "There is no immediate danger, and we have very few facts at this time, so now we must take things as they come." This warranted subdued nods from those around the room, and it seemed as though Splinter would continue when a shrill ringing of a telephone interrupted the gathering.

"Um, I'll get that Sensei," volunteered Donatello, eager to escape for a brief moment. He darted out of his lab and answered the Lair's main phone system, the hub through which he built and ran their shell cells. As soon as he picked up the handset he was assaulted by a distressed human's high pitched voice.

"Guys? Guys, I think that something may have happened to Raph- I'm, I don't think he came back last night. I waited awhile this morning, and when I checked his room it was kind of hard to tell because, you know, he never makes his bed anyway- but then I went to the roof to- I don't know, see if he was there or if I could see him- and there was _blood_ guys! I-"

"April!" Don interrupted, trying to halt the red head's worried babbling, "Calm down, it's alright."

"No, Donny, I really think that you or Mikey should come take a look- just to make sure- maybe we could still track him down or something-"

"April! Raph is fine. He's back at the Lair- and the blood's not his, it's Leo's." He tried again with considerably less patience and more exasperation, but apparently what he said actually sank through.

"…Leo's? "she asked shakily after a brief silence, "You… found him?" Donatello could have kicked himself for his insensitivity. Even though they had actually met April a short time ago, she was already more family then friend, and Leo's disappearance and assumed death had hit her hard as well. That and she had been keeping a very driven Raphael, who probably hadn't wanted to hear a word about it. He had been far too busy convincing himself that what he was doing was not hopeless to even really consider his own grief, let alone make allowances for the grieving of another.

"Yeah, April, we found him," Donatello sighed, rubbing his eye ridges and feeling bad for having forgotten and failed to tell her earlier.

"And the blood was his. There was kind of a lot- is he okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know about okay, April," he said, thinking back to his rather rude wakeup call that morning, "but he is safe." April chose not to pursue the questions that such a statement raised. Instead she just sighed in relief.

"Well, I was just about ready to do a grocery run anyway. Can Casey and I drop by with your stuff later this evening?" She sounded so hopeful that Donatello really didn't want to disappoint her, and it would be good to get her opinion on some of these new concerns. Besides, some fresh groceries would be great. There was only so much really good food to be found when scavenging.

"Okay April, just- well, I'm not really sure what exactly is going on yet so, be understanding, alright?" April paused, and Donatello could almost see her trying to puzzle that through.

"Sure, Donny, if things are happening then we won't stay long. I just- I'd really like to see all you guys." Together and safe went unspoken but understood.

"Yeah, April, us too- and thanks."

"No problem, Don!" she said, also understanding that he was thanking her for more than just _her_ understanding. "I'm just glad that they are both safe. On my roof," she said more to herself as she made to hang up, "I can't believe it."

"Neither can I," said Donny to himself and the empty phone line. He turned to rejoin his family, concern over even his short absence creeping up on him. He would look into it later. Leo was more important.

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A/N: Poor April. The guys may have forgotten about her but I didn't! I'll give you more on Leo next chapter, but while you are waiting I'd love to get a review from you… come on, you know you want to ;)


	16. Chapter 15

A/N:Eh, I'm depressed and sad with too much school work, so I decided to post this a bit early. I hope it cheers all you guys up as well.

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Donatello was just about to reenter his lab when the door blew open and he was almost trampled by a herd of runaway Mikey.

"Whoa!" both breathed, avoiding a head-on collision only with a liberal application of ninja training, if a little belated on Michelangelo's part.

"Come on, Don," Michelangelo urged, predictably bouncing back first, "Master Splinter sent me, Leo woke up again!" Though obviously excited, Michelangelo calmed drastically as they entered the lab. It may have been Don's imagination, but Michelangelo seemed to slide in behind his Bo wielding brother's shoulder, as if putting Donatello between the room and himself.

"Donatello," greeted Master Splinter softly, obviously being sure not to frighten the now awake Leonardo. Their oldest brother, though not openly cowering- probably due to the injuries that he had to be feeling, even through what pain medicine Don had managed to get in him- was clearly ill at ease, tense and waiting, eyeing all the other occupants with heartbreaking trepidation.

"Master," responded Donatello in much the same tone, "since he's awake, I really think we should try and get him to eat something."

"Yes," agreed Splinter, "even to my eyes he appears much too thin." And it was true, though he had always been thin and, recently, taller than his siblings, he now carried an undeniable air of gauntness about him, his skin stretched tight where it attached to his plastron.

"An' if we can't?" grumbled Raphael from the corner, obviously unsure what to do with himself and doing a very poor job of disguising that fact.

"Well, I suppose that I could ask April to try and 'requisition' an IV," said Don hesitantly, "but we really should try this first. I don't know what kind of an excuse she could come up with this time." He moved forward carefully and peeled back the foil lid of the yogurt he had brought in earlier, dropping on a plastic spoon. Donatello wasn't sure how well Leo would be able to feed himself with his injuries or even that, in his current state, he could feed himself at all, but he certainly wasn't going to take any more of Leo's dignity by spoon feeding him like a hatchling. He just could not do it even though it made sense and was extremely practical. It just seemed so wrong. Instead he held out the container to his older brother, keeping all of his movements smooth and non threatening, as Master Splinter had done earlier.

"Here, Leo, try to get some of this down." Don said encouragingly, but Leonardo simply looked at the container of yogurt and at Donatello uncertainly, before shrinking back in confusion. "Leo, no, it's okay, you just need to eat something, please." But the words did not seem to penetrate the eldest's mind. "Come on Leo. Eat." There was an abrupt change in the atmosphere, though nothing was readily apparent. Then Leonardo snatched the yogurt out of Donatello's hand and had inhaled half of it before Donatello's surprised yelp even made it out of his mouth. At the abrupt sound Leo dropped his meal as if it had burned him, cringing as yogurt splattered the floor.

"I know you' re all probably tired of hearin me say this, but: what the shell just happened?" demanded Raph yet again, but Don held his hand up for silence.

"Hold on a second. Leo? Leonardo, it's okay, that was completely my fault, bro." There was no reaction from Leonardo. He just continued to stare at the ridges his legs made under the blanket, tense, waiting for something to happen- undoubtedly expecting something unpleasant. "Here, Leo: Let's try this one more time," said Donatello, holding out the second yogurt container, now open. He made sure that he held it well into his older brother's line of sight, but still Leo made no move to take it. "Leo, it's okay. No one's going to do anything. Just eat, okay? Eat." Once again, without any real hesitation but noticeably slower, Leonardo grabbed the container from Don's hand and quickly ate it all, downing it more like a milk shake than anything, probably for expedience, though Don noticed that he had yet to move his right arm.

"Okay," said Donatello, "at least he's hungry. Mikey, can you see if you can round up some food that's easy to eat- with all that bruising it would be a bad idea to try anything chewy."

"Right, okay, I'm on it," Mikey responded, backing out of the room once more and heading toward the kitchen.

"Bring a rag with you when you return, my son," Splinter called after his retreating form, receiving a backwards wave in reply.

"So, what's the deal- Leo gona be okay?" grunted Raph, eyeing his older brother, not sure whether he should be encouraged or disappointed with this latest turn of events.

"Well, physically he should heal," said Donatello distractedly, "We have always been fast healers, much faster than humans, from what I can tell. Of course, none of us have been this badly hurt, and I'm worried about his plastron- we have to watch that. But otherwise, he _should_ heal... There will be scars though," he finished in a whisper.

"What about the not physical stuff?"

"I'm afraid that not all scars are visible, my son."

"Yes, Master," Raph conceded, responding to Splinter's tone almost out of instinct though he was far from happy with the vague answer.

Leonardo had almost seemed to follow the exchange, or at least it looked like it from where Donatello sat. Regardless of Raphael's less then pleasant attitude, Leo appeared to relax as words were exchanged.

"Hey, guys, Master Splinter," greeted Michelangelo as he came back into the room, his speed noticeably slower and aspect more downcast than usual, "I got the rag for the mess, like you asked, Sensei, and some apple sauce and stuff for Leo, but I got to tell you, there isn't all that much left in the pantry."

"Oh, that's right," said Donatello, putting a hand to his head in chagrin, "That was April on the phone earlier. She was actually looking for Raph, but when she heard that he was safe, and when I told her about Leo, she said that she and Casey were going to make a grocery run anyway. I, uh, I said that they could come on over and drop everything off."

"Are you sure that having over Miss O'Neill and Mr. Jones is such a good idea, my son?" questioned Master Splinter. The trust that turned the sentence a question rather than a demand caused Donatello to feel both honored and scared at the same time.

"No, Sensei, I'm not," he answered honestly, "but I don't know that it's a bad idea either. I'm not really sure how anything is going to affect Leo, but I think that April really wants to see us and- well, we do need the groceries, Sensei." He finished with a small shrug. Splinter considered the words of his second youngest before nodding his assent.

"I believe that you speak truly, my son, but I also believe that at least one of us should remain with your brother at all times," he cautioned carefully, though it was hardly necessary. All of the turtles hastily agreed to his stipulation and the normal list of house hold duties where redistributed to allow for one of them to always be free to watch over their brother.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo drifted in and out of consciousness for most of the day, his body still exhausted from the ordeal and its efforts to heal itself. When he was awake he didn't move unless approached and seemed content to rove the walls of the lab with his eyes, drinking it all in as though it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. It was when he slept that he moved, jerking in response to unseen and imagined stimulus. The turtles watching him had to be careful that he did not injure himself further, though even that was complicated by Leonardo's aversion to being touched.

Donatello was doing his best to take all of this in stride, to be calm and mentally document all of Leo's behavior so they might be able not only to be able to get a handle on what had happened and how they could fix it, but also what they should and should not do around Leo in the meantime.

Raphael had no idea how to handle this. He could fight and he could protect. He had even been able to connect with Leo on the farm, to pull him back the last time his eldest brother had been gravely wounded. But then Leo had just been upset and disheartened by his own perceived failure. Raph had had some experience in that department and so had been able to extend a hand and give his own gruff version of trust and forgiveness that his over conscienced older brother thought that he needed. Now though, now Leo freaked out whenever Raph moved towards him. Even talking to him didn't really seem to do anything. So Raphael decided to just take up watch. Stand guard. He could do that.

Michelangelo had not yet taken his turn at sitting with Leo. He probably wouldn't either, not until after April and Casey got here anyway. He had more or less pulled the short straw when it came to rotation and had drawn the last watch, which meant night shift. Not that he minded. In fact he was almost relived; he wanted to put off that time. True, earlier he had been a bit miffed when his family hadn't seen fit to let him have a chance at watch that morning, but that was when he had thought that he would do a good job. Before he made Leo freak out. He had done that, because he couldn't contain his enthusiasm. That was the- second? third?- time that his screwing up had hurt his big brother. Maybe having the night shift when everyone else was sleeping was a bad thing; no one would be there to stop him from messing up again. He had just thought that everything was supposed to get better now. They had found Leo, hadn't they? He rubbed at the remembered blood on his plastron. Why did it suddenly feel like they hadn't found him at all?

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A/N:Aww. Poor guys. See though, I did give you some more Leo! Anyway, I'd love any reviews you guys want to give.


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Hey guys, I have returned bearing another chapter! Also, this fic is now officially my longest work- I'm so excited! Anyways, Read, relax, and enjoy!

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Evening was fast approaching when the warehouse elevator disposed a loaded down April O'Neill and Casey Jones in the main room of the Lair.

"Casey, April," greeted Donatello, quickly taking her heaviest bags. "I'm sorry again for upsetting you, April," he continued as they made their way toward the kitchen.

"Oh, it's no problem, Don," she replied, waving off the incident as well as one could with full hands, "though I'd be happy to help you guys out in any way I can."

"Good, I was hoping that you would say that. To be honest, I'm in over my head." He caught the question forming in her eyes and gave a quick negative shake, "No, I don't know much, but I better tell you what I can first, especially before you see him." The two quickly began to put the groceries away as Donatello explained the situation to date, pausing only briefly when the plaintive voice of an all but staggering Casey Jones drifted to them:

"Guys? Anyone gonna help me?"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

They ended up seated around the table in the eating area, after Raphael had hauled an indignant Casey in along with the rest of the goods. Now they simply sat absorbing what they had been told.

"So, what's the deal now? I mean, he's gotta remember yous some time, right?" asked Casey, getting the general situation, though most of the talk went right over his head. "I'm good for any help I can give ya, ya know," he continued into the silence.

"Thanks Casey, though right now the real problem is that we don't really know what to do. I think that Master Splinter is going to come at this from a spiritual angle. I thought that April and I could cover the physiological and physical ones," replied Don.

"Of course I will," said April immediately, "but you know I'm not exactly an expert on this sort of thing."

"Neither am I," replied Donatello shortly, but with little true harshness.

"Speakin o' your Sensei, where is Master Splinter?"

"I am here, Mr. Jones," said the rat in question, calmly making his way into the room.

"But if you're here, then who's with Leo?" blurted Raph, pushing his chair back in alarm.

"Michelangelo is sitting with your brother," Master Splinter replied, seemingly not at all bothered by the sharpness in the turtle's tone.

"Mikey?" Raphael echoed, both he and Donatello unconsciously glancing behind them at the corner were their youngest brother had been standing. Sure enough, the orange banded turtle was no longer there.

"Um, yeah, is Mikey okay guys, I don't think he's said anything to us since we arrived," April observed hesitantly.

"I'm… sure he's fine." Donatello managed to sound more confident than he actually was. '_Mikey, come on, we really don't need this now,'_ he pleaded silently.

"Okay then," April conceded, not wanting to interfere in what was probably a family matter. She loved the guys dearly, but still wasn't quite sure just how far was too far, so she let it go.

"It is growing late," stated Splinter gently, "and the streets are not safe after nightfall."

"Yeah, April, I should probably walk ya home soon. Just, ya know, to be safe." Casey recovered quickly and ignored the look Raph gave him as stoically as he was able.

"Okay, okay," said April, knowing when she was beaten. As great as they were, it was sometimes hard when all of your friends were males with overactive hero complexes. "but first.. I mean, I-"

"You want to see Leo." Don came to April's rescue and she nodded, meeting his eyes in thanks.

"Yeah, after all this I just want to make sure that… that he's really real I guess," she finished, feeling slightly foolish.

"Come on, April." The invitation that was part command surprisingly emanated from Raphael. He held out his hand and April dutifully allowed him to pull her to her feet. As she followed him out she could almost have sworn she heard him mutter:

"It ain't stupid." Funny, she had never pegged Raphael as particularly perceptive.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo was hesitantly holding out a small container of apple sauce to his older brother when Raphael entered the room. Leonardo's eyes snapped to the newest interloper before the vague look fell back over his features. It was gone in less than a second, but Raph saw it. He didn't think that he would ever get used to that, Leo drifting, totally spaced out till he snapped randomly into focus. But then, he didn't _want_ to get used to it. He wanted his brother back. All of him.

Leo had already flicked his gaze back to Mikey, reaching for the offered sustenance when April and Casey followed Raphael in, Splinter and Don close behind. April's eyes lit up at the sight of the missing turtle. She didn't know it, but even after only a day he looked markedly better. His skin had returned to its normal shade of green, Donny had discontinued the blood transfusions hours ago, and most of Leo's wounds were now covered in pristine white bandages. April opened her mouth to give greetings, though there was little hope that he would remember either her or Casey, not if he had forgotten his family. But before she could do much more then draw breath Leo's eyes tracked back over Michelangelo's shoulder- as if sensing the other presences entering the room. His eyes skipped over Splinter, lingered a moment on Donatello, and froze when he hit April and Casey.

"Leo?" asked Michelangelo, not yet realizing they had company. It seemed to him that Leonardo had halted mid reach for nothing. He started to turn around and look over his shoulder to see if anyone else had come in- he didn't think that Leo would look at him like that, not even after all this. He hoped with all his heart that he was incapable of putting that look on his big brother's face- when Leonardo suddenly jerked into action.

The beak that formed his lips cracked open and a hiss of strained air that could very well have been a scream escaped. If the turtles thought that Leo's initial reaction had been extreme, then it was nothing compared to what happened now. Leo pulled himself backwards until his shell was up against the wall, seemingly disregarding his injuries in his terror and desire to escape. He flailed wildly, his wounded arm making contact with the hand that held the jar of applesauce, pushing Michelangelo away and causing the youngest turtle to drop the small plastic container onto the floor. He had not even a second to react before Master Splinter and Donatello where at Leo's side. _'How could I have messed this up?'_ thought Michelangelo in despair. He turned on his heel and made for the exit of the Lair, not even registering the presence of their two human friends as he pushed past Raphael and ran into the main room.

"Mikey, where ya goin?" called Raph, but his attention was quickly diverted by his Master's urgent orders.

"Raphael, take Mr. Jones and Miss O'Neill into the main room. Quickly, my son!" The red banded turtle immediately moved to comply with that tone, muttering inaudible apologies to Casey and April as he took their arms and firmly led them out of the lab. This seemed to help Leonardo's state of mind, and though still clearly agitated, his voiceless scream trailed off leaving him short of breath. Master Splinter spoke evenly to him as he and Donatello tried to calm him. As they approached Leo stopped trying to run and instead sat, muscles twitching slightly as though he had failed to cool down after an intense training session. When Don did slowly hold out his hand though Leonardo not only voluntarily touched him but grabbed the proffered hand awkwardly with both his left and injured hands, examining that of his brother and pressing Donatello's three fingered hand into his own.

"Leonardo?" asked Master Splinter, carefully laying a paw on his son's arm. Leo's large, scared eyes met his for a moment and a look of… Splinter would have had to name it confusion, scrawled itself in their depths.

"Master, help me get him to lie down," Donatello said, interrupting his thoughts. "We need to get the pressure off his plastron," he continued urgently. Now that things had calmed slightly, he could not help but notice that his brother's breathing remained strained even after he was relatively composed again. When Splinter nodded his confirmation the two slid careful hands behind Leo's abused shell and eased him down. The older turtle made no protest other than a slight hitching of his breath, and when he lay flat even that evened out. Donatello's hand was still weakly held in Leo's injured one, his thumb gently and mindlessly brushing the green skin of Don's two fingers.

"It's because they were human," Donatello whispered suddenly.

"What's that, my son?" asked Master Splinter with a questioning gaze.

"The- Foot, Master Splinter, they were human," Don explained, "They did this to Leo and when Casey and April came in…"

"He believed it was happening again," finished Splinter quietly.

"Exactly," acknowledged Don, a slight edge of triumph entering his features at his epiphany, regardless of the tense circumstances. "That must be why he was so scared of us, but not you Sensei. He must have been getting used to us, he must have realized that we were different-" he held up the hand not occupied by his brother's grip, spreading his few fingers wide to emphasize his point, "and then when April and Casey came in…" He trailed off again, the full impact of what he just said hitting him. His face fell. "Oh, no. I have to explain this to them." But before he could work on extracting himself, Raphael reentered the lab.

"Um, yeah, April an Casey are out by the couch- their kinda shaken up though."

"I'll take care of it," Don assured him. "Wait, come here, Raph." Raphael sidled up to the engineer suspiciously. Don seized Raph's hand and set it firmly in Leo's own, deftly switching out his hand for Raphael's. Leo's hand flex closed around his brother's for a moment but otherwise continued to stare into the middle distance. "Okay, good. Now you stay there, Raph," he said smugly, heading for the door- only to slip on the spilled apple sauce and barely stopped himself from landing on his shell. "And I'll get Mikey to clean this up," concluded Donatello, any smugness now gone.

"No, that's the other thing," Raph said gruffly, "Mikey took off- I don't know where he went, but he looked upset 'bout something."

"I will find him, my sons. For some time now something has been bothering your brother and it has not diminished with Leonardo's return. Donatello, you will see to our friends, and then this mess. Raphael, you will stay with your brother." Master Splinter attempted to slip out of the room to murmurs of 'Yes, Sensei' but was prevented from doing so by a tug on his robe. Looking down he discovered that Leonardo's good hand had curled itself in the folds of the worn material. The old rat's heart both broke and was strengthened by this act. Perhaps Leonardo could learn to trust them again, and then they could truly lead him back home. They were a family: they would always be there for each other. Now thought he carefully disengaged himself from Leo's grasp. Raphael would keep him from harm. Currently another son needed his presence and needed to be reminded that the old rat was their Father as well as Sensei. He would be there for his sons as long as there was breath in his body.

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A/N: Heh, so there was April and Casey- and a _little_ more Leo. Well, you guys know by now that I love hearing what you think so feel free to drop me a line… this doesn't count as a cliff hanger, does it?


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Hm, so this is the last of my stockpiled chapters, enjoy it and savor it my friends, for I know not when it will come again (stupid school). There is no real Leo, sorry guys, but plenty of Mikey, poor dear. So sit back, Read, Relax, and Enjoy!

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Michelangelo exited the lair at high speeds, making for the semi open spaces of the sewer. It was at times like this that he would have loved to find the highest rooftop he could and just sit. His brothers would never believe it, but he did have the capacity to sit still. He even exercised it on occasion- usually when his brain was moving fast enough for both body and mind. Not that he would go topside now, no, even in his slightly frantic state. He hadn't been to the surface since Master Splinter had declared their older brother deceased. Well, except for the time they found out he wasn't. Still, he wouldn't be going there tonight, maybe not until Leo was back on his feet.

And that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? Leonardo. His biggest brother. Their Fearless Leader. Unlike Raphael, there was no malice or bitterness when Michelangelo thought off Leo's dubious nickname: to him it was more a statement of fact than anything else. Yes, intellectually he knew that Leo had to be scared of _something_. Heck, the blue banded turtle had said as much at one point- after one of Mikey's nightmares probably, but that didn't mean his brother wasn't fearless. At least, he had been. Now Mikey didn't know what to think.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Master Splinter found him about five minutes after he had collapsed into a small recess in the tunnel's wall. Mikey had heard the faint tap of wood on stone and the almost indiscernible swish of his Sensei's tail moments before his father lowered his robed body into the turtle's line of sight. His own hard and labored breathing had no doubt given him away two intersections ago, but he knew that he had only heard his Master because the rat did not wish to startle him. They sat for several seconds in thick cloying silence, Michelangelo watching the putrid sewer water creep up the hem of Splinter's robe while trying vainly to stifle the hitched sobs his breathing had become.

"My son." Master Splinter's voice was so soft that the distraught turtle wasn't quite sure he heard anything at all, and so did not even remove his gaze from his master's now dirty robe until his father's thin boned hand reached out and took hold of his green one. Without realizing it he had begun rubbing it against the side of his plastron again. He had done it so often since the night Leonardo disappeared that there was now a smooth patch right below his belt on his right side. Funny, he hadn't noticed it before. But now Master Splinter was looking at him with deep, sad, dark eyes, and Mikey couldn't stand it anymore. He had never been very good at hiding his feelings and he hated when his father looked like that- when anyone looked like that. His tenuous control broke with all the silence and subtlety of a dam.

Splinter was slightly startled, but not surprised when his youngest buried his face in the old rat's lap and clutched at his furred arm as tears soaked into his robe.

"There, there, my son," spoke Splinter softly while rubbing soothing circles on Michelangelo's shell. "Please, young one, tell me what burdens your heart so. I am unable to help you if I do not know what it is that troubles you," Mikey just shook his head mutely and burrowed further into his master's legs. "Is it Leonardo, my son? I know that this situation presses heavily upon us all." His son's green shoulders rose and fell in a half hearted shrug. "Something more?" Now he felt the turtle nodding brokenly into his chest, followed by a deep shuttering sob. "Does it have to do with this?" he asked, just managing to lean over and run his fingers over the smoothly polished section of his son's plastron, but all he received was a hesitant hitch of the shoulders. "My son, you must tell me why you have done this thing," Mater Splinter said, still gently, but with the edge of an order. "Perhaps it is not so physically damaging, but I fear for you none the less." Michelangelo shook his head once more and Splinter ran his free hand over the back of his son's skull before continuing. "When you and your brothers returned without Leonardo-" the orange banded turtle stiffened but the old rat pressed onward, "you were injured, bleeding, were you not?" Michelangelo sat up so abruptly that Splinter barely avoided a painful clip on the jaw, but was distracted from the near miss by his son's still heaving sobs and his head shaking vehemently in denial.

"N-no, Sansei, it-was-L-leo's," the orange turtle managed between breaths. When first they were returning to their father Michelangelo had paused to wash off as much of his brother's blood as he could, ignoring Donatello's softly tired comments as to the sanitary nature of water- he had just wanted the cold, sticky, horrifying substance off of him. Now, however, it seemed very important for his father to understand that all of the red liquid that night had been Leonardo's: he would make no claim on what was his brother's. Later he would think that if he was as strong, or as stubborn, or as prideful as his older brothers then perhaps he could have survived this ordeal without burdening their Father with his own dark thoughts, but he would think so without self reproach, for he was who he was. "It was everywhere, Sensei- but Leo wasn't anywhere, an-and I thought that- that if we didn't find him then- and I washed it all off, but it's not gone! It's not, I can st-still f-feel it sometimes," he trailed off in a whisper as he finished relaying that long ago night's events.

"This explains much, my son," Splinter replied sagely, eyes full of compassion, "but I do not believe that is all you have to say to me, my son. That was not the last you have seen of Leonardo: He is here with us now, why does this behavior persist?" Mikey's eyes remained cast down. "Tell me, my son."

"I… I hurt him, Master," admitted Michelangelo shakily. Master Splinter had to steel himself not to flinch back at the unexpected statement, but though he was surprised that his youngest would make such a claim, he didn't believe it. Not for so much as a second.

"Michelangelo, I am sure you are mistaken: You would never harm one of your brothers." He said it with such surety and conviction that, for a moment, the turtle was tempted to believe him, to trust his master as he had when the rat had declared all monsters banished by his candle. If only these demons were also afraid of the light.

"But I did! Don't you remember, Sensei? When-when Raph h-hit Leo, it was all my fault!" Raphael had hit Leonardo so many times over the years, and with increasing frequency, that Splinter was momentarily stymied: When had it been Michelangelo's fault? "And it's still there, did you see? All my fault," he sobbed. Yes, now he remembered, that time Leo had been hit when he stepped between his youngest and most violent brothers. This in itself was not unusual- one of Leonardo's duties as leader was to promote harmony in the clan so their differences would not jeopardize their lives. This sometimes included preventing them from killing each other, especially when their Sensei was not present. This time, however, he was not fast enough to block or avoid Raphael's strike. If he remembered correctly, he had given his eldest a stern talking to after that lapse. If he remembered correctly, that was also the day that Leonardo disappeared. He opened his mouth to reassure his youngest, pushing aside his own serge of guilt, when Michelangelo continued, all his grief spilling forth. "And when we found him- it was me who scared him, Sensei. He woke up and I s-scared him away! Then I knew that I shouldn't e-ever even w-watch him, couldn't tr-ust me, I knew it- but Casey and April, and I just- I just…" his voice trailed away into sobbing breathlessness.

"I was there, my son. You did nothing wrong," Splinter said soothingly.

"But I did! I thought I didn't, I watched everything Don did- and I did the same thing- I swear I did Father, I swear!"

"Why do you not tell it to me from the beginning," suggested the aged rat with the patience of experience.

"Leo- he woke up right after y-you went to s-ee April and Casey. A-an he w-was looking at the f-food I had brought on w-hen Donny as-ked. I th-ought he c-could be hungry, s-so I w-was going to give him something," he gasped slightly, fresh tears welling once more. "But I did it wrong! I t-tried t-o gi-ive him some, b-but h-he got scared of m-e again. W-hat did I d-do Sensei? W-hat did I d-o?" The distraught turtle buried his face in his hands, unable to face either his father or his failure as a brother. Splinter was slowly building a picture of the night's true events.

"No, my son, it was through no fault of your own that Leonardo acted as he did tonight. It was the presence of our human friends that upset him so, not your actions. We did not anticipate such a reaction, though perhaps we should have. As for the previous instance, I lay no blame on you, my son. Leonardo's condition was unknown to us, and still is in large part- it will take patience, caring, and our familiar presence to see him though. I believe that you will be needed, my son. Please, for Leonardo you must put away your guilt and shame, for it is not yours to bear. Your brother will need your spirit, Michelangelo." The young turtle had listened to Splinter's small speech, breath catching and eyes aching but out of tears. He hardly dared to believe his father's words, but when had Splinter ever lied to them?

"April and Casey," he managed, "I didn't see them…"

"No, my son, I believe your mind was occupied by darker images."

"I'm sorry, Master Splinter," whispered Michelangelo, feeling lingering doubts and shame for causing even more problems in this troubled time.

"Do not be sorry, young one," instructed Master Splinter kindly, "and do not forget that I am here for you, even as we are all there for Leonardo." The old rat sat as his youngest regathered his courage and composure, then helped the still shaky turtle to his feet. Together they turned their steps toward home and a family that they would piece back together, no matter the cost.

* * *

A/N: sigh I know that some writers (and some of you ;) have a kind of grudge against Splinter, but… I don't know, I just like writing him this way. I think it works, especially with the 03ish background, yes? Anyway, I'll keep working and try to get the next chapter up in a reasonable time frame. You all know that I'd love to hear from you if you have the time!


	19. Chapter 18

Absence

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A/N:Greetings once more, guys! Sorry that it took so long, but I finally have the next chapter for you. So please enjoy.

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Donatello left Raphael standing awkwardly in the lab, tethered by his brother's hand. His second oldest brother could be a bone headed hot head in the best of times, but Don was sure that he'd take care of Leo. Besides, the scientist was just one yell away if something went wrong, and Raph could yell- they _all _knew that. No, Donatello had his own problems. 

He walked slowly into the main room and took a moment to look at their human friends. April sat on the couch with her head in her hands, Don really hoped she wasn't crying, and Casey sat beside her, awkwardly patting her shoulder, the purple banded turtle took a deep breath and stepped into the entertainment/living room section of the Lair. April saw him first, or rather; saw his green feet as she stared down at the slightly scared floor. She straitened, swiping unobtrusively at her eyes before meeting Donatello's eyes. Casey had been fully absorbed in his best attempt to comfort the red head and only realized that Don had entered the room when it became apparent that April was not talking to _him_:

"Oh, I'm so sorry Donny- I knew he wouldn't remember us, but… I –I never…" Don shook his head.

"If it's anyone's fault it's mine. April, I should have realized that something like this would happen- it's my job to realize these kinds of things…" he pressed a palm to his temple, so lost in his self depreciation that he almost forgot the others in the room.

"Hey, Don, I'm sure, ya know, that no one's gona blame you or nothing. I know Leo wouldn't have."

"Yea, thanks Casey," Don murmured, bringing himself back to the moment. Casey shrugged a little self consciously before continuing hesitantly.

"So, um, that said an all, did we- or, uh, I do something wrong? I mean, I, ya know, tried to move slow and stuff like yous said. I mean, Leo don't just freak out over nothing. Or, well. He never did before anyhow." Donatello shook his head, deciding to have pity on the big lummox and rescue him before he started blushing in his bumbling.

"No, you did fine, you both did. I hypothesized that Leo's reaction was so… extreme, because April and you are humans."

"The Foot," whispered April, to which Don nodded.

"So, Leo's scared a all us humans cause a what the Foot did ta him, but those guys always where those monkey suits , those long pajama things. How the heck did he even figure out that they were humans anyways? I sure don't look nothing like those pansies." April dropped her head back into her hands, though more out of mortification than to hide any tears. He wasn't a bad guy, and a good ally to have in a fight, but man, did Casey Jones ever know how to put his foot in it. No pun intended. Though, Donatello, for his part, seemed to be seriously considering the question and formulating an answer.

"It is true that he would not have seen their faces, but the Foot's uniforms do little to disguise their overall anatomical structure, and I… I imagine that he saw a lot of the Shredder." There was an awkward pause as all present tried desperately not to think of what such visits would have entailed. Then Don took back up his explanation, "But you guys really have nothing to feel bad about, it was _nothing_ you did."

"Okay," breathed April, gathering herself but not yet moving to leave the sofa, "I guess we should stay out of your way for a while, I'd hate it if our presence here hurts Leo anymore."

"Yes," agreed Donatello, "I think it's best to reintroduce you slowly, and not until his injuries have started to heal. But," he continued, forestalling the slump of the redhead's shoulders, "that doesn't mean that you're barred from the Lair or anything, it just means that we'll have to be careful." The humans slowly nodded their compression, thankful for Donny's efforts to spare their feelings and their worry.

"And, Mikey, is he okay Don?" questioned April carefully, "He ran out of here pretty upset." Donatello sighed.

"I don't know… This whole time has been hard on everyone, yourselves included, but Mikey, well, I suppose it's been especially difficult for him… He's always looked up to Leo."

"Is there- anything we can do?" Don shook his head, smiling slightly.

"No, April. Master Splinter went after him. If Sensei can't fix it, there is little any of us can do. But I'm not worried," he said observing her concerned look, "Splinter knows us, maybe even better than we know ourselves, he'll get through to Mikey, and bring him home safe."

"Okay, " said April as Casey nudged her arm, "we still have to get moving, I have to let price charming get me home before he turns into a pumpkin." Both she and Don struggled to contain their mirth at the sight of Casey's confused face. "Don't even try and work out the analogy, you'll just give yourself a headache Case," April said as her face lost its battle with her laughter. The clear sound cut through the thick air of the Lair, clearing out some of the tension that they had not truly been aware of before. Soon Don joined her, all but collapsing on the floor. It wasn't really all that funny, but it felt so good just not to worry for a moment. Just one moment.

Casey stood to the side, watching the two brainiacs laugh themselves silly. Sure he was the butt of some obscure joke right now, but it was worth it to hear them laugh- especially April, she had been so sad lately and he hated it when April was upset about anything. Besides, their laughter was contagious and soon he found himself chuckling along.

"Come on April," he said as the laughter died down, "I'll make sure no one bothers ya on the way home. It's dark already ya know."

"Thanks Casey," grinned April, the brief bout of laughter doing much to restore her spirits, after all, Leo was alive, even if they couldn't see him for awhile, "but you know you don't have to."

"Yea, well I wants ta."

"Yeah, yeah. Donny, thanks," her eyes met his and he understood, "Tell the guys we said bye and that I'll work on the problem from my end. I wish I could do more."

"No, you both do more than enough. Besides, I have a feeling I'm going to have my hands full dealing with the current situation as it evolves, let alone doing research," he shook his head, "it really is good to have two here."

"Well, you know, if yous need anything yous can always call. I know ya can't jus walk ina a store or nothin."

"We will Casey," Don promised as he walked their guests to the door of the elevator, "and be careful when you leave the garage, that warehouse is supposed to be abandoned."

"Geez Don, Leo better get back soon, your starten to sound like him already, sides it's not like it'd be any less suspicious, an this way we don't get lost." Don wasn't sure how to respond to the slightly rambling statement so he simply shook his head and gave a half wave as the doors closed on their friends, ferrying them to the surface.

He stood there for a moment, gazing at the blue patterned doors. He felt as though he should be doing something, as if he should be _busy_, but for the life of him couldn't figure out what to do. He could tend to Leo, but Raph was there still, he would talk to Splinter, but he was still out tracking down Michelangelo, he could start a computer search, but the Lab was so very far way. _'I should be doing something, something __useful'_He thought, wanting something to clear the cobwebs that had spun themselves in his mind. _'And I will… in just a second.'_ It had just been such a long day, woken early by Raph, frantically trying to patch Leo up, and a few hours of sleep only to be woken by Sensei. Now all this. It was just so much, and the couch he found himself sitting on was just really comfortable and he had a lot of thinking to do, treatments, plans, rehab… he'd just sit for a moment, just a moment.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo and Splinter entered the Lair to be met with the sight of Donatello sprawled across the cushions of the couch. They would have been concerned if not for the lack of wounds and obviously unhindered breathing. It looked as though he had sat down on the edge but slowly drifted sideways until only his feet hung awkwardly over the edge.

"Um, I'll go clean up the mess in the Lab, Sensei," whispered Michelangelo as he slid passed the sleeping Don and trudged toward the kitchen, feeling his own long day and recent release of emotions weighing down his limbs. Splinter nodded his comprehension before he went and straightened out his second youngest. While Donatello habitually fell asleep at his computer, the old rat saw that as no reason to allow his son to remain in such an uncomfortable position. He slid his legs fully onto the couch and straightened what would have become a horrible crick in the neck before covering the turtle with a light blanket. _'__Oh__ my son,'_ he thought sadly, caressing the green skin with an old claw. Life had never been easy for their family but it seemed as though this day had been particularly draining. He gave the covers one last tug before heading over to the lab where he had left Raphael and Leonardo some time before. As he approached he noticed Michelangelo standing frozen in the doorway and he quickened his steps.

"Is something wrong, my son?" he asked worriedly as he approached.

"Shh, Sensei," hushed Michelangelo before pointing, rag in hand, to the scene displayed in the next room. Leonardo lay on his shell, breathing even, though not very deep, one arm pressed to his side and the other outstretched weakly grasping Raphael's hand in his own. Mikey had not imagined anything like this obvious display of unguarded affection between the two, though Splinter had. Indeed, this was the exact sight Splinter had left behind when taking off in pursuit of his youngest son- it looked as though neither occupant had moved since his departure. In fact, after a moment of observation it became apparent that Raphael was consciously holding himself still, shoulders tight with tension, staring at his brother's hand loosely curled in his own as if it were the most precious and important thing in the world.

"Where's a camera when you need it," breathed Michelangelo with a small, tired grin, "what a Kodak moment…Raph would never live it down!" Splinter started slightly at hearing the jovial tone in his youngest's voice, something that had been absent for far too long, before breaking out in a smile of his own. Yes, they would be fine.

* * *

A/N: I must confess that I am not extremely happy with this chapter; I'm afraid that my heart lacks contentment, but I needed to get it written so I could move on with the story. Besides, I think that the next chapter I have planed will more than make up for it ;) (I hope) -Until then- D.R'N. 


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: So, I know that you guys have all been waiting and wanting to know what has been going on with Leo, and so I decided to tell you! This is all a flashback starting when he woke up in the Lair- and I know it's all in italics, but there is a reason for this, so please bear with me.

* * *

_He wasn't really sure how long it had been since he had left the BadPlace. Of course, he didn't really even understand the concept of time beyond the 'now' and the 'then'. He knew that he had started in the BadPlace, filled with BadCreatures who hurt him. He knew some things too, he knew that the creatures were bad, even before the hurting started; he knew that he had to be silent, no matter what, and he knew that somehow, somehow, things had not always been that way. _

_He learned a lot of things at the BadPlace as well. He learned that shiny things hurt, he learned that it hurt less to do what the BadCreatures wanted, he learned that loud things and quick things should be avoided at all costs, and he learned how very bad the BadCreatures truly were. _

_He didn't remember leaving the BadPlace, all he could recall was the SharpShinyBadCreature and noise and hurting and…nothing. Not that the nothing was all that surprising, it happened to him a lot- sometimes even when he was not being hurt- but this time instead of the BrightBadPlace where he could be alone even if it hurt his eyes, he was SomeplaceElse filled with OtherBadCreatures. They scared him. He didn't know what they would do or how to make it hurt less when they did. He held himself still because sometimes BadCreatures mistook stillness for nothingness and left him to not hurt. But one of the OtherBadCreatures moved so fast towards him, moved fast to touch him, to hurt him! He tried to get away, he didn't know why he still tried, but he could not simply let these OtherBadCreatures get him. He tried, but to try hurt and they caught him anyway. There was nothing to do once he was caught other than to stop, he had learned that very quickly in the BadPlace, so he held still, submitted, and waited._

_But there was no hurt. There was touching and noise, but soft and no hurt. Then they let him go. It had never happened this way before, but he could not let this chance go. He renewed his efforts to flee from the Creatures. Perhaps this SomewereElse had an exit so he could find his…the-… HowThingsWereBefore. _

_But there was a noise, a feeling that caused something to stir in the back of his head. Not a bad something, but a something that made everything feel strange and far away, as if he was looking through a tunnel or another's eyes when he looked at this NewCreature - the safe, the warm, the… FatherCreature. He wasn't sure what it meant, but that was what it was._

_He liked how the FatherCreature looked at him, not sharp and hurtful, the FatherCreature did not move scary; the FatherCreature's hand was soft. Slowly he reached out to see if the strangely comforting face was as soft as its hand. Part of it was, and part of it was different, more together, worn, just like it was suppose-his crystallizing but increasingly far away thoughts were interrupted by a shifting. Green with red, orange, purple- he _knew_ these Creatures. They were- but they weren't suppose- in danger- he wasn't, not right, sent them- losing- he pulled his hand over his face as if that would wipe away his confusion, and because, because it felt _right_ to do so. But the strange something in his mind __disappeared, pulling a barrier behind it like the shutting of the door in the BrightWhite place, leaving him alone._

_For the first time that he could remember, he didn't _want_ to be alone._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Time was lost, though he was so used to that occurrence that that it barely registered to him. It was all there, then blackness, then things had changed. _

_The OtherCreatures had moved and they were different-less? But the FatherCreature was still there and it stood by him as one of the OtherCreatures left. There was sound and soft movement and the Creature returned with another one. Soon one of the OtherCreatures extended his hand and had something in it. He managed not to flinch because it was so slow and soft a movement, like the FatherCreature, but he didn't know what it wanted him to do. Would it hurt him if he couldn't figure it out? He tried to fade back into the background but it didn't work. It never did. _

_The OtherCreature made more soft noises, but he was still lost as to how to respond. The tone changed, it didn't frighten him, not quite, but he did recognize it. A command. He'd heard this…word before, but not very often, not as often as he would have liked._

_Before someone realized that a mistake had been made he grabbed the offered food and swallowed as much as he could. It was so good, there was a flavor and a texture unlike anything he could remember consuming. Surely this was not meant for him- and sure enough a sharp noise from the OtherCreature interrupted his frantic feast. He flinched automatically in an attempt to forestall punishment, and in doing so lost his tenuous grip on the food container, sending the contents spilling out over the floor. He knew that that was bad and he would surely be hurt for it. Still, he could not help shooting a quick glance at the mess on the floor below him. Maybe he could still scavenge some when the OtherCreatures were distracted. He knew it was bad of him, but he didn't hear that… word, very often- something almost forgotten clenched painfully in his middle, urging him on despite the deep hurting in the many parts of his body and his inability to move one of his arms without bring back the hurting full force. In the end the rough, hard voice issuing from one of the OtherCreatures, the…Larger one?, destroyed any ideas that he may have been forming. No, it was better to stay. He didn't want to invite hurting, especially not from that one. _

_Even as he came to this conclusion one of the OtherCreatures was holding out _another_ something and making those soft noises once more. This wasn't- no Creature had ever- what was he supposed to do? Then there was that sound, that … word. No, the Creature could not mean it, this was just another kind of hurt… wasn't it? But the OtherCreature had said it, it had!_

_He reached for the food more slowly, feeling it best not to tempt hurting for a second time- even if he could get another mouthful of that amazing taste- but there was no moving or tensing from the Creatures. He covered the last few inches quickly, his desire winning out over his deeply ingrained caution as he drank the liquid like substance down. He carefully maneuvered the container in his single __hand, determined not to drop this one, licking the edges as far as he could reach. As he swiped ineffectually at the bare walls at the utmost end of his reach he began to register that the OtherCreatures and the FatherCreature had started to make noises again. He listened to the changing pitches that the Creatures made and noticed that not only did the FatherCreature have his own sound, but each of the other Creatures did as well. He was quite… happy, to sit and listen to their noises. He couldn't remember ever feeling quite like this, though some how it felt _right_. And for the first time he slid into the nothingness gradually, lulled by the sounds of the strange OtherCreatures._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_He drifted through periods of nothingness, but each time it released him he found himself still in the SomewhereElse place with at least one of the OtherCreatures near him, but not once did the Creatures hurt him. Though he did his best not to give them the chance, drawing back whenever they got too close. Most of the time though the Creatures simply were present and left him to do what he would. When there was not nothingness he gazed around at the SomewhereElse. It was far more interesting than the BadPlace or the BrightPlace where he had been before. He was scrutinizing the wall across from him when the FatherCreature came in. Immediately he shifted his focus to the NotAsSoft part of the FatherCreature. It had a different look, darker? And it was more together than the soft part. Was it even part of the FatherCreature? The SharpShineyBadCreature could remove parts of itself; perhaps the FatherCreature was the same. He didn't really like how that idea made him feel inside._

_His distracted thoughts wandered away, not wanting to follow anything to such a dangerous conclusion. It had been so nice not to hurt that he was reluctant to even think of it lest he bring it upon himself._

_When his eyes drifted back to the FatherCreature one of the OtherCreatures had joined it. After a few moments of soft noises the FatherCreature left him alone with the OtherCreature- but he didn't mind. He hadn't seen this OtherCreature as much. No, this one was …bright. The BrightOtherCreature. It made something in him feel right… though, somehow it felt like the BrightOtherCreature was, dimmer? Not as Bright as it… should be. He gazed at it, puzzling slowly as his mind straightened, reluctant to function- until the clenching feeling in his stomach interrupted him. He turned his eyes to the containers that had been brought in before. They were different, less, but they also held food- he was sure of it. The feeling in his middle clenched harder as he stared._

_Suddenly the BrightOtherCreature was there and picking up the container he had been so focused on. Could this be? He still had trouble believing that the Creatures did not seem to want to hurt him, but to receive food, more food… But the BrightCreature followed the same movements as the OtherCreature had when it had fed him before._

_He carefully reached for the offered container when another presence entered the room. His eyes jumped to the new Creature and his mind crystallized for a moment as he recognized one of the OtherCreatures- the Larger one with the red and the rough sounds. That was okay then. He turned his eyes back to the prize that the BrightCreature offered, only to be distracted once more by the entrance of __yet more Creatures. He recognized the FatherCreature immediately, and the last OtherCreature soon after, but the other two- his heart froze up in his chest._

_The last creatures, he recognized them- they were Bad, BadCreatures, they were here for him! Whatever parts of his mind that had still managed to remain functioning now shut down. This small reprieve from the hurting only made him more desperate to avoid returning to the BadPlace. Completely ignoring the hurt it caused him, he desperately tried to escape the BadCreatures. He knew that if they caught him they would do much worse._

_He recognized their shape and how they towered over the OtherCreatures, just as they did over him. Now they would all be taken, and for some reason that thought caused him more pain than all the hurting of the bad place put together._

_Yet somehow the OtherCreatures drove the BadCreatures out- the LargeCreature doing so almost singlehandedly. He calmed slightly, teeth clenching down on the stream of air he had not realized was escaping his mouth. He hoped that he had not made any sounds._

_The remaining OtherCreature approached him with its hand outstretched. Something fell into place in his mind as he stared at the proffered appendage. He reached out and grabbed the hand in his own- they were the same. The same, the same, the same… they would protect him, he knew they would…_

_He held tightly to this tangible evidence that things were still different, he was still in the SomewhereElse, there were no BadCreatures to hurt him here. No. These Creatures were just like him. The hands like him, skin like him, backs like him. Almost like they were-_

_The FatherCreature's noise broke through his thoughts, using the same sound that he often did. He knew that sound- just like he knew that the OtherCreatures weren't OtherCreatures at all, they were- they were-' just like him' his mind supplied uselessly. He didn't understand. The creatures were HimCreatures? He ran his hand over the fingers in his palm, 'like his', and stared into the FatherCreature's eyes. There was more. There _was_ more… somewhere._

_But something was stopping him._

_He reached out to the FatherCreature and curled his free hand in the thin, NotAsSoft, more together part. It was soft and warm, bringing the comfort that he had reached for without even realizing it. It was nothing like the SharpShinyBadCreatures, even if it did come off._

_His thoughts wandered as the noises of the FatherCreature and the HimCreatures surrounded him. There had just been so _much_ and the nothingness was coming for him. Dimly he registered the entrance of the other HimCreature, the Larger one. The LargerOtherCreature caused him to want to be smaller, less challenging, but at the moment he simply could not seem to mind._

_For a moment he thought he had lost the HimCreature's hand, which was bad, but before he could force his body to respond he felt the comporting pressure of a two fingered hand in his, 'just like __his'. And the nothingness slowly came for him as his many hurts demanded to be healed. He slipped quietly away, just missing the Father Creature carefully tug its robe from his hand. _

* * *

A/N: So there it is. Please, I'd love feedback from this; I started this chapter three times before I got something I liked. Also if anything is confusing I'd like to hear about it, perhaps fix or explain it. It's all in my head, but I want to be sure that I have gotten said thoughts across well enough.


	21. Chapter 20

* * *

The days following Leo's return and April and Casey's visit was a period of adjustment. They soon fell into a pattern of sorts where the family would take turns sitting beside the generally passive Leonardo while the others took care of the normal duties of the household. Master Splinter made a valiant effort to restart at least some of the training sessions that had tapered off during Leonardo's absence and presumed death. He found that the best way to accomplish this was to hold two sessions a day with one son participating in both, rotating sons each day, so that they could still spar and train with one another while still leaving someone free to keep an eye on their oldest sibling.

Michelangelo's daily activities were not much curtailed by this new schedule. He still found time to watch his movies and play his games, and, of course, he could read his comics anywhere- regardless of what he was doing, though, his eyes and thoughts were drawn to the lab where his oldest brother lay. Raph chafed more under the restrictions, especially since visits to the surface had been explicitly forbidden by Splinter. He had to content himself with abbreviated runs through the sewer, working on his beloved shellcycle in the old warehouse, and, of course, his old staple of beating the stuffing out of his punching bag. Even this wasn't really enough to curb his restlessness, especially not with the added stress and feeling of helplessness that Leo's condition added. However, he _was_ making a real effort to contain himself, especially when taking his turn sitting beside his brother. Donatello could often be found in the Med Lab even when, technically, it was not his shift. When not with Leo, he was usually ensconced away and communing with the computer in his own, smaller lab area, researching and planning whenever he could. One thing he quickly ingrained into them all was the importance of taking note of anything that either upset or caused any sort of recognition in their brother, and several items became readily apparent.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The first they had already noticed. Leonardo was now extremely uncomfortable with physical contact. Admittedly, he had never been the attention hog that Michelangelo was, but neither did he shy away from brotherly pats on the shell, helping hands in the sewers, or any assistance in either battle or training. He knew that a team had to be comfortable and familiar with each other if they wished to remain alive- those beliefs being separate from his natural compassion and brotherly feelings that extended to 'nightmare banisher' and the occasional bouts of roughhousing. Now, however, Leo would either flinch whenever someone approached unexpectedly, or worse, if contact was made, he would tense, freeze up, and his breathing would increase dramatically. To avoid this, the turtles discovered it was best to make sure that their approach was slow and observed. If that failed and Leo still became agitated, they found that holding out one of their hands where their brother could see them quickly calmed him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The second was discovered quite by accident one morning when Donatello entered the Medlab to take over watch from a now slightly sleepy Michelangelo. The engineer had taken to carrying around his coffee in one of the metal cups that humans used when they were traveling. It kept the caffeine endowed substance warmer for much longer than the traditional mugs and helped prevent spills- both 

being major pluses for the purple banded turtle, who would often get so caught up in his work that he would completely forget that he had even brought a drink into the room. After numerous occasions of getting a mouthful of stone cold coffee, several spills, and sometimes both in one day, he and Mikey had gone off on a mug finding expedition. They had found an amazing number of the discarded things, both metal and plastic, and Don had been using them almost exclusively since. As such he had given no thought to wandering into the Medlab with one clutched in his green hands. It was a chilly morning, and even Mikey, who usually went in for hot chocolate, was eyeing Don's cup with more than a little longing. The entire family usually avoided the dubious combination of Mikey and caffeine whenever possible, but the youngest had been up a good portion of the night and still had morning practice with Sensei and Raph to get through.

"There's still a fresh pot in the kitchen, Mikey, just as long as you forget that I'm the one who told you," Don said, waving the metal mug for emphases. Mikey was about to respond in kind when their attention was immediately diverted to their bed ridden brother.

_The nothingness had receded slowly to show him the BrightHimCreature and the ThinkingHimCreature standing beside him. The ThinkingHimCreature had been the hardest for him to identify. It had initially reminded him of the LookingHurtingBadCreatures that had been at the bad place, but the HimCreature was warm were they were cold, and though it did do much looking and touching, it did no hurting, gave food, and always made soft noises. He was happy to watch the BrightHimCreature, who seemed brighter than before, and the ThinkingHimCreature as they made noises at each other, at least he was happy until he saw the glint of metal in the ThinkingHimCreature's hand. 'Shiny, shiny and sharp- hurting-hurting now?- no, no ,no hurting'- he was taken by a flood of images and feelings from the BadPlace where bright, sharp, and quick things brought only much hurting. He felt an almost overwhelming desire to call out for the FatherCreature, no LookingHurting, or SharpShiny BadCreatures would hurt him if the FatherCreature was near- but he could not call out, not even if he could remember how, because it was very important to be silent. He only hoped that no hurting would come to the HimCreatures._

Their oldest brother had yet to make any noise besides soft grunts and whimpers in his sleep, and that one, heart wrenching almost scream when he had seen April and Casey, so the only warning they had of his distress was his slight shifting and increasingly labored breathing. Both were surprised to find Leo staring, apparently at Donatello with abject fear in his eyes.

"Leo?" Don asked, taking a tentative step forward. The older turtle shrunk back, his eyes never moving.

"Donny?" asked Michelangelo, unsure of what he should do as the signs of Leonardo's discomfort increased.

"Hold on a second, Mikey," Don cautioned softly , absently putting aside his coffee mug as he desperately attempted to placate his older brother. It was then that he realized that Leo's eyes were not tracking him, but rather the mug. That gave him a moment's pause, for he had brought coffee into the room before and it had never bothered Leo. In fact, the purple banded brother had rather thought that 

the smell comforted Leonardo. Then it hit him- all of those mugs had been plastic. "Mikey, just stay with him for a second, you don't have to do anything , just- watch him for a second." Mikey gave a small nod and Donatello backtracked his steps as quickly as he could without causing further alarm. He deposited the mug out of sight in the main room and hurried back to find Michelangelo's hand captured by Leonardo who was staring at the youngest turtle as though to be sure he was not hiding any injuries. After a moment of seeming contemplation and another look around the room, Leo relaxed, though he failed to release Michelangelo's hand.

"What can I say, dude, I just have a calming effect on people," Michelangelo said with a smile, abeit a bit shaky, in response to Donny's questioning look. Don smiled back, glad that Mikey could still manage a joke after that, and confirmed that Leo really was calmed down before detaching him from Mikey and sending their little brother off to practice. After that the turtles took care to avoid bringing any more metallic surfaces than necessary into the Medlab.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

It was Raphael who discovered the next 'item' to be avoided. He had been sitting beside Leo for what seemed like hours, trying to focus on being the guardian that he felt he should be, had to be with Leo down, but the silence was beginning to press uncomfortably on his shell. He wasn't like Michelangelo who always needed someone yammering away, be it Mike himself, the TV, or his cobbled together mp3 player. It was just that he had sat here in silence for hours, every day. At first it didn't really bother him, or, it bothered him as little as possible considering what had been done, but he was hardly a novice at waiting for one of his brothers to regain consciousness- their life wasn't what you would call gentle. Heck he had even done that for Casey a time or two, though Leo would have something to say about _that_- not that Raph was crazy enough to ever tell him. But this was different than that. Leo wasn't unconscious. Right now he was just staring at the walls. Raph felt like telling his lost older brother about some of his and Casey's more boneheaded escapades just to try and make him snap out of it.

"So, Leo, uh, you need ta come back soon- not that I want ta push ya or anything, but, uh, it's just not right without ya," he trailed off awkwardly. _'Oy,'_ thought Raph disparagingly, _'I _am_ becoming Mikey'._ He was about to drop his head into his hands when he noticed Leo actually looking at him. "Leo?" His older brother's head tilted slightly and it seemed as though he was actually listening to Raphael. "Leo, do ya understand me? Listen, ya gata remember, or at least try ta. You know that you're home right?" Leo's face creased in a slight frown. Raph took this as an encouraging sign and leaned forward in his chair. "Leo, you know were ya are? The Lair?" he reiterated, hoping to pull his brother out from wherever he was lost.

_Something, something was- the LargeHimCreature, making noises, strange. The LargeHimCreature almost never made noises. It sounded rough, as always, though he thought it was trying to be soft. Somehow he knew that the LargeHimCreature could be much more loud and rough but was not. As for the noise making, he wasn't sure how he felt, it was new, and that meant it could hurt, _

_but part of him was… curious. The BadCreatures often made noises, but he had never listened; don't listen, don't make sound, don't re-_

_What was that? That wasn't right. No. no, no, no, no! This was bad. He knew those sounds, he knew that tone. He wasn't going to make noise. He would not, he _could_ not. Nothing, nothing, knows nothing, says nothing- no noises- can't make, have to, have to be quiet. Why, why, why in the SomeplaceElse? No more BadPlace, no more hurt, no more, no more._

Raphael's earnest attempts go get his brother to respond were abruptly cut off when Leonardo's eyes widened dramatically and he started rocking himself from side to side, pressing a hand to the side of his head.

"Donny!" Raph called desperately, appalled and horrified at the thought that something more could have gone wrong,

"Raph, what the shell happened here?" asked Donatello, unconsciously stealing Raphael's line as he skidded into the room.

"I don't know. It was quiet an I started talkin, an he was listenin, so I talked more, an then this," he said, waving his hands a little erratically. Don approached their brother slowly.

"You didn't jump or raise your voice?"

"No. I ain't stupid, Don."

"And you left your sais?" asked the younger turtle, ignoring the other's comment.

"Yeah," Raph acknowledged awkwardly, hands automatically going to the empty spaced on his belt. It had been a hard thing, leaving his weapons, but after hearing how Leo freaked out over a coffee mug, well, Raph didn't want to think about how he'd react to the red banded turtle's sais. Which was not to say that he was unarmed, but that the weapons he carried were more easily hidden, and not quite so shiny.

"I'm not really sure, Raph," Don murmured as he maneuvered himself into Leo's line of sight, "Leo? Leo, what's wrong?" he asked as Splinter and Michelangelo spilled into the room as well, but the older turtle failed to respond to the questions besides becoming even more agitated.

"What is happening here, my sons?" Splinter asked, eyes darting from the frightened Leonardo, to the worried Donatello, and the worried and guilty Raphael. "Donatello?"

"I don't know Sensei; Raph said that they were just talking."

"Leo was talking?" interrupted Mikey, his eyes lighting up.

"No," said Don impatiently, eyes still on Leo. "But Raph said that he was listening, right Raph?" he asked, cutting over to the red banded turtle for a moment.

"Yeah, least I thought he was- I asked 'im if he understood but he didn't exactly answer," Raph replied, shifting uncomfortably. "Before I knew it, he started actin like this."

"Well, that's not- wait, you asked him if he understood?"

"Yeah," answered Raph shortly, not understanding the significance.

"Did you ask anything else?"

"I minght 'ave," Raph responded a little defensively to his brother's tone, "I just wanted him ta try an remember."

"What are you thinking, my son?" Splinter asked Donatello, unobtrusively playing referee.

"Look at Leo, Sensei. What is he doing?" All eyes turned to regard the reclining turtle. Leo's eyes had closed tightly at some point but he cracked them slightly at the abrupt silence, his hand hesitantly lowering.

"He- he was covering his ears?" asked Mikey incredulously.

"Yeah. I think I have to try something guys. Just- just be ready." Don once again positioned himself in front of his oldest brother. "Leonardo. Do you know where you are?" His words were still kind, but it was undeniably a question to which he expected an answer. The effect was immediate. Leo's eyes slammed shut and his unwounded hand pressed back against his skull.

"Whoa, dude-"

"What the shell, Donny-" his brother's overlapped words of protest were drowned out by their father's raised hand.

"Donatello has done what he must to ensure that we do not unintentional injure your brother in the future." Donatello bowed his head slightly at this absolution. "I will stay with your brother until he calms, then we will resume our regular rotation. And it seems that we will have to learn of what happened to your brother without questioning him directly." All three turtles nodded their obedience and slowly filed out.

_The HimCreatures were leaving; taking their…wanting words with them and leaving him with the FatherCreature. He was still frightened, but he felt somewhere deep down that even if the FatherCreature ever made wanting words at him, it would never hurt him. The Creatures in the SomeplaceElse, the HerePlace, would not hurt him to try and get his sounds. No, no. No BadCreatures Here._

Raph paused at the doorway and glanced back at their Sensei seated beside their oldest brother and fearless leader, the old rat speaking quietly to a still wide eyed, but much calmer Leo. Raph hated this, but what could he do? He was just the muscle of the family, not the brains. Funny, that had been enough before.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Other odd quirks continued to show themselves as the family kept an unrelenting eye on the oldest turtle. It wasn't that they were frightened that he would intentionally do something to cause himself further harm, but rather that he would accidently slip, or become frightened and reopen old injuries, injuries that Leonardo would not be able to tell them reopened or pained him more than before. So they watched him.

Two weeks after they brought Leo home, Donatello was happy to report that their brother's physical injuries were healing nicely. Most of the superficial cuts had sealed already and the damage the Shredder's claws had done to Leo's arm and plastron looked like it would continue to heal without any complications. The bisection of his plastron was another matter. It had stopped oozing liquids and Don had done his best to keep it clean- not an easy task considering how tender it seemed to be. Besides that he was basically waiting to see how Leonardo's body would handle the injury naturally. In addition, Don still didn't want to put too much pressure on his brother's shell because he had not been able to ascertain the extent of structural damage. In fact, he hadn't really tried. He figured those kinds of tests were the last thing that Leo needed right now- no matter how the scientist in him protested.

As for his brother's mental state, he felt that he and his family were treating the symptoms rather than the disease. They had seen some improvement, and the less stress Leo put his body through by struggling against phantoms and memories, the faster his body could heal. Unfortunately neither Don nor April had been able to track down anything helpful. April had sent all of her information to Don through a purloined wireless connection, but nothing seemed to quite match Leonardo's symptoms. April promised that she would keep on it, but they could not help feeling a bit disappointed.

Donatello sighed and refocused on his book. April had gotten it for him, second hand. Still, it was in better condition than most of what he read, and he had brought it in to help keep him occupied on his watch. His brain had been about to explode after staring at the computer screen, but he also felt as if he would go crazy if forced to sit with _nothing_ to think about. In the end quantum mechanics had sounded just perfect. On reflection, though, perhaps it wasn't the best thing to read when he had a brother to keep an eye on.

* * *

A/N: hm, don't worry, there is more to come, but this is what I had finished and this (full) chapter just keeps going for awhile more, so I figured I'd just give you what I have written so far. Reviewers always welcome (and adored). Till next time-D.R'N.


	22. Chapter 21

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He glanced up from his book, expecting to see Leonardo almost watching him, as the older turtle had been for the past hour, but the bed- was empty. He froze, book falling from numb fingers, not even flinching when it landed awkwardly, bending its spine and crushing previously neat pages. All his thoughts were on his suddenly missing brother. _'How is this possible? He shouldn't be able to get up yet- and I _know_ I would have heard someone come in to take him. This is our _home_, who could find us here regardless?' _With his thoughts spinning virtually out of control he staggered toward the doorway.

"Leo? Leo!" he called desperately as he all but sprinted into the main room, only to come to a screeching halt to prevent himself from stumbling over his quarry.

Leonardo was standing, partially braced against the one of the support columns in the main room. It seemed as though he was watching Mike and Raph watch television- and while he failed to react to Don frantically calling his name, the two turtles he had been observing snapped their heads around, zeroing in on the cry.

"Dude, Leo…" breathed Mikey.

_It had been the noise. While the ThinkingHimCreature had sat looking very hard at the turning paper in its hands, he had slowly become aware of the noise. It was a familiar, droning noise, much like what he had heard in the BrightPlace, but this did not hurt his head. Now and again the noise of one of the HimCreatures would filter through and mix with the noise. Suddenly he had a very strong feeling that he was… in the wrong place. He had been content since coming to this HerePlace, there was no hurt, and only sometimes did he feel that strange sense of otherness, but now he felt that it was wrong. That sound meant… others, the HimCreatures, something. Where was he supposed to be? He looked again at the ThinkingHimCreature, it was still looking at the turning paper, he could do this by himself. _

_He moved slowly off where he had been, swaying as he hit the ground. Everything felt funny and stretched and there was hurt still from some places, but he could not remember ever feeling better then he did at the moment, and so pressed forward. It seemed to take forever to reach the space that the Him and Father Creatures were always moving through, but it moved aside easily when he leaned against it, allowing more of the sound, and him to see the other HimCreatures. He stumbled slightly and automatically made his way to a stable spot to lean against as he took in the positions of the HimCreatures, where was he to be? It was important, somehow._

Leonardo blinked once, then shuffled slowly to a position in front of the couch before lowering himself into his habitual spot, leaning his shell against the base of the right arm.

_Yes, this was right. He was supposed to be right here._

The three younger turtles stared at their brother in shock, though the attention seemed to upset Leo not at all. In fact, he seemed to glow under the combined attention of his siblings, while the theme song of Mikey's show played forgotten in the background.

"My sons? What is this?" Splinter asked as he emerged from his room.

"I-I don't know Sensei. Leo just… walked out and sat down. I- he shouldn't be able to do that- I-"

"Hush, Donatello," said Splinter kindly. "It is alright my son. As long as your brother is unharmed?" he said, transforming the last statement into a question. Donatello immediately snapped back into medic mode and carefully checked Leo's many healing wounds, a process with which Leonardo happily complied, his eyes drifting between the forgotten television and his seated brothers.

"Um, no, he seems alright. He didn't reopen anything, but he has to be in pain, and this really isn't the best position for his plastron to be in," he reported dutifully. Splinter considered his eldest son for a moment before closing his eyes and breathing deeply. The younger turtles all watched their father closely, unsure exactly what he was doing, but knowing that his next pronouncement would determine their course of action.

Splinter focused on Leonardo. His eldest was in pain, but no more than he had felt when the turtle was in the Medlab. There was also something else. His spirit felt fuller somehow. The old rat could still not identify his son's strong spirit in the jumbled mass of emotions he sensed, but there was something, a taste, an afterimage, of the teenager he raised.

"I believe we should allow your brother to remain with you, as long as there are no medical reasons to do otherwise," pronounced Splinter, after what seemed to the turtles an unending pause on their master's part. Michelangelo glanced at Leo one last time, but since he seemed relatively comfortable and happy, he returned his attention to his show, well, most of it anyway. It was almost habit by now to keep at least one eye on their older brother. Master Splinter surprised them all by sitting in his arm chair rather than returning to his room. Usually Splinter only watched his 'stories', his soap operas, never the cartoons that Mikey so enjoyed, but what in Lair could be considered normal lately?

Donatello lingered a moment, unsure of what he should do. Technically it was still his watch, and he hadn't exactly distinguished himself so far, but the entire family was already in the main room- he felt more than a little superfluous. That and he was of the strong opinion that cartoons melted your brain- just look at what they did to Mikey. Give him the Discovery Channel any day.

In the end he slipped away to his Lab, confident that Splinter could take care of anything that happened, and that he would not be missed. He was surprised, however, when Raphael followed him out a few minutes later. The sai wielding turtle leaned against the doorway of Don's rail car turned lab in an imitation of casualness. Donatello continued to work, knowing that Raph would speak up when he wanted to and that pressing him would just chase him away. After an acerbic comment, most likely. So he waited, and sure enough, after just a few minutes Raph shifted his position signaling that he was about to speak.

"So, this, with Leo- it's a good thing, right?" It wasn't an unexpected question, but he still took a moment to think before answering.

"Yes. It means that he's remembering something at least," he finally replied.

"Yeah, I figured." There was another moment of silence. "So he's goin ta be gettin better now."

"I- I hope so, Raph." Raphael gave a curt nod and went to reclaim his place beside Michelangelo. He couldn't refocus on the show, but then, wrestling was more his style. He just… wanted to be there.

'_How lame is that? I'm getin soft- that's all there is. Crap,'_ he grumbled as he settled into the couch, ignoring how good it felt to see Leo somewhere other than the Medlab.

* * *

A/N: how's that for Leo, eh? I am trying to get things rolling, but I'm not sure how much the guys feel like cooperating yet, so we'll just have to see. (sometimes they just will not shut up. – heh, and Mikey is hardly ever the problem, there's some irony ;) Anyway, I always love to hear from you guys- Ever D.R'N


	23. Chapter 22

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After Leo spontaneously joined the family for a quasi movie night, he continued his new practice of wandering his way around the Lair, something that Donatello allowed, with some reservations. It was only their Sensei's assurance that Leo's pain levels were within acceptable limits that convinced him that it would be alright. He never realized how much he relied on his brother's to _tell _him when something was wrong, where it hurt, _how_ it hurt. Never did he feel the lack of proper monitoring systems as much. He wondered how their Master had managed when they were all still hatchlings.

One thing Donatello did allow though was for an eager Michelangelo to feed Leo more than the bland soups and plain yogurt, though the youngest turtle was still forbidden, in the strongest possible terms, from experimenting with recipes and still had to run everything past Don before giving it to their eldest brother.

They had discovered early on that Leo would eat anything that he was specifically given and instructed to, as vividly evidenced the night that Michelangelo slipped Leonardo a piece of pizza. It was graphically demonstrated that his stomach could still not handle solid foods. Luckily there was minimal damage to Leo's recovery, but the whole family had had to sit through a lecture by Donatello on the effects of starvation. After that there was no repeat of the incident. Even Splinter had double checked the tea that he was going to give the eldest. Don was not a turtle to trifle with in such matters.

Now Leo tended to show up at the table at meal times, trailing his watcher, and sit quietly in his habitual seat, eating what he was told to, seemingly content in the presence of his family.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The watching of Leonardo on the whole became much more interesting, if more difficult. Raph had almost torn the place up when he had gotten distracted by a commercial and Leo had disappeared on him. _'It figures that only Fearless could be this messed up an still manage ta drive me nuts.'_ he thought frantically as he tore through the Medlab, kitchen, Don's lab and the dojo. He was about to give in and run to Master Splinter with his failing when Michelangelo's voice sounded from the upper level:

"Dudes, who left a candle in-" his words left him, "…Leo's room?" he finished weakly. Raph bounded up the stairs and was beside the youngest in less than a heartbeat . There was Leo, sitting in front of his bed. For a second both Raph and Mikey both thought that he was meditating, but after that second it was apparent that his legs were position wrongly and his head tilted at the wrong angle. Most of all, the _feeling_ of Leo meditating was missing. For Leo, meditation was all about channeling and control- and that forcefulness that so often drove their brother was still painfully absent.

Still, both Donatello and Splinter interpreted this as a good sign, showing that Leo was remembering more of his life before the Shredder. Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls with hope and anticipation. Raph was predictably more cynical, though he too was buoyed by these remembered habits. The entire family eagerly awaited the eldest turtle's return.

Until that time, however, Leonardo was moved from the Medlab and resituated in his room, since he could obviously make it up the stairs with minimal trouble, though his habit of wandering off at odd times continued to cause the family no small amount of grief. Splinter was quite aware of the huge spikes in tension that shot through their home whenever such a thing occurred. So it surprised him when he walked into his room to find it already occupied- by his eldest son no less.

The lair was still at peace, so it was obvious that no one had registered Leonardo's disappearance. His eldest's uncanny ability to remain so silent, even under such circumstances, both worried and filled the old rat with something akin to pride. Leonardo had always been the best at being one with the shadows: of them all, he was perhaps best suited for the life that fait had trust upon him and his young sons. Still, this silence… it was something more. Before he was quiet, now he was _silent_. Splinter found himself disliking the change. But that was quite beside the point at the moment.

Gathering himself and his thoughts, he moved forward, carefully approaching his son. The turtle had yet to register his presence, an odd thing in of itself. These days it seemed as though Leonardo was hyper aware of anyone who entered a given room, anyone who could be a threat. Master Splinter moved closer to see what had so captured his son's attention, and when he realized the object, or rather, objects, Leonardo was staring at, his breath caught slightly.

It wasn't as though he had been keeping his eldest out of his room. In truth, the family had let Leo have pretty much the run of the Lair, provided he had someone tailing him, but he had never shown any interest in either the dojo or Splinter's room. This was something that neither the turtle's or the rat had wanted to push, partly for the reason standing before him, now.

"They are your swords, my son. Do you not remember them?"

_It was so very dark, but he could see, yes, on the standing thing, away from the noise of the HimCreatures, here where it smelled like Father and Peace, and it was like he _knew_ things just by looking at the strange grey and colored things. No, not strange. His. Like the FatherCreature and the HimCreatures, and perhaps even this Place. His, maybe? Yes._

Master Splinter struggled to contain his hope as his son moved. For a moment it seemed as though the turtle recognized the battered blades as the missing part of himself that they were. He reached out a hand and touched the fabric worn a lighter blue by the use of his own hands before wrapping the hilt in his three fingered grip.

_It felt like something clicked into place inside him, making him feel light and far away even as a burden settled gently on his shoulders, grounding him. Protect. Not just himself, but beyond the BadPlace, the HimCreatures, who were so much more than that…_

Splinter held his breath as he recognized the expert and familiar way that Leonardo gathered the weapon into his palm. There was his son, there was Leonardo.

'_Sensei?'_

Then the light spilling in from the doorway gleamed metallically off of the swords dull edge causing the turtle to let loose a strangled cry. He dropped the blade and huddled away from it, clearly expecting an attack. Master Splinter's heart contracted painfully at the sight, but he could no longer find it in himself to be surprised. He was sure he had felt something, but this was a battle on uphill ground for him and his family. It seemed that as soon as there was a glimmer of hope, something disrupted the memory. Saki had much to answer for.

_He had been very far away, but everything had been so clear for a second. For a second it had all made so much sense. But then there was SharpShiny and it all went away and left him again. Part of him was glad because the far away feeling was different and strange- but it had felt so _right_ before it went away. He tried to hide instead, to be quiet; he knew how to do that. If only he knew what all the others wanted of him, especially the far away feeling._

Splinter was beside his son in seconds, quickly pulling him into his warm embrace. Leonardo tensed only as long as it took to register the soft fur against his face before relaxing into his father's arms. He was not always sure of what was happening around him in this Place that was not Bad, but he knew that worn cloth, old fur, and gentle ivory claws spelled protection.

"It is all right, my son," murmured the old rat as he rocked, oblivious to Leonardo's half formed thoughts, "It is all right now. Let us rejoin your brothers; you know how they worry when you wander off on your own. "

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Splinter managed to return Leonardo to the main room before his absence could cause yet another surge of anxiety in their already frazzled home. He noticed that at least Donatello marked their return, but, truth be told, the rat was rather distracted and needed time to reflect. He retreated to his armchair, suddenly desiring to remain in the presence of his children. The muted voices of their movie combined with their sporadic comments created a strangely soothing background as he slipped into a light meditative state. He was sure that he had sensed his son for a brief moment and so now conducted a search of the astral plane. _'Nothing,'_ he concluded morosely. He had thought that- _'Wait. My son?'_ he asked, caching a fleeting feeling, a slight whiff of his eldest's familiar scent- a combination of honor, warmth, the tension of a protector, and just the smallest hint of guilt, something Splinter had never been able to dispel or explain. As soon as he reached for the feeling it disappeared, almost as if purposely pulled out of his reach.

After a time of fruitless effort he cracked his eyes and rejoined his family, gazing worriedly at the body of his eldest son_. 'Something more is taking place here. If only we could discover the whole truth of this. And soon_.' Splinter felt instinctively that their time was not unlimited. As unobtrusively as he could he excused himself from the presence of his family and retreated to his own room. Suddenly he felt very tired, and his turn to watch his eldest would come all too soon. It was a sign of just how tired he was that he failed to notice the eyes of his second eldest eyeing the slump of his shoulders as he shuffled across the suddenly large open space of the Lair.

* * *

A/N: This may be my last chapter for awhile, I have a lengthy paper to write that's a disturbingly large part of my grade and I've, uh, been avoiding it… hard to believe, I know. Anyways, I thought I should give you guys a heads up, and an early apology. Still, reviews will be appreciated in my time of need… XD


	24. Chapter 23

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A/N: hey guys… heh, I know that it's been awhile, but my paper turned into several art project, a test and then finals… Oy (though your reviews definitely bolstered my spirits!). But I'm back, and I think that this chapter will definitely help buy my way back into your good graces! So without further ado, read, relax, and enjoy!

* * *

"Git offa me Mikey. I swear if you don't sit down an shut up I ain't goin to be responsible for what 'appens next," Raphael growled harshly. He was not nearly as angry as he seemed or, at least the intense anger and shaking, barely controlled fists were not solely due to his annoyance at his younger brother's latest antics. He had been tense for weeks now, watching his older brother drift around the house, eating what was put in front of him when he was told to, flinching and being led around, his eyes wandering aimlessly and never speaking. That just wasn't Leo. Raph was tempted to do the most foolish thing he could think of, just to try and get a lecture out of him. Trying to get lectured by Leonardo. This is what he had come to.

Still, he had been trying to hold himself in, trying to be a good brother, keep things together till Leo… got back, or however the shell Donny and Splinter wanted to put it. But it had been weeks, weeks of doing nothing but listening to Don and Master Splinter's reassurances- and with next to nothing to show for it. Sure, when Leo had started moving around it _seemed_ like he was going to get better, but since then…

Besides, tense, jerky motions frightened Leo, and Raph got the feeling that he made his brother nervous enough. Sometimes when they were alone, even if Raphael was being quiet, but especially if he was pacing, Leo would look at him in the most unnerving way, as if he was going to say something, or waiting for _Raph_ to say something, do something. Then he would twitch oddly before letting his eyes drift away. Somehow Leonardo always seemed… emptier afterwards. Raphael hated it.

So for Leo's sake he was trying not to murder Mikey at the moment. Even though part of him was relieved that Mikey had shaken off the melancholy that had enveloped him when Leo had first disappeared, he was fast losing his patience with the annoying younger turtle. It was usually Leo who saw to it that these things never resulted in any harm. It was so much harder to keep himself in line.

"I don't wana play a game with ya, Mikey, go bother Don already," grumbled Raphael in a futile attempt to rid himself of the orange menace.

"Don's busy working," Michelangelo said, head tilting to indicate Leo who was quietly sitting in front of the couch, not quite watching his siblings.

"Good. Maybe you should try an find somethin as useful ta do." His tone was reminicant of rolling eyes and completely devoid of any hope that such a thing would ever come to pass.

"Hey, you don't want to play with me that's fine, just say so-"

"That's what I _have_ been sayin, shell for brains," growled Raph angrily.



"-I'll just find someone else. Liiiike..," continued Mikey, unimpeded by Raphael's outburst, eyes searching the Lair for another body to pester, "Leo!"

"Don't be stupid." Raphael's voice was suddenly cold. "And don't joke- it ain't funny."

"I'm not. Leo loves playing Memory. He even helped me draw the cards. Besides, just because he's scared of you doesn't mean he won't play with me." The offhand comment was made without any real malice behind it, but he had conveniently forgotten how he had felt when he belived that their fearless older brother was frightened of _him_. For Michelangelo it had resulted in his crying into the worn robes of their Sensei; for Raphael, the consequences were sure to be far less passive.

Sure enough, the remark hit Raphael hard, playing on and magnifying his own secret thoughts and fears. He didn't want his older brother to be afraid of him, didn't want to think about why the bare threads of his brother's psyche would pull away from him. For his part, Michelangelo had turned blithely away, pulling out the homemade deck. Since Raphael clearly wasn't going to play, Mikey put him out of his mind. Besides, he wasn't going to _bother _Leo, just sit by him.

He never saw Raph coming.

"Fearless ain't scared-" Raph yelled in blind denial, snapping as he threw a hard cross at his accuser. But his forward motion was suddenly halted, his fists hitting flesh a good half foot from his younger brother's face. "…a me." Raph breathed uncertainly, coming back to himself as both he and Michelangelo stared at the figure between them.

Leonardo stood planted firmly between his brothers, teeth gritted and arms crossed before his face, catching the red banded turtle's fist on the muscles of his forearms. For a frozen second his eyes met Raphael's and he saw, he _saw,_ his brother. Leonardo.

_He had been sitting in the right place again, listening to the HimCreatures noises, but something wasn't right. The LargeCreature's noise got rougher, and the BrightCreature didn't seem to notice. Was there nothing wrong? There was nothing in the BrightCreature's voice or posture to suggest he was worried. Perhaps it would be alright. But it still seemed that something was wrong. The BrightCreature turned its back on the LargerCreature, and he felt his muscles tense up automatically- that was a mistake. A growl issued from the Larger one, and a series of images forced their way into his head, violence, a smile falling from beneath an orange mask, red encased eye narrowed in anger, devoid of thought and brotherly love, hands and weapons raised in blind anger, again and again. No, not this- so bright, shouldn't be hurt. None of them should be hurt. He needed to stop this. They were his- his- his _Brothers_. 'Mikey! No Raph, don't!' _

"Don't," ground out the eldest turtle, voice rough from months of disuse. If Raphael had not been literally inches away, he would never have heard anything.

"Leo?" Raphael whispered even more quietly, voice stolen from shock.

"Don't," he breathed again.



"Okay, Leo, I won't," promised Raph, slowly retracting his clenched fist. Leo staggered forward half a step as the brace was removed from his arm. His movements were uncoordinated and jerky as he swung haltingly around. Michelangelo had turned when Raphael had yelled, but hadn't even had time to cringe before the red banded turtle had come at him only for Leonardo to block his path. Now Leo fell heavily to his knees beside his youngest sibling. He extended his hand to rest on Michelangelo's head or shoulder, but somehow missed both and ended up fumbling clumsy fingers on his neck, just below were a human ear would have been located.

"Hurt?" breathed Leo, though only Mikey's staring eyes plastered to his older brother's face allowed him to decipher the harsh, garbled, and whisper thin word coming out of Leo's lips.

"Fine," he managed to gasp dumbly. He stared at Leonardo for a second more as the eldest turtle blinked at him, looking as though he was fighting back a nightmare. "Dude, Leo, are _you _okay?"

"Okay?" Leo repeated blankly, one hand drifting to his clearly malfunctioning throat. He blinked again, his head jerking, reminiscent of a windup doll as he tried to focus beyond Michelangelo and see his surroundings. Raphael dropped softly to his knees beside him, the three brothers forming an odd sort of triangle.

"Yea, Leo. You've been kinda out a it. But you're here, ya know- safe." Raphael struggled to get everything out calmly, but Leo didn't seem to hear him.

"I'm… home," his face relaxed slightly, "you're safe." He froze suddenly, startling his brothers, eyes widening at his own words. He jerked away from his brothers, shaking his head in small sharp motions, "No, not safe-sent you away. I-" he clutched his head, "Saki- has to be," he whispered, "can't let…" his barely voiced words were lost as the turtle toppled onto his side, eyes staring his denial.

_Oh, this was bad, he wasn't supposed to make noise, 'I sent them away.', bad things would happen now. Bad hurting things. To everyone. The HimCreatures needed to escape. No more noises, no more, please._

"Leo! Leo, don't you dare do this ta me!"

"Please, Leo, please don't leave!" The voices of his brothers crashed over him but Leonardo was beyond hearing them, his eyes clouding over mere moments before he slid into unconsciousness.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello had holed himself up in his lab, confident that Raphael would keep an eye on Leonardo, and that Leo's presence would prevent Raph from strangling Michelangelo. Sometimes it was hard to have brothers.

His work and musings were rudely interrupted by raised voices in the main room. Mikey and Raph. He should probably get out there before something bad happened. _'Crud. How did Leo handle all of this,'_ he thought despondently, extracting himself laboriously from his piles of reference material and 

wires. He redoubled his efforts when he heard his bright banded brothers calling their eldest's name out in fear. He scrambled forward, half falling as his ankle caught on a trailing wire. He stumbled to the door only to see his father rushing out of his papered sanctuary. Their father _never_ rushed anywhere. This could not be good.

"Leonardo," cried Splinter, falling to his knees beside the prone form of his son.

"He was here, Sensei," Raph said tonelessly, not quite believing it himself, "he was here- and he left. Again." His fists clenched tightly as he bit out the last word.

"I know, my sons, I could feel him," Splinter responded, stroking the side of his eldest son's unresponsive face, "I still do, though he is weak and struggling."

"Can you- bring him back, Sensei?" Mikey asked almost in a whisper.

"I am unsure, my sons. I cannot force him to return, and it- seems as though he is fighting to remain hidden from me. Even now, his presence becomes weaker."

"But surely you can do something, Sensei?- stop him, he wouldn't run from us!" the orange banded turtle was all but wringing his hands.

"That's what e's sayin, shell for brains, Leo don't want us- he don't trust us."

"Leo would never leave us," insisted Mikey somewhat desperately.

"Wait Mike, maybe Raph is right." The whole family turned to regard Donatello with no little surprise. "He doesn't trust us, but this is Leo- he _always _has reasons. And we all know that he _would_ leave us-" he held up his hand to stop Michelangelo's immediate protest, "-if he thought that it would protect us."

"That don't make sense, brainiac. He saw us- he saw were we were an he still let go- you didn't see 'im. He let go," Raph growled roughly, voice breaking slightly.

"I-…I don't know," conceded Don softly.

"Sensei… what _can_ you do?" asked Mikey, his voice shaking slightly.

"I will go and find him, my sons- and if it is possible, I will bring him home."

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A/N: So… comments, feelings, reviews?

Ps-(by the way, I want to thank all you guys who have reviewed but didn't sign in. I'd love to write you back, but you need to leave a return address!- yep, that's all :) –ever, D.R'N.


	25. Chapter 24

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A/N: I missed you guys' reviews like you would not believe! So much, in fact, that I'm posting this early so I can get more! (evil laughter) Seriously though, I really tried to get this chapter right, I hope that you guys enjoy!

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Preparations were quickly made, the younger turtles scrambling through the Lair according to their father's directions. The old rat himself stayed seated, cradling the body of his eldest as he sprawled on the floor of the main room, attempting to calm his mind enough to undertake the task ahead while desperately trying to hold on to the waning spiritual presence that was Leonardo.

Finally all was ready.

"Now, my sons, I am not sure as to the consequences of what I am about to attempt, but I need you promise not to interfere. Not unless your brother's life is in immediate danger." He did not want to, and could not really, send them away, but it was important that Splinter impress upon them the seriousness of the situation. His concentration was not to be distracted.

The turtles responded with short nods, still obviously tense, but splinter trusted their word. Nodding sagely to himself he sat back, resting one paw over his eldest's beating heart while the other remained on his knee, supporting the turtle's head. Splinter took a deep breath of the now incense tinged air and focused on feeling his absent son.

It was not an easy task, even for one who knew the spirits of his sons as well as Splinter did. The trail was as thin and insubstantial as a spider's web, and twice as hard to grasp. It led him through the spiritual plane in a series of mazelike twists, threading through forbidding landscapes and wading through nightmares. It was impossible to tell how long he had been walking, time being extremely relative there in any case, but the ominous surrounding were beginning to grate on his spirit. Something that he could ill afford in this place were the spirit was everything.

But he would not even think of going back. True, he had yet three more sons who still needed him, doubly so now that their leader was absent, but he would not abandon his son- not until he, body _and_ spirit, could not take another step.

With these thoughts in mind he pushed onward with renewed determination- only to drop abruptly into darkness.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Splinter opened his eye to find himself in the Lair, though it took him a moment to identify it as such. A strange fibrous darkness pervaded this reproduction of their home, causing doors to stray from their places and rooms to fade completely. It was a place in turmoil. The only room that did not seem to move was Leonardo's on the second story, so it was there that the old rat directed his steps. In this world of the mind the short flight of stairs bothered him not at all, though his walking stick remained firmly in his hand. After so many years, visualizing himself without it was almost impossible.

Upon reaching the entrance to the eldest's room the rat paused, unconsciously leaning on his cane as he observed his son as he had not for months. Leonardo sat in the center of his room, apparently meditating in front of a single glowing candle. The walls of his room, usually holding maps, scrolls, weapons, and shelves of books were nothing but vague amorphous boundaries. In fact, when Splinter turned to glance back over his shoulder he realized that the rest of the Lair had also disappeared behind him, leaving yet another barrier of shadow barely a foot from where he stood. Watching his eldest it became apparent that Leo himself was responsible for the encroaching darkness, as he frowned almost imperceptibly whenever it receded. Filing all this carefully away in his mind, the old rat took a reassuring breath and stepped into the room.

As soon as his foot crossed the threshold Leonardo's head snapped up, immediately aware of the intrusion into his sanctuary. Even inside his mind his eyes were slightly glazed, looking as though he had forgotten what it was to sleep months ago. Splinter could feel him mustering a defense against the rat, but there was pitifully little power behind it.

"Leonardo, my son, do you not recognize me?" he asked, more to prevent Leo from expending any more energy then out of any true worry for his own.

"… father?" he asked, voice cracking. Even Splinter's sharp ears had to strain to catch his reed thin voice, "What are you…?" He frowned slightly. "It's for the family, you know. I though you would understand. Raph did. He told me. He had to because…because you weren't…" Splinter had very little time to ponder the meanings behind the seemingly jumbled fragments of thoughts, for an edge of realization entered the elder turtle's eyes, "You weren't coming," he said, "This isn't right, this is a trick- I can't- I have to-." He gasped, pulling himself to his feet and setting himself in a parody of his normally graceful defensive stance. Leo clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. When he inhaled Splinter could feel the power his son was gathering against him. It wasn't enough to seriously hurt the old rat, but it was far more then Leo should part with at the moment.

"Leonardo, no-" but it was too late. The darkness curled uncomfortable and cold around Splinter's ankles and he wrapped his tail as close to his legs as possible as the nothing enveloping the Lair surged. The rat allowed the waves trying to push him back and way from his son to break upon him like water upon rock. The attack ended long before the rock Master Splinter had crafted himself as was in any danger of cracking or surrendering to the waves. Leonardo, on the other hand, stumbled and fell as he finished his offensive, though Splinter caught him before he hit the ground. The darkness that Leo had been holding onto so tightly for so long no longer needed the turtle to hold it in place. It ebbed and flowed in a rough circle not a foot from where the two beings now stood. "My son, I know not who you suspect I am, but I have always been and always will be your father. Hear me when I tell you that this will only end in your death."

"No… promised Mikey," the turtle mumbled, seeming to be hanging onto the very edges of rationality.

"And he will be glad to hear that you have kept your promise, but to do so you must listen to me." Leo made no move to lift his head, but the old rat could tell that he was listening. "My son, you are no longer in the hands of the Shredder, you are home, and you are safe… if only you will allow yourself to be." Splinter could tell that the turtle desperately wanted to believe him as Leonardo pressed slightly into the old rat's shoulder.

"Sensei, if- if you are my Sensei, you have to understand. I can't risk it. You, Mikey, Don, and Raph- he wants us all. I can't let him, I won't risk my family. I can't."

Splinter could not think of a single time where he was more proud of his eldest son, and yet he felt an undeniable stinging behind his eyes. These choices were such that should never have had to be made, especially not by a fifteen year old child. He had raised them to this, but he could not quite find it in himself to take pride in such an achievement- though his sons themselves could not bring him greater honor.

He shook off his dark thoughts as Leonardo pulled away from the rat's robes to stand unsteadily on his own feet. His usually tense and ready posture was nonexistent, arms falling limply at his sides, head drooping and knees buckling slightly under the weight of his shell.

"I don't know if I can hold this for very long, so, whoever you are, you should leave. Now." Leo said as the darkness surrounding them surged forward. "It was so hard to call up the forgetting and even more to hold it, but somehow it got so strong, so strong…" The calm, strong tone the turtle had commanded a moment before had broken off into a wandering thought. This was not what the old rat needed. He _needed_ to save his son.

"Leonardo, you must come with me, your brothers are waiting for you, I told them that I would bring you home," Splinter pleaded desperately, willfully ignoring the turtle's previous dismissal. "I am not the Shredder, my son, what can I do to convince you of this fact?" Leo shook his head, looking if possible even wearier than before.

"Please, just go," the turtle asked brokenly. "Even if you aren't the Shredder or one of his own, you could be his drugs finally working or… or my own mind, too cowardly to let me die," he confessed in a whisper. Splinter was appalled to hear even this much of the treatment had under Saki's hand. Drugs? Not that Donatello hadn't guessed as much, but to hear first hand… and then Leonardo's troubling words about his own death. Had not the turtle told him that he was resolved to live? Leonardo's word, his honor, was his life. And yet, would not Leonardo do anything for his family, even break his word to the youngest turtle? Would he? It was a question that Splinter desperately wished not to answer.

"Leonardo, how old am I?" asked the old rat abruptly, his musings on thoughts of his eldest sending him stumbling unexpectedly a possible solution.

"I-… Sensei?" Leonardo questioned, clearly confused by the question.

"I believe I begin to understand the troubles plaguing your mind and spirit, but to put this question of my identity to rest, you need to answer my own question."

"You are- old. Old and wise," he added awkwardly, his reluctance making his Master's lips curled up into something too lacking in humor to be truly called a smile, though it bore no dark thoughts.

"My son, I am not more than a few years older than you and your brothers." Leonardo gazed at Splinter in disbelief and astonishment. "I am a rat, my son, and as such I was old when my Master Yoshi was attacked by the Shredder and so lost his life. Rats do not live long lives and I would have long been dead had I not found you, my sons, and so encountered the ooze that covered you."

"But you are a- great ninja master- Father, I- how?" he floundered slightly, his tired mind unable to grasp this information. Though, in truth, Leonardo would have had a hard time digesting such news no matter the circumstance.

"Perhaps I was never quite 'normal'," conceded Splinter, "It occurs to my mind that most rats would never have been able to mimic my master's moves, but that does not change the fact of my age."

"I never realized- I…" he shook his head, as if trying to clear the fog from his thoughts.

"True, my son, it is not in your nature to think such thoughts." He paused. "Though I know your mind, I assure you that I am not a part of it."

"Saki would never- never- something so simple…" he wheezed, straining as though something was pressing upon his plastron.

"Just so my son," he said, reaching out his hand and trying not to pressure the turtle too strongly. "Now will you trust me? I assure you that I am your father, Leonardo." The turtle's legs shook slightly as he stumbled into the waiting arms of his Sensei and Father.

"Please, father, you have- get out, can't stay here. It is so strong now." Splinter didn't have to ask what he meant: the insidious blackness was quickly gaining ground, straining against the tentative barrier that the turtle was struggling to maintain.

"Come, my son," he said, readjusting his grip on the turtle's shell, "I will be your strength, you can lean on me." The old rat carefully swung them around so that they faced where the door of the Lair waited for them, just beyond the pulsating nothingness. But this was not Splinter's mind and he was wary of just how much force he could exert without unintentionally inflicting harm on the mind of his son. Glancing at his haggard face, Splinter felt that it would not take much. But simply because he could not do this for his son did not mean he was unable to provide the means for Leonardo to do so for himself. Silently the old rat let his power flow through his form, offering it freely to the exhausted turtle. For a moment nothing happened, but then Splinter felt weak hands grasp the offered strength in a tenuous grip.

Slowly a narrow path opened before their feet, the stress of the work clearly showing on Leonardo's face. They shuffled forward slowly, Splinter taking much of his son's weight. In the real world this would have proved difficult for his old body, but here in this place his physical body meant nothing.

"This way, my son, just a few feet further," urged Master Splinter as he felt the confines of the Lair fall behind them and the darkness begin its retreat. His eldest sagged wearily against him as they emerged from the shelter that had almost become Leonardo's tomb. "It is alright, my son," he murmured, stroking soothing circles on the shell of the semiconscious turtle. "Rest as you can. I will lead us on."

Splinter set their feet toward the distant beacon that was his remaining three sons, and followed the slight feeling of tension that connected the old rat to his physical form. Behind them the last battalion of Leonardo's bleared mind collapsed in upon itself, attempting to bury secrets that it no longer possessed.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

It was a nightmarish journey, retreating through the harsh landscapes in which Leonardo had sequestered his being. Holding back the tide and allowing their escape had drained what little strength the turtle still clung to, and soon it was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other, following blindly where his Sensei led him. Even Master Splinter, guided as he was by the concern of the sons he had left behind, began to feel the strain as the not time that existed in this place continued to pass.

He could clearly feel Donatello's concerned observation, Michelangelo's frantic worry, and Raphael's suppressed agitation moments before Leonardo's legs gave out on him and he slid from his father's shoulder to collapse upon the dusty grayness of the ground.

"My son, please, you must gather your strength, your brothers are very close now," begged the old rat, dragging the turtle's head and shoulders to rest in his lap.

"Brothers?" slurred Leo blearily, "they alright?"

"Yes, Leonardo, they are waiting for you," Splinter said, voice catching, "Please, my son, it is not far."

"Not far. Donny. Mike. Raphie. Waiting?"

"Yes, my son, they still wait for you. Please don't give up."

"No, gotta get home. Promised," he agreed, struggling to his feet clumsily. He blinked rapidly, as though trying to clear his vision. Blindly he grabbed for his father's paw and all but pulled them the last few steps into the welcoming light of his brothers' presence.

* * *

A/N: So, reviews anyone? I was trying to be somewhat original, though I'm not sure how well I pulled it off. Please, please tell me what you think…

p.s.- (I got my paper back, finally, and I'm happy to report that all that time was well spent! I got an A!... you know, if you were interested... ;)


	26. Chapter 25

* * *

A/N: Okay, so, as I told some of you, I'm having a little trouble figuring out just how this next section of the story is going to play out. I am getting a handle on it, but that said, I must admit to this chapter being just a little bit filler. But please, still read and enjoy because, in my own unbiased opinion, it's not bad filler!

* * *

The three turtles had been sitting in tense silence for an undeterminable amount of time. Even Michelangelo held himself painfully still, half convinced that if he moved Leo would be lost to them forever. The other half, the one that sounded strangely like Raph, told him he was being stupid again, but he noticed that neither side was advocating a change in position.

For the longest time nothing changed. Master Splinter looked like he was meditating and Leo seemed to only be sleeping, their measured breathing the only sounds in the Lair. Then the breathing changed.

Don was by his oldest brother in a second, trying desperately to ease his breathing without interrupting anything that Master Splinter could be doing.

"What is it, what's wrong with him?" demanded Raph, hovering uncomfortably close behind Don's shell.

"I don't know," cried Donatello in frustration, something he felt was quickly becoming his perpetual state. "His airways seem clear, and there isn't any undue pressure on his plastron…" He paused as Leo's breathing eased slightly. "I think, I think that this is what Master Splinter meant, we can't interfere, we could do more harm than good." He turned his worried face to gaze up at his hot headed older brother. They needed this. If Master Splinter really was their last chance to get their oldest brother back, then they needed to trust him, but Don knew that that this nonaction had a tendency to push Raphael beyond his limits.

"Fine," grunted Raph shortly before spinning on his heel and stalking away. But Donny noted that he didn't go very far. Frowning, Donatello registered an additional absence. He turned and saw that Michelangelo had not moved so much as a muscle throughout the confrontation. Their eyes met briefly and Mikey managed a weak smile. Don shrugged mentally before reaching to carefully take their brother's pulse.

Michelangelo stared nervously as Don did his thing with Leo. He knew that he could move if he wanted. He knew it wouldn't matter, really he did, but he just felt better sitting here, at least he knew that he wouldn't be in the way. He sat and watched as Don compulsively checked Leo the best he could and as Raph paced violently in a tightly contained circle. He watched and waited, trusting in his Sensei and his oldest brother. Slowly his eyes glazed and breathing evened, though part of his mind was still frantic with worry. As he sat he could almost convince himself that he could sense them, wherever they were. It felt like they were getting closer.

Don was vaguely aware of Raph pacing behind him as he carefully watched the two immobile members of his family, though for what he did not know. Suddenly he was distracted by Michelangelo springing up and stumbling forward. The youngest turtle had been sitting in the same position since Master Splinter had first began his meditation- something that would have worried the purple banded turtle under different circumstances.

"Mikey, wha-?"

"It's Leo, dude, he needs our help," he said, tripping over feet that had long ago fallen asleep

"What you talkin' about, shell for brains?" asked Raph, though his seemingly harsh words did not stop him from catching his stumbling younger brother.

"Look at him!" demanded the orange banded turtle with uncharacteristic urgency. Donatello's attention snapped back to their oldest brother and sure enough, his breathing had shallowed out. It wasn't labored, it was more like his body could no longer be troubled to breathe in all the way.

"What the shell do we do, Donny?" asked Raphael, materializing beside the engineer, still lugging the orange banded turtle. No one was more surprised than Michelangelo when the youngest answered instead of the brainiach:

"We need to be here, I think. You know, like to keep him going," he said, shifting around his brothers. He crouched, ignoring the painful feeling of red hot pins in his lower extremities, and gently put a three fingered hand in the middle of Leo's plastron. Hesitantly the two older turtles exchanged glances and followed suit. Immediately there was a shift in the atmosphere of the Lair, a change in the wind, and Leonardo's diaphragm expanded in a breath bordering on a sigh before settling into the measured breathing of the just.

Michelangelo almost giggled with relief while Raphael stared, eyes wide, and Donatello gave his own sigh at the break in tension. Beside them Master Splinter shifted slightly , signaling his return seconds before his eyes opened.

"My sons?" he asked, seeing them gathered so around himself and the turtle he still held in his arms. Before anyone could reply, Mikey jumped slightly as a cool, three fingered hand landed on top of his own.

"Leo?" squeaked Michelangelo in the most undignified way. The oldest turtle smiled tiredly.

"Mikey, Don." He peered up at them, his voice still terribly rough, but undeniably Leo. "You guys alright?"

"That's what we should be askin you, ya stupid shell head," grumbled Raph roughly, blinking his eyes.

"Raphie. Y-you, hothead…" Leo returned with a weak smile.

"Shut up, Fearless, I told you not ta call me that." But if anyone cared to notice, the red banded turtle had yet to remove his hand from Leo's steadily moving plastron. Leo's eyes wandered upward until he could see the old rat, but perhaps not so old, who gazed down at him.

"…Father." His tone held no small amount of wonder. "We're… home, safe." He smiled foggily. "I'm so… glad you're- real." With that his eyes slid closed and he relaxed limply into the arms of his family- causing no small concern in his younger siblings.

"It is all right, my sons, your brother remains with us, but his spirit is weary from a long, hard struggle. Rest may be the best thing at the moment." The turtles were less than happy with these facts but bowed to their Sensei's superior knowledge none the less. Nodding to himself the old rat slowly levered himself up with his walking stick, listing to himself the things that would need to be done now that his eldest son had returned to them. But before he could set off to gather more supplies and put on another pot of tea, he found himself swaying on his already unstable feet.

"Whoa, Sensei, take it easy there," Raphael said, grabbing his father in alarm.

"I am sorry, my son," the rat apologized, "It seems as though these events have taken more out of me than I realized."

"Here, Sensei, why don't you sit down and we'll take care of what needs to be done," Donatello said, ushering their Father to the couch.

"Very well," conceded Splinter, relenting under the pressure of determined green hands, "If you could bring blankets to make your brother comfortable. I feel it would be best if we did not try and move him as of yet."

"Sure thing, Sensei," muttered Raph, moving off with only the slightest hesitation.

"Raph! Bring enough for all of us," called Mikey. "I figure we could maybe do a movie night thing, if that's okay, Sensei," explained the turtle, referring to the nights when they were younger and television more of a novelty. All four would watch movies 'late' into the night and end up piled together on the floor as sleep caught up with them.

"An excellent idea, Michelangelo. I think I too shall remain with you tonight."

"Father," asked Donatello, still kneeling in his spot beside his eldest brother, "will you explain to us what has happened?"

"I shall," he raised a paw at the light that sparked in Michelangelo's eyes, "after we are settled and I have had some tea."

"I'll get it, Sensei!" chirped Mikey, already dashing into the kitchen. Splinter sighed. None of his sons, save Leonardo, could brew a decent cup of tea- but Michelangelo had to be the worst.

For the first time in months he could think such a thought and not feel a burning sense of emptiness in his chest. He smiled, easily feeling the presence of all four of his sons. His reverie was interrupted by the weight of a blanket being dropped around his shoulders. He opened his eyes to see his second eldest taking a step back.

"Thank you, Raphael." The red banded turtle nodded uncomfortably before tossing a blanket to Donatello, and carefully tucking yet another warm piece of cloth around Leo. He couldn't be sure, but his sharp ears thought they heard his eldest mumble something that sounded like a thank you as Raphael settled down beside his brothers. Soon Michelangelo returned with Splinter's tea, which the old rat drank, thankful for its warmth, if not its taste. All his sons lay clustered before the couch, unconsciously surrounding the eldest, placing him between themselves and the comforting presence of their Sensei.

"Please, Master Splinter, will you tell us what happened?" asked Donatello respectfully.

"I shall, my sons, at least that which is mine to tell." And so he did, explaining to his three younger sons what had taken place between himself and Leonardo, omitting only what he felt that his private elder son would rather be kept between themselves. By the time he drew his story to a close, Michelangelo was already breathing deeply, one hand thrown around Leonardo as though he were a giant teddy bear, and the other two were not far behind.

"Makes sense," Donatello mumbled to himself as he burrowed under his covers, "domestic rats only live three to four years… don't understand…why didn't I ever think of that…"

Splinter smiled to himself as he carefully set aside his teacup and clambered out of his own blanket to adjust those of his sons. _'Kids,'_ he thought fondly as he pulled the covers Michelangelo had already kicked off back over the turtle's feet. That done he hobbled back to the couch and his own nest of blankets. As he drifted off he luxuriated in the feeling of having all of his sons with him again. It had been too long since their odd little family was complete.

* * *

A/N: Please drop off some comments/reviews/thoughts/ if you have some extra time. I know there wasn't really much Leo (the other guys really hijacked the chapter after the first two sentences. Seriously.) but I'm hoping that the next chapter will take care of that. Anyways, I'll see you then- D.R'N.


	27. Chapter 26

* * *

A/N: I feel that I must apologize profusely for the lateness of this chapter, but I've had a bad case of writers block lately that I am just now getting over. I'm afraid that you may be in for a little more fillerish stuff as I get back on my feet- but I'm writing!

* * *

He was aware of being warm and comfortable despite the prevailing ache that seemed to have infested his body. He hadn't felt this way in… a long time. And there was something else, something he had forgotten…

He cracked his eyes open and blinked dumbly at the red and green blur until it crystallized into an understandable image. He stared a few more seconds until it occurred to him that he was staring at Raphael. His brother. But where was he? He remembered fighting so very hard against Saki and the memories that the Foot Leader had been attempting to extract, and then, Master Splinter? _'Does that mean…?_' he reached out to touch the sleeping turtle, to reassure himself that he was not just an apparition, but his hand jerked to a sudden stop- he was being restrained. _'Restraints? My family wouldn't- something is wrong!,'_ he thought frantically, _'what if- if… I don't know if I_ can _forget again.'_

Reluctant to have any confirmation of his fears, he slowly turned his head- to see his youngest sibling firmly wrapped around his right arm. As his heart rate calmed and his breathing returned to normal he managed a shaky smile for his still sleeping brother. He tried to extract his arm from MIkey's death grip but stopped when sharp twinges of pain shot down his arm, across his shoulder, and down his chest. _'I think, that I won't do that again,'_ he thought with a wince. He moved his other arm slowly and with much more caution. He was very relieved to find that it moved without undue pain, though it felt very stiff, as though it hadn't been used in quite some time. Pushing that thought aside for the moment he used his free hand to explore his shoulder and then his chest, which felt inexplicably heavy. He was surprised at the amount of scars he found. Being the ninja that he was no one would ever have accused him of having smooth skin, but this… He wasn't a vain turtle, but he tried not to think how much more of a monster he would now appear to outsiders. _'It doesn't matter, not as long as they are safe. They are _all _that matters_,'he told himself firmly, listening to his two younger brothers snore slightly in their sleep.

"Leo? Are you- awake?" asked a hesitant voice just out of his visual range. He twisted his body around slightly, ignoring the twinge and increased pressure on his plastron. He stared blankly at the turtle addressing him until his mind slowly dredged up the information he needed.

"Donny?" questioned the prone turtle. Donatello gave a small cry of relief as he rushed over and fell down beside his eldest brother.

"Are you okay? How do you feel? Does anything hurt? I tried my best but it was hard when you couldn't tell me anything. Is there anything you need?" babbled Donny in a rush, his carefully controlled and detached scientific persona crumbling. _'Leo is back, everything will be okay now.'_

Leonardo did not understand the feeling that came over him when Donatello started talking. There was a clenching in his chest that had nothing to do with his injuries. '_What?'_ thought Leonardo desperately. A hand was laid on his uninjured shoulder. Determinately Leo pushed away his sudden fear and focused on the slight pressure on his skin. It was then that he realized that his eyes had closed. He cracked them open once more to see the concerned face of his purple banded brother staring down at him. He attempted a reassuring smile as he collected himself.

"I'm fine, Don," he said, or tried to say. Instead a mangled sound issued from his mouth and it felt like someone had taken a sand blaster to his vocal cords.

"Hold on a second, bro," Donatello said, disappearing from Leo's line of sight. Leo found that he really didn't like losing sight of his brothers even for a moment, and he unconsciously pulled his Mikey entangled arm closer to his body. "Here, bro," said Don, reappearing with a glass of water. "Take a sip of this, okay." Leo managed a nod and carefully took the glass as the younger turtle helped him sit up. He glanced around and found himself sitting in the family's small entertainment area off the main room. He had been laying in front of the couch, sandwiched between Raphael and Mikey. It looked as though Splinter was still sleeping on the couch and by the rumpled bedding at his feet, he would guess that that was where Donatello had spent the night.

His thoughts were shaken back to the present when Donatello gently nudged the hand that held his glass closer to the turtle's face. Leo swallowed dryly, suddenly eager to taste the cool water in the glass. Unfortunately his hand seemed confused as to what he wanted it to do. Half of the water ended up in his mouth while the rest splashed over his face, down his plastron, and onto the still sleeping form of Raphael.

Leo cursed himself silently and was trying his hardest to keep a grip on the glass when Raph abruptly sat up, sputtering from the brief shower of chilled water.

"What the shell was that for?" he roared jumping to his feet, fully awake, but not yet aware. Master Splinter was immediately awakened by the outburst, and even Michelangelo groaned, finding his way to consciousness much more slowly.

Leonardo started violently as towering and enraged Raphael bellowed, losing his battle to hold onto the cup that had previously held his water. It shattered as it hit the ground, drawing everyone's attention, even the now damp Raphael.

"Leo?" he gaped, staring at his older brother.

"Hey, Raphie," managed Leo, grinning lopsidedly.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo had been sleeping soundly, wrapped up in a dream where it was his birthday and April had brought the most hugest cake the turtle had _ever_ seen. There was a huge pile of presents all wrapped in different colors with orange bows, but he couldn't open them till after Leo got home. Master Splinter had been trying to swipe the frosting from the cake while April kept him away by brandishing a fly swatter. Casey was detailing how to make the perfect frosting to Donatello who was explaining that they really didn't have to worry about how late Leo was because technically it would take him so long to get there and so long to do stuff and so long to get back and so he wasn't _really_ late anyway. Raph just paced back and forth in front of the door, completely ignoring everyone, especially Mikey who was trying to get the older turtle to tell him just where Leo had gone in the first place. He was getting really miffed, because wasn't it _his_ birthday? No one should ignore him on his birthday! Then the door was kicked open in a flurry of snow, and there was Leo, smiling over an armful of papers.

"It's about time you got back," grunted Raphael as he went to close the suddenly wooden door of the Lair before any more snow and cold air could get in.

"Sorry, but it took me forever to find these, and the lines at the checkout went slower than any turtle I've ever met. Here, Mike, these are for you," he said, handing Mikey a stack of Justice Force comics- all the ones that were coming out in the next three years.

"Dude, these are awesome! Is this for my birthday?" asked the youngest turtle, excitedly flipping through titles.

"No, I just thought I'd pick them up on my way back from the Shredder's," he replied. "Beside's your birthday isn't for months yet." Michelangelo glanced back at the pile of presents and saw that they all had blue bows. _'Duh! It's Leo's birthday. How could I forget?'_ he asked himself, silently shaking his head at his own foolishness.

"And how is Saki this day, my son?" Master splinter inquired, now using April's flyswatter for a cane.

"About the same as always," responded Leonardo shrugging. Mikey was already bored of the conversation. Instead he ran to the pile and pulled out an orange package with a blue bow that he figured must have been from him, though he couldn't remember what he had bought.

"Open mine first, Leo!" he crowed.

"No way, Fearless, mine first," Raph growled, elbowing forward, holding a red box topped with the ever present blue bow. He glared at Mikey and took a menacing step forward. The younger turtle immediately let out a strangled 'meep!' and dove behind the comforting presence of his eldest brother, clutching his arm for protection.

"Hey, guys," said Leo in his very recognizable 'let's not fight' voice, "Why don't I open them both at once?"

"An excellent idea, my son," commented Splinter around a mouthful of orange cake with blue frosting.

"Yeah, and mine next," added Don. April and Casey didn't say anything _'because we haven't met them yet,'_ concluded Mikey sagely.

"What the shell was that for," roared Raphael suddenly and very loudly.

'_What?'_ thought Michelangelo, suddenly confused. Something was very off here. Then Leo's arm was being tugged out of his grip. _'No! Leo just got back!'_ he thought desperately. "I wanna wake up now!" he sobbed, realizing that it was all just a dream.

"Why did you not say so, my son?" asked Master Splinter as the world dissolved around the youngest turtle.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo heard the shattering of glass far away as he groaned, dragging himself through the enveloping layers of sleep and into consciousness. He finally opened his eyes to see their leader and his oldest brother smiling above him.

"Happy birthday, dude, glad you got back before Master Splinter ate all the frosting," he mumbled, drawing the attention of the rest of his family.

"Um, thanks, Mikey," croaked Leo. Mikey couldn't really understand the older turtle too well, but he took comfort in the vibrations that traveled through his brother's chest. He smiled sleepily as Leonardo placed an indulging hand on his head. _'Man, it's been awhile since we've all been together,'_ he thought, closing his eyes again, _'And Raph was worried. Pfh… No. Wait.'_ He sat up sharply, nearly taking off Leonardo's chin with his skull.

"Leo! You're awake!" he all but shouted, wrapping his arms carefully around the injured turtle.

"Yea, Mikey," replied Donatello for all of them, "which is more then we could say for you! Now watch out for that glass- the last thing I need is to have to sew someone up tonight. Hold on while I get something to clean this up."

"Nah. I got it. Don, you stick by Fearless and Sleeping Beautiful there," Raph said before turning and heading out to the kitchen. Leo followed the red banded turtle with his eyes, once again feeling some anxiety as his one of his brother's left his sight.

"He really was worried, you know," Said Donatello, drawing Leo's attention back to them.

"We all were, my son," added Master Splinter. Leonardo nodded, looking down at the sparkling shards of glass scattered beside him. Part of him couldn't believe it, he was back. He had meant to return, promised that he would try, planed and hoped for it- but he really had believed that this time…this time…

Raphael's return broke through the turtle's meandering thoughts as he realized that he would be in the way when the actual clean up process began. He was embarrassed enough that Raph had startled him into making such a mess in the first place, he didn't want to cause any more trouble. He tried to move away from the area, but he found that his muscles didn't comply with his wishes and his limbs were shaky. He ground his teeth in frustration, but realized that his recent… experiences had taken a lot more out of him than he wanted to admit.

"Don, help me up," he said as clearly as he could manage. Donatello's brows drew together for a moment before he too realized that it would be difficult to clean up the mess if Leo was sitting in the middle of it.

"No problem, just watch out for any stray glass, alright?" Don said as he slid an arm around Leonardo's uninjured shoulder and hoisted him carefully off the ground. Leo grimaced as the motion pulled painfully at his plastron and at the general stiffness in his limbs. Luckly it wasn't far to the couch, where he happily collapsed into cushions that still bore the slightly musty sent of his father from the night before.

"Do you think that you can eat something, Leo?" asked Donatello, hovering nervously around the couch. Leo considered the suggestion. In truth, the thought of food made his stomach clench uncomfortably, but he nodded his assent anyway. Don looked like he really needed something to do, and besides, he wouldn't ask the older turtle to eat anything unreasonable. It wasn't like giving Mikey free reign.

Speaking of whom, the youngest turtle was still sitting on the floor, thankfully out of Raphael's way as he finished collecting the scattered glass and splattered water. The look in his orange framed eyes brought to many uncomfortable memories of his time in the Shredder's care, memories that he didn't wish to be reminded of- He just wanted to be here, right now, with his family. Gently he patted the seat next to him on the couch, and couldn't help smiling as his little brother's eyes lit up.

Raph returned from the kitchen, trailed by Donatello bearing a simple bowl of broth and noodles, to find Michelangelo sitting so close to Leo that he may as well have been a part of his plastron. Master Splinter had once again taken up residence in his usual armchair where he could keep an eye on both of his children. Leo quickly glanced up as they entered, but returned his attention to Michelangelo, muttering a few words that they could not make out. Mikey gave an expansive sigh but quickly made room for Leo's meal and the other turtles. The couch could really only fit three of them before getting crowded so Raph claimed one of the arms _' Before Leo does somthin' stupid like offer ta sit on the floor,'_ he muttered silently.

Leo stared apprehensively at the bowl of soup that Donny had set out on the tv tray in front of him. He knew that it had probably just come out of a can- Don usually wasn't up for much more than that- but Leonardo still felt as though he owed his brother to eat it, no matter what his stomach was trying to say. He picked up the spoon, consciously forcing his fingers to be steady enough to get the soup to his mouth without requiring aid. He swallowed carefully, but was pleasantly surprised when the soup not only soothed some of the pain in his throat but made him want to eat more. He was actually hungry, and this tasted so good, like he hadn't eaten in… he didn't even know.

Don and Mikey smiled as Leo dug into his soup, Raphael rolled his eyes and Master Splinter nodded contentedly. After a few seconds of silence Leonardo slowed and glanced at the seated figure of Michelangelo beside him. He hesitated slightly, but finally asked:

"Mikey, would you tell me a story?" His voice sounded better than it had before he had eaten the soup, but Michelangelo still leaned in and felt the need for clarification.

"A story? From me? Are you sure, we could turn on the tv if you'd rather." The eldest turtle shook his head.

"Please."

"Hey, no problem, bro!" replied the youngest turtle eagerly, "In fact, I thought of one while you were gone and, like, totally had no one to tell it to," Leo smiled as he lifted his spoon once more, listening to the opening liens of Mikey's story and watching as Donatello and Raphael were pulled in inspite of themselves. _'See, Mikey,'_ he thought to himself, _'I'll always be here to listen.'_

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A/N:remember what I said awhile back, about Mikey being the most mindful when writing? Well I take it back. Making me include his dreams, really…grummblegrummble

Anyway, I'd love any reviews you guys feel like sending!


	28. Chapter 27

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A/N: Hey guys! It's my birthday, and so, in true Hobbit tradition, I have decided to give you guys a present- I hope that you enjoy! (this isn't edited though, so there is a possibility that it may change slightly later and is now so changed!)

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It was good to have Leo back, better than any of the turtles could possibly express, and yet it was strange as well. Not strange because they had gotten use to him being gone, never that, but rather strange because he wasn't quite the same turtle he had been before. It had been a few days and though Leo was now speaking much easier, he had yet to say a word of what had happened while he had been held by the Shredder or anything of the time he spent apparently in his own mind. Not that his family were all that tempted to bring the subject up themselves, but they did notice .

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello kept waiting for Leonardo to insist that he be allowed to begin training once more, but he had yet to even inquire about the whereabouts of his weapons. On principle, Donatello did not believe in looking a gifthorse in the mouth, but it was odd. The only explanation that he could think of was that their older brother was in far more pain than he let on. He watched Leo carefully, hanging around as unobtrusively as he could, though, honestly, stealth had never been his strong point. Luckily for Don, Leo either did not notice, or chose not to comment. No doubt the later. Unfortunately his efforts failed to turn up any new data.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo noticed that Leo wasn't being as 'up and go' as usual. It sort of reminded him of the weird mood his oldest bro had fallen into out at Casey's grandma's farm- but it was different too. Leo wasn't depressed or anything. In fact he seemed to be really happy to be back and listened as the youngest filled his ears with a Mikey-ized take on what took place while Leo was absent, physically or mentally. This slightly biased version of events, most notably neglecting to mention Leonardo or Michelangelo's more embarrassing moments, while highlighting those of the rest of the family. Especially Raphael's . Mikey's imitation of Raph tearing up the Lair looking for Leo almost had the eldest turtle in tears, though afterwards it was decided that laughing that hard was probably a bad idea at the moment.

He even listened _without complaint_ when Mikey read him his Justice Force comics, complete with voices and sound effects, _and_ while he explained the convoluted plots of the Turtle Titan's own slightly bizarre and whimsical tales. Heck, he had even consented to play some video games with the youngest turtle, though Leonardo lost even more spectacularly than his usual dismal showing.

'_He just wants some down time,'_ Mikey tried to tell himself, _'Shell, look at the guy! If anyone deserves a break, it's Leo.'_ But even as he thought that an insidious voice was whispering, asking him if maybe it wasn't more than that. He tried not to think about how clumsy Leonardo's hands had been on the controller, or how the turtle who practically lived and breathed ninjisu hadn't so much as tried a katka. But most of all he tried to convince himself that Leo would tell them if something was _really_ wrong, that if Leo couldn't fight anymore he would tell them, that he wouldn't just pretend everything was fine. _'Not that anything _is_ wrong, of course,' _he amended hastily, _'everyone needs a break, even Leo. Yeah, that's it,'_ he concluded before unconsciously curling closer to where his brother sat.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raph was keeping busy. Honestly, he liked it better that way. It meant that less stuff got broke, and he figured that Don and Mike would be better for Leo right now anyway. He was no good at that touchy feely stuff.

Instead he ran perimeter checks for Donatello, though he still stuck to the tunnels around the Lair, and ferried news and supplies between the Lair and the warehouse where he would meet with April and Casey.

The turtles had told their human friends the good news after everyone had settled down a bit the day after Master Splinter had retrieved their Fearless Leader. But April and Don, after a hushed bout of gobeilty gook, had decided to wait a bit before showing up at the Lair. Raphael didn't really get all their reasons, but he trusted their two brains to do what was best by his older brother, and just shrugged at Casey's puzzled look.

All that wasn't to say that he didn't keep an eye on 'Fearless', and he _definitely_ noticed how strangely he was acting. Splinter Jr. not train? Was the world ending? The red banded turtle also noticed that Mikey was the only brother who seemed to be talking. He didn't think that Leo had said word one about what had happened when the Shredder had him. Raph wasn't big on the talking and 'sharing feelings' crap-and he knew that Donny would have some nice, impressive sounding words for it- but even _he_ figured that you really should do _some_ talking after something like that. Especially Leo.

Of course, Leo could have talked to Master Splinter. Could have. So Raph just watched. He would have his leader's back.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo gingerly rolled over on his pallet and huffed out a sigh. He had spent a few days on the couch before moving back into his room. According to Michelangelo, he been wandering around the Lair for weeks, apparently sneaking off whenever Raph was supposed to be watching him, but the oldest had no idea how he had managed it. His muscles had been killing him, stiff and sore, though they worked down to an ignorable level pretty quickly. Even his hands were getting better at doing what he told them. Honestly, he had been more than a little worried. Even now, below the leather wristbands they all wore, deep scars from the restraints circled his hands.

What truly still plagued him was his plastron. It was tender were the flesh showed through the plating, and there was an uncomfortable shifting in his chest whenever he put pressure on it. He had gone as far as to ask Donatello about the feeling, even with the engineer being in full mother hen mode. Unfortunately there hadn't been much that Don could do. He offered Leo some more pain pills, which he politely declined, and said to keep the area as clean as a life in the sewer could possibly allow. Then Don had asked him if he remembered how it had happened.

"Shredder's foot," he had replied, more shortly than he had intended. It wasn't until later that he realized that Don probably hadn't considered that he was being literal.

Leonardo sighed as he shifted position yet again, _'That's right, My plastron. That's what's bothering me.'_ He ignored the sarcasm of his inner voice as he finally found sleep.

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A/N: Poor turtles, it seems that I live to cause them turmoil, even on my birthday! Still, I am eager to put this arc behind me so I will update as soon as possible. (and don't worry, I'm going to get review reply out to all you guys who dropped a line last chapter- I haven't forgotten, I just wanted to get this out today and I have only a half hour to go!)

In the mean time, I cannot think of a better present then a review! Please drop one off if you have time!


	29. Chapter 28

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A/N: I try to keep my stories pretty free of disturbing images, but this chapter has a bit of blood and stuff... sorry…

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The weight on his plastron forced the blue banded turtle into consciousness. His head rested on his arms as he stretched out on his bed, at least he thought so until he realized that his bed was no longer beneath him. He opened his eyes but he could not see anything. _'The candle must have gone out,'_ he thought, ignoring the fact that he could no longer move his hands. He struggled briefly before he heard the swish of fabric across a hard floor.

"Sensei?" he called shakily, but hopefully into the darkness.

"Not quite." The slightly echoing voice was dripping with menace and sounded far too familiar. "But, if you are feeling lonely, I will gladly provide you with some company." A spotlight flicked on in the darkness, illuminating three still forms. The brightness blinded him for a moment, but he already knew what he would see. Somehow even that failed to prepare him for the reality.

He tried not to look, but found that he was unable to tear his eyes away. Raphael was gutted, his plastron cracked down the center and torn open. Donatello was in pieces, a biologist's crowning achievement. And Michelangelo, his baby brother, was missing an arm- his eyes still struggling to retain their focus even as his heart betrayed him by continuing to force blood through severed veins.

Leonardo stared blankly at the horrible tableau. Those were his brothers: they shouldn't be there. He was supposed to protect them, shield them. They shouldn't-

"Leo…" whispered Michelangelo weakly, desperately, before his trembling arm gave out and pale face hit the ground with a sickening splash.

"Mikey!" screamed the Eldest Turtle, struggling to reach what remained of his brothers. But the air was thick with the smell of sweat, blood, and death- and it seemed to press in on him, forcing him to fight for each step that he took. A hollow laugh surrounded him as he drove desperately forward,

"It seems as though you find your tongue only after I no longer require it, reptile. Sill, you have served your purpose." The darkness mocked him as he searched desperately for his enemy. Instead a bundle of russet and grey was tossed into the light." Your pathetic family is no more."

"Master Splinter!" he cried breathlessly. The pile twitched, causing his heart to leap in both hope and terror- someone was still alive. He could still save them, if only he was strong enough.

He redoubled his efforts, striving forward even as black clad figures struck out from the darkness, impacting his legs, his arms, his plastron, trying to drag him down, to stop him.

"Mikey, hold on, we'll get Master Splinter out of here, it'll be all right. We'll come back for Raph and Don, you'll see," he panted, rambling desperately as he dragged himself forward. Suddenly the light glinted off of ridged armor as his tormenter stepped into the illuminated area around his family. He raised his sword-

"Michelangelo! Sensei!" he screamed in despair, knowing that they would not be able to move, and he could not reach them, "Shredder, no!"

But it was too late.

He collapsed as the black figures retreated, giving him a clear view of his worst nightmare. He screwed his eyes tightly against the tears that his enemies were not worthy to see.

If only he could wake up.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"Leonardo." A voice came from behind him to his right, but the turtle did not, could not, react. Besides, he knew that all of his enemies had gone, robbing him even of revenge.

A hand fell heavily onto his shoulder, but he could not bring himself to bother looking at it. If, somehow, one of Saki's minions had returned, he hoped that it would be over quickly. He watched as blood seeped from the broken bodies so carelessly piled together. He should do something about that. It wasn't right to leave them as they were. They deserved better, so much better. He had tried his best to protect them, and yet somehow it wasn't enough. What did that say about him?

"Leo, I need you ta look at me, bro," the almost forgotten voice admonished again. It wasn't the command in the voice, but rather the use of the diminutive that prodded the turtle into motion. He swung his head around, and for a brief moment his heart lifted in impossible joy before settling back onto the blood soaked ground.

"You're not real," he informed the red banded turtle kneeling beside him. Raphael looked vaguely offended, but quickly sobered as he gazed at the corpses.

"Maybe not, bro, but neither are they." Leonardo stared at him, then breathed in the unmistakable odor of copper and carnage, sensations he was far too familiar with, and felt the disgusting still warm wetness as the creeping red liquid finally reached him. He ground his knees into the rough surface of the ground. He didn't know- he didn't _want_ this to be real.

"It ain't real," Raph reiterated, sliding an arm around the other turtle's shoulders, "Saki ain't done that to them and he ain't done it to you, though not for lack of tryin." Leonardo almost collapsed in relief as the action registered. Raph,_ this_ Raph, had his arm around him. He had put his hand on his shoulder. This couldn't be real.

"Thank God," he whispered, slumping slightly against his not-Raph.

"Yeah," muttered Raph, gently tugging Leo's arms out of their invisible restraints "but that ain't all I came here for. It ain't like you to run, Fearless."

"I'm not fearless, Raph," Leonardo said softly, turning his face away.

"Yeah, I know, but it still ain't like you."

"I'm not running."

"Shell if ya ain't!" growled the larger turtle in frustration.

"Language, " Leo murmured absently, eyes drifting once again to the carnage before him and shivering- real or not.

"You have to tell them, Leo," Raph said after a moment, following Leonardo's gaze.

"I don't remember a lot of it, and they don't need to hear what I do."

"That's shell, Leo, and you know it," said Raph, conveniently forgetting his earlier reprimand, "they _do _need to know, and you _need_ ta tell them. You can't avoid this by claimin 'protection'."

"You were there. You could tell them," suggested Leo dully and without real hope.

"Trust me, bro, you do _not_ want to open that can a worms. Things are complicated enough as is. Besides, you sent us away for the last bit, didn't ya?"

"It was your idea…"

"Naw, but I knew ya could do it." Leo shook his head, but otherwise did not disagree. Instead drew in a deep, shaky breath.

"I can't leave them here like this." Raph glanced at the bodies,

"I'll take care a them for you," he promised solemnly.

"Thanks Raph," he murmured, staring once more at the horrible sight as it faded away, hopefully forever.

* * *

A/N: Sorry again, I hope that wasn't too bad.These next few chapters should come up pretty quickly though. I know that they are short, but I had to divide them up somehow… Please drop a review, time permitting.

(Oh! I really wanted to tell you guys: I got a new cat recently and I decided to name it Usagi. It's adorable with huge ears, a solemn face, and rabit-soft fur. It also happens to be black, but I find that rather ironically satisfying. I figured that you would appreciate it. My family, bless them, accept my choice of name, but don't really understand it… Anyways, till next time-D.R'N.)


	30. Chapter 29

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A/N: a bit of a back track, but bear with me. Read, relax, and enjoy!

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Raphael was usually a heavy sleeper. Usually nothing could wake him up and nobody was thick enough to try. Usually.

But his sleeping schedule had been turned completely on its shell the last few months and he was having a hard time getting back into the routine. That's why he was wandering around in the middle of the night. He was thinking about going down and beating another punching bag into submission, but found himself pausing in front of Leo's room. Something wasn't right. He nudged open his oldest brother's door to find their Fearless Leader thrashing in the hold of what had to be a nightmare, his struggles accented by the flickering light of a single candle.

Leonardo had slid out of his bed and onto the floor, though somehow he had gotten his hands tangled in the sheets. It was a good thing that Leo did not use a bed frame, Raph cringed away from imagining the bunk bed that Donatello slept in.

He knelt beside his older brother, unsure of what to do. He really wasn't the best turtle for this. Whenever his brothers, usually Mikey, ever had a nightmare, well… Leo handled it. _'Just perfect,'_ Raph grumbled irritably as his conscience chose to point the fact out.

"…Mikey…back for … you'll see…" Raph could just make out a few words of Leonardo's sleeping rambles, but he was forcefully distracted as his older Brother's struggles finally upset the candle that had been illuminating the room. Raphael used all of the speed that his ninja training had imparted to him, snatching the flame away from his brother's cloth enshrouded limbs before the bedding could get more than scorched. He sat for a second, staring dumbly at the still flickering wick, trying not to imagine what could have happened, if he hadn't have been here…

"…elangelo, Sensei," Raphael carefully set the candle down, safely out of reach, half listening and more than half ready to go wake up Donatello who was sleeping in the next room, "Shredder, no!" Leonardo cried, suddenly and clearly. Raphael had been expecting something like that, but what he hadn't been expecting was for Leo to collapse limply against his mattress.

Raph was beside his brother in a second, terrible scenarios running through his mind. Was he hurt, was this a relapse, could Raph have done something?

"Leo?" he asked putting a hand on the other turtle's shoulder, hoping that he would snap his older brother out of it. Instead Leonardo's head just rolled forward in an alarming manner. His callused fingers stumbled as he scrambled to find a pulse. He almost collapsed when he finally found the vein. There it was, maybe a little fast, but he supposed that only made sense. He'd have to ask Don later.

"Leo, please wake up. Leo, I need ya ta look at me, bro," he pleaded, but he got no response. He was about to give up and go for help when Leo shifted slightly.

"You're not real." Raphael was shocked _'What the shell does he mean by that?'_ the confused turtle thought, frowning.

"I'm real Leo, ya-you just had a nightmare or somthin. Just open yer eyes, bro."

"Thank God," sighed Leonardo, sliding down against Raphael's supporting arm. Raphael grunted as he went to work freeing his brother from the twisted sheets. He knew something about dreams that were too real.

"You know I'm not Fearless, Raph." Leo mumbled suddenly, seemingly at random.

"I-"Raph stopped abruptly, processing the sentence. He knew that his brother was never enamored with his nickname, he even knew that it was not entirely true. But for Fea- Leo to say something? It didn't add up, _'Sides,_ I_ didn't even say nothing,'_ he grumbled in confusion.

"I'm not running," Leo muttered even more quietly, his head drifting into the red banded turtle's shoulder.

"What the shell are ya talkin about, Leo?" asked Raph, finding his voice as alarm crept up his spine. Had Leo hurt himself? He vividly recalled when Donatello had started spouting random nonsense of the non scientific kind. He had been hit hard by one of the PD's, a lucky shot, but he still ended up with an impressively concussed head. He had scared the shells off of his brother's though and Raph decided that, on the whole, he'd rather bet the one in trouble than the one worrying. Unfortunately, he was worrying now, and Leo was sounding a lot like Donny had.

"Language," Leo said, seemingly disinterested, "I don't remember a lot of it, and they don't need to hear what I do."

"Leo," growled Raphael, making a conscious effort to soften his tone, "what don't ya remember?"

"I don't think he's awake, Raph," came a voice from the door way. Donatello stepped forward slightly into the room, he looked tired and slightly strange with his mask dangling from one hand and his staff clutched in the other.

Donatello wasn't really what would be called a light sleeper: he didn't wake up if the cockroaches deviated from their normal paths, but neither did he sleep like a volcano or a log, all habits to which he could assign to respective siblings. But, his room was right next to Leo's and he definitely heard his brother's choked yell. He hadn't known if there was a real danger, possible but improbable considering all the alarms he had rigged around the lair, but he grabbed both his mask and his bo as he stumbled out of bed. As he approached the open door of Leo's room he realized that two people were speaking inside. He paused outside of the doorframe when he recognized the voice of Raphael, and then a moment later, the more quiet tones of Leonardo. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop or intrude, not if Raph and Leo were actually _talking_, but he had wanted to make sure that everything was alright before going back to bed. As he lingered to make out words, however, he quickly realized that something was very off. Leo wasn't talking quite _right_- like when Raph got hit a little too hard for even his legendary skull, or like the time Don had come out of his lab to find Mikey watching static and eating a sloppily constructed pickle and peanut butter sandwich. Michelangelo had eventually made his way back up to his room and the next day he had loudly complained about the state of the kitchen.

"Wadya mean? He's talkin ta me, ain't he?" Raph asked even as he tried to twist around and get a good look at the turtle still leaning against him. Leo mumbled something, maybe in response to his movements and maybe not, but his slurred words lended further credence to Donatello's theory.

Don set both staff and mask on the floor as he came further into the room, helping to slide Leonardo off of the red banded turtle's arm.

"See, Raph, his eyes are closed. If he was responding to you at all, I'd say that it was a form of sleepwalking."

"Yeah, okay, brainiach," Raph conceded, "but what are we supposed ta do now, can we wake him up?"

"I don't think we should, not unless we have better cause to." Raph nodded his consent, glancing around, suddenly feeling a bit out of place. "Want to help me get him back on the bed?" asked Donatello, "He'll end up with a sore neck if we leave him down here."

Together the two brothers slid the eldest turtle back onto his pallet. They sat in silence for a moment before Raph spoke up:

"He was having a nightmare or something."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Do ya- Do you hear it a lot?" asked Raph, suddenly finding his toes very interesting. Donatello took a deep breath and thought for a moment before confessing:

"Sometimes." Raph was silent, frowning in concentration.

"Raph?" That wasn't Donny's voice. "Don?"

"Leo?" The younger turtles returned almost simultaneously. Leonardo carefully levered himself up using Raphael's shoulder. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and stared searchingly ay the two interlopers sitting on his bed. Then he leaned forward and deliberately placed a hand on each of their plastrons.

"Good," he said, sighing and letting his eyes close. Donny and Raph exchanged looks.

"Leo, you okay?" asked Donatello.

"I will be," he responded firmly. "This may sound strange, but will you- will you please go check on Sensei and Mikey? I just-"

"It's no problem, Leo," Donatello was quick to assure.

"You sure, uh, you're gona- be okay," asked Raph shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Yes, please, just check on them," said Leo with a surprising absence of impatience or exasperation. "I… I think that, I have a lot to tell you all- but it can wait till morning. Just-" He waved weakly with one hand, the other unconsciously clutching his sheet. Both younger turtles nodded and swiftly slid out of the room, and, regardless of nightmares and ominous talks, they both felt inexplicably lighter than they had in what seemed like a long, long time.

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A/N:Please leave a review, if you guys have time!


	31. Chapter 30

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A/N:Okay, I just want to say that this chapter was not my idea. I sent the guys off to check on the rest of the family and then go back to bed, no fuss or muss. Instead I got this chapter.

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Leonardo lay tensely on his bed as his brothers left. He knew that his brothers would find the remainder of his family safe in their beds. The worst that would happen was that Master Splinter would be woken from his rest for no reason. He was pretty sure that _nothing_ could wake Michelangelo before the youngest turtle wanted to wake up, but even Leo had trouble looking in on their Sensei without disturbing him. But… it had been so real, he _had_ to know.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raphael walked into their baby brother's room, only to stifle a curse as he trod on something uncomfortably hard and pointed. He angrily swiped the ground in front of him and came back up with a Justice Force doll, the guy with the pointy hair, no less. As much as Raph wanted to break the thing apart and throw the pieces against the wall, he was glad to see that the bit of plastic was unbent. The only thing worse then stepping on one of Mikey's precious 'action figures' was stepping on one and then having to listen to Michelangelo complain about it.

Honestly, he wasn't even sure what he was doing in here. After all, he could hear Mikey snore just standing in the door way. With the door closed. But, somehow, he knew that Leo wouldn't be able to rest securely without a more thorough report. So he shuffled through the accumulated backlog of old sketches, random papers , candy wrappers, and an assortment of toys, careful not to lift his feet too far off of the floor, but also careful not to slip on the sometimes smooth stone. He stood as close to the bed as he safely could, just able to make out his brother's face in the soft light of the turtle shaped nightlight. _'Heh, I 'member when we found that for 'im,'_ thought Raphael fondly, a rare smile stealing over his face. Then he noticed that a crude blue mask had been drawn onto the smooth plastic, and he was abruptly reminded of the reason he entered the room to begin with.

Michelangelo was curled up on his bed in the nest of blankets that the turtle claimed as his bedding. Raph honestly didn't understand how the younger turtle managed to keep that position, what with their shells being how they were, especially considering how much trouble Michelangelo had keeping the positions that _Master Splinter_ assigned. Raphael sighed, he supposed that that was Michelangelo all over again.

The younger turtle seemed to sense the presence of his older brother, also something that Michelangelo had trouble with when their Sensei _asked_ them to. He turned over to face Raphael, only to throw an arm over his head. Raphael smirked. _'Yep, that's Mike, just fine an same as ever.'_

As quietly as he could he made his way back through the sea of debris and shut the door behind him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello lingered nervously in front of the paper screen doors. He didn't make a habit of walking in on his Sensei unannounced. Usually Leonardo would fetch their father if the old rat was meditating and hadn't already sensed the disturbance, or was taking a nap. True, the others were not forbidden to enter the room, and Splinter had always encouraged his sons to feel free in coming to him whenever they so needed him, but for some reason it had taken on the form of an unwritten rule... He shook himself out of such thoughts. He had interrupted his master before, though always in the face of some dire, or imagined so, emergency. Besides, he was going to try his best not to wake his master at all. _'Like _that_ will ever happen,'_ he thought with a good amount of self depreciation. Stealth, after all, had never been his strong point.

He slid the door open, half expecting to see his father waiting for him on the other side. Instead he was met with the familiar low table, parchment prints, warmly glowing candles that always seemed to be lit, and the faint smell of incense lingered here even after it had burned out. Master Splinter was laying on his pallet, pushed into the far corner as to be out of the way of his daytime activities. Donatello made his careful way over to his father, half trying, half wishing not to wake him. If it were anyone other than Leonardo, he would be tempted to just peek in and report all was well, but Leo could always see right through him.

As he moved close enough to see the gentle rise and fall of their father's chest, the old rat stirred, turning toward him and opening a blurry eye.

"Donatello, my son. Is something wrong?" Don froze for a second, caught, before shaking his head ruefully.

"No Sensei, I am afraid that Leo had some sort of nightmare. Raph and I are checking everyone for him." He would have considered not telling the truth, or at least not the whole truth, but if there was anyone better at seeing thorough deception than Leonardo, it would be Master Splinter.

"Hmm," muttered Splinter thoughtfully, "this is troubling, if not unexpected. I am afraid that I have done wrong by your brother by allowing this to go unaddressed for so long."

"I don't know, Sensei," Donatello disagreed respectfully, "I was getting worried too, but Leo said that he wanted to tell us all something tomorrow."

"But you do not need my presence now?"

"No Master, I think that tomorrow might be best for all of us." Splinter nodded thoughtfully,

"Yes, somethings are best left for daylight hours." He drew in a deep breath. "Go back to your brother, Donatello, and tell him that I am well."

"Yes, Father," replied his son, bowing respectfully as he left, closing the door carefully behind him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raphael and Donatello both dutifully reported the continued good health of their family members to a much more composed Leonardo, who thanked them politely before firmly ordering them to both get some rest. They were a little reluctant to comply at first, but Donny started rubbing his eyes, his mask still dangling uselessly as he supported himself with his bo, and Raph soon found that the energy he had planned to burn off in the dojo was suddenly no were to be found.

Leo lay awake after they had gone. He didn't want to go back to sleep, his dream was still far to real, even after his brother's assurances. _'If only I could- No,'_ he thought, stopping himself, _'I believe them- and Raph- they're all fine.'_ But he still could not sleep. Instead he thought about just what he was going to tell his family in the morning. Donny and Raph weren't likely to forget his promise, and to be honest, he wasn't sure that he wanted them too.

And so the night passed.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter I promise that we will hear about what happened to Leo. Truth is it's taking a bit longer than I thought to write, so it's a good thing that the guys decided to go off on this tangent for a bit. Also I'm going on vacation soon, I _should_ still be able to update, though review responses for this chapter may be a little delayed (please don't let that dissuaded you from leaving one ;). Speaking of, I also want to thank the anonymous reviewers, though I couldn't respond personally.


	32. Chapter 31: Confession Part I

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A/N: Okay guys, I'm doing the best I can here, but the place at which I am staying has no internet (I have to steal it, but you didn't hear that from me) and I'm having significantly less time to work on this story due to vacation stuff. Still, as promised, Leo actually starts talking in this chapter. Finally! _Unfortunately_ I couldn't post the whole explanation both because it's really long and I haven't finished it all- but it is coming!

* * *

Morning came early to the Lair. Master Splinter was up and making tea when Donatello stumbled in and put on a pot of coffee, mumbling something that Splinter could only assume was a respectful greeting. Even Michelangelo tumbled down to the stairs without being forcibly removed from his bed.

"I'm making French toast, you guys want any?" asked Mikey, blindly pulling out the ingredients. Donatello grunted inarticulately and shook his head. Mikey was tempted to make some smart comment about Don's 'Raphael impression', but no matter how out of it the guy seemed, the dude remembered _everything_. His playstation hadn't been fixed for _months_.

"I shall have some, my son."

"Extra crispy, Sensei?"

"But of course."

"Make a few extra for me, Mikey, but just cooked regularly, okay?" Michelangelo glanced up from where he was whisking the eggs to see Leo leaning casually on Raphael's shoulder as he descended the stairs. Once again, and with monumental effort, he refrained from commenting.

"Well, Raph, you in or are you gonna settle for cold cereal when you could be eating a Michelangelo original?" needled the youngest turtle, searching for the cinnamon.

"Yeah, whatever, just give me a plate already," growled Raph, feigning annoyance.

"What about you, Don? Last chance to get some great goodies. Seriously, it should be a crime to have something this sweet, this early," Mikey pestered happily, handing a plate of slightly blackened toast to their Sensei. Donatello chose to down his cup of coffee and pour himself another in lieu of answering. Oh well, no one ever said that geniuses had to be great conversationalists, at least not until they had their prerequisite cups of caffeine.

The meal passed congenially, with Mikey ferrying food and plates back and forth before sitting down to his own breakfast. His enthusiasm more than made up for the delay. Master Splinter winced slightly at the rather loose interpretation of acceptable table manners. Even Donatello managed to join the conversation towards the end of the meal. As the forks were place aside, however, Leonardo became increasingly anxious, though he hid it well.

"Wait, Master," said Leo as Splinter moved to begin his own meditation before leading his sons in morning practice, "I- there's something that I'm afraid that I need to talk to all of you about. If you would not mind postponing practice…" He trailed off, apparently unsure if he was being too forward, assuming too much.

"Of course, my son," said Master Splinter easily, resuming his seat. "Donatello, Raphael, if you would assist Michelangelo with the cleaning up?"

With the three younger turtles all helping, the breakfast plates were quickly taken care of, in between a few loud yelps and ominous splashing sounds. There was silence around the table. Leonardo sat, brows furrowed as he stared at the wood grain around his tightly clenched fingers. Splinter observed his son's inner struggle silently, knowing that the time for words would come soon enough.

The turtles emerged from the kitchen, Michelangelo looking considerably more damp, and resumed their seats around the table. Leonardo felt their expectant stares as he hunched slightly in his shell. He had spent the better part of the night trying to decide what he should say, how much he should tell them, and even where to begin, but he found himself at a loss now that the time had come to speak.

"Perhaps, my son, it would be best to start at the beginning," suggested Splinter gently into the silence.

"Yes," sighed Leo, casting his mind back, "I was-feeling, trapped. Raph was in the dojo so I decided to run though the sewers." Leonardo screwed his eyes together and lowered his head. "It wasn't enough: I went topside. I shouldn't have gone by myself. I always tell you guys that, but I…I went anyway,"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_The sun was not down yet but Leonardo still found himself lingering under the grate that lead to the surface. He had already ran past this very spot three times, and the light filtering never seemed to diminish. And yet, it was all _too_ dim at the same time. _

_He hated this feeling. It came upon him suddenly, and often over trivial issues such as this morning. It was an ache that resided beneath the plates of his plastron, something that not even his best efforts at meditation could dislodge. No, he needed space and freedom, from everything, just for a moment. So he stared at the world beyond the bars of the drain and the murky water that dampened his green skin, knowing that he was about to disobey his Sensei and father. Even if the old rat had not expressly forbidden trips to the surface, even if he had condoned their occasional ventures there, for pleasure and purpose, the intent was there. The turtles were creatures of the night, of the shadows, and, ultimately, of the sewers- it was the only place that they would ever truly belong. Leonardo knew and excepted that- but sometimes…_

_Leonardo pushed the grate aside and stepped into the sunlight._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I am sorry, Sensei," Leonardo said, raising his head after his brief confession.

"There is nothing to forgive, my son. You are not the only of your brothers who have sought the surface without securing my blessing." He skewered each turtle in turn with such a look that they immediately diverted their eyes, sure that all of their transgressions were written there for their father to see. "True, much harm was wrought by this decision, but the fault does not rest solely on your shoulders. I have found that the young did not always do as they are told. It is the way of things."

"Yeah, bro, with how often _Raph_ sneaks out, I'm surprised someone hasn't grabbed _him_ already. If they were really smart, maybe they could figure out what makes him such a hot head!" Though Michelangelo was only attempting to break the tension and spoke with his trademark flippancy, Leonardo could only shudder at the image his younger brother's words conjured. They were far too close to his recent nightmare to dwell on.

"Ouch!" yelped Mikey as Donatello's foot met sharply with his ankle. Miraculously he seemed to realize what he had said as he met the brainy turtle's angry stare and he quickly murmured an apology.

"What happened after you went topside?" asked Donatello, both as a diversion and to get the conversation back on track.

"It was still light out, I know, but I stuck to the rooftops, no one saw me, Sensei." Leonardo said earnestly, still obviously unwilling to forgive his rash decision, but equally unwilling to believe that his error would bring more suffering to his family.

"No, Leonardo, I am sure you were not. We surely would have heard by now if such an event had occurred. Besides which, my son, I trust in your abilities, even on the brightest of days." Leo ducked his head and drew a breath before continuing.

"After a time I decided that I should head back home, but I decided to stop by April's first. I was almost there when I realized I was under attack. I'm afraid that I- I was distracted and I allowed them to hit me with a dart of some kind. I may have been able to overcome them if they hadn't managed to drug me, but as it was…"

,o0o,o0o,o0o

_Leonardo flew over the roof tops. He wasn't thinking about the morning, his family, or his duties: he was just running, trusting his years of ninja training to keep him hidden from unfriendly eyes. Not that many New Yorkers chose to look up, especially not as they hurried home from work, thinking of hot meals and relaxing evenings. _

_Eventually Leo found himself on a familiar run that would lead him by April's apartment. His soul was much soothed by this brief and fleeting glimpse of sunlight and freedom and he decided that he would indeed stop by their human friend's home. He knew that Donny was waiting for April to find a piece of hardware so he could finish one of his many and never ending projects/experiments. Perhaps that would make up for the demise of the toaster. Leo cringed, he really shouldn't have touched it, but he was a ninja and it was a _toaster_. He had though he could handle it, but he had been proven wrong. Again. There was some cosmic irony in that, he was sure. Maybe Mikey could point it out for him when __he got back home. _'And maybe I can get some more ice,_' he thought hopefully, feeling the warm heat from his swollen jaw invade his consciousness once more. It would be quite the bruise when all was said and told. "All of Raph's weight lifting is finally paying off,' thought Leo wryly. _

_He landed in a roll on the flat rooftop just a couple blocks away from The Second Time Around. He was slightly distracted by the novelty of moving through such crisp, dark shadows all cast by a single source, but not so much so as to miss the eyes on his shell. He whipped his katana from their sheathes and neatly bisected the arrow that had planned to sink into the soft flesh above his plastron, but he missed the much smaller and faster dart that imbedded itself in his shoulder just beside his shell. Somehow they had gotten behind him, all around him. Foot Ninja._

_They were all on him in a moment. He didn't have time to do more than consider trying to call for reinforcements. His brothers and he worked best as a team, as a whole- but he could handle a few Foot Ninja, or at least hold them off until he got a chance to go for his shellcell. If he got a chance._

_Blood ran thickly off of his katana, collecting slightly along the nicks and dents made by the once sharp edged connecting again and again with hard wood staves and entangling chains. His breath echoed loudly in his head as he stumbled backwards trying to center himself amongst the chaos and sparsely scattered bodies of already fallen ninja. He wasn't sure if he had killed them all or not: his mind was no longer clear and his blows not as precise as he usually forced them to be. He blindly parried a blow from behind that was meant to take his head and sent his other sword through the abdomen of a black clad man in front._

_It didn't seem possible that he had sat with his brothers this morning and forced himself to eat his two pieces of burned toast. It seemed as though he had been doing this forever. He could no longer even spare the energy to distinguish one masked opponent from another. Instead of seeing the slight differences in height, weight, and fighting style, it now seemed as though he fought the same opponent over and over again. He drifted enough to wonder if that was intentional on the part of the Shredder. He mind was quickly called back to the task at hand as one of the ninja landed yet another blow on the distracted turtle, causing blood to stain the handles of his katana and making his grip ever more precarious. _

_It was only by chance that he noticed the ninja retreating to the edge of the raised roof access. His hand was reaching for something inside of his jumpsuit. Leonardo knew that he was in no condition to block a barrage of throwing stars. His only hope was to stop the ninja before he had a chance to attack. If he could have, the turtle would have closed his eyes in mixed regret and grief for what he knew had to be done. In one movement he jerked his sword around and sent it sailing through the chest of the star wielding Foot and deep into the wall behind him. But he had been too late. _

_He stumbled with the impact of four stars, all hitting one of his limbs- two in his shoulder one in his left leg, and the last the high thigh of his right. _'Disabling shots,'_ he thought muzzily, _'what are they playing at?', _but he was distracted again as a new opponent swum into view. Leo raised his remaining sword to defend himself, but the ninja's blade was not where he had thought that it had been. Fire flared up his side briefly as something sharp cut down his side between his shell and plastron. He turned to __defend himself once more but the world was moving far too ponderously for him to catch up to his assailant. Suddenly he found himself disarmed, and for the first time during the fight a cry forced itself from between his lips. He had lost his weapons, he was defenseless, and… and something was very wrong. He could feel the syringe scrape eerily against his shell as he slid to the ground. _'Have-have to…call Donny, 'll know, what to- what to, do,_' he thought haltingly. But even as he stared at his hands, they refused to move. And suddenly black masks were all around him._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"They drugged you?" cried Donny indignantly, though more because he felt somehow that _someone_ should object rather than out of any true disbelief. Still, this was a new low, even for the Foot. "How stupid can they be? They had no idea how you, how we, would react to anything that they shot at us!" he ranted, only realizing the true truth of his words as he said them. Generally their chemical makeup made them less susceptible to other substance and drugs then their human counterparts, but they could never be sure. The Foot could have killed his brother whether they meant to or not. He was almost thankful that he was the only one of his family who seemed to have fully comprehended the situation.

"Yes," said Leo softly, no doubt picking up at least some of Donatello's thoughts, "but I think that they must have been planning on taking us, one of us, alive. That was what they seemed… prepared, for. They were on me so fast that I had no time to call you and…I-I lost my katana," he admitted, staring at his hands, as if they were somehow to blame.

"Leo, you know that we found them, don't you? Master Splinter has them both," Donatello questioned carefully. Leonardo's eyes snapped to the engineer's, displaying hope and relief. "Do you want to see them?" asked Don hopefully. Leo opened his mouth, but his eyes drifted sideways abruptly before he could answer. He could see dented blades overlapped with the sharpness of cold steel wielded by gloved hands. The hardest part of his story was yet to come, he couldn't… he just couldn't. He shook his head, missing the meaningful and worried glances that Don, Raph, and Splinter exchanged.

"But you still had your cellshell, right?" asked Michelangelo, clearly still stuck on that one fact. "So why couldn't we find you? I mean, even if you couldn't call, Donny should have been able to track you, right? "

"I, didn't have it for long, Mikey," confessed Leonardo, clearly hesitant to go on, but after a moment he gathered himself and continued. "When I – regained consciousness I was confused, but Shredder was…more than happy to… explain my situation to me."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_The eldest turtle frowned slightly as his body began to send him signals. There was a deep ache in his shoulder and a burning in his side. A few other points on his body cried out their own pain, but they were mostly lost in the heavy fog that drifted through his mind. He didn't remember a fight- no, wait, that wasn't right. Mikey had been being obnoxious and then Raph, and he had- _'No,'_ he thought, _'this is getting me nowhere.'_ Calmly, with the training that Master Splinter had provided, Leo ignored the pain and the strange fuzziness in his mouth and instead picture a cool breeze blowing away the fog surrounding his brain. As his mind cleared he realized that there actually was a draft, one that was blowing uncomfortably over his face. Usually it wouldn't bother him so much, but his mask was- not there? Only then did it occur to him to open his eyes._

_His lids were heavy and his eyes gummy as he blinked the world into focus. There really wasn't much of a world to see, just gray walls and one red splotch some ways away. He tilted his head and squinted at the red shape, drawing a sharp breath as he recognized it. He rolled his shoulder uncomfortably, feeling the deep bite at the injection site now that the adrenalin of battle had worn off. When he got out of here, and he would, he would take with him a new appreciation of Don's steady hands._

"_Ah, so you are finally awake, Leonardo," hailed a cold voice. The turtle twisted further around, his efforts hampered both by whatever was still in his system and thick shackles around both his wrists and ankles. As he expected, Orroko Saki stood before him, though oddly not in the guise of the Shredder. "I was growing impatient with your weakness," Saki continued, dangling a scrap of blue material between his fingers. "It is good that you have chosen to revive on your own." Leonardo stared at the blue fabric. His mask. He felt oddly unprotected without it. Though it served no true function for defense, he and his brothers had always worn their masks everywhere for as long as he could remember_. 'Except to bed, because Donny had read about the chanced of strangling yourself while you slept, and then Mikey had made them all remove their masks before going to bed, but not before he a nightma-' _Leonardo blinked as blue silk slipped from Saki's fingers and landed on top of a pathetic brown pile of ninja gear. Obviously Leonardo's mental control was still lacking, something that was unacceptable when dealing with the Shredder. It was always hard to predict what he would do next, though sometimes it was good to simply ask._

"_What do you want, Shredder?" Leo said, abet gruffly. _

"_I want to give you a chance, Leonardo, to die gracefully. Which is more than you and your Rat Master deserve." Leonardo regarded the man steadily. "It is simple, turtle, give me the location of your nest and I will reward you with a quick death. If not," he continued before Leo had a chance to protest, "I will have the pleasure of digging the information out of you and killing you. Slowly." His tone of voice and the cold gleam of anticipation in his eye made the normally calm turtle's blood boil. If he could get out , no, if he could just get to his swords then he could break his bonds, perhaps escape, warn his family. Leonardo lunged for his weapons, the hilts of which jutted out above the tangle of his gear. His finger tips brushed the blue wrapped palmles before he was jerked to a sudden stop. As Saki's laughter burned in his ears he turned to regard the chain that connected his ankle restraints to a thick loop bolted into the cement gray floor. '_Stupid,'_ chastised Leonardo harshly, _'I should have noticed that…'

"_So Leonardo, what is your answer?" Saki asked condescendingly, hooking a finger under the awkwardly sprawled turtle's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. Leonardo jerked his bound arms up stiffly, managing to hit Shredder's hand aside but accomplishing little else. "As you wish," the human __conceded, correctly interpreting Leonardo's act of defiance_. 'I just have to hold out until Donny and the guys track me here. Don will think of a plan and Master Splinter will keep Raph from charging in in his typical hotheaded way and Mikey will provide backup. It will turn out okay, we've taken the tower before,'_ he thought, trying not to remember the desperate fight the four of them had faced, _'they can do it again.'

"_Your eyes betray you, reptile," Saki said inserting himself between Leonardo's line of sight and his gear. The turtle had not even realized what he had been doing. He hoped with all of his heart that Saki did not stumble upon, or at least not recognize the importance of- _'the shellcell,' _gasped Leo in despair as Saki held up the small green item. _

"_Do not look for rescue from your pathetic brood, Leonardo." Warned the Shredder, dropping the bit of plastic onto the floor, "They will not find you." And with that he brought down his foot and ground Leonardo's best hope for freedom into the cold floor. _

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first installment. It took me awhile to decide on how to present this so I hope that you are pleased. Once again let me say (I know I mentioned it last chapter) that I _will_ respond to everyone's reviews in my own slightly rambling way as soon as I have a chance. Thank you so much, you guys who left one last chapter! Eagerly awaiting your thoughts/reactions/ideas/or just talkingness. Yours-D.R'N.


	33. Chapter 32: Confession Part II

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A/N: Wow. I'm really sorry that it has taken me so long to update(a month!?), but a lot of stuff has been going on, some good, a lot bad. But I am back and I should be caught up on reviews, so here is the next chapter. Enjoy guys!

* * *

"Whatever they had shot me with didn't wear off for almost an hour after I woke up, and Shredder enjoyed… playing with me. Still, I should have realized that quicker. I didn't even realize that I was chained to the floor before I tried to escape. The Shredder he-he wanted me to give you up, to tell him where our home was. He said that then he would have 'rewarded me with a quick death'. I think that he was actually happy when I refused." Leo was staring intently at the fork in front of him as he related his story and so did not see Raphael's tensing, or the restraining hand that Master Splinter placed on his second eldest's wrist. "I wasn't thinking," Leo huffed as he continued, "I let him find the shellcell 'follow the eyes' an elementary lesson, but I forgot it and the Shredder shattered it before my eyes. Not even Donny could make a transmitter as small as the pieces that were left."

"This was not your fault, my son. I believe that this is what would be called extenuating circumstances."

"Definitely, Leo," chimed in Donatello. "Besides, it may actually have been _better_ that he smashed it. After all, it is possible that a good enough scientist could have used your shellcell to track down the rest of ours." The turtle spoke in an encouraging voice, pointing out the positive aspects in the hope of persuading his brother to go on. Instead Leo's eyes looked onto Don's, searching in his face somewhat wildly.

"I didn't even- no. I should have. But-" he stopped, dismayed that he could have brought doom upon his family so easily.

"Hey, dude," Michelangelo said, scooting his chair forward and laying a hand on his brother's arm. "Don't sweat it, I didn't know either." He peered at Leo with a surprisingly shrewd stare, "I know that you are so not going to blame yourself for something that _could_ have happened. Come on dude, you wouldn't blame us." Leonardo stared blankly t his younger brother. In fact, most of the family did, Leo was, however, the only one that Mikey was worried about at the moment. Leo's mind was in turmoil, caught flatfooted. Of course he wouldn't blame his brothers, but-but, well, it was his job to think of these things. He was the leader. He _had_ to know these things.

"Leo," demanded Raph gruffly.

"No," smiled Leo wanly, "of course I wouldn't blame you either."

"Good! It's settled then," beamed Mikey in satisfaction.

"What occurred then, my son?" asked Master Splinter gently, steering the conversation back on course.

"The Shredder- he, enjoyed, uh, questioning me. But it, he was not seriously questioning, not then. He just…" Leo twitched slightly and then frowned at the betrayal. He didn't understand why he was reacting so to this memory. This first interview with the Shredder had not been the worst beating he had ever received. Not even before his incarceration. His family, on the other hand, would have understood if he had broken down sobbing. While Leo could be as hard on himself as his guilty streak allowed, his family had the sharp memory of his empty skin walking around the Lair, and even sharper and more real, the scars that stood out on their brother's still healing skin. Raph's blunt nails dug into his palms as he concentrated on not doing anything that his father or older brother would deem 'reckless'. _'Member what Donny said. This is for Leo. I can kick the Tin Can's shell later.'_

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_The next length of time passed in a fog. He wasn't sure when, but he suddenly found himself in the bright room. He cracked open eyes that he had not even realized were closed but immediately slammed shut. Slowly he tried again. The harsh light smashed into his lids and tinted his vision red even before his eyes were open. He squinted painfully at the featureless white of the walls, inches in front of his nose, trying to recall how he had arrived here. Saki he clearly remembered, no matter how he wished the memory could just be washed from history. _

_The Shredder hadn't even bothered with many questions. He had asked a few more, but for appearance's sake, more than actual answers. Leonardo supposed that the 'kick around the bound and helpless turtle' game still had plenty of novelty for the Foot leader. _'I'm sounding like Mikey,' _Leonardo thought, closing his eyes. Still, he would take even his youngest brother's dubious sense of humor to bolster him at this point._

_But, honestly, the longer the Shredder was amused with simply beating him, the longer it would be before the Tin Can actually started digging for answers to the things that Leonardo would do anything to avoid giving. _

_The end of this first introductory conversation was a blank in the eldest turtle's mind… no… he did remember a foot, not a soldier. Odds were that it was Saki's, and it collided squarely with his jaw, in the same area that had already been painted earlier that day courtesy or Raphael. He supposed that that would explain the buzzing in his ears. Groaning softly he moved to rub his temples. Afterward he was planning on trying to sit up, all limbs permitting. All plans, such as they were, ground to an abrupt halt when he realized that his arms would not move. _

_His wrists were enclosed in heavy iron cuffs whose chains just allowed them to rest on the ground. He used the tension to pull himself into a sitting position, though his head spun for it. As he waited for his equilibrium to return he realized muzzlily that he could not tell where the far wall ended and the floor began. The room was such a bright formless white, it seemed impossible. _'Or maybe it is, maybe it's just my eyes,'_ he suggested to himself, '_that buzzing ring still hasn't stopped. I could just have gotten hit harder than I thought…'_ He pressed his hand vainly against his ears, as if that would help- and yet, somehow it did. He paused and lowered one hand, then returned it to his ear, repeating with the left. He was no scientist, but he figured that if the sound was emanating from inside his head then covering his ears should not interfere. He stumbled up and searched as far as his teather would allow him, but could detect no break in the walls, nothing to indicate any speakers. But they had to be there._

_He did find the door though. It was on the wall opposite that to which he was chained and about two, maybe three, feet to his left. That was where the enemy would enter. He would have to be ready._

_If only his eyes didn't hurt so much._

,o0o,o0o,o0o

"After the Shredder was done with me I woke up in a room. It was about… five by seven, with white walls and only one door. It was very… bright. And there was white noise. It was very, loud. "Leo shook his head, focusing on his family.

"A form of sensory deprivation?" questioned Donatello. Leo nodded.

"Something like that," he agreed, looking down at his hands. "I was there for a long time, or, at least it seemed to be. I know that by the time someone came for me I was very thirsty. I probably would have been hungry as well, but…"

"Getin' the snot beat out of you can ruin your appetite."

"Raphael," admonished Splinter immediately.

"Sorry," mumbled the turtle, but Leonardo had nodded in acknowledgement anyway. Not only was that true, but sometimes and only sometimes, Raph's bluntness actually helped to deal with a situation.

"Who did come for you Leo?"

"What Mikey?"

"After they left you there for a really long time, who came for you?"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_It felt like he had been sitting there for days though he knew that it couldn't have been more than a few hours. He had tried to meditate, thinking perhaps that he could contact his father, or maybe even his brothers. But every time he attempted to sink into that calm state of mind, the static would spike and the glare would eat into his eyelids. Instead he found his mind drifting to those he could not contact. He knew that the day had been rather tense in the Lair, but surely they would have noticed his absence by now? They would start looking for him soon. Unfortunately, even if he could have spoken to them, he had no idea where he was. A Foot stronghold, obviously, but it didn't look like anything they had seen when they had stormed the Shredder's tower. _

_And what would his brothers find if, when, they came after him? Blood, that was sure. The Foot always removed their injured and their dead, but did not usually bother with cleanup beyond that. Especially in obscure places like rooftops. He hoped that Don came upon it first. He hadn't had the time or concentration to be neat. Unfortunately Don almost never took the lead on patrols. As long as Mikey __wasn't first, that was all he asked. The youngest still had nightmares about the last time the Shredder had singled Leo out. He dropped his head into his hands. He needed to get out of here. _

_He quickly looked up as the door to his cell moved inwards. With little time to plan and less to work with he got himself as ready as he could, centering his weight and concentrating on ignoring his various pains. A Foot soldier emerged from the hall. As he stepped into the room the lights dimmed and the sound stopped. Leonardo felt blinded by silence even as the room plunged into, what seemed to him, pitch blackness. A rustle of cloth warned him that the soldier had gotten far too close. He tried to lash out, but his blows were unaccountably weak and he felt light headed. The Foot ninja quickly took him down while only sustaining a few glancing blows. A short chain was attached in between his wrists and a bag was pulled over his head before he was draged roughly from the room. He stumbled after his captor, trying to keep track of turns and sounds, but feeling very disoriented. _

_Suddenly he was given a shove and he stumbled forward even as the bag was ripped from his head. He was standing in the gray, Foot adorned room once more, but this time Saki stood fully arrayed in the Shredder's armor. Leo was afraid that he knew what was coming next. _

"_I have given you your chance, Leonardo, and you have scorned it. I have had my fun with you, and I have enjoyed it. but now it is time for answers. I will enjoy tearing the words from your throught, reptile. I promise that you will be screaming before we are done." Leo narrowed his eyes. His family would come for him. He would be fine; he would be rescued, just as long as he did not betray his family. He would say nothing._

.o0o.o0o.o0o

"It was a Foot soldier. I tried to escape when he tried to unlock the restraints, but they were ready for that."

"Did they have more guys to jump ya?" growled Raph.

"No," Leo replied, "by that time I had no night vision and they used that to their advantage."

"I would be surprised if you could even see your irises at that point," agreed Donatello, retreating to the purely scientific, "And if the background static had been on the whole time as well then your hearing would have been more or less useless as well. It's like when you listen to your music too loud and then walk into the dojo, Mikey," he said to the youngest's confused look. Mikey nodded his comprehension and then turned back to Leonardo.

"Did they take you back to the Shredder?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes Mikey. And he was… serious about getting answers." Leo squinted at the memory, "But I knew that you would all be looking for me, as long as I didn't say anything. So I did not. Not for a very long time." There was a pause were the entire family waited, but Leo seemed disinclined to continue.

"Leo, don't sugarcoat this or nothin', we can handle it. Jus tell us what happened."

"Yes, please, Leo. I need to know what happened anyway, just so I can double check and make sure I haven't missed anything," Donatello chimed in with a nervous edge. He was pretty sure that anything that had been done… well, it would be to late for the engineer to do too much. Still, it was best to know.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"_Before I have my fun, turtle, allow me give you something to loosen your tongue." Shredder said almost graciously. Leonardo was grabbed from behind and forced to the ground as a man in a white coat and Foot symbol approached. It was not the turtle's enemy, Baxter Stockman, but as the needle slid into his neck he could rally very little enthusiasm for that fact. _

_As soon as the needle was extracted, all of the Foot immediately moved backwards, giving the turtle in their midst plenty of space as though unsure of what should happen next. Leo lay still for a moment as well. He had a pretty good idea of what was happening and it scared him to death. He knew that Saki was without honor, but to use drugs… To Leonardo losing control of himself was a fear second only to the harming of his family, and since the first inevitably lead to the second it this situation, he was terrified. There was another long moment of silence wherein Leo lay tensely waiting for some change- then he felt it. A nausea in his gut. He fought desperately for control as sharp lances of pain made him double over in chaotic spasms, but eventually he lost the battle with himself. And threw up all over the Shredder's spiked boots._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I-," Leo shot a look at Donatello, bracing himself for what he knew was coming, "After the Foot ninja delivered me to the Shredder Saki had one of his doctors inject me with something. I thought that it was a truth serum, and so did all of the…others. But it wasn't . it just made me, really sick," he finished quietly. Donatello was on it like a flash.

"Sick how, Leo? Was there pain in your joints, trouble breathing, fever, loss of consciousness?"

"No Don. Just, violently ill."

"Oh." Donatello looked slightly nonplussed at the mental images that conjured, but very relived. "And was that really it? Nothing later, no delayed side effects?"

"No, not from that drug. At least, I don't think so."

"That drug?" growled Raphael dangerously, "How many did they give you?" Leonardo felt like the eyes of his brothers were boring into him. His breathing quickened and he reminded himself that they were just worried, that they were his family and nothing was going to happen here. He took a deep breath, and then another.

"Leonardo, my son," Splinter interjected softly, "this is no interrogation. You need not answer if you do not wish to." Leo met the kind eyes of his father and directed his answer straight to his warm presence.

"I don't know how many he tried. I lost count. Some were… very painful, but none worked. Not the way he wanted them to."

"And you are sure that none worked?" his father inquired gently.

"I'm sure, Sensei. I said nothing."

"Did you notice any lingering effects? Anything that stood out?" asked Donatello, being sure to mind his tone, but Leo just shook his head. He would rather not linger and he didn't know what Donny could possibly do about any disturbing chemicals that had been injected into his body. It had to be almost … four months ago? That-that was a very long time. _'I should really ask Donny on the specifics of that. It seemed like such a long time and yet… almost half a year…'_

"Leo? Leo, _do_ you need to take a break, dude?" Mikey's concerned voice was right in front of him and he realized that he had zoned out for a moment. He frowned. He was better than that, he was _doing _better than that. "Leo?"

"No, Mikey, I'd rather just, get this over with." He had wasted enough time, months of it. Besides, the next part of his incarceration was sure to be the hardest to relate. He would explain what had happened as it had happened. What they did after that… would happen.

* * *

A/N: So, what do think? Please leave a review guys, it'd be much appreciated!


	34. Chapter 33: Confessin Part III

* * *

A/N: Welcome to the Neverending Chapter guys. Seriously, I was trapped into including a whole bunch of stuff that I had no intention of writing, though I did leave out some stuff I had planed because the guys just did not feel like giving me any sort of opening whatsoever! Honestly, I'm not sure how happy I am with this one, but I want it gone, so I'm afraid that you're all stuck with it ;) Enjoy, gentle readers!

* * *

_Leonardo hung slumped against the wall of his prison. The chains that attached to his wrists had been shortened one interminable day while he was being entertained by the Shredder, but they were as strong as ever. He felt as though he knew each and every link personally. He would have laughed thinking about what Mikey would say if he were here, probably ask him their names, but he was far too tired and his chest hurt. _

_He was amazed that this room managed to stay so unrelentingly white after he had bled all over it so much. Still, by now he could almost ignore the searing light and grating noise. He couldn't meditate, no, but at least he had managed to pass out a few times. He was sleep deprived though, not to mention hungry. They all but stopped feeding him after he had managed to turn his bowl into a weapon and escape again. The stuff he had been eating before was absolute slop, but at least it was something. He didn't regret it though, he had actually gotten out of his room that time. Not that he had seen much, just gray halls, but at least he was still trying, biding his time till his family came for him. And they had much more then a bowl._

_So far he had managed to hold to his vow of silence. Not even as much as a whimper passed his lips no matter what the Shredder chose to do to him. It had been so close at times though. Leonardo had been trained to overcome physical abuse, but he had never had to contend with this level of constant assault. And the drugs… sooner or later one would work, that or one would just break him. _

_His musings were interrupted by the door to his cell swinging open once more. As the Foot soldier approached with the hood and chains he tried his hardest to muster a show of resistance, but he could barely manage to raise a hand in a pathetic attempt to ward his jailer off. He was almost glad that his father and brothers were not here to see him in his weakness. _

_He was dragged trough the halls and unceremoniously dumped at the Shredder's feet. The hood was yanked off of his head and he found himself looking into the distinctly angry red eyes of one Oroku Saki. _

"_I grow increasingly tired of your defiance, _Leonardo_," he sneered. "Perhaps today will be the day that I put you in your place." If Leonardo had been able to he probably would have indulged in a display of 'defiance' that he usually left up to Raph. But, being as dehydrated as he was, he settled with smirking up at the armored man. _'That's right Saki,'_ he thought snidely, _'I know who won the race.'_ He blinked. How_ did_ Mikey keep getting into his brain? _

_Soon though he had no time or concentration to ponder anything. The Shredder unveiled a long trail of hypodermic needles that gleamed with a cool coldness that encapsulated the entire nightmare __that his life was being molded into. He closed his eyes as the first slid into his arm, but he did not scream. Nor after the next, or the next. He welcomed the darkness when it came._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"While I was imprisoned…" Leonardo stopped. "I waited a long time," he tried again, "and I know now that you were looking for me. No," he shook his head as all three of his brothers opened their mouths to protest, "I knew that you were looking for me then too, but… but you weren't… _there._" Michelangelo looked away and blinked rapidly as Raph's fists tightened around the wood of his chair and Donatello struggled to remain objective and see the statement from all viewpoints. Master Splinter nodded and motioned his eldest to continue.

"It was after a… particularly difficult session with the Shredder," said Leonardo unconsciously rubbing the inside of his arm. "I had been returned to my cell while I was unconscious, but when I woke up… Raph was there." All eyes snapped to the red banded turtle.

"I was not!" blurted Raphael confused and almost angry. He felt that he was suddenly being accused and condemned without a trial.

"It wasn't really Raph," interjected Leo quickly.

"But you just said that it was," insisted Michelangelo.

"I- well, he was, but it wasn't Raph-"

"It was an imposter? A Foot trick?" suppozied Donatello.

"No, it wasn't- he wasn't real!" Leo dropped his head into his hand, wondering why this was so hard to say. He knew the words he needed to use, but they refused to leave his mouth. This was crazy. _'But that's the point, isn't it?' _his inner voice mocked. _'You promised to tell them everything, or just everything that doesn't make you look weak? Or is it just anything that just doesn't make you look crazy?'_

"At first I thought that you had found me, but that didn't make sense because I was still imprisoned. And I thought about it being a Foot trick, but he knew about the crocodile and he sounded- I _knew _that he wasn't real. But I didn't care! I didn't because, because…" Leo trailed off as he felt a hand on his shell. He couldn't see who it was because he had just spilled all of his bubbling thoughts into his open hands resting in his lap, but he really didn't_ need_ to see, he knew that it was his Sensei and father. He raised his eyes hesitantly to look at his family. They had all been staring at him but quickly diverted their eyes, belatedly recalling how uncomfortable it made their older brother to be so scrutinized.

Michelangelo was scared. Leo had been babbling, and Leo _never _babbled. It was like a law of the universe or something. And Mikey still had no idea what he had been trying to tell them.

Raph was confused which had the effect of making him angry. But he couldn't really be angry at Leo, not when this was obviously so hard for him, and that just made him more confused still. He really wanted to hit something, anything, to relieve the tension this whole conversation was piling up, but stilled himself with a huge exertion of will.

Donatello was also taken aback by the normally calm and clear Leonardo's inability to communicate with his family. What was all this about Raph being there but not and disproved Foot tricks? It didn't make much sense. _'I mean, it sounds almost like- oh.' _He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before, but Leo had always been the most level headed of all the brothers, himself included. It just seemed so improbable…

"Leo? Did you-_hallucinate _Raph?" Leo dropped his eyes again before nodding marginally.

"I-yes. Yes, I think I did."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_The red glow invading his eyelids told him that he had been returned to his room sometime while he had been unconscious. But as he sat there he realized that someone was in his cell with him. He could hear the intruder's feet pad in a rough a rough line back and forth in front of a his own prone form. Knowing that it would perhaps be smarter to simply feign unconsciousness for as long as possible, he still forced his eyelids apart. In the end he would rather know what was coming then desperately delay the inevitable. _

_He blinked the world into something approaching focus only to have his heart nearly stop. _

"_Raphael?" he whispered, his throat parched by lack of water and disuse, but he didn't notice. His family had come for him; all of this was almost over. He knew that he just had to hold out, and he had. He could feel his control slipping as he stared at the familiar red bandana. He was about to call out to his brother, beg him to take him home, when he realized that Raph should have gotten him out of here by now. Instead the door was closed and Raph looked frustrated and upset. 'No.' Leonardo's heart did stop for a moment. 'They came, and were captured. All my fault. I've doomed them to…this?" he thought, looking back on the indeterminably long time he had spent writhing in this place. Michelangelo wouldn't last here, he couldn't. And Master Splinter was so old, Raph couldn't keep his head down to save his life, and Donny, they all- Why did Raph still have all of his gear? 'Oh,' thought Leo, 'he's not really here.'_

_Some part of him realized that he should be more worried that he was hallucinating that his brother was pacing his cell, but he was so happy to see him, real or not, that he decided to not think about it too hard. He could worry about his sanity once he was out of this place. _

_As if sensing the older turtle's decision, the phantom Raphael looked up from his pacing and met the eyes of the watching Leonardo. _

"_Leo," said Raph in his own form of gruff relief, "it's about time. What did those bastards do to ya now?" Leonardo blinked. It certainly sounded like Raph, and very real. Almost too real. How could he be sure that this wasn't somehow Saki tricking him._

"_Raph," he called, trying to raise his voice._

"_Yea?" asked Raph kneeling before his chained brother._

"_What are you doing here?" he asked, feeling slightly overwhelmed._

"_Well, I ain't workin for the Shredder if that's what your implyin'" growled Raph. Leo blinked but did not respond. "Look, " he sighed into the silence, "I never thanked you properly for savin' my shell from the croc." Leo relaxed, almost smiling. The albino crocodile in the sewers was not something Raph ever really talked about, and Leo kept quiet out of respect for Raph's easily riled ego. But he had noticed, somewhat smugly, that after the incident Raph had at least_ tried_ to pay more attention when Master Splinter taught pressure points. There was no way that Saki could have known that story. Leo relaxed his tense posture, his knee unconsciously tipping downward to collide with Raph's leg. He all but jumped when he passed straight through._

"_Whoa, chill, Fearless," Raphael all but chuckled while shifting slightly out of the way. "It's fine. Just don't freak out when Mikey shows up. You know what a spaz the twerp can be."_

"_Mikey's here?"_

"_Him and Don. You don't really think I could stop those two from following, do ya?" They both smiled slightly at the thought of their younger brothers before the cheerful expression fell from Raphael's face. _

"_You know that they're comin' for you, right?" Leo's smile also slid from his face._

"_Of course I do." _

"_Good," said Raph harrumphing and standing up. "Look, bro, I have to get going, but I'll be back. You don't- I mean, we're _here_ now."_

"_Yeah, Raph," said Leo smiling once more. "I understand." He supposed that Raph was Raph, no matter whose head he was in. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I couldn't do it on my own," Leonardo said somewhat woodenly, "It seemed so long, it could have been moths or even years. I didn't sleep except when I was unconscious and there wasn't much food to eat. I believed that my family was looking for me, but I was slipping. I would have had to find an- alternative solution, if Raph hadn't have shown up."

"It could have been a cumulative effect from all of the drugs that Saki put in your system, Leo," commented Donatello in a sort of muted concern. After all, the Foot had not stormed their Lair yet, "Were you sure that that wasn't his intention?"

"I had considered it, but it seemed unlikely, and I- " he stopped. _'I didn't care,' _he realized in horror.

"My son," master Splinter interrupted, tightening his grip on his eldest's shell as he spoke. "There is no shame in calling on your brother in your time of need. It is not a failure in your training or in your mind. I am proud that you were able to do this." Leo relaxed then, pushing aside his other concerns. What had seemed so natural in that cell had seemed more and more concerning in the time spent with his real family. Still, he hadn't realized, truly, how this issue weighed on his mind until this point when he ceased to be afraid of it.

"Um, Leo?" asked Mikey hesitantly. Leo turned his head slightly so their eyes met. "What about me? Did I visit?" The question was delivered in such true and pure Mikey fashion that a smile could not help but steal it's way over Leo's face.

"Yes, you did."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Leo now lived for the times when he was dropped into his cell like so much rank produce and left chained to the wall like a dog. It did not seem like something one would look forward to, but it was here that Raphael had visited him, twice now, and even the deafning white noise and even whiter walls were better than the grey walls of the Foot's main room. _

_He was only semi conscious and exhausted, so resisted the pull of the waking world, but that was not the only reason he hung back. Even with Raphael sharing some of the burden and giving a release to Leonardo's festering anger, he feared how long his mind would last. Regardless of how it happened he would not be responsible for giving away his family._

_It had occurred to him that there was one way to be sure that he could never be forced to reveal any secrets to the enemy of his family. He was fairly sure that he could do it, if he chose. The Shredder had been careful when constructing the cell and even when torturing the turtle. He wanted his prisoner to remain alive, at least until he had fulfilled his purpose. But what Saki did not know was that Leonardo had always been the best of all his brothers when it came to control over his own body. He thought that, with enough concentration, he could be successful in stopping his own heart. The only question was, should he speak to Raph before going through with it? it wasn't as though the phantom could deliver a message, but still…_

"_Wakey, wakey, big bro!" called a cheerful voice from beyond the curtain of his consciousness. He tried to ignore it for a moment, but, he recognized the voice. And then it called again, much more urgently. "Leo! Snap out of it, dude; they didn't hit you that hard. Right?"_

"_Mikey?" the elder turtle questioned, blinking. _

"_In the flesh! Well, more or less." His youngest brother bounced before him, orange bandana practically glowing in the light, somehow only serving to make the color even more cheerful. _

"_Mikey," repeated Leo still caught in his previous thoughts, and perhaps too used to speaking only to Raphael, "did you ever wonder what we would do when Sensei…"_

"_Um, well, I try not to and stuff, but sometimes," he said, sitting as though feeling the weight of the conversation. "Why?"_

"_And did you, did you ever think about if- if one of us…"_

"_Leo," Michelangelo interrupted, "you're not, I mean, you can't leave us! " His eyes filled with liquid as he gazed in horror at his big brother, "I know it's tough, but it's not that bad, right? I love you, bro, you can't just-"_

"_No, Mikey, no. Of course I wouldn't," Leonardo said, regardless of what he had decided earlier. He couldn't do that to his baby brother. _

"_Promise me," said Michelangelo, strangely serious as he stared into the eyes of his eldest brother. "On your honor promise me."_

"_I swear to you, Hamoto Michelangelo, that I will do everything in my power to make it back to you, my family, alive and with my honor intact." Mikey's face dissolved into a grin that made the whole day worth it to the tired older turtle._

"_Good," babbled Michelangelo, once again full of energy, "cause I found this great place for the next Extreme Sports: Turtle Style. There is no way that your scooter will beat my board this time!" Leo rolled his eyes as his youngest brother launched into an enthusiastic description of just how lame his collapsible blue scooter was. Leo had heard it so many times before that he could practically recite it by rote. Maybe that was why Mikey could do it so very well. Whatever the case the young turtle's voice, chattering about happier times, overrode the constant and painful background noise, lulling the imprisoned mutant into the first true sleep he had found since first he had came here. As he drifted peacefully off he could have sworn he heard a voice:_

"_It's okay, bro. Remember what Splinter always says: things look better in the morning. Don't worry; we'll still be here for you."_

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I had to make a-a hard choice, Mikey, and you helped me do that."

"Yeah? Was it important?"

"Yes, yes, it was."

"What else did I do?" asked the younger turtle, practically vibrating out of his chair. Leo smiled broadly at the sight of such barely bridled enthusiasm.

"You made fun of my scooter, Mikey," he said struggling to compose a straight face.

"Ha!" Michelangelo crowed, "I told you it was lame!"

"Yeah?" asked Raph sarcastically, "then why does Leo keep handing you your shell with it?"

"Like you do better?" whined the youngest, pulling a face, "Besides I found this awesome place for the next Extreme Sports: Turtle Style, and I am totally going to beat all your shells!"

"Right, Mikey. Somehow I find that a more than a little statistically improbable," observed Donatello.

As everyone watched Leo chuckle to himself at Mikey's comically outraged face they knew that the youngest turtle had done much more in Shredder's cell then malgline Leo's choice in sports equipment. They felt that they owed him more than could ever be repaid. _'Not that I ain't goin' to lay out the twerp if he so much as touches my masks again,' _thought Raphael, and not uncharitably. After all, everyone had agreed, pink was _not _his color.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"_Leo? Are you alright? Is there anything that I can do?" Leo recognized that voice, and oh, how he wished that it meant he was going to be set free. _

"_Donay?" muttered Leonardo through a jaw still numb from whatever it was the Foot had given him, "I wash wonering when you would-" he broke off into a gale of coughing. _

"_Shell, Leo!" cried Donatello as blood flew from the chained turtle's mouth and splattered the floor in front of him._

"_Na, is okay, I jus bi my lip bfore," he reassured his brother, trying to wipe his face, but failing. Latly the Shredder's goons, as Mikey had taken to calling them, had been chaining his arms higher over his head, and he just did not have the strength to stand to gain the slack he needed. Don reached into his bag and pulled out a hand towel to wipe away the red liquid. Unfortunately he could no more physically help his oldest brother then could the other two turtles, his hand passing right through Leonardo's chin. _

"_Shell…" mumbled Donatello, frustrated beyond eloquence at his inability to even do that much for his brother. _

"_Ish okay," Leo said again, "I can' really feel it." Donatello looked less then reassured. _

"_What about the rest of this? Has anyone treated these?" he asked angrily. Leonardo looked at his legs sprawled in front of him and winced to see the new and half healed cuts. He had been trying to ignore the individually stinging pains, to forget he even had them. He definitely remembered obtaining them, though, the Shredder was becoming more impatient each time. He shuttered slightly causing the wounds on his arms to drip warm liquid, the strain making them to throb anew. _

"_Leo?" asked Donatello recalling him from the unpleasant memories._

"_Um, yesh. Sometimes they spray disinfectant after. I don' think anyshin is infecten," Leo replied making a failing effort to speak clearly._

"_And that jaw? It doesn't look broken."_

"_Isn', jus numb. Na ery good a maken me talk," offered the battered turtle with an attempt at a smile. _

"_I wish there was more that I could do," said Don sadly, a hand hovering helplessly over Leo's outstretched leg. Leonardo would have started if his muscles could have mustered the reflex._

"_Leo, what is it?" asked Donatello, drawing back in alarm._

"_I-I felt tha," exclaimed Leonardo. Carefully Don rested his hand back on his brother's ankle, not quite touching. Leo nodded briefly._

"_Okay, Leo, I'm going to try a little experiment. It can't hurt, and I can't just do _nothing_. Just bear with me." Leo nodded once more. Digging around briefly in his bag Donatello came up with a tube of ointment used to disinfect and take the edge off of cuts scrapes and other abrasions. Carefully the purple banded turtle spread the cream over the worst of the wounds. There was no visible change, nothing stayed in the cuts, there wasn't even any real pressure, but Leo felt the pain receded all the same. He closed his eyes and savored the moment. _

"_Tha you, Donay," he said meeting his brother's eyes. Donatello lay a reassuring hand not quite on Leonardo's shoulder and offered a sad smile which Leo returned. He knew that Don wished he could do more, but between his brothers, Leo was actually beginning to believe that he could get through this without mind and body totally giving out on him . _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello looked speculatively at his older brother. He couldn't help but wonder if he, or at least a projection of himself by Leonardo's subconscious, had visited Leo during his confinement. Each of his other brothers had helped Leo in some way and he wondered if he too had been helpful. If Leo had indeed imagined him. He bit his lip. This could be worse than imagining all the things that had been done to his oldest brother while they had all been helpless, if only because this was incredibly more selfish.

"So did we always appear separately?" asked Michelangelo, apparently entranced with the phenomenon, a response that Leo hadn't expected but was very grateful for.

"Almost always," he replied.

"Almost?" asked Donatello, intrigued. "When did we, they, appear together?" Leo looked around at his gathered family:

"When I needed you most."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_There was a fierce burning under his shell and the edges of his plastron. It felt as though his cell had become a sauna and the normally blinding brightness had become beyond unbearable. Occasionally he writhed against his restraints but mainly he tried to will himself into unconsciousness, anything to escape. He was vaguely aware of voices in the background, and as he lay there listening he realized that he was hearing the voices of his brothers as they had a discussion, about him. _

"_This ain't right!" growled Raph angrily. "What the shell do they expect to learn from him if he's dead?"_

"_Maybe they've decided that he's not going to give them any information. They may have decided that one dead mutant is better then none," replied Donatello._

"_Stop, Donny! He's not going to die. He's just sick, but he'll get better," cried the youngest in distress._

"_Where do you get off playin' devil's advocate anyway, _Donatello_,' sneered Raphael._

"_You cut it out too, Raph," Mikey said firmly. "We need to just figure this out- _together_. No fighting!" There was a pause where Leo could imagine the surprised looks that were exchanged between the older turtles. When they continued their voices were much calmed. _

"_How bad is it, Don, really?" asked Raph resignedly._

"_He has a fever. Infection has set in to some of the cuts around his plastron. I don't know how much he can take being so weakened."_

"_Shell. I thought that they were takin' care of the infection angle," said Raph as his footsteps retreated and returned._

"_Isn't that what all the stinging stuff was for? Like what Master Splinter used to put on our cuts before we got the kind that doesn't hurt?"_

"_Yes Mikey, but when they spray the hydrogen peroxide it doesn't get under his shell like it needs to," explained their brainy brother._

"_Bastards," muttered Raph, thinking of how the Shredder had slowly flayed the tender skin that was usually protected by the turtle's natural armor. No one felt like reprimanding his use of language. _

"_So, what can we do?" asked Michelangelo optimistically._

"_I'm not sure that there_ is_ anything we can do," admitted Donatello reluctantly, "With infection, he needs antibiotics and disinfectants." _

"_Can't you- you know- give it to him?" asked Raphael impatiently._

"_This is different Raph, you know that. It's just not enough." It was then that Leo felt an uncontrollable shiver pass through him, rattling the chains overhead and sending new shoots of pain through his being._

"_Dude, you awake?" asked Michelangelo, bounding over to his side. Leo tried to answer, but wasn't sure how well he could be understood. _

"_Here Leo, see if this helps," said Donatello, spreading some salve over his burning skin. It did seem to dull the older turtle's discomfort, but he could still feel the heat under his skin as foreign bodies multiplied. He groaned slightly as his headache spiked and he squeezed his eyes together even more tightly. _

"_It's okay, bro, just hang in there." Mikey's voice sounded right next to his ear. He managed a brief nod. _

"_This ain't good," stated Raph needlessly as he paced back to the door. "You shell for brains ain't goin' ta find out nothin' if you don't get in here an take care of him!" he bellowed through the thick divide. _

"_Shhh!" hushed Michelangelo reflexively, but Leo smiled strainedly. The turtles voices didn't really bother him anyway. _

"_M' so tired," murmured Leonardo as he shuttered again, wishing for a blanket in spite of how warm the fever made him. _

"_I know!" chirped Mikey softly, "Why don't I tell you a story, like Master Splinter used to? Umm… what about 'The Hatchling and the Sewer Kapa'?" _

"_Raph hates that one," Leo said with the slightest protest._

"_I know," beamed Mikey, "that's why it's perfect!"_

"_Yea, you just keep talkin'… " muttered Raph, leaving the threat for Mikey to complete himself, but the younger turtle blithely launched into the story regardless. It was one of Leo's childhood favorites, though not often heard once Raph had declared his disdain for the tale. Leo relaxed into Mikey's soft but animated voice as Donatello periodically spread more ointment over his inflamed skin and Raphael paced doggedly in front of the door. He must have fallen asleep in their comforting presence because suddenly Raph was calling for him to wake up: the door was opening. The red banded turtle's voice held a distinct urgency in it, as though he truly was afraid that his brother had finally become more trouble than he was worth to his tormentors. _

_Leo didn't struggle as the hood was pulled over his head, in fact the extra protection from the light was welcome at this point, but he remained limp as he was dragged out of his cell. He didn't think that he could. He was dropped in what he could only assume was the main room once more, but did not open his eyes. In fact he did not move at all._

_There were other people around him, but he could not even guess who they could be. His senses were so muddled. There was a loud noise in an angry voice which hurt. His arm was roughly grabbed and a shot administered, then he was all but hosed down with a painful liquid that he tried to squirm away from with no success. Eventually he was tossed back in his own cell, though he realized he could now lay flat now, for some reason. He didn't question it though; he didn't feel up to questioning anything, except…_

"_It's okay now, Leo."_

"_Ya did good, bro."_

"_Night, Leo. Don't worry about us, bro, at least not for a little while." _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo unconsciously ran a hand over the line where his plastron met the skin if his chest.

"The Shredder had been occasionally having his soldiers hose down my wounds with disinfectant to be sure that I would be able to give him all of the answers he required, but… eventually he realized that the skin just under our shell and plastron would be the most sensitive." All of the turtles winced slightly and Donatello's eyes widened in dawning comprehension. They were not often wounded in such places, but when they were it was quite difficult to keep clean.

"They got infected," Donny stated with a kind of sick certainty. Leo nodded.

"I became, rather ill, for a while. It was then that I saw all of you, them, together. No, I suppose that isn't true," he amended, "I did not actually see them, but I heard them talking, and Don put something on the… abrasions." _'Well, I suppose that I, or my counterpart, did indeed appear to help Leo,'_ thought Don distractedly _'but I- wait!'_

"Leo! This Don, he touched you?" Donatello asked seriously.

"He- no," stumbled Leonardo, "there was no true physical sensation-I." He stopped. "It was like performing a pain relieving or healing meditation without consciously doing so… Is such a thing possible, Sensei?" The old rat keenly surveyed his son's face before answering.

"I am old enough to count nothing as impossible, especially with such sons as you four. Never have I heard of this happening, but I do not doubt that this is indeed akin to what occurred." A short silence followed their Father's pronouncement before Donatello remembered what he was going to ask before he realized that Leonardo's hallucinations may have gone beyond the visual and auditory.

"Do you know what it was they used as disinfectant?"

"Yes," he frowned, trying to recall the name, "Master Splinter used to use it on scrapes we got in the sewer. The kind that frothed white?"

"Hydrogen peroxide," supplied Donatello. Leo nodded as Mikey screwed up his face:

"I hated that stuff: it burned worse than the cuts," the younger turtle whined seconds before Don's foot connected with his ankle yet again. "Ouch. Um, sorry…," he muttered, wondering why he couldn't just _think_ before speaking sometimes. If only he wasn't so agitated.

"I assume that they treated you…" trailed off Donatello.

"Yes, I don't really remember, but Raph was worried that they had decided not to." Raphael jumped slightly, still not at all used to Leo saying he had been somewhere he had not, regardless whether or not he meant the real Raph or…not… _'I hate this kinda thing,' _he muttered silently before frowning in the realization that part of Leo had seriously thought that he was going to die from infection in that cell, alone but for that-that not-Raph and his not-brothers.

"What of your memory, my son?" asked Master Splinter, interrupting the dark road Raphael's thoughts were taking, "Do you recall how you escaped or why you did not seem to recognize your brothers when you returned to us?"

"No, I don't remember that time, nothing more than odd feelings, flashes…" he trailed off uncomfortably.

"Dude, what did Saki do to make you like that?" asked Mikey rather too bluntly, but Donatello's foot stayed on the floor. All of the turtles were very interested in their brother's answer, but Master Splinter felt that he knew his older son's mind on this issue. He folded his hands and prepared himself to run interference, if necessary.

"Saki didn't make me forget, I did that to myself." There was a moment of silence before the turtles exploded:

"You did what?!"

"Of all the bone headed things!"

"Do you even know what could have happened to you!?"

"That is enough, my sons," broke in Master Splinter, standing from his chair and drawing the spotlight away from the cringing older turtle. "I am sure that Leonardo has an explanation, but you will all be silent to hear it. Is this clear?"

"Yes, Sensei," murmured the three turtles, heads lowered.

"Now, my son," he said, addressing Leonardo, "Would you tell me how you came to such a decision?"

"Yes, Sensei. It was not easy. In fact, I am afraid that I delayed longer then I should have."

"How so?" asked Splinter calmly, shooting a look at Donatello who had opened his mouth to protest.

"I was- afraid, father," he admitted reluctantly. "I knew that the Shredder was getting closer to a truth serum that would work on me, but I put off acknowledging what I had to do. Raph had to make me face what could happen before I lived up to my responsibilities," Leonardo confessed in a low voice, shoulders slumped with shame.

"What is it that you did?"

"I forgot," Leo answered simply, "I knew that anything I knew would be fair game eventually, and I recalled the story you told, Sensei, about the Samurai who used meditation to prevent giving up his lord's secrets. "

"But, Leo, that was just a story," interrupted Don earnestly, before being silenced by a look from their father.

"It was a legend," disagreed Leonardo softly, "I had discussed it in detail with Master Splinter afterward, even if only as a theoretical exercise."

"As I recall, I had impressed upon you that it was a thing of great danger and that, aside from this one legend, none in living history had successfully done this. Most lost their minds, my son."

"I know Sensei, but I felt that it was my only option. I could not be the vessel of my family's destruction."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Leonardo sat alone in his cell trying to center himself. He was truly alone for the first time in a long time, but he was not happy about it. He missed his brothers, even if they were never really there at all. _'This is getting nowhere,' he _thought, angered by his wondering musings. He only had so much time before another of the Shredder's goons came for him, and the level of concentration needed to accomplish his task was daunting at the best of times. _

_Slowly he put all physical distractions behind him. The sting and burn of his beaten body and sharp pressure from his bisected plastron faded, though his breathing was still restricted. The brightness outside of his eyes faded to nothingness and even the terrible droning, spiking noise slipped away, though it seemed to struggle, changing pitch each time it was almost blocked from the turtle's consciousness. Finally he was alone in his head with his own thoughts. He was already exhausted and was yet no further than a regular meditation session in the dojo. _

_Leo found himself, as he often did during his meditations, in the middle of the dojo in their own sewer sweet sewer. Master Splinter had encouraged each of them to choose a location in which they felt comfortable and at ease when they were young turtles first learning the art of meditation, and Leonardo had never left the practice behind, though the dojo did tend to trail their infrequent Lair changes, shifting to the new location after they had settled into their new home. _

_He did not know where his brothers had gone during those early sessions, or if they still visited them, but he was sure that they, especially Raph, would have something to say about the elder turtle always ending up where he started. But truth be told, he always felt safe in the family's dojo. It was where they were taught, where they trained, where Leo always knew his place and yet little true harm ever came. Unfortunately it all needed to be taken down._

_Carefully the turtle started to deconstruct the walls around him, parceling away his stray thoughts, combing through the clamor of fears, doubts, dreams, and other random minutia until all was calm and securely stowed. He took the boxes that represented his thoughts and locked them in a chest. Then he erected every kind of barrier around it that he could imagine before slipping the entirety of his life and person into a knapsack. He looked around his mind to be sure that he wasn't forgetting anything before he set off leaving nothing but dark nothingness where his mind once was. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I went as far away as I could, stopping only when I realized that if I went any further I would not be able to find my way back," Leo told his family calmly and factually. "Once I was there I did everything I could to hide my presence. It must have worked because the Shredder never found me."

"I met with some of your precautions, my son, and none that did not know you as I did would have been able to follow your trail, let alone breach your defenses."

"That is good," replied Leonardo absently, "I tried to do all I could…"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Leo stumbled through the dark landscape. He had come very far, and had not planned on stopping when he suddenly did. Turning around he felt the insubstantial pull of his body and mind all but nonexistent. He could go farther if he intended to keep his word to his youngest brother. So here is where he would stay. _

_As soon as he made the decision, the landscape around him became pitch black once more only to slowly fade out and reveal the familiar walls of his home. He sighed. No matter how far he went, he always ended up back here. It wasn't good enough. It was too familiar; it left to much of a trail to be followed. But what more could he do? He didn't think that he could reside in some other place, nowhere else would give him the strength… strength and weakness both at once… _

_What he needed was not to exist, but to do so without breaking his promise, his word, to his younger brother. It would have been impossible anywhere but there and without the terrible need driving him, the need for his family to be safe and for him to remain undiscovered. _

_He wasn't quite sure how he did it or where the dark and lecherous nothing came from, but it had felt like he had drilled into the depths of time, back beyond his birth and past his death, perhaps even digging under his own soul to find it. It was the hardest thing he had ever done. harder than mastering his fear of heights , harder then waking on Casey's farm, harder than remaining silent as the _

_Shredder flayed him for answers. But he had pulled up the barrier, and held it in place with all his strength of will, and finally he was alone. No one could find him here, not the faintest fleeting brush of an aura could slip through. Now he only had to wait, wait for his brothers to rescue him. Just hold the walls until then. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"I-I truly thought you dead, my son," Master Splinter confesses, his composer breaking for the first time in the grueling explanation of days past. "I must ask your forgiveness for giving up so easily." But Leonardo shook his head firmly.

"There is nothing to forgive, father. I did not even consider how you would view my disappearance from the spiritual realm. If anything the blame lies with me."

"Enough with the blamin' already, Fearless, this whole shell spawned deal is the Shredder's fault. Ain't no one else, just him." Raph stared down his brother, the flames in his eyes eclipsing the red of his bandana.

"I believe that your brother speaks wisdom, Leonardo," Raphael's eyes flicked over to their Sensei in disbelief and something approaching pride- 'wisdom' and Raph rarely went together in their family. Leo was glad to escape his brother's intense gaze; he had enough of burning eyes. "We should simply be grateful that you are well and returned to us."

"Do you remember anything about how you escaped though, Leo? I couldn't believe it when Raph called to say that you were alive… It's amazing that you could get across the rooftops by yourself, let alone escape Saki's prison," Donatello could not help but add, regardless of his father's warning look.

"I don't remember very clearly after I began my meditation. It took almost everything I had to keep my walls up, though every once in a while some sensation slipped thorough. .."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_In the darkness, swarming and struggling against his hold, he did not feel what was happening to his body, so far away. Mostly. Every time in the longer time there would come a disruption. Mainly they came in the form of pain. Sharp stabs to his shell and plastron, horrible sensations of great weight pressing him down, but never enough to break his concentration, not even a burning tearing pain over his heart caused any faltering. It wasn't until the pain stopped that his strength and resolve began to waiver. For a moment, a brief moment, he had thought that his father had come for him, come to rescue him, but his brothers! Why did they follow him? He had sent them away! He pulled his barriers closer and tighter to himself and denied them entrance into his consciousness. Thoughts of his brothers continued to plague him, causing small rifts and surges in his hard fought barrier. Every time he shored up his defenses, but at a steep cost. Even here in the deepest recesses of his mind, he could feel himself weakening._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"…I'm sorry, Don, I can't remember anything of my escape," Leo admitted. "I am just glad that Raph found me, and that Master Splinter brought me back," he said, offering a half bow to each that their father returned and Raph looked distinctly uncomfortable about.

"We all hear you there, dude," Mikey exclaimed fervently, "So what're we gona do now?"

"I suppose that I should start training again. It's been far too long," responded Leo with a self depreciating smile.

"Oh no," cried Don even as smiles stole over his two brother's faces. "No matter how happy I am to hear you say that, bro, you're going to have to take it easy and do Exactly. What. I. Say." Informed Don seriously, "It has been a long time, and if you try to do too much you're just going to make things worse. Alright?" Leo looked Don in the eye for a long moment before dropping his eyes in submission. He knew better than to say anything. Besides he honestly didn't know how much he would be able to take at the moment.

"Alright, Don," he conceded, "but I still would like to get started as soon as possible."

"Agreed," replied Donny immediately as smiles overtook the Hamato family. This was the brother they remembered.

* * *

A/N: that's the end of Leo's story! Did you enjoy it? I hope so because now we can leve the kitchen table and start moving the plot forward again! (and I do promise that there is some plot left ;) So please tell me what you thought… please?

p.s.-(**_Not_** the end of the story, just of Leo's explination. I still have at least several more chapters and I'll switch the story status to 'compleat' whenever I upload the last one. I hope that clears up any confusion.- ever, D.R'N.)


	35. Chapter 34

* * *

A/N: Okay guys, not much to say but that I'm trying to tie up as many strings as I can so we can get some action! (I tried, but I _have _to tie these up of the story just _refuses _to go on) So read, relax, and enjoy!

* * *

Donatello didn't know whether to scream or smile as Leo attacked his training with his usual single mindedness. On the one hand it was a relief that Leonardo had shaken off whatever had been bothering him. Don had no doubt that the unburdening at the breakfast table a few days ago could be thanked for that, but he was beginning to wonder if Leo actually didn't understand what the younger turtle meant when he told him to take it slowly.

He had started Leo out on some simple exercises, just walking around the Lair and going through a series of stretches. Just these took it out of the eldest turtle's taxed body, and Leo couldn't seem to accept that it would take time to build back the strength and endurance that he had lost. Don thought that part of the problem could be that Leo was feeling useless, which is why he had arranged that Leo be summoned to the dojo during practice by the one person that their intrepid leader seemed incapable of putting off.

"Ah, my son, I am happy to see you. I am working with Donatello this morning, for his defense requires greater attention. I was hoping that you would observer Michelangelo and Raphael's bout."

"Of course, Master," Leo agreed gracefully, hiding any suspicions he had at this abrupt request. Mikey and Raph were squaring off with wooden practice swords, an unusual occurrence. Though Master Splinter required them to be proficient with many weapons, they tended to stick with those they knew the best. Still, he was the best in his family with the sword, a challenge even for their Sensei: it made perfect sense that he would be called in to referee. He felt that he should be congratulating Don on a trap well sprung.

As he sat, calling out occasional corrections or admonishments, he was surprised to find how much he was enjoying himself. He had missed this time with his family. They had trained together for as long as he could remember and it felt _right_ to be here with them now. If only he was up to sparing…

Donatello stole glances at his older brother as their lesson progressed, earning him several hard raps from their Master's weapon and a short reprimand for being distracted during battle- but he knew that his father's heart was not in it. Splinter stole just as many glances, he was just better at multitasking. Besides, Donatello could not be put down today. In fact he felt that congratulations were in order as he heard Leonardo's voice ring out, much stronger now, and Raphael's sarcastic reply. It felt like home.

Besides, if Leo was here with them, then he couldn't be off somewhere trying to practice. Yep, just like home.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Mikey had been walking down to the restroom when he heard an expletive leak out from under Leo's door. He was so surprised that he double checked, just to make sure that this wasn't really Raph's room instead. He knocked lightly, but the door swung open slightly at his touch so he carefully peered in without invitation. Leo was kneeling at his desk, mopping up some spilled ink. His attention snapped up as Mikey's head entered the room, tensing for a quick moment before registering a non threatening presence.

"Um, need help, dude?" asked Michelangelo, still standing in the door way. Leo looked at the mess in front of him, hesitating for a moment, before nodding his assent. Mikey carefully made his way to his brother, peering over Leo's shoulder as casually as possible under the guise of grabbing a towel to help mop the mess up. It looked like Leo had been doing some calligraphy. At least, that's what it _looked_ like. Mikey had never been all that great at Japanese, but the markings on the page held very little resemblance to any characters that he knew. It was weird, because Lei always had the best handwriting, he didn't understand until his brother went to pick up his brush and put it back in his pencil holder. His hand shook slightly and he quickly aborted the movement, opting to lay it on his improvised brush rest instead, but Mikey had seen it. He quickly grabbed the towel he had been reaching for and moped up the worst of the ink, unsure of what to say, or if he should say anything. Unfortunately for him Leo always had had eyes in the back of his head.

"Don't worry about it, Mikey," Leo dismissed, trying to be off handed, "I was just a little clumsy. Is it time for practice?"

"Almost," replied Michelangelo, finishing with the mess on the low table. " Raph swears that he's going to dust the floor with my shell this time, but I say: No way!" he said, keeping it light as Leo nodded, sweeping his stained papers into the trash and pulling himself to his feet.

"You know, he just might unless you learn to keep your sword tip from dipping. You can keep your 'chucks going for hours, Mikey. Is it really that hard to keep a sword up for just one bout?" he asked as they headed out into the Lair proper.

"Aw, those are totally different muscles," blustered the youngest as he followed his brother, "Besides, _he's_ always the one who overextends."

"You just let me worry about Raph's technique problems, you concentrate on your own," Leonardo admonished slightly.

"Sure, bro," Mikey replied, but could not help but think, _'but who's going to worry about you?'_

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Splinter eyed his eldest from across the room. Michelangelo had recently approached him with concerns involving Leonardo, and they were very concerning indeed. Still, he would do what he could, just as he and Donatello had done the day before.

"Leonardo," he called, causing the turtle seated at the table to look up, "would you join me, my son?" Leo immediately closed his book and made his way over to his father.

"Of course, Sensei," he said as he followed Splinter into the old rat's quarters, kneeling in the accustomed spot while his father went to stand before the small shrine he kept for his own Master Yoshi.

"I was unsure when would be the best time to return these to you, Leonardo, but I believe that you will not truly be whole without them." Splinter turned to reveal two blue wrapped katana that, though dented, still caught the light from the candles burning in the room. Leo recoiled slightly for, for a moment, it had seemed as though his father wore a double bladed gauntlet. He frowned to himself, dismissing such ridicules notions. Instead he took a closer look at his weapons. He raised a hesitant hand to run down the dull side of a blade, his finger caching slightly in a few spots and nearly being sliced open as he traced over a ragged tip several inches too short. He felt his heart constrict as he took in the damage. The next thing he knew he was on the floor, arms wrapped around his weapons, with his father beside him quietly rubbing his shell. Then he realized that he was sobbing. He didn't understand. His katana were important to him…very important, but this was not the first time they had been destroyed. He just… oh God. He would need to find pure metal, reforge them. He would need a kiln, a blast furnace, he would need tools, he'd need… steady hands…

"Father," he sobbed, turning his face into the rough robes, "I- I cannot fix this." He felt as though he had ripped out his own throat to utter those words. What could he do if he had no weapons? How could he protect his family from what was coming? What was coming…

"Do not worry, Leonardo, my son. I know that you are strong, but you do not have to do this thing alone. You need do nothing alone while we are here for you. I had hoped that you knew this, my son," Splinter reassured somewhat sadly.

"I can still fight, Sensei," he insisted, trying to push away his tears, "I know I can, I just-" he gestured at his broken blades helplessly.

"I have spoken to Donatello, he assures me that patience is what is needed after such a time. Dexterity _will _most likely return." Leo nodded as he gripped a stained handle. It was perhaps not as strong as it once had been, but he would work on it.

"Thank you Father."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello started Leo on some hand strengthening exercises while Mikey unobtrusively left some of his crayons and coloring books laying around the Lair which proved to be a much less stressful way to practice fine motor skills then attempting to write kanji. Soon Mikey was finding passably colored books mysteriously returned to him. Raph had been in and out, mainly doing stuff for Don or tinkering with the shellcycle in the warehouse. The others could tell that Leo wasn't quite comfortable when he did not know where they all were, but Leo and Raph were setting a record for 'the longest time together without fighting' and no one wanted to mess that up.

The first night that Leo had joined his brothers for the more basic kata found the turtle collapsed on the couch, far more exhausted then he would ever admit to. Mikey was rummaging around in the kitchen, making more noise then Leo really thought should be possible considering the limited cookware they had.

"Donny! Did you use my olive oil again?" yelled the orange banded turtle, his head still undoubtedly rooting around their cupboards.

"What?" yelled back Donatello from the direction of his room.

"I said: did you take my olive oil!"

"Hold on, Mike, I can't hear you." Donatello appeared leaning over the second floor railing. "What did you want?" he asked at more acceptable levels. Michelangelo felt no such compulsion.

"My olive oil! I told you to ask before taking my stuff, especially when it's stuff I actually use for cooking and not just the last box of cereal or anything!" he ranted, something metal rattling for emphasis before the disgruntled turtle materialized in the kitchen doorway.

"Um, about that," said Don, self consciously rubbing the back of his head, "I'm sorry Mikey, but regular oil wasn't working, the gears were just too delicate, and it was really late, I didn't want to wake you, I'm really sorry, but I'll put it on the list right away," he managed all in one breath. Leo noted both that Don had been practicing his breathing exercises and that his brother had obviously been staying up too late again, if _Mikey_ had been asleep.

"Hmph, fine," grumbled Michelangelo, somewhat assuaged. "But I was going to make pizza tonight," he said suddenly deflating.

"We could always order out. Raph could…" He stopped realizing that Raph really couldn't run to April's. They had been avoiding surface runs, though Don suspected it was soon going to be driving said turtle slowly stir crazy, if it wasn't already.

"Why don't you have April bring some over? If we order extra she can bring Casey too. I have a ten that I found awhile back. I was pressing it under my Japanese dictionary," piped up Leo unexpectedly. "It should still be there. Where are April and Casey anyway?" asked Leo, realizing that he hadn't yet seen their only human friends. "Are they alright?"

"Uh, no, they're fine, Leo," Don assured. He threw a questioning glance at Mikey, but the youngest turtle was suddenly avoiding his gaze, "We thought that we'd wait a bit before they visited. You see, you, um, reacted badly to them while you were still… meditating?" Leo also shot a glance at their youngest brother. Mikey hadn't mentioned anything about that when he had been filling his ears with the misadventures of his absence. What really could have happened? It was not like he would… oh shell.

"I didn't hurt anyone, did I?" asked Leo.

"What? No!" exclaimed Donatello, "No, you were more likely to hurt yourself then them."

"You were really scared of them," admitted Mikey quietly.

"Of April and Casey?" asked Leo quizzically.

"At the time I assumed that they reminded you of Foot soldiers." Leo considered Donatello's words a few seconds before shaking his head sharply.

"Well, I know that they aren't now, and it is not right that those who have done so much for us are unable to visit. Would you please extend the invitation, Donny?" he asked authoritatively. Don knew that Leo felt badly about the estrangement he had caused, but he also knew that it would be faster to just remedy the situation then try to pin Leo down about it. Besides, he missed actually talking to April besides brief phone conversations and email exchanges. She really had done more for the turtles then they ever expected anyone to do for a bunch of mutated sewer dwellers.

"Okay, and I'll ask Raph what he wants while I'm at it."

"No, I'll talk to Raph. You guys make sure that this is okay with Master Splinter," he replied, hauling himself off of the couch before his younger brothers could object. He was in the elevator and going up before he realized that this was the first time he had been out of the Lair since he had come back, even if it wasn't technically 'on the street' yet. As the door opened he peered around the warehouse looking for his brother. He heard him first, a sharp clang and muffled cursing from behind the bulk of the Battleshell. Leo muffled a smirk as he made his way around the armored truck. Raph was buried in the inner workings of his motorcycle, as Leo had expected. Don did most of the heavy lifting as far as major damage was concerned, but their red banded brother was always finding something on it he could fiddle with or adjust.

"Hey, Don, I'm almost done. Could ya hand me that wrench?" asked Raph not bothering to look up from the engine. Leo glanced at the assortment of at least six different sizes of the asked for tool laying on an old wooden box.

"Which one?" asked Leo, confused.

"Leo?" questioned Raph, trying to sit up too soon and smacking his head, almost tipping over the bike in the process as well. "Shell," he cursed as both he and his older brother scrambled to grab the shellcycle. Leo grunted softly as he strained his already sore muscles.

"Sorry, Raph, I just came to ask what you wanted on your pizza."

"My- we're ordering pizza?"

"Well, I doubt that they deliver to sewer grates, so we were going to see if April and Casey would join us tonight," Leo replied with a good natured smile.

"Yeah?" asked Raph carefully, remembering the conversation awhile back about _not_ having the humans over for awhile.

"Yeah," responded Leo firmly. "So, what do you feel like eating?"

"Supreme is fine, I guess," said Raph, making sure that his bike was properly supported.

"Okay, you coming down?"

"I'll be there in a second, just a few things to clean up. I'll meet ya," he insisted before Leo could offer to wait up.

"Okay," agreed Leo lightly.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Master Splinter had agreed to the gathering, taking the funds needed for the turtles to pay for their share. They tried their best not to burden their human friends, preferring to pay their own way whenever possible: it was, after all, only honorable. Everyone was a little tense, everyone but Leo. He couldn't understand why they were worried, not if he hadn't hurt anyone.

April and Casey arrived right on time, bearing the still warm pizzas that only Casey's crazy driving could deliver.

"Hey, guys!" April called happily as they exited the lift. She gave Donatello a one handed hug as she handed her pizzas off to Mikey.

"It is good of you and Miss O'Neal to join us," thanked Splinter as Casey and he walked toward the table.

"Oh, it's no problem. Youse guys is practically family, the only ones I got close by anyways," Casey shrugged off easily. Splinter nodded, hearing an explanation he could easily relate to.

Raph had been hanging back by Leo, not really sure what to expect. They were in the kitchen when they heard the elevator descend. Leo glanced up with a smile and rose with the pile of plates he was carrying. Raph followed with a handful of forks. Personally, he thought that forks and pizza were blasphemous, but some people in his family were _really_ freaks, though of the neat variety. At least Mikey and him had been able to convince their Sensei _not_ to use chopsticks.

So he followed behind his leader as they entered the main room, watching him as he set eyes on humans for the first time since coming back to himself. If he hadn't been paying attention he might have missed it- it was like Leo just stalled out for a second, welcoming smile freezing disturbingly on his face. Raph took a few quick steps up beside his brother and lay a three fingered hand on his shoulder. Like a switch, Leo's smile regained life and he starts forward again before anyone noticed.

"Hey guys! Wow, do we really eat that much?" said Leo by way of greeting. Their guest's eyes snapped up and both faces were overcome with warm smiles.

"Leo!" exclaimed April happily. She took a quick step towards him but abruptly reined in her enthusiasm, not sure exactly what the elder turtle would be comfortable with. "Yeah, well, half of those are for Casey. I swear, he can eat more than _Mikey_. " Leo laughed as he set down his pile on the coffee table.

"Dost I detect a challenge?" asked Michelangelo in a humorously superior voice.

"Don't chya look at me, Mike," replied Casey, raising his hands in surrender, "I concede that ya're the biggest glutton here."

"That's right: Michelangelo, glutton extraordinaire," he said, striking a pose, "and don't you forget it!" Everyone broke into spontaneous laughter at the youngest turtle's preening, before settling down for their food.

Michelangelo quickly proved his own boasts, finishing up a whole pizza nearly single handedly. In fact, he could probably have eaten more, but recently he had taken to making sure that _everyone_ got enough to eat, especially Leo. Besides, he was partially distracted by the conversation, even dwelling as it did on lighter subjects, especially once April revealed that she and Casey had stopped by VideoRent on their way over. It just so happened that they had gotten the new horror flick that Mikey had been dying to see. He swore up and down that he wouldn't be getting a second's sleep that night, not with those monsters tripping through his brain- but the turtle was asleep halfway through the old school samurai film that entertained both Raph and Leo, though Splinter kept shaking his head good naturedly.

Leo sat surrounded by friends and family, with his younger brother slumped and drooling slightly on his shoulder. And if Mikey's weight caused his plastron to twinge, he ignored it as he listened with half an ear to Don and April plan just what technology they would use in each scene if they were to do a remake while Raph and Casey cheered on the violence further down. He was still sore all over from the last week of pushing his body, but it was a familiar and even welcome pain that he grown up with while always trying his best to improve. All these sensations collaborated to try and get him to doze off. He suspected that he actually did for a time, but he woke as the credits were rolling. Raph was pulling Mikey off of him and slinging the younger turtle over his shoulder to haul him off to bed while everyone else cleaned up the mess. Leo shifted and found his shoulders and neck stiff from their odd position as he slept. He felt a bit sleep muddled still, but April and Casey were leaving- he should see them off. And besides that, he really would rather sleep in his own bed tonight.

"Okay, well, if everything is all squared away, I guess we can head out," April said, "I had a really great time, guys, and be sure to tell Mikey I said good night."

"No problem, April," Don replied.

"And Mr. Jones, be sure to escort, Miss O'Neal home tonight, it is quite late," reminded Splinter compulsively.

"Yes sir, Ma Jones taught her little boy ta give a lady door ta door service."

"Oh, stop it, both of you," said April slapping Casey on the shoulder in fond exasperation. She had never had brothers before, but she supposed that now she had four 'older' brothers, regardless that they were actually younger, not to mention a just as protective father figure, and of course whatever Casey was. It was a wonder that they let her leave her shop sometimes! But she had to laugh at their antics.

"They're just trying to make sure you get home safe," offered a sleepy Leonardo with a smile. Like he could talk, normally he was one of the worst. Still, she wasn't expecting the hug he gave her.

"Thanks for coming, April, and for… everything. You and Casey both," he said into her shoulder, his good arm patting he back slightly. She looked over at Donny, surprised, but the turtle just grinned back at her, so she threw her arms around the Leonardo in return.

"Anytime, Leo. We'll see you later, alright?"

"M'kay," replied Leo as Don took his arm.

"Come on, Bro, let's get you to bed," the purple banded brother said as he led him toward their rooms on the second floor. It was a measure of how tired the day had left him that Leo did not protest.

"That went well," commented April as they rode the elevator up.

"Yeah, it seemed like they guys had a good time."

"Yes Mister Jones, I believe that our home is once more open to you at any time," replied Master Splinter as the doors opened.

"I'm just really glad to see Leo up and around."

"As are we all," whispered Master Splinter as their guests departed.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo was working with a pair of wooden training swords, trying his hardest to win back what he had lost. Through his hard work he was already participating in every aspect of practice besides the actual bouts. Actually, he had tried to go one on one with Mikey, but a hit to his plastron had caused the broken edges to dig into his skin rather than the force of the blow being distributed across his chest. Don said that he was working in the problem, but till then he had to do any training opponentless. Not that Mikey would have anything to do with another try. In fact, Leo was sorry that he had asked his little brother in the first place. It was just that, he didn't think he was up to taking Raph on, but Donny would have gone too easy. If only he had kept it together more- he hadn't meant to scare him like that. Leo sighed in frustration as he swung into a more advanced kata.

He was enjoying the calming sensation of steps he already knew and the familiar strain of a good workout, regardless of the fact that it used to take him twice as long to get so tired, or that the arm scored by the shredder's gantlet was slightly weaker. He just swung up into a high block when the muscles in said arm spasmed abruptly causing him to drop his weapons ant clutch blindly at the pain. He hadn't even been aware that he had fallen to the floor until he heard his brother's voice.

Raph had been watching Leo practice from the doorway for awhile. He knew that Don was _not_ happy with Leo practicing by himself, but they all knew that there was only so far they could hold him back before the effort would do more harm than good. Raph, well, he knew the feeling far too well, the forced inactivity, so he was fine with letting Leo do as he would, as long as he didn't hurt himself- like that boneheaded feat with Mikey. And if he _did _do something stupid, well, Raph was there.

He had to admit, Leo was looking a lot better though. He hadn't said anything, but Leo's control had been more or less shot when he had started. Raph had seen him drop his weapons a couple times, though only when practicing in private. Mikey probably still had no idea why Raphael had smacked the back of his head when he asked why Leo was using wooden weapons still. But Leo was better. Raph could see a lot of his old style and drive as his older brother practiced, which was to say perfection. No matter how much he hated or protested the nickname, they both knew that it was perfection that Leonardo continually strove for. Like he needed it, or thought _they _did. Sometimes he didn't understand his older brother: good enough was often just that- and it didn't give you ulcers.

Leo had just swung into a kata that Raph knew for a fact Donny was still struggling with, when something happened and Leo was on the floor. Raphael dashed forward. His first instinct was to freak out, but that hadn't exactly been working for them lately, so he forced himself to remain calm.

"Leo? You okay?" asked Raphael softly, kneeling beside his fallen brother, hands hovering uncertainly.

"Yea, Raph, 'm fine," Leo said, the strength off his argument drained by the fact that he had yet to push himself from where his arms rested on the ground.

"Ya don't look okay. Ya need me ta get Donny?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Leo insisted, pushing himself off of the ground, only for his arm to collapse under him.

"Woah," grunted Raphael as he caught his older brother, "Fine, huh? Why don't we just take a break."

"I don't need a break, Raph," Leo said, shrugging off Raphael's supporting hand, "I need to get better. I need to be out there. I need…" He trailed off, lowering his head.

"Leo… ya know that I- well, I wouldn't do nothin' to get Mike an Don inta trouble, not real trouble. An we ain't even been goin' topside much anyway, just a coupla times since you woke up."

"I should still be there," he insisted without looking up.

"No one expects that of ya, bro, not Splinter, not Mikey, not me, or Don. " Then Leonardo did look up, a quick glance that Raph could not quite decipher, so instead he pressed on. "Donny did say it'd take awhile before you were up to speed an all. Everthin' is fine for now, but if ya don't use now ta get better, then you are just gonna get worse, ya know." Leo pulled his arm close to his plastron and nodded silently. Raph sighed to himself, he couldn't understand how he, of all turtles, repeatedly found himself in this sort of situation. He folded his legs under him, settling into the more comfortable cross legged position and reaching forward to lay a hand on Leo's shoulder. "What I'm sayin, Leo, is… ya don't have to be perfect, not for a while. I'll take care a things." There was a silence that threatened to become uncomfortable, in which Leonardo sat, unmoving. Then he lifted a hand, carefully placing it on his younger brother's shoulder.

"Thank you, Raphael," he said solemnly.

"Whoa, dudes, dost my peepers deceive us or does Raphie boy actually have a big ol' soft heart under that hard shell?" questioned Mikey, his voice oozing with false sincerity and ill concealed glee. Raphael's hand would not have dropped faster if Leonardo had suddenly become a live coal. An almost involuntary growl escaped the red banded turtle as he surged forward.

"Ah, ah, ah," scolded Mikey, waving his finger, "You can't kill me in front of witnesses, Raph." The older turtle froze, turning partially back to the eldest. He was surprised but pleased to see a smile gracing Leonardo's face.

"Go get'im, Raph." Michelangelo's face fell even as a grin grew on Raphael's.

"How could you Leo," cried Mikey in only partially mock horror as he fled the room.

'_Well maybe I won't hurt him- much,' _Raph thought as he took up the chase, '_after all he got Leo smiln, is more than I managed.'_

"Ra-phie's a soft-ie, Ra-phie's a soft-ie!" The tune floated past Raphael and into the dojo.

'_Or I could just kill him,' _concluded the hot head, not yet sure whether he was kidding or not.

Behind them, all but forgotten but much more centered, Hamato Leonardo pushed himself up and continued his exercises. It meant more to him than he could express, what Raph had told, and tried to tell him, but the duties of the eldest were not Raphael's to bear. The sooner he could go back on patrol, the better he would feel. Something was coming, something big. He could feel it and he had to be ready.

He just hoped that Mikey would still be in one piece when it came.

* * *

A/N: The last scene between Raph and Leo was asked for/inspired by Merdeka 21, so if you don't like it, totally her fault (of course, if you _do_ like it… Okay, it's still here fault. Gerr, stupid conscience ;) Anyway, please leave a review!

p.s-( Shool is starting back up soon and I have kind of a crazy semester. I may not be able to keep any sort of regular update- but I will get this story finished, no worries.) till then-D.R'N.


	36. Chapter 35

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A/N: hey guys! You remember the villain of this piece? The dastardly Shredder? Well, I know that a lot of you have asked me (several times) what exactly he's been up to, so I'm finally (finally) going to tell you. Read, relax, and enjoy!

* * *

Oroku Saki paced his chambers angrily for hours without interruption. He was rarely interrupted these days, not if his minions valued their lives in even the smallest of measures. It didn't help that he had just come back from yet another useless patrol, chasing an intermittent signal that his scientists had _claimed_ could be pinpointed virtually anywhere in the city. When he had set the turtle Leonardo out as bait, it was dependant on those white coated fools actually being competent for once. That was his first mistake.

He had been looking forward to exacting revenge from the turtles' interference in his business. When his soldiers had returned with the blue one, the one called Leonardo, he had been especially… smug. Here was a chance to not only wipe out the entire mutant family, but personally punish the one who had bested him. True, he had known that this one would be more difficult to break, but reattaching his head had caused the Shredder to expend no small amount of effort, and he was eager to repay every second of his weeks of indisposition.

In the beginning, that was just how it had gone. He was able to make the creature writhe to his own twisted heart's content. He had enjoyed stripping away the turtle's ability to fight back until he was as helpless as a child his age should have been before his might. No teenager should have been able to defeat the great Oroku Saki, least of all not this green, rat-trained monstrosity.

But his enjoyment was short lived as he realized that Leonardo was far stronger then he had ever expected.

Silence was a familiar gambit in a game that the Shredder had been playing for many years. In fact, it was his experience that the silent ones broke more quickly. It soon became impossible to hold so much in. The best, the ones who lasted the longest, would usually resort to children's rhymes or some such inane blather to stall the inevitable. But even as blood dripped down his face, and he lay prone and helpless before his greatest enemy, Leonardo let nothing pass his lips.

Of course, Shredder was not hesitant to use the more frowned upon aspects of the shinobi trade. But even all of the drugs at his disposal yielded nothing. His white robed clods prattled on about the differences in biology, as if he hadn't been paying them enough to have anticipated this. Yet, he had restrained his anger, as was befitting his station, but had also made it abundantly clear that it was their duty to rectify the situation. He sat and watched as vial after vial was injected into green skin. He watched as his prisoner's face contorted, his muscles spasmed, and his lungs gasp for breath, but no words came.

And the turtle continued to fight him. He had even made a semi successful escape attempt- armed with nothing but a bowl. The Foot Soldiers on guard at the time had been reassigned, naturally. Unfortunately it seemed as though the Shredder had miscalculated the strength of the rival gang he sent them to subdue. A pity, he was sure.

Worse yet, Saki's plan and weeks of work were almost rendered academic by a simple infection compounded by his underling's blundering ineptitude. He left instructions that his prisoner's wounds be treated in such a way that they would remain clean, but still painful. At least, that had been the idea. Obviously it was beyond his subordinates to do even that much.

All had cowered from him when he had discovered the deterioration of his prize. The turtle had been rendered insensate and useless by fever. He had informed his entire staff of scientists that their lives hinged on the captured ninja living long enough to provide answers. Luckily for most of them they had succeeded. Naturally the Shedder had still had to make examples of some. This sort of oversight was not to be tolerated.

Even so, Leonardo simply could not indefinitely continue to hold up under such strain. Both he and his prisoner knew it, and Saki had noticed telltale signs of weakening in the turtle. Unfortunately, the terrapin had yet one last ditch hand to play.

The Shredder had felt quite justified in his rage following Leonardo's escape. That the rat spawn had managed to leave his body behind just added insult to wasted time and expense… or so he had thought.

Once he gathered himself, his mind immediately set to searching out the ways he could use his captive's state to his advantage. He had always been a brilliant strategist, and even though living in this pathetic place had obviously dulled his instincts, he was quickly able to piece together a new battle plan. He was eager for the opening salvos.

The incompetents he employed as learned men had been itching to take the turtle apart since the day that he had been brought into the Foot stronghold. Saki finally gave them permission. He requested that they keep the specimen alive, but besides that they were given free reign. Stress tests were done on armored sections, organ arrangements were noted and tissue samples taken. Saki sat in for much of it, not at all disturbed by the blood or the dull thump and crack of weights hitting creitenious scales, and the mindless whimpering served only to annoy him slightly.

He did make sure that copies of any militarily relevant facts were distributed among his soldiers. Unfortunately, there did not prove to be many weak or vulnerable spots: their natural armor was quite strong and covered most of their bodies, but even a few, small target areas would be an improvement. It was beneath his dignity to speak of it, but his soldiers performed dismally against the family of mutants. Now perhaps they would fare better.

Before his scientists stitched the turtle back together, he made sure to leave him with a special parting gift, placed beneath his plastron. His brothers would never suspect such a thing, and even if they did, they would never attempt to retrieve it without proof. The Shredder laughed darkly as he considered how the benighted little family would try to gain access to the needed medical equipment. They would not be able to do so without it, for there would be far too much danger to their precious leader.

Time was drawing near for the departure of his guest, and Saki was determined that Leonardo would not leave until he had been given a proper farewell. Regardless of the disappointment that his soldiers had laid before him these last few months, he felt that they too deserved their chance with the turtle. They had suffered at the hands of him and his, and many of those that Saki punished had failed during tasks related to the mutant family. They deserved this chance far more than the weak men of science had, so he let them at the creature with the same restrictions: Saki preferred if the turtle remained able to draw breath.

He accompanied his minions to the drop off point, a rooftop where the Shredder was sure that he would be found, eventually. There he decided to leave a more personal message as well, slicing the turtle deeply trough the shoulder and across his plastron. It was a distinctive attack from his own gauntlet, one he was certain that at least some of the insufferable brood would recognize.

Then he left the turtle alone to lie in his own blood. At this point in his plan it did not much matter overly whether the turtle remained alive or not, though they may remain distracted longer if they were forced to take care of him. But his brothers would take him home in any case, and that was all that the Shredder required of them.

Saki quickly signaled for his soldiers to retreat across the buildings until they were safely out of the range of any creatures' senses, ninja or no. If there was one good thing the Shredder could force himself to say about the Rat, it was that he trained his students well. Too well- and he could ill afford any suspicions or confrontations at this stage, not if he wanted them all.

Though none of Saki's actions could ever be described as gleeful, he had a certain predatory smile as the tracer beacon on the screen began to move. It had taken them long enough to arrive and, even if he were inclined to, Saki would take no blame if the turtle had died during the wait.

Regardless, the tracer was sending out a steady signal as the turtle was moved through the alleyways of the city. They followed at a large distance, for the Shredder planned to return with a much larger force after their position became known to him. They would be at home, safe, distracted- they would have no chance. Or at least, they should not have.

This led back to Saki's chamber where the crime lord paced angrily. The rage had been simmering inside of him for months, causing the mortality rate among his soldiers to increase alarmingly until he was forced to rein in his temper. The scientists were particularly bothersome. They were not as easily replaced as the common foot soldier. Still, if he did not get results soon he would be forced to take more drastic action. The loss of a limb shouldn't unduly affect the 'brilliance' of their minds.

'_Scientists,'_ sneered Saki in distain. They had assured him that the tracking system would _work_. Those useless bodies knew nothing! It had faltered, blinking erratically even as his prey continued forward and finally winking out, leaving him and his troops with nothing but a general idea of where their enemy's lair could be. _'And the one time that I want to find them they decide not to interfere with my business.' _He had even set some Foot to shadow the local gangs in hope of capturing or following another one, but there had been no turtle sightings for all those said months. He had even considered 

using the woman to draw them out, but he had played that hand once before, and the shop owner, unlike the mutants, had legal recourse. As a legitimate businessman, Oroku Saki could not be tied to gang violence or the quasi mythical Shredder. No, it was best to leave the turtles human allies out of their feud as much as he was able.

So the private war seemed to be at a stalemate. Somehow the tracker he had implanted in Leonardo was being jammed or blocked, but the turtle had to still be alive. Otherwise his family would have had to bring him somewhere for burial, in which case Saki would have descended on them already. No, the turtle was alive and that meant he would have to emerge sometime. And if he knew anything about the mutants, Leonardo's so called brothers would not be very willing to let him out of their sight. If he and his Foot army could hit them with enough force and with little warning then they could wipe them out. True, he had wanted the rat also, but he was old. He could raise no more sons. No, it was more likely that the rodent would come to them, in some doomed attempt to avenge his sons.

Due to several intermittent signal bursts, like the one he had chased earlier that day, he had determined that the family lived underground. He had long suspected that the rat and his brood lived somewhere under his feet. A suiting place, he would think at most times, but now it only made the hunt more difficult. The winding corridors not listed on any map coupled with the unfamiliar conditions made it all but impossible to make any real progress before their prey once again disappeared. The Shredder ended up calling off their attempt early. He did not want to give the turtles any sort of warning.

'_In fact,'_ he thought, finally taking a seat, _'it is useless to engage them in their own territory. In the sewers they have the advantage. But they will emerge, and when they do, I will be waiting.'_

* * *

A/N: Oy, I had to rewrite this whole chapter to get Saki to sound right. He really isn't just an over dressed, overblown comic book villain. Actually, in the first season or so he's rather a dangerously subdued character. Anyways, please leave a review!


	37. Chapter 36

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A/N: I know that it's been forever, but school has been terrible, and, you know, this one _is_ extra long, so you should be happy- right guys? Anyway, read, relax, (and review ;)

* * *

Leo was up early, again, and going through a series of warm-up exercises. Today he was finally being allowed to lead his team topside. Just yesterday he had finally been able to knock Raph down in a bout, which was apparently the signal that Donatello and Master Splinter had agreed on.

It had taken a staggering amount of effort to get this far, and the time it took would have been interminable if not for April and Casey's frequent visits. He suspected a сconspiracy as the humans always seemed to turn up after Donatello's failed attempt at stopping Leo's practice early. Still their support was invaluable, as was that of his brothers. Even Raphael had kept his usually sharp tongue in check as Leo had his shell handed to him by each of his brothers in turn.

Of course, Mikey hadn't even wanted to touch the older turtle after the disaster of the last match between them that Leo had arranged. Even Leo would have been reluctant to go in against them, especially Raph, after what his younger brother's last blow had done to his chest. But, true to his word, Donatello had come through for him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Leo had been up early, earlier then he should have, trying to get a few extra hours of practice in before his brothers joined him. He spent a good part of practice as yet on the sidelines, observing and helping. But he wanted to be there, with them, rather then hidden away, as he was now, practicing by himself. And yet, his family did not seem to understand that he was simply trying to make up for the lost time; instead they always insisted that he was pushing too hard and that he should rest. He didn't think it was rest he needed, no, he needed _not _to rest, to once again get used to the punishing schedule their life required of them. Still, it was all he could do to stop himself from hiding his practice sword childishly behind his shell when Donatello entered abruptly. He was expecting some sort of lecture, but Donny breezed into the room as though he had no idea of the actual time. In fact, Leo suspected that he didn't. His brainy brother had the slightly sluggish, slightly hyper air of an all-nighter clinging to his olive skin. Leo was actually considering sending the younger turtle to bed, hypocrisy be damned, when Donatello's eyes focused on the older turtle. Then Leo just could not send away or dampen the happy glow that took over Don's face._

"_Leo!" he cried happily._

"_Yes?" Leo responded somewhat more carefully._

"_This is perfect. I've got something that I want you to try out."_

"_Me? Are you sure Raph wouldn't be better?" he asked, thinking that, as a baseline, he would be a poor one at this point. _

"_Don't be silly. I need you for this. Besides, do you want to get Raph up this early? What time is it anyway?"_

"_Um, so what do you need help with?" asked Leo evasively. He was actually relived that Don was tired enough that he did not notice the clumsy subject change._

"_Well, I don't need help, really," explained Don as he walked out of the dojo and across to his lab, leaving Leo to trail after him, "It's more like I need a final fitting." This explanation only served to confuse Leonardo even more. They hardly ever wore clothes, and when they did, baggier was usually better- shells were not the easiest thing to hide. Of course, sometimes Donny deigned weaponry or other gear that needed straps, rigging, or protective clothing, but in that case Raph, or even Mikey, really would have been better. The only explanation that made any kind of sense was that Donny was going to try something on and needed Leo to make notations or adjustments of some kind. _

"_Okay, just a second," said Donatello as his upper half disappeared into a freestanding closet. "All right, here it is." Suddenly Leo found his arms full of what seemed like a mess of leather straps. He stared uncomprehendingly at the pile a moment before transferring his gaze to the expectant face of his younger brother. It took a moment longer then it usually did for the realization that Leo wasn't actually doing anything to penetrate Don's slightly fogged mind. _

"_Oh. It's for you. I've been working on it on and off for a few weeks, and I just got it finished tonight," he explained as he took the bundle back, turning it over and pulling some of the dangling straps straight. "I know that you want to practice with us- and I'm not saying that you can dive right back in, because then you'll only hurt yourself, and I'll just have to fix you up all over again- but with this you should at least be able start sparing again, as long as you take it slow at first," Don concluded as he held up the now straightened garment. Leo was speechless as he looked at his brother's creation. Armor, Donatello had made him armor to replace that destroyed by Saki. Leo reached out and ran a hand down it, truly paying attention now. It was leather, and as he ran it between his fingers it bent when he applied pressure. His flexibility would not suffer unduly, but it was thick enough to provide some protection. And it was soft. He didn't know how Donny had managed to get his hands on anything of such high quality- and enough of it to make something like this… _

_Donatello ducked his head at the thanks he saw in his brother's eyes. He was happy that his latest 'invention' was being so well received, but he also did not think that he deserved this level of gratitude- after all, it's not as though he could have done otherwise. But instead of trying to express such thoughts, which he knew would just come out in a hopelessly sleep deprived jumble, he motioned for his brother to turn around so he could help him into the armor. _

_The engineer had put a lot of thought into the design. His first instinct was to use the strongest, hardest protection that he could, to insure that nothing would ever touch Leo's scarred chest again. But the armor would have to cover just about the entire plastron, so it would need to be constructed of something flexible. Working with shells was hard enough, but if Leo lost the ability to curve and bend his plastron then he would be more vulnerable than ever before. Discarding the idea of any sort of metal, both because of its rigidity and luster, he decided to evaluate his cloth based options. There had been some amazing advances in the textiles industry the last few years, but after doing significant amounts of research, it became clear that anything truly viable would be impossible for a mutant turtle living in the sewers to even dream of getting his hands on. Even April wouldn't be able to. And Leo would kill him if he got Raph to go with him and try to 'rip some off' or whatever other euphemism there was for stealing. In the end, he turned to the past for the answer. Armor was often made of leather in days gone by, and the material was both pliable and relatively available. _

_The actual design was deceptively simple. The main piece fit across his plastron and around his back, putting pressure on the edges of his plastron and forcing the plates to keep their normal position as well as helping to distribute any blows to the chest that Leo might receive. It wasn't a perfect system: the straps that both secured the armor and served as belt and sheath straps put yet more strain on Leo's shell and he would still have to be hyper aware of the plastron area, but it would allow him to fight. And for Leo, maybe more than any of them, that ability to fight and protect was his life. _

_Leo performed a few careful moves as Donatello grinned at the slow smile overtaking his older brother's face. He would probably have to make a few adjustments as the days went by and they figured out what worked best, but for now he just congratulated himself on making Leo smile. He was still grinning and mumbling ideas to himself as Leo bundled him off to bed. Leonardo appreciated Donatello's work, but sometimes his brother had absolutely no notion of self preservation. When the rest of the family came down for the official start of morning practice he made the appropriate excuses and let Donny have a few extra hours of sleep. He was sure that they would all agree that he had earned them._

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

It had been the new armor that had allowed him to best Raphael the other day. If it had not been for the added protection, the glancing blow he had received early on in the bout would have felled him. Now instead of getting fussed over and lectured, he was getting ready for a surface run.

As he stretched he could feel the leather shift slightly against his plastron, a feeling he was still getting used to, but he shrugged it off as he pulled out his Katana and began a simple kata. He had not even considered venturing up to the surface without his weapons. The blades had been reforged before he had started to dream of seeing the stars again, though it had not been easy.

The day he had been able to write his name legibly he had gone to his father to ask permission to heal his broken soul.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"_Enter, my son," came the aged voice through the thin paper screen. Leo swallowed nervously and slid the door aside. He made sure to close the barrier behind him- flimsy though it may be, he did not need curious brothers to peer in on him now. He sunk to his knees before where his Master sat without being asked and lowered his head, waiting to be spoken to. Splinter hesitated before speaking, taking in the seriousness and unusual formality with which his eldest approached him. He seriously hoped that the turtle did not bring ill tidings._

"_Speak, my student," Master Splinter replied, feeling that he should meet formality with formality. _

"_Sensei. I have come to ask your blessings."_

"_Blessings, Leonardo? For what do you seek this?" questioned the old rat gently._

"_I know that you and my brothers have done your best, Master, and I could never hope to deserve better," Leo hedged softly, "but my soul is still broken." He slid a battered and broken sword from the straps behind his shell and Splinter's eyes widened with understanding. He had been waiting for this day, but he had said nothing, he had not wanted to rush Leonardo, especially after his son had responded so emotionally when Splinter had presented his swords in the first place. The rat had no doubt that the release had been good for his son, but it was not something with which his eldest was accustomed, so he had stepped back. And now he was rewarded by Leo taking this next step for himself. _

"_Nothing would please me more, my son, then to see you whole once more," Splinter said, a sincere smile spreading slowly across his face. He moved around the low table between them and knelt in front of his son, putting a hand carefully over the damaged blade. "Leonardo…" Blue banded eyes rose to meet those of his Sensei. In them, Splinter saw the determination that had long been a part of the one he had chosen as leader. Yet, these were not the same eyes as that turtle, so long ago. Perhaps it was best, that change comes during a lifetime. If only life did not find it to lay so heavily on his children. "…Please do not go out alone."_

"_Of course not, Sensei," agreed Leonardo with a dip of his eyes. He rose at the implied dismissal and gave a small formal bow as he exited the room. He paused after closing the door softly behind him, then, with a cleansing breath, went to find Donatello. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donny had managed to find an area relatively close to the lair that they could modify for their purposes. Mikey had been the one to collect the raw materials that they needed, though he neglected to tell his brothers just what he had done to obtain the pieces he had- he was determined to make sure that Leonardo's Katana would never break again. Raph had to do most of the heavy lifting, and assisted with the actually reforming. But only as much as needed- he knew what this meant for Leo.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_Raph watched his brother carefully as the elder turtle's muscles shook with exhaustion. He had lost track of how many times the metal had been folded, but he was pretty sure that it was more than even the last time he had stood to the side as his brother struggled. No doubt he was overdoing it again, but Raph knew that the frame of mind that Leo got into when he concentrated, the rhythm, was important. Speaking of, he worked the bellows a couple times to keep the fires burning hot enough. It had been a shell of a hard time hunting down enough fuel to do this properly- even harder to haul it all back. He had managed to get most of it down before Leo even realized what he was doing, let alone insist on helping. Of course, judging from this, even Leo would have to acknowledge that he needed all of his strength for the actual task at hand. Raph could haul the fuel and build the furnace, but he sure as shell couldn't forge a sword. And he definitely not his brother's. He didn't really buy all that 'soul of the warrior' crap that Leo and Splinter ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but… well, he wasn't about to take no chances. _

_As Leo cooled the cherry red metal in a bucket of water set out for the purpose, Raphael's shellcell vibrated softly against his plastron. He frowned slightly and glanced at Leo who worked on unperturbed, before dragging out and answering the contraption. _

"_Yeah, Don, what is it?" he said in response to the flashing purple name._

"_Is Leo with you?" Don said in a rushed breathy voice, without preamble. Raph's eyes shot to where his brother was doing some delicate work on the blade, though it had been but seconds since he had last checked on Leonardo._

"_Of course," Raphael said in an angry whisper as his heart wound down again. "What's this about, Donny?"_

"_Okay, well, they're not close," replied Don in the same slightly distracted way, apparently taking no heed of Raphael's tone, "but if you can get Leo out of there and back to the Lair quickly, and hopefully without upsetting him, then now would be a good time."_

"_Don. What. Is. Goin'. On?" asked the red banded turtle deliberately. _

"_There are Foot in the sewers."_

"_What?!" Raph cried, just managing to keep his voice down. _

"_It's okay, they aren't near you, remember, but they've never come down here before- not so close, anyway." Don still seemed distracted, but now Raph could imagine him staring at his bank of sensors. _

"_Is the way clear?"_

"_For now. It looks like they came by way of Foot Tower, but they doo seem to be getting closer to your location. I don't know how well hidden you guys will be." Raph thought of the old metal door that stood between them and the open sewers. The years had covered it with somewhat dubious looking growth, blending it into the wall somewhat, but he would not like to put it to a test. And even barricaded, it would not hold for long. _

"_We'll be there soon," said Raph, coming to an abrupt decision. He turned to find Leo observing him shrewdly. _

"_What's wrong, Raph?" Leonardo asked._

"_You done?" Raphael responded, ignoring the question entirely. _

"_For today. What is wrong?" Raph sighed. His brother obviously wasn't going to drop this. _

"_Don says that there are humans in the sewers," he replied reluctantly. _

"_Foot?" Leonardo asked, though it was not much of a question. Raph made a noncommittal noise and watched Leonardo's hands tighten around the hilt of his weapon. "Then we should get back to the Lair before they arrive." Raph nodded silently. _

_With the utmost efficiency the two went about hiding any signs of recent use that could be quickly done away with. Then Leo slid both his blades, repaired and no, into the sheaths mounted on his back. The weight there felt good and reassuring, even unbalanced as they yet were. Raphael was faintly surprised when Leo let him take the lead, but after a moment's thought, realized that Leo was just being his usual perfect self. After all, it could take them both down if Leo failed to notice the presence of an enemy in time, and it was clear that the day's work had drained the still healing turtle. _

_Raph slid into the corridor and held still a moment, listening for any unknown sound, or the absence of one that should be there. Sensing nothing amiss, he motioned for Leo to follow him and they set their sights to home. Usually, when in the sewers, the careful vigilance that was practiced above fell completely to the wayside, but now they utilized every lesson on stealth that their Master had ever imparted. It was much harder to leave no trace in the waterlogged, moss encrusted sewer tunnels then the asphalt and rooftops of the surface world. Even the slightest footprint could give them away- there weren't too many humans running around the sewers barefoot and with but two toes. _

_They had made it halfway back when an odd splashing and quiet cursing echoed down a corridor to their right. Once they knew what and where they were listening they could even make out the loud but shallow breaths of a group breathing exclusively through their mouths. Apparently their erstwhile pursuers were used to neither the acoustics nor the stench of the turtle's home. Picking up their pace, the two easily outdistanced even the ghostly presence of their voices and soon were safely ensconced behind the blue veined walls of their home. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

_In the end it was a very good thing that Leonardo had decided to rework the more grievously injured blade first, and that both older turtles had some experience with the task. It seemed that Foot continually patrolled the sewers, though mainly in an aimless fashion. Still, they were far too close to the Lair for comfort, and though Donny knew he was probably imagining it, he could have sworn that the number of soldiers seemed to double whenever Leo and Raph went out. The engineer had asked that Leo delay, but the elder turtle refused to surrender now that the task was underway- he even refused to have anyone else accompany him, though Don was yet unsure if that had to do with the spiritual aspect that Leo attributed to this act, or simple worry for their safety. _

_As it was, it was pathetically easy to evade the Foot. Even if the benighted ninja had managed to catch even a glimpse of green skin, the turtles would easily have lost them in the maze of underground tunnels that failed to conform to any map in existence. Besides, the turtles had grown up in the sewers; they had the home field advantage while the Foot were still trying to figure out how not to splash down the water filled trenches. Still, Donny made sure that just as soon as the actual heating and smelting were done his brothers came right home. Leo could sharpen and polish in the Lair, just like he always had. _

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leo slid the gleaming blades back into their sheaths. He could hear his brothers finally getting up for early morning practice. They all knew that he got there earlier to warm up, but he always felt badly if they caught him at it. Don, and especially Mikey, gave him the most disappointed and forlorn looks. Thankfully he had grown immune to most of Raph's looks over the years, though usually that would really read 'glares'.

Actually, Raphael seemed even more tense than usual. Leo assumed that it was about getting defeated yesterday. He had thought that Raph would be happy- well, more or less. After all, it meant that he was getting better. Still, getting beaten by a convalescing brother couldn't have boosted Raph's fragile ego any. Leo sighed; he'd just have to deal with that as it progressed.

Practice went smoothly, with only a few slight twinges from his injuries. Even with Raph not holding back so much as one iota the time passed without any major altercations. Leo was sure that the red banded brother just had something on his mind. It had happened before, and so the other three turtles just made a habit of retreating and dodging until he calmed down. Sometimes Leo would confront him, if only to get him out of the funk earlier, but he really wasn't in condition to let Raph take his frustrations out on his person.

After practice was called to a halt, Leo attempted to distract himself from the trepidation that he felt. He meditated on the matter, but could find no concrete reason for his unrest. In the end he blamed the dourness of his brother and tried to ignore the feeling. He shook it off and spent several unnecessary hours caring for his weapons. Still, it centered him, so it was worth every minute. Before long, however, Mikey dragged him off to watch a documentary with him and Donatello. Then Leo and Don spent the next hour dissecting it while Mikey fiddled with one of his video games, only half paying attention to his older brothers.

Even while debating with Don, Leo was aware of Raphael's scrutiny. His red banded brother's eyes had followed him most of the day, but it was not until they were preparing and eating their light, pre-run meal that he broke his peace.

"What the shell are ya doin' that?" Raph burst out abruptly. Michelangelo froze guiltily, right in the middle of pounding his granola bars into mush.

"He always does that, Raph. It's not logical, but then it is Mikey," said Don, perplexed. "It's never bothered you before," he continued, ignoring Mikey's mumbled protest of 'it makes it taste better'.

"It ain't Mikey," informed Raph shortly, "It's Fearless. Ain't ya noticed?" All eyes turned to Leonardo, who froze himself at the sudden attention.

"What?" asked Donatello, still not understanding.

"He keeps doin this," Raphael explained, demonstrating a rubbing motion across his upper left plastron plate. Donatello looked speculatively at his oldest brother while Leo did his utmost not to look defensive. He hadn't been doing anything, Raph was just tense. The surface run would do him good.

"I just thought his plastron was bothering him," piped up Mikey around a spoonful of granola bar. He had returned to eating just as soon as Raph's attention had gone elsewhere.

"You noticed this too?" asked Donatello incredulously.

"Well, yeah, but only since he started practicing with us. Maybe it's your turtle armor?" guessed Michelangelo vaguely.

"Has the armor been troubling you, Leo?" asked Donny, slightly stricken.

"It's fine, Don, really," he reassured reflexively only to have Raph snort derisively. "It's taken some getting used to, and sometimes the straps do irritate my skin, but that always happens with new equipment. Remember when Master Splinter had us start wearing pads to training?" Donatello nodded, remembering how uncomfortable they had been at first.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" asked Donny carefully, "There is nothing else?" Leo considered for a moment. There was an ache, or a kind of pulling from his injuries, but that was nothing new. He had told Don before anyways. He considered trying to explain that the air felt charged and stifling, like the weather just before a storm, but that wasn't really what Don meant. Besides, even he didn't really understand it- instead he just shook his head.

"I still think that you should check him out again," grumbled Raph.

"There is no reason to," rejoined Leo, "Besides, we're going on a run. Finish up and follow me." With that Leo tossed his wrappers in the trash and headed for the door- leaving the others to scramble after him. Perhaps it was a childish thing to do, but he truly felt that they needed to go on this run, regardless of anyone's sense of foreboding, even his own. Besides, this might have been the only way he could get Raph to actually drop the subject. He couldn't press the matter if he was trailing behind the older turtle.

His brothers caught up with him in the sewers just outside of the Lair. Raph looked ready to kill him, and firmly reminded him that Master Splinter instructed that they stay together. Another day Leo might actually have teased him for actually daring to quote Splinter after all the times that Raph had disobeyed. Of course, he would usually have to beat Mikey to it- but today he said nothing. He wasn't planning on letting any of his brothers out of his sight anymore then they planned on letting him out of theirs. But not because he feared for himself.

He doubted that Saki would try to grab him a second time, but that did not mean he would not try for his brothers. Still, as he emerged into the fresh air, he could not help but relax slightly. He had not been outside in what seemed very much like forever. Even the small New York breeze was welcome after so long. And he would bet that it would feel even better on the rooftops.

He turned to find all of his brothers watching him with varying degrees of amazement and annoyance. Leo smiled back unabashedly.

"Let's take this to the roof." His brothers could not help but return his infectious grin.

"Last one up hatched from a rotten egg," decreed Michelangelo, embracing the offered sense of fun with open arms, happy to shake off the tension of the morning. He leaped up the fire escape, followed closely by Leo. Below them, Raph glared and shot a glance at the still grounded Donatello. Don offered a brief shrug before scampering after them. Raph cursed softly before following himself. He wondered briefly if this was how Leo usually felt about his own behavior, before disregarding the thought and leapfrogging over Donatello. Shell if he came from a rotten egg.

The turtles sprinted over the rooftops silent and invisible. But even beyond the extra effort it took for him to make the jumps and the reflexive watchfulness that he always felt on the surface, Leo reveled in the air moving past his skin and the presence of his brothers surrounding him. Even so, Donatello noticed that they were heading away from the Foot Tower- he wondered if that was a conscious choice on Leonardo's part, but was having a far too pleasant run to even consider bringing it up.

Raphael was too busy watching his older brother to notice much about where they were going. Leo'd take care of that, but he wanted to be sure that someone was going to take care of Leo. Sure, Raph would bet his sais that Don was keeping an eye out- shell, Mikey probably was- but somehow it felt more like it was his responsibility. Maybe it had something to do with being the second eldest.

They had never discussed what would happen if Leo… could no longer lead them- and if Raph had anything to say about it, they never would. Still, he felt that the task would fall, should fall, to him. When he had been younger there had been nothing he wanted more then to be the Leader. Even now he sometimes resented the position of leadership that Leonardo held over him, but he didn't want to lead, not really. He didn't want the responsibility, the knowledge that he was the only thing that stood between his family and discovery, death, or worse- to be the one they turned to for answers and plans. No, thank you.

It had been that terror, the realization that it would all fall to him, that had sent him running from their home when Master Splinter had declared Leo to be dead. He had not been called back, and no demands had been made of him, but that hadn't stopped him from thinking about it, wondering if he could do it. In the end he still hadn't been sure. The only conclusion he had come up with was that he would need to go home eventually, go home and face that emptiness. Thankfully he had found Leo on April's roof before making any decisions. After that the family had been forced into a holding pattern as they waited to see how much damage had been done to the oldest turtle, to see how much he would recover. Though an uncomfortable and tense time in the Lair, Raph had been glad for the reprieve. And when Leo had come back to them, well, Raph was nothing but relived. Relived and worried.

This had been the second time in as many years that they had almost lost Leonardo. As formidable a warrior as he was, it was painfully clear that Leonardo needed more than just skill if he was to live to lead his brothers into adulthood. Sometimes it seemed that locking Leo up in the Lair was the best option, but Raph of all turtles knew that that would never work. Still, this first trip topside had him more on edge then he wanted to admit. He knew that he was taking out his nervous energy out on his brothers the same way he got rid of most of his energy and emotions, with anger. But he couldn't seem to help it, and of course, it didn't help that Raph had indirectly been responsible for this outing. If he had known that Leo getting the upper hand in their bout would result in this then he would have been more careful. He just hadn't been expecting that last move. Though not as fast, yet, it seemed to him that Leo had become twice as crafty.

But that wasn't the point, the point was that they were here, they were outside, and it was his job to look out for Leo so Leo could look out for them. He was the second eldest. Sure, he hadn't always done the best job. Sometime it seemed that he actually caused most of Leo's problems, but he was going to try and do better. They needed Leo, and if that meant that he curbed his temper and his trips topside a bit, well, that was just fine._' Just as long as Leo stays offa my case'_, he added defensively.

Michelangelo was totally unaware of the heavy thoughts playing through the minds of his brothers. He was having to good a time being out in the air , and with all of his brothers. He left the pondering to his older siblings; their temperaments were far better suited. Mikey would sometimes get something stuck in his head which would bother him, and sometimes it would even be something that the rest of his family would consider 'important', but once he dealt with it he tended to move on. So instead of brooding, he left both the past and future alone, busying himself with calling back insults to his brothers as he bounded, virtually backwards, across the buildings.

Leonardo smiled as Mikey compared Raphael's speed and agility to that of a space slug. What exactly as space slug was, or if it was more or less athletic than a regular earth slug, he had no idea, but Raph's reaction was amusing to the highest degree. He rebounded off of a fire escape, a windowsill, and an air conditioning unit as he made a mad dash to capture the ankle of the laughing orange maniac. Mikey, however, just leapt lightly out of the way, leaving Raph to gather the tattered remains of his dignity- a difficult task when all three of his companions were laughing at him. Indeed, Michelangelo was still chuckling when Leo suddenly signaled for them to stop and be on guard.

All four turtles froze, eyes searching the shadows and hands inching toward their weapons. The stillness lasted for several minutes of intense vigil before three sets of eyes turned questioningly towards their Leader. Leo had no answer for them- he was as confused as they, if not more so.

They should have been attacked, that was the best that he could have offered, and it was an answer that they were unlikely to accept. True, he had been feeling uneasy all day, an the feeling had slowly intensified as they had moved away from the Lair, but just before he had called the halt there had been the unmistakable feeling of imminent attack- a feeling that went far beyond that of his five senses. And yet, there was no one.

"Uh, Leo?" asked Mikey, hesitatingly breaking the silence.

"Yeah…I'm," he paused, relaxing his stance and glancing around once more, "…I'm sorry, but I thought…"

"It's okay, Leo," assured Don quickly, "Master Splinter is always saying that it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Yeah," muttered Leonardo, still distracted and embarrassed. At least he hadn't actually attacked anything. He started forward again, leaping over the next alley in unvoiced shrug and signal to follow him. His brothers trailed him, though the mood of the outing had been somewhat dampened. Raph, however, who had been silent and oddly blank through the episode, now kept a careful eye on the surrounding rooftops. The other remained firmly on his older brother.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leo felt badly for his horrible misjudgment, regardless of his brother's quick acceptance. He wanted to stay out longer to make up for it. Mikey was just starting to bounce around again, but his own strength was waning and they were now quite a distance from the Lair. He was about to call a halt when he was again assailed with the sense of imminent attack. Not quite trusting his apparently hyper paranoid senses, he paused in his run to look behind them- only to hear a feminine sounding scream from the head of the column. Mikey.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raph had been hanging back, keeping an eye on 'Fearless', especially since that whole, whatever it was, thing. He still looked a little tense, but otherwise it was like he was just watching their backs, same as always. Raph had noticed the elder turtle slowing a little over the past mile or so, and he was thinking about catching up with Don and Mikey so they could call a unanimous halt- when Leo stopped on his own. A dead stop. Raph frowned and was about to go back for him when a girly scream came drifting back to them. But it wasn't a 'don't sneak up on me' screech; it had reached a 'there's a monster over there' pitch. But it wasn't monsters that had Raph worried, not this time.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello was strung out in the middle, trying to keep an eye on both Mikey ahead and Leo behind. By unspoken accord it had been decided that Raph would take responsibility of watching Leo. The red banded turtle had become strangely protective lately, but he knew what to look for as far as injury, exhaustion, or odd behavior went, so Don felt more or less at ease letting Raph do the hovering. Besides, Mikey was obviously feeling all that time stuck underground: he was like an over-wound spring-turned-perpetual-motion device. It was a good thing that Raph was just as happy to get out as MIkey, or the older turtle might have tried harder to catch Michelangelo earlier. That was the last thing they needed on this trip. Donny wanted their first run to be as smooth as possible. It was obvious that Leo was far more on edge then he led any of them to believe. After what Don could only describe as the panic attack earlier, the middle children had exchanged significant glances, but had pressed on all the same. Donny didn't want Leo to think that they didn't trust him, or that this very understandable reaction was anything to get even more worked up about. Still, they had come pretty far, maybe it was time to rein in and head back.

"Mikey! Don't get too far ahead- we probably will need to return soon," he called ahead.

"What? Already?" floated back the predictably whiny voice.

"Yes Mikey, don't make me get Leo to tell you." They both knew it was an empty threat. Leo would probably opt to keep going if he knew that Mikey really wanted to- he had been especially deferent to the youngest- but Mikey played along anyway.

"Alright, fine, bring out the big guns! But just let me up to this next building, the view is fabuloso!" Don rolled his eyes at Mikey's butchering of the English and Italian languages, but didn't raise much protest as Mikey disappeared a few stories up. The roof would make a good place to regroup anyway.

Then the air was rent by the sound of seemingly impossible shrillness. Only Michelangelo's vocal cords could produce such a pitch. Donatello cursed himself even as he hurled himself up the side of the building, struggling desperately for handholds, determined to get to his little brother.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

So Leo was still a little messed up. It wasn't like they didn't expect this- or something like it. really though, Leo with a messed up danger sense? It was like Master Splinter without his cane- craziness! But he didn't see that it was worth making a big deal about. He had tried to be serious for a while, but Leo seemed more comfortable when he was just bouncing around, which was fine by Mikey- that was what he wanted to do anyway. How could he not? They were finally topside! He let out a contented sigh before Don's voice interrupted his reflections.

"Mikey! Don't get tpp far ahead- we probably will need to return soon," Michelangelo grimaced comically, even if there was no one around to see him.

"What? Already?" he called back, putting as much little brother 'charm' as he could into the words.

"Yes Mikey, don't make me get Leo to tell you." Mikey figured that this was Donny's way of reminding him that Leo still couldn't keep up this pace all night. Which was a shame, cause it was a really nice night, but Mike would never make him do anything that would hurt his oldest bro- even if Leo'd probably do it if he asked.

"Alright, fine, bring out the big guns," he called back, "but just let me up this next building, the view is fabuloso!' It was an old marble faced building at least six stories taller than its immediate neighbors- and while not the best view in the city, it was the best in the area and caught a nice breeze most nights.

He was up and over before Don had a chance to protest. The youngest was pretty sure that they could all make it up just one more building- even Leo. Besides, it would make a nice ending-turning-around-ish place for their first run. He bounded over the low wall of the roof and landed with a flourish, raising his hands like a gymnast after a beautiful dismount- only to drop them with a screech as he realized that he was suddenly not alone on the very flat and very open roof. He didn't even have to wait for the purple smoke to clear to know that he had just landed himself in some _serious_ shell.

It really was too bad they had such cool hats.

* * *

A/N: um, beware of cliff? Hopefully it's not too bad- but how could I resist a line like that?

Anyways, please leave a review because I really took a long time on this (and I desperately need them to get through schoolness). I'll try not to leave you guys hanging for too long.


	38. Chapter 37

* * *

A/N: Wow. I hate writing fight scenes (and school). But I've been assured that this isn't as bad as I think it is, so I'm surrendering it to your critical analysis. Oh, by the way, any of you with the Mikey Preservation Society or the Michelangelo Rights Society, talk to Puldoh. (and if you didn't get a reply from last chapter, let me know in your review this chapter and I'll send both replies. My internet is being kind of weird , sorry)

* * *

Donny bounded over the roof's balustrade to see Michelangelo engaged in a frantic battle with all four of the Shredder's Elite guard. It had been less than two minutes since he had screamed, but he already had a nasty gash running under his arm between the protective plates of his shell and his plastron. Knowing that Raph and Leo would be right behind him he made the split second decision to leave any planning to their eldest brother and threw himself into the fray, positioning himself so that he could cover Mikey's wounded side.

The younger turtle had not even time to greet his brother, so swift were their attackers. Even as they fought for their lives, Don's analytical mind noticed that the Elite had modified their fighting style somewhat. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there _was_ an extra measure of detachedness to this fight- it was almost as if the Elite no longer saw them as enemies, but merely… things?

He shifted as he deflected a blow that had been designed to slide past him and slice into the vulnerable flesh of Mikey's neck. The Elite were focusing their energy on the wounded turtle, turning on Donatello only as he interfered. After a few foiled attempts they changed strategies and started trying to separate them, though the turtles both fought desperately to remain shell to shell. Donatello was starting to wonder if something had happened to their older brothers, and started casting around desperately for a way to get Mikey out of there, when Raphael came barreling over the wall and literally shoved the trident wielding ninja out of the way, giving Mike and Don both an escape route and a reprieve. Never had Donatello been so happy to see his older brother.

Without giving the ninja time to recover, Raph followed the human down, his sais leading the way. The Elite disappeared in a plume of purple smoke before he got a chance to see any blood, but the red liquid on his blades told its own story. Too bad the pansy had run; Raphael's thirst for vengeance was far from sated. These were not the ninja who had taken Leonardo from them, not this time, but they served the same Master- they were all Foot, one head to bash was as good as the other. Besides, these had attacked Mikey and then Don. If attacking his little brothers wasn't enough of a reason for him to take them down, he sure as shell didn't know what was.

Donatello didn't pause to watch as Raphael took down an Elite; he was already back at Michelangelo's side. The turtle's single 'chuck was spinning at half speed while his other arm pressed against his body to try and stem the bleeding. Don yearned to stop and treat him properly, but there was no time. Two Elite still pressed in on them, hammering from two sides while the turtles did their best to fend them off. At least Leo was- no, where was Leo? Surely Raph hadn't left him behind? The red bended turtle could be hot headed and rash, but even he must have realized that this could all have been a ploy to recapture the elder turtle. Don strained his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of where Raph might have stashed their older brother, and almost got his head cut off for his troubles. Michelangelo gave a grunt beside him and he realized that, regardless of where Leonardo was, Mikey had to be his priority. With difficulty he pulled his mind back to the fight at hand.

Leo had taken off seconds after Raph, but the red banded turtle had a lead on him and Leo was slower then he had been. When he arrived, Raph had taken down one Elite, but was finding the second much more of a challenge without the element of surprise on his side. Mikey and Don were battling the other two, though Donatello was having to take care of the lion's share of the defense- Mikey looked injured. His breath caught slightly and he stumbled a step forward as Michelangelo weakly deflected a strike that would have hit his upper thigh, a blow angled so that it would have slid in under his plastron and through his vital organs. That was a move no one would ever use on a human but would be devastating to a turtle.

"Donny! Don!" Leo called desperately, rebounding off of the back of an Elite before landing beside his brother. "They know how to hurt us, Donny- they're angling under our armor," he ground out over the clash of wood and steel. Donatello processed both the information and his relief at seeing his brother well and still free. He executed a jumping spin kick off Michelangelo's shell and realized that Leo was right. That was what had been nagging at him this whole fight. Opportunities for blunt attacks to anywhere but the head and joints were being all but ignored while all other strikes were angled to do the most damage to their well protected bodies. It was like the Elite had suddenly realized that they were not fighting humans. His sharp mind was already hypothesizing how they had come to this belated epiphany before he quickly shut it down. They already had one berserker in the family; he needed to keep a cool head and _not_ think about some of the carefully placed scars on Leo's body.

He and Leo could talk about this development later- for now he concentrated on protecting his and Mikey's unarmored areas with greater vigilance. Leo had sprung away to warn Raphael, trailing one of the remaining Elites over to the other section of the roof and leaving Don to keep the last one's nagainata away from his little brother until they could regroup and make their escape. It had fallen down to a question of range. Following Don's hissed directions, Mikey had dug into the discarded duffle at their feet and pulled out a hand towel that he pressed into his side. The orange banded turtle kept his chucks ready in his other hand, though he was left feeling somewhat helpless as Don and the Elite circled.

The blade gave the Elite a greater reach, and he had the advantage of a large area to maneuver in, but Don kept him back with a combination of feints and strikes, refusing to be engaged or drawn out. At this point he was banking on his older brothers overcoming their opponents and circling back for him and Mikey- before he was worn down. Even as the thought crossed his mind, his guard slipped a fraction, and the nigatia slid past his bo. Don let out a warning yell, but Michelangelo was already in motion, nunchucks swinging around to knock the blade away. The chain connecting the two lengths of wood wrapped around the Elite's weapon and the youngest gave the sharpest yank he could manage. Obviously the over promoted Foot ninja had thought the orange one already out of the fight and so stumbled forward at the unexpected resistance. Donatello seized the opportunity to dispatch the unbalanced Ninja with a swift blow to the head. The shot should have rendered him immediately unconscious, but the purple mist still rose to greet him. One day Don really would have to look into just how they did that.

Both turtles fell quickly back into their ready positions as a pair of figures charged through the slowly clearing smog. All four froze abruptly as both pairs recognized their brothers. Mikey let out a strained laugh as weapons were hastily lowered.

"Um, you dudes okay?" asked the orange turtle breathlessly, twitching slightly as Don prodded at his wound, pressing the slightly sodden towel more firmly into it and adjusting Mikey's belt so that it was held in place.

"We have to get out of here," panted Leo without preamble.

"Why, did we miss some?" asked Michelangelo, peering around at the empty roof, not sure himself whether he was kidding or not.

"Fearless thinks there's more coming," informed Raph shortly. The younger turtles exchanged surprised glances. True, Raph usually went along with whatever Leo said in these sorts of situations, but never had he been so… open about it. Usually it was quite the opposite, actually. Don shot a look at Leo, but the older turtle was distracted, gazing off at the skyline, clutching the grips of his katana tensely.

"Okay, Mikey, lean on me," instructed Don, sliding under his brother's uninjured side.

"Can you make it back, Mikey?" asked Leo, casting a quick but concerned eye at his younger brothers.

"No problem, bro," he replied with a shaky smile.

"We've slowed the bleeding," corrected Donatello, "But we'll have to stop relatively soon so I can bandage it properly." Leo nodded his understanding and motioned for them to move forward. He was painfully aware of Michelangelo's limp, as well as noting several other minor injuries on both other brothers. He shut his eyes-he should have prevented this. He knew that something was wrong, but he was, what? Afraid of being wrong, of looking foolish? As a Leader he should be above such things- when he wasn't, people got hurt. And it wasn't over yet, he could feel the certainty coiled around his heart.

Suddenly he had an incredibly strong urge to run. Just run, as long and as far away from his family as he possibly could. The desire shocked him, but somehow it felt as though that would make things better, not for him, but for them… somehow. Which made no sense because the Foot would not magically all decide to follow him. He was reasonably sure that they were after one of his brothers, or perhaps the Shredder finally decide to kill them all. Regardless, Leo needed to concentrate, to get everyone home safely.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The jump was harder than Mikey expected. Even the shorter jump from the fire escape to the lower roof jarred his wound far more than he had thought it would. He really didn't want to think about all of the jumping and scrambling he had done to get here in the first place. Of course, he was pretty sure that his brothers had done less of that than him, so it probably wouldn't be too bad. Still, he fervently hoped that they would head to the sewers soon.

Raph was starting to think that they would make it out and back home without another fight. Usually that prospect would bother him, but with one brother quietly bleeding into his makeshift bandage and the other still not up to full strength, the Foot clan was not exactly who he had wanted to run into their first time out. A band of unprepared Purple Dragons on the other hand… them he preferred to think of as a confidence booster rather than trouble. He snorted quietly to himself before sobering. Seriously, he doubted this little encounter did anything good for Leo- at least the Elite hadn't really been involved in the older turtle's stay with the Foot. Small blessings and all that. Unfortunately it seemed that the universe begrudged owing the four turtles even small favors.

Leonardo had just made it across a particularly wide jump and had turned back to make sure that Don and Mikey had followed safely when Raph saw the older turtle's eyes widen and muscles tense in a very familiar and disturbing way. Raph didn't even need to turn to see what the problem was- the Foot were behind Leo as well. They were surrounded.

Raph gave a frantic leap out over the wide alleyway, feeling the subtle scrape of metal on his shell as he flung himself across the gap. He landed in a shoulder roll, sais coming out even as he regained his feet. He felt Don and the injured Mikey closing ranks behind him, sealing Leo off from the metal clad monstrosity that loomed down from the building they had just vacated. One of the Elite stood behind him, hunched uncomfortably over his side. Raph thought that it was the one he had injured in his initial charge, but it was difficult to tell without their weapons. Regardless, his attention was quickly drawn away from the servant and back to the master.

"So, Leonardo, you have at last delivered to me your pitiful family. I was growing… impatient," echoed a metallic voice from behind glowing red eyes. Leo remembered those eyes. He was suddenly remembering a lot of things that he did not want to. He trembled slightly as he recalled that voice asking him again and again to betray his brothers, his father… and the pain when he was silent. So much worse, so much more vibrant then even when he recounted the tale to his brother's. He- he…

"Get the shell out a our way, Shredhead, or it'll end worse for ya." Raphael's bold words brought Leo swiftly back into the present, even as the Shredder's laugh sent chills down his spine, that laugh… Gathering his courage, he stared into the demonic red eyes.

"What do you want, Saki?" he asked, infusing his voice with all of the years he spent Leading his brothers.

"Now that you have emerged, Leonardo, my guest, I am afraid that I require nothing more than your deaths. If perhaps, you would like to go quietly…" he trailed off smugly. Raph growled deep within his throat and surged forward a few steps, only to halt anticlimactically at the roof's edge. "I rather expected that would be your answer." With a wave of his gauntleted hand, the Foot soldiers abandoned their posts and flowed down over the turtles. Raph was caught unprepared and separated from his brothers_. 'Stupid hot head,'_ he berated himself as he engaged the first wave. Behind him Donatello and Michelangelo formed a triangle with Leonardo, shells together.

Don was more than a little concerned with how Leo would handle himself in a fight against the man who had held him captive, but there wasn't much he could do- there were too many Foot to worry about it. _'Not that that'll stop me_,' he though despairingly.

Mikey planted himself firmly, swinging both chucks slowly around his hands and ignoring how the drying blood pulled uncomfortably as his movements shifted the bandage. If this was their fight, even their last fight, he was ready. And he was glad that they were together, out in the air, one last time. He hoped that Master Splinter would be okay.

Leonardo braced himself against both memories and blows as the Foot came for them. Never before had they fought the Shredder without their Master along. There would be no safety net this time, no gnarled cane to ward off a killing blow. And he didn't think that he was fast enough to save all of his brothers, let alone himself. Then there was no time for doubt, as the front ranks were upon them.

Apparently even the lowly grunts of the Foot Soldiers' clan had been informed about the turtle's weak spots. Blows came fast, hard, and with pinpoint precision, driving all of the turtles back and forth, forcing them to waste energy weaving in and out of their enemies. This also caused them to lose each other in the mass of black and red uniforms. Leo was trying to make his way to where he last saw Raphael when a wave of calm suddenly descended on the battle around him. He turned slowly, knowing what he would find, but willing it to be otherwise. There before him stood the Shredder gazing down with an unreadable expression behind his mask. Leo's swords came up and he tensed, but Saki made no action against him, instead his glowing red eyes softened into something almost… paternal. Leonardo felt sick.

"Ah, my dear turtle. Part of me regrets that it must come to this. You should have taken my offer and left your brood long ago. You would have done well in my service."

"I would never have stayed under such a dishonorable Master!" rejoined Leonardo, not moving from his ready position, and very thankful that his voice rang so strongly.

"I suppose we will never know," acknowledged Shredder as he launched his attack, swinging his bladed gauntlets in a feint at the turtle's face and pivoting to send a heavily armored foot into his chest. Leo flinched away from the glint of the sharp metal and paid the price for his reflex. Rolling with the blow only belatedly, his plastron shifted ominously in spite of Donatello's armor. His breathing was labored, but he levered himself up and stood ready once more. Saki allowed the turtle a moment to recover, confident despite, or because of, the battle raging around them.

"Your armorment is very cleaver, if crude. I would never have thought that freaks such as yourselves could have designed it," he said conversationally. "Perhaps I invited the wrong turtle to share my home." Leonardo knew that the Shredder was trying to get under his shell, but thinking of Donatello, who avoided doing harm whenever possible, suffering as-as he had... Leo narrowed his eyes and launched his own attack, sweeping out with his feet and swinging with his blade. The Shredder was ready for him, though, and sidestepped, meeting blade with blade. Still Leo pressed forward, closing the distance and forcing the Shredder to retreat if the taller man wanted the leverage for a formidable attack. When the turtle still refused to give ground the Shredder disengaged and executed a quick overhead summersault, landing with a spinning kick to Leonardo's shell. The blue banded turtle stumbled forward but turned before the Shredder could get his claws into him. They locked blades again, Leo straining slightly as Saki leaned over, bringing all his weight to bear on the turtle. Saki lowered his head slightly so he could speak into the turtle's ear without straining to be heard over the sounds of battle.

"I do not hold to the idea of protecting those who serve me Leonardo, and yet, I find myself strangely reluctant to kill you, here at the end." Leo managed duck under his arm, delivering a well placed kick to the knee and a resounding blow to the helmet before Saki was back up and returning his strikes. He was so caught up that he took several seconds to digest what Shredder had told him.

"I have never worked for you, Oroko Saki, nor will I," he hissed when their fighting brought them together once more.

"Perhaps, but is not deception the way of a ninja, young one?" Leo cringed hearing that term of endearment falling from the Shredder's cold lips and jumped over the leg intended to trip him. He could not decipher what the Shredder was trying to tell him, and could not devote his attention to it as he was forced back on the defensive.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello and Michelangelo had managed to stay together, though they had lost track of both Leonardo and Raphael early in the fight. The Foot soldiers attacking them were not nearly as good as the Elite had been, but there were much greater in number. Michelangelo felt a renewed dampness on his side join the small cuts and abrasions he had collected on the rest of his limbs. Donny was still going strong, but Mickey was starting to feel the prolonged fight settle into his bones. He couldn't really estimate how much blood he had lost, but the blue hand towel that was wedged in his belt was now looking a pretty uniform brownish purple. He guessed that that wasn't a good thing. Besides, he was the hyper dynamo, no one had more energy than he- so if Don was moving around better than him, well, not all was right in Mikey-Land. As if to prove his point he misguided a swing and an enemy's kama slammed painfully into his ribs, though thankfully an additional misstep had caused the blade to miss him. Donny was quickly at his side, dispatching the equally surprised ninja and casting a concerned eye at his younger brother.

"Mikey, you alright?"

"Yeah, just-"He grunted as he deflected another blade. "Peachy," he finished, pushing his attacker back, and using his whirling nunchucks to give him some much needed breathing space. Don could not find it in himself to believe him, but nodded anyway as he took a moment to scan the crowd of Foot ninja for a glimpse of their older brothers. He thought that he saw a glimpse of red to their right, but he was unsure whether it was Raphael's bandana tails or just a bit of Foot uniform. Then he heard a muffled yell in the same direction and knew that it had to be Raphael. He could tell by Michelangelo's eyes that he had come to the same conclusion, and both brothers renewed their attack with greater earnest. Both were confident that if they could just regroup, they could overcome even this disadvantage of numbers.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raphael let out a frustrated yell as he funneled the pain of yet another cut into his attack. If he hadn't been so stupid, then they would all be facing this thing together. As much as he hated to admit it at times, they did their best fighting as a group, as Master Splinter had trained them. He growled again as he thought of his vow to be a better second for their elder brother- a lot of good that turned out to be. As he fought he caught random glimpses of Leo facing down the Shedder. Fearless was holding his ground, but, honestly, he had looked better. Leo was way too tense, his movements better suited to Raph's rough and ready style then his own habitual glide and strike- and Raph could figure what had him so upset. As Raphael ripped through anything that happened to get in front of his sais, he couldn't help but wonder how they 'just happened' to pass by the Shredder on his evening stroll. Raph was a firm believer in the adage that what could go wrong would go wrong, but even their notorious turtle luck didn't account for this.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo was proving more difficult and resilient then the Shredder had anticipated, an annoyingly familiar realization at this point. He had resorted to using a blade taken off one of his fallen soldiers as well as those on his gauntlet in hopes of ending this sooner. His Foot were fairing no better against the reptile's brothers. The way they clung to their pitiful lives was proving most inconvenient. Perhaps if they had less reason to fight they would be easier to defeat- it was a theory he had been working on in the long hours he had waited for them to emerge from their shielded underground lair. And he had already begun testing its merit.

"Do you not find it odd, Leonardo, that I was able to find you so quickly?" he asked as the turtle pressed an attack.

"It's been months, Saki," grunted Leonardo.

"And yet, on your first trip to the surface, here we are. Yes," he said, responding to Leo's surprised look, "I know that you make your home underground, in the filth, and it is you I have to thank for this information."

"I told you nothing!" exploded Leo with a flame in his eye, his swords flashing almost to quickly to follow.

"On the contrary, my friend," rejoined Saki as the attack exhausted itself, "you were most helpful. Did your brothers not tell you how they recovered you? Did they tell you some tale of a daring rescue? It is all falsehood. I allowed you to be found, turtle." He sneered, "Even after your cowardly retreat I still used your corpse as bait, and your pathetic brood took it unquestioningly, as the fox eats the tainted meat."

"What have you done to me?" demanded Leo, finally grasping the connotations of the Shredder's words. Saki smiled evilly, eyes burning into the turtle's plastron.

"You did not think that I allowed my scientists to cut you open simply because I was curious, did you, reptile?" Leo's hand went reflexively to rub the section over his heart, katana hilt banging awkwardly against his armor. His eyes widened in realization. He did not know if it was his intuition honed by years of study and practice to know his body and mind, or simply bits of memory resurfacing, but he realized just what he had done- what had been done to him.

"No," he gasped in horror at what he had unknowingly done.

"Yes. And once you and your brothers are gone, it will be a simple thing to retrace the signal you left and destroy your rat master," Shredder lied smoothly. "Really, Leonardo, I feel that I must thank you. You have been a most diligent agent for the Foot clan, an instrumental player in bringing this ridiculous feud to an end. With your deaths." Saki watched as Leonardo's katana dipped dangerously and the turtle stumbled back a step. This was it, his final victory over the stubborn mutant, the realization that he had doomed his family in spite of, or even because of, the steps he had taken to save them.

But something was wrong. Even as he watched, the turtle's eyes went from being lost and vacant to being harder than diamond and twice as sharp. His hands tightened on the grips of his matched katana and he lifted his chin to stare defiantly at the Shredder. This was not right.

Leonardo had almost succumbed to shame and the cold, drowning grip of failure as all of the Shredder's veiled hints coalesced in his mind. Somewhere- in his plastron- there was a tracker that had been broadcasting his location all this time. He didn't know why Shredder had waited until now to come for them, but his brother's deaths, and later his father's, would be on his soul. Whether he still lived or no. He should have run when he had the chance- _'but… but, if there was no more Shredder, if Saki no longer lead the Foot, then, then…and Don could get the tracker out, I know he could. If I just stay away from the Lair until then. I could even do it, then they wouldn't know where anyone but I was. I just need to buy us some time.'_ He raised his eyes to meet Saki's. Leo almost smiled at the confusion that was betrayed in Saki's posture, but he had no time for that.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The Foot soldiers were thinning, though by now Don was sporting bruised ribs and a deep gash that ran down the back of his leg. Michelangelo was looking a little pale, the red blood from the shallow cuts and the wound at his side contrasting sharply with his skin, but they were both still on their feet, shell to shell.

"Mikey, do you see Leo?" Don called over his shoulder.

"No but there's Raph, and there's still some Foot over there, so that's probably Leo," replied the younger turtle matter of factly.

"What about the Shredder?" Don asked with trepidation.

"I don't know, bro," he responded tiredly. "Everyone here's taller than me."

"It's okay," assured Don, knowing the feeling all too well, "Just try to get to Raph."

"Okay, sure," he said knocking out a Foot with a snap kick to the head, "just follow my lead."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raphael had been attracting Foot like a magnet attracts iron filings, but he had been taking them out nearly as fast, though his forward momentum had been significantly hindered, and his Sensei would have hit him upside the head for his sloppy work.

As far as he could tell, Don and Mike were still up and fighting, so he felt no guilt, or at least not too much, as he focused on getting himself between the Shredder and his elder brother. He couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but the Shredder was doing _way_ too much talking. Leo was strong, not to mention plain boneheaded and stubborn at times, but he also had an overdeveloped sense of honor as well as an unhealthy dose of self blame to top it off. Raph had known for a while how to defeat his older brother, totally and in such a way that he would never recover, and it wasn't by attacking him, or even killing him. No. Words were definitely a bad thing at this point.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leo's blades flashed as they had not for many months and he pressed his attack with all that he had and more. His Master and Sensei had always warned against the taking of life, and Leonardo had done his best to abide by his Father's wishes- even when fighting the Foot he went for debilitating blows whenever possible. But this man, this daemon, deserved no such consideration from him. He felt a deep upwelling of hatred for the metal clad man. It was on his orders that he had been taken, by his orders his family were made to suffer through his absence, and it would be on his orders that they all met their deaths.

Saki was surprised at the vehemence that the turtle showed as he pushed the armored man back. Both sword and gauntlet were constantly engaged, giving no opportunity for counter strikes. But Saki would not tire, and the turtle was obviously not recovered from his 'visit'. This new burst of energy could not last him long, and then it would be the Shredder's time to strike.

Leonardo knew that his strength was failing, but he was still holding back, waiting for the Shredder to underestimate him, to give him an opening. And there it was- a drop in the arm, which Saki probably did not believe he would be fast enough or strong enough to counter. The blue banded turtle lunged, katana leading.

There was an unexpected clash of steel, and Leo reflexively swung his free katana up in defense. Both opponents ground to a halt, Leo staring into red eyes as he felt the cold metal tips of the Shredder's gauntlet hovering over his throat. The combatants were locked, both inches from their enemies' neck, both defending against a mortal blow. A long way away Leo heard echoes of fighting from the battle still playing out around them, but his focus was on his weakened arm, the one that had been damaged by Saki before. It served him well enough in battle, but it couldn't take the strain of holding off the Shredder for long, and Leo could not deliver the final stroke with his strength split as it was between attacking and defending. He looked at the line where the Shredder's helmet met his armor. He knew from experience that a katana blade could smoothly slide through that gap. Of course, he also knew from experience that beheading the Shredder would not kill him, but it would slow him down long enough for one of his brothers to take him out. Surely between the three of them they could find away to stop his resurrection. He could give them that chance. If he shifted all of his weight behind his attacking katana, he could kill the Shredder again- and all it would cost was his life.

He gritted his teeth and thought once more of his brothers. He wished that he could apologize to Mikey, but if this was truly his fault then he _would_ get his siblings out alive. He shifted his weight and leaned forward, surrendering his last defense.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Raphael saw his brother lock blades with Saki. He didn't care how well anyone said he was doing, there was no way Leo could win a contest of strength with the Shredder. Raph had to get over there fast. Then he saw something that made his heart sink. Leo had made a Decision. Raph had only ever seen Leo come to a Decision once or twice before, and it never ended up well for the elder turtle. Raph had a horrible feeling he knew what Leo was about to do. Frantically he hurled himself up and over the heads of the remaining ninja, hoping that, somehow, he would be able to stop his brother.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leonardo felt a faint whispery sensation as the sharp blades cut into his skin. The light glinted coldly off the metal, cruelly bringing up memories that he would rather not be his last. As if in response to the fleeting thought, Raphael fell into his field of vision, seeming to float for a moment over the heads of the foot. _'That was Raphael,'_ Leo thought abstractly, _'suspended, always pulled back and ready to strike.'_ Inanely, Leo wished that the moment would last forever, that the Foot would never catch up to his brother, that the Shredder would never finish his thrust, that he could live with his brothers, just a little longer.

Then Raphael landed with a cry, trailing his red bandana tails, body whipping forward to bury his sais deep into the Shredder's exposed back.

The older turtle's eyes widened as he realized that this was not a dream or delusion. Raphael was not an angelic vision, not even an avenging one. Even if his own cut never landed, the Shredder was finished. His brothers would be safe. Leo barely had time to complete the thought before the weight of the Shredder's unbalanced, metal clad body pulled him down.

* * *

A/N: well, that was long-ish chapter (and the slight cliff isn't nearly as bad as it could have been). I hope that it was interesting and exciting enough (everyone would –not- stop talking, especially Saki), so please, please leave me a review with any thoughts you may have. This chapter definitely puts us on the downward slope guys… But there is still more to come!


	39. Chapter 38

A/N: First of all, I have to apologize profusely for how long it has taken me to post this. I had to restart it five times, and then school hit me over the head with work… But here I am! As an apology, this chapter is a whopping fifteen pages long- so please read, relax, and review!

* * *

The metal gauntlet scraped past him and the body sunk down upon his still extended katana, trapping Leonardo under the falling mass. He hit the ground hard. There was a moment of darkness after impact. He was met with a slight feeling of distortion when his eyes flickered open to see Raphael hauling the limp shell of their enemy off of him. Only when the pressure was removed and Raph was leaning over him again did Leonardo realize that he needed to breathe. The air he drew into his lungs was extremely painful, but he was rewarded by the ever so slight easing of tension in the worried eyes above him. Leo was still trying to establish a continuous rhythm between his inhales and exhales when he became aware of warmth flowing steadily down his neck. Apparently Raphael had noticed it as well, for he quickly held a hand to the older turtle's neck, the pressure causing all the pain to hit the downed turtle at once. He must have made a sound because Raph responded:

"It's okay, Leo, Donny's coming." The sound of Raphael's voice broke the strange cloud of numbness that had enveloped the elder turtle in a way that the pain never could have. As it had been trained to, his mind immediately snapped to the situation at hand and began cataloging everything around him and everything that needed to be done. He had fully intended to die in his last ditch attempt to take down the Shredder, had accepted it, come to terms with it, and expected it. But he wasn't dead, so he had to get on with life. That meant making sure that his brothers were all right.

Ignoring Raphael as he protested, Leo clamped his hand over his own wound and used his other arm to leaver himself up. There was a sharp, burning pain from his plastron but that too was ignored. He saw the hobbling forms of his younger brothers making their way through a few straggling Foot as the soldiers exited the scene. They were both moving, which was good, but they both were smeared with blood and Don looked like he was holding a lot of Mikey's weight. When Mikey noticed Leo peering at them, he leaned over, spurring Donatello on to greater speeds.

They had been practically the entire length of the roof away still when Raphael had leaped over the Foot's heads. Mikey had randomly remembered getting reprimanded by Master Splinter for doing something like that during practice. Sure, it looked epic, but it was also a good way to get sliced open. And Raph never really liked the flashy moves anyway, at least not unless you counted all the swashbuckling stuff that he did with his sies, which was awesome- but don't let Raph hear you saying that cause he was not amused, not one bit. It was then that Mikey realized he was babbling to himself and really needed to force his attention back to the fight- no matter how much he just wanted to sit down. But the fight seemed to be over. He chanced a glance behind him at Donny as the Foot still able to stand streamed around them, but his brother was as perplexed as he. Then Mikey caught a glimpse of Raphael standing over a very familiar pile of metal. But where was Leo? Mikey tried to speed up, but almost toppled over for his efforts. Luckily Don caught him, and slung an arm around his shell to support him. Still, they were both overjoyed when Leo pushed himself out of the debris.

"Raph…" Leo said roughly, surprised at how much pain the effort required, the motion pulling on the torn skin of his neck. "…Mikey." Raph stared at him a moment before grumbling and stomping off to meet their brothers and help haul Mikey's big shell over. Of course, the fact that the twerp was a huge pain most of the time didn't stop Raph from handling his wounds carefully.

As Raph moved off, Leo's gaze was drawn back to the metal enshrouded body on the roof in front of him. He watched it, almost daring it to move, but not quite having the courage. He did not know what they would do if the Shredder managed to reanimate again. He would need to talk to Master Splinter when they got back, but for now he just watched as a dark liquid dribbled out of the metal chest. Then there was a hand on his arm, and Leo almost drew his katana before he realized that it was just Donatello. His brothers had made their way over while he had been… lost in thought, and now they stood awkwardly around their fallen foe.

"Is he really dead?" asked Mikey as Donatello carefully removed Leo's hand from the sluggishly bleeding cut. Leo already knew that it wasn't too serious. If it was he would have been dead by now, but he let Don have his way with it none the less. "Well?" reiterated the orange banded turtle, though with less impatience than he would normally muster.

"Yeah, he's dead all right," said Raphael confidently, fingering the sies that once again hung on his belt.

"That's what we thought last time when Leo took off his head," said Don dismissively. "I'll take a look." All three turtles turned to Leo almost unconsciously waiting for him to give his input. There was a second of silence before Leo snapped back into the conversation.

"We can't stay long. The police will probably have been called about a disturbance by now." The younger turtles nodded, though Don was a little concerned about how practiced the statement sounded. Still, Leo was right, they had to hurry.

Don approached the Shredder somewhat carefully, unknowingly mirroring Leo's previous fears. As he got closer, however, his curiosity overcame his caution.

"This isn't human blood," he observed, crouching over the viscous liquid on the ground.

"What?" cried Michelangelo. "What do you mean, Donny, the Shredder's human, isn't he?" But the blood Don was looking at was telling a whole other story. Indeed, it wasn't even really red at all, more of a purpleish maroon. He tilted the corpes slightly, just to ensure that the strange liquid was indeed coming from the body itself. Sure enough, it dripped steadily from the two neat holes drilled into the back and chest plate.

"Ya think this has somthin ta do with the magic stuff Master Splinter was telling us about?"

"I don't know," confessed Don, "I mean, this isn't really my area of expertise. Of course, there may still be some scientific explanation, but we should probably-"

"Guys, we have to move, the cops are coming," interrupted Mikey, shifting his weight nervously. The others paused to listen and, sure enough, could soon make out the approaching sirens. "What should we do, I mean…" he shrugged slightly under Raph's arm, indicating the wounded, unconscious Foot and their dead master that littered the expanse of the roof.

"Nothin'. We don't owe them nothing," stated Raph, emphatically dismissing any thoughts of rights or burial.

"No," agreed Don, "But with at least one death and all this… carnage, the investigation is bound to be more thorough."

"Raph, get Mikey underground," commanded Leo, "Don and I will make a sweep to be sure that there is nothing to lead back to us." Raphael was about to argue, to say that Leo should get below ground as well, but the sirens were getting closer, and there was a determined look in their Leader's eye. So, recalling his promise, and his failure so far to uphold it, he shut his mouth and just nodded, half carrying Mikey as he made their way to the nearest fire escape.

As Mikey and Raph made their way underground, Donny and Leonardo went back over the battlefield, smearing any foot prints and obscuring any obvious signs of turtle blood. With any luck, no one would notice any inconsistency in viscosity or color, and even then they would have to look for the genetic differences. But it was all they could do. They were running out of time.

Leonardo stumbled once as they made their escape to the sewers, but they were safely underground before the police made the scene. By then, Raphael would have taken the injured Mikey as far away from the area as he could. Usually, if they got separated, they would all meet at the drainage junction closest to the Lair. It wasn't too far from help, and it was also big, with lots of places to hide and no direct path to their home, a perfect place to regroup. But to Donatello's confusion, that was not where Leo led them.

"Leo, Leo!" called Don as he hurried to catch up to Leonardo's determined strides, "Where are we going? We need to get home!" Leo continued moving forward, but turned his head to reply.

"I can't go home Don, not yet. But we're almost there- I need you to do something for me," Leo replied cryptically. Donatello would have none of it, however:

"Leo, we can't just head out into the unknown. We need to get home. We need to tell Master Splinter what happened. And you need stitches," he finished accusingly. When Leo still showed no signs of stopping Don frantically pulled out the last weapon in his arsenal. "Leo, we need to get back so I can take care of Mikey. Master Splinter and Raph can only do so much, you saw him- he needs help." It was a low blow, but Donny was at his wit's end with all that had happened so far, _and _Leo just wasn't talking to him. Besides, he wasn't lying; Mikey needed him, and sooner would be infinitely better than later.

Sure enough, Leo stopped dead at Donatello's words. Of course, the engineer was right; he couldn't believe how very selfish he was being. He hadn't really forgotten that Mikey had been badly injured, had he? No. Don had to go back to the Lair, Leonardo could take care of himself- it was what was best for all of them.

"I'm sorry," Leo said, though Don wasn't quite sure if he was being addressed or not. "Donny, you go and meet up with Raph and Mikey in the usual place. Take care of Mikey." Don was about to question his word choice when the older turtle continued, "I can't go back, remember, I'd only put you all in danger." His younger brother frowned as he recalled those words.

"But why, Leo?" the purple banded turtle asked, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder. Leo turned away, not looking at the younger turtle. He didn't want to have to tell Donny. The admission felt far too much like a failure, but Mikey needed the family medic, and Leo needed to get Don to leave him there. The truth was the quickest way.

"I was the one they were following, Don. I was how they found us so fast."

"They were tracking you?" clarified Donatello. Leo nodded. "Do you know how?"

"I'm not sure," replied Leo, which was the truth, mostly, but he didn't want to waste any more time explaining, not with Mikey waiting.

"Regardless, I can't just leave you here! And with Saki dead, it should be safe," reasoned Don a little desperately.

"I can't take the chance," replied Leo. "Besides- they won't be able to catch me down here."

"But you can't stay here, you have to get that seen to," said Don indicating the wound on his neck as well as the several others on his body. "Look, take this, and go to April's. I'll meet you there, Okay?" he asked, pressing a gauze pad into his hand.

"I'll go to April's, Donny," conceded Leo after a moment of flickering thought, "Now go." He finished with a small shove. Donatello nodded and ran down the tunnel, but not without several backward glances. Raph was going to kill him.

Leo watched as Donatello disappeared deeper into the sewers. This necessitated a slight change in his hastily concocted plan, but maybe going to April's was a good idea. Though, he hated to get their sweet human friend involved in what had to happen. Slowly he turned and walked toward the access closest to the familiar antique store, feeling the beating he had taken during the corse of the battle. It could not be helped now.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello hurried as he made his way to where Raphael and Michelangelo waited for him. He heard the cacophony of falling water long before the junction came into sight. He rounded the corner but didn't see Raph or Mikey anywhere. Then Raph stepped out from behind a waterfall of overflow. He waved his hands to gain Donatello's attention before once again ducking out of sight. He didn't even seem to register that Leonardo wasn't with him. Don sped up his steps.

"Donny, something ain't right. Mikey's havin trouble stayin awake, an he ain't holding up his own weight anymore," Raph said as soon as Donny was within speaking distance. Sure enough, Mikey leaned half against Raph, half against the wall, his eyes closed.

"Mikey? Mikey, can you hear me?" Don asked as he began to check him over.

"Donn-y?" asked Mikey with a fluttering of his eyes.

"Yeah Mikey, it's me. Look, we're going to get you home so I can take care of you," he said carefully. Mikey's makeshift bandage was soaked through and all the movement had prevented it from clotting properly. It looked like blood loss with a side of shock. Not good, but not too bad, not if they got him home were Don could do something for him. "Can you stand, Mikey?"

"Sure," mumbled the youngest as he attempted to get his feet under him. Both older turtles rushed to catch him as he toppled over. "Little dizzy," Mikey commented.

"Ya got that right, bro," observed Raph dryly. "Is he okay Don?" he asked with more concern.

"He'll be fine once we get him home," assured Donatello.

"I swear, between him an Leo- where is Leo?" Raph asked sharply, suddenly noticing the lack of their Leader's hovering presence.

"He wouldn't come," said Don trying to shift Mikey so his weight fell across the engineer's shoulders. "He said-"

"So ya just _left_ him there?" Don gritted his teeth and did not point out that it had been Raphael doing the leaving earlier in the evening. During a fight, no less.

"He _said_ that Saki told him he had a tracker on him somewhere; that was how the Foot found us, "responded Don tightly.

"So you left him." Raph looked ready to run back down the tunnel after their brother.

"We just dealt the Foot a crushing blow. Even if he does have a tracker on him, it's doubtful that they'll be organized enough to go after him. Besides he was being stubborn, like another elder brother of mine, and Mikey needed help. He still does," Donny reminded pointedly as he was forced to put the softly protesting Mikey back on the floor. Mikey was the heaviest turtle, aside from Raphael, and that was because Raph was pure muscle. Mikey, well, he wasn't.

The point was, there was no way that Don could carry Mikey by himself, and even Raph would have problems if Mikey couldn't help at all, so they needed to do this together. Don could see all of that go through Raphael's mind before the older turtle turned around and grabbed Mikey underneath the arms. Only when he whimpered did Raphael recall himself and soften his hold. Together they made their way back to the Lair and their Father, as quickly as they could without jarring the turtle suspended between them.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

April and Casey were taking in a movie together, since Raph was busy with family stuff that night and Casey was an incurable night owl. By now, April knew that Casey would act like a gentleman, even if his mouth didn't always spout the wisest, most thought out, or even politically correct phrases. She had come to enjoy these random nights of comaradie, with or without the turtles. Before Baxter Stockman had tried to kill her with his mousers, she had always been more or less focused on her schooling, then her job. Even though she wasn't now in what most people would consider a job with 'prospects' or even a very reputable one, she had never been happier. Besides, now if she wanted to tell her boss that she wouldn't be in tomorrow, all she would have to do was write herself a note.

Her musings were interrupted by a tapping on her window. Usually her ninja visitors just came through the door. Maybe they were feeling extra cautious, or they were coming from the roof tops and didn't want to waste energy sneaking around to the front door, though it wasn't like the guys to take the easy way out. Regardless, she couldn't leave them sitting outside all night.

"Pause that, will you, Casey?" she asked as she jumped up and walked to the window where she drew back the curtains, threw open the window, and stuck her head out side. "Guys?" she asked the shadows.

"Just me," replied a familiar voice.

"Leo!" she cried happily. "Please come in." The turtle slid out of the darkness and into the brightly lit apartment. April gasped as the light hit him, causing Casey to twist awkwardly around on the couch to see what was wrong.

"Geez, Leo, what happened ta you?" Leonardo blinked, then looked down and realized that he had collected quite an assortment of smaller cuts in addition to the gauze covered one on his neck.

"The Shredder is dead," he offered by way of explanation.

"And your brothers? Don, Mikey, Raph?" April asked.

"Donny's taking care of them at the Lair. And Master Splinter should be there as well," he added, anticipating the question.

"Why aren't you with them? Is something wrong?"

"Yes," stated Leonardo with serious eyes, "I need your help, April."

"Anything, Leo, you know that," she replied with concern.

"I know, but this may be asking a lot," the elder turtle replied almost doubtfully.

"Can I at least get you cleaned up first?" April asked, her hands practically twitching at the thought of all the germs that boys who lived where the turtles lived would pick up. Leo hesitated, but then nodded, sitting down in the wooden kitchen chair she pulled out for him as she headed for the large first aid kit she had purchased and kept in an easily accessible cupboard soon after making the turtles' acquaintance. She returned quickly and started to clean up the dried blood and apply the antiseptic. Though the cream was cool against Leo's skin and stung not a bit, he had to consciously keep himself from flinching as April's thin form and fingers hovered over him. He cleared his throat nervously and diverted his eyes, staring instead out at the familiar living room.

"April, do you have any surgical supplies in the store?" Leo asked into the air.

"Actually, yeah," April said surprised. "It's an older set. An elderly lady brought them to me a few weeks ago, and, well, I figured that it would be a hard thing to get normally, but I haven't had a chance to talk to Donny about it- I mean, it's not something that I could just bring up-but-but… why do you ask Leo?" she broke off suddenly realizing that she had been babbling throughout her administrations. Leo didn't seem to mind, however, sporting a semi-distant smile. The question brought him back to earth and he frowned a frown that April recognized as meaning he was about to ask her to do something that he was pained he could not take care of himself. He had gotten that look before when he had asked her to allow Splinter to stay with her during a particularly cold spell, and when he had formally apologized for not being able to pay for all of the pizza his younger brothers scarfed down. Though, she had the feeling that _this_ request would be far more serious.

"I'm afraid that I may have endangered you, April, both of you," he said, nodding to Casey who had wandered over to straddle another of the kitchen chairs, "When I was… with the Shredder, he implanted a tracer underneath my plastron. I did not remember until tonight when… he reminded me of the fact. "

"He… it's still there?" asked April, attempting to process.

"But, the Tin Can's dead, right? Ya said you and your bros made sure this time round, so you should be okay, right?" asked Casey before Leo could respond.

"Yes, he's dead. Otherwise I would never have agreed to come here. But, there may be remnants of the Foot faction who could still benefit from my family's destruction, or at least the location of our home. Your store, however, is already known… Though, for some reason, the Foot still tend to avoid it. At least, they have since the fire." Leo explained.

"Yeah, that's cause April set up some high class do-jig-thing on the computer an' with some law firm. Those guys would be nuts ta try an do somthin here," Casey said, obviously proud of April's smarts.

"Yes, but that aside, Leo, you haven't told me just what you want me to do," April said, trying to shift the attention away from the protection that was unavailable to the turtles. There were none more deserving of it and it was criminal in itself that they were denied.

"I want you to take it out."

"I'm sorry, what?" questioned April blankly. She was sure that Leo had just asked her to perform surgery on him, but that couldn't be right- she was already worried enough about the stitches the wound on his neck obviously required.

"I'm not asking you to do this on your own, but if we already have it set up, then Donatello will be less likely to refuse. This needs to be done," he said as his friends stared at him. "I know that it is a lot to ask, but I cannot lead them back to our home." He said it with such sternness and conviction that April found herself nodding her head even as the little voice in the back of her brain questioned helping Leo force the issue with Don.

"Okay, Leo, but no one's doing anything drastic till Don gets here, do I have your word on that?" Leo hesitated, knowing that once he gave his word he would have to stand by it.

"On my honor," he replied.

"Good." She took a deep breath and turned her attention to the neck wound, " So, do you want me to stitch this up now, or would you rather wait for Donny?"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"Come on, Don, I feel fine now, honest." Mikey was sitting on an exam table, still hooked up to a pint of warm blood. He obediently took a sip of his orange juice while beaming his most endearing puppy dog look at his older brother. Don sighed to himself before turning his back on Mikey's resolve -melting face and addressing his Sensei once more.

"He should be fine, Master Splinter. There are no internal injuries, I gave him a transfusion, and patched up his side. If he can get around without falling over or pulling out his stitches, then there's no real reason to keep him here."

"This is good news, my son," Splinter acknowledged slowly. Truthfully, he was still recovering from the fright of seeing two of his sons carry in a third, the fourth not to follow. He had been aware that they had met with some trouble; he had felt their fear, anger, and their despair. The old rat would have given up his good leg if it meant that he could have joined them, protected them. But they were far away, and their minds too unfocused to track easily. All he had been able to do was wait, wait and try to tell himself that they were no longer children, that he had trained them well. For all the good it had done him.

Not even _knowing_, feeling in his bones, that they all still lived, had stopped him from thinking the worst when they returned without their brother.

"So, we goin' ta get Leo, or what?" Raph barked, his tone and the way he fiddled continuously with his sais belaying the careless way he slouched in the doorway. Donatello had also explained Leonardo's situation in more detail, after assuring Master Splinter that Michelangelo was in no mortal danger. The purple banded turtle had then had to repeat his explanation a few minutes later when Mikey rejoined the land of the lucid, well, as much as he ever did. Splinter was fairly confident that Leonardo was safe, for the moment, but there was also a feeling of tension radiating from his person that the old rat did not like.

"Yes, we are going," announced Splinter, surprising them all, though they could not say why- it was what they wanted. "We shall take the truck. Raphael please assist Michelangelo. Donatello, gather anything you need."

"Yes, Sensei. April is pretty well equipped, I'll just grab my duffle… and maybe a few pints of blood, just in case…" his voice faded as he wandered around the room, peering through the sparse shelving on the off chance that something would catch his eye. Splinter left him to it, making his way out to the garage by way of the kitchen. He found his second eldest grumbling, but settling Michelangelo gently into one of the back seats of the vehicle that his sons referred colorfully as the BattleShell.

"Michelangelo, you will drink these," he informed his youngest seriously, handing him the several juice boxes he had collected on his way through the kitchen.

"Uh, sure, Sensei. I just hope that April's bathroom is working. Ow!" he exclaimed as Raph smacked him upside the head. "Injured turtle here!"

"Pshh, yeah right," Raph scoffed. Splinter smiled warmly at the familiar exchange even as Donatello closed the door with a slam.

"Okay, are we all set?" he asked, handing his bag back to Master Splinter as he settled into the driver's seat. "Good, I checked Leo's shell cell, and he's at April's. We'll be there in just a few minutes.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

A knock sounded softly at April's door. Leo was gone even before April could turn around and suggest that he find a hiding spot. It was probably just the rest of the guys and Master Splinter. No one else really visited her much anyway, but one could never be sure. Especially if one was harboring an injured mutant turtle. But she pulled open the door and looked down into the eyes of a concerned father, just as she suspected.

"Master Splinter, please come in," April said, immediately stepping back and opening the door wider to admit him.

"Thank you, Miss O'Neil," replied the rat as he entered. Don and Mikey followed, the latter smiling sheepishly as he leaned slightly on the former, with Raph bringing up the rear. She shut the door once they had all filed past, turning just in time to see Leonardo reappear in her living room, though she still wasn't sure exactly where he had been hiding.

"Mikey, are you alright?" Leo asked, looking at the gauze patch taped over the stitches on the younger turtle's side.

"No problem, bro, except for being practically force fed juice," he pulled a face. "But, Leo, what's going on? Don says that you won't come home cause the Foot can track you, so why don't you just ditch the tracer? Are you ever going to come home?"

"Of course I'm going to go home, Mikey," Leo replied, placing a comforting hand on the younger turtle's shoulder. "But I need to talk to you all about what-what happened," he said, turning to include the entire group. "When I was fighting Saki, he implied that I- that I was the one who had lead him to us, and that the tracer was not just on me but… in me," he finished quietly. Michelangelo stared at him slightly blank while Raphael's hand's clenched and Donatello's eyes sought out April's guilty face, he didn't like where this was going.

"You are sure that you can trust his word on this, my son?" asked Master Splinter gravely.

"I know he was telling the truth, father, at least in this."

"Wait, Leo, if they put that thing inside of you, then how do we get it out?" Mikey asked suddenly. Leonardo locked eyes with Donatello.

Donatello suddenly found the act of breathing rather difficult.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Don took a deep breath and carefully administered the sedative. It was the strongest that they had. Unfortunately that wasn't saying much. He could not believe that he had actually been talked in to this. He had only a general idea of what he was doing, stuff he had read, but he had never had to do more than patchwork before, sewing things up and setting bones. But Leo insisted that he knew exactly where the tracker was, something to do with meditating on foreign bodies. If it had been anyone but Leo, or maybe Master Splinter, Don would have thought they were delusional, but by now he took most of what Leo claimed on faith. At least until he had evidence to the contrary.

The set up in the basement was surprisingly well equipped. It was clean, with a good drainage system, a sturdy table, and a full set of surgeon's tools. Don dragged over an old hatstand to serve as an IV stand and hung up one of the bags of blood that he had brought along, just in case. April had some gauze and thread already, but Donatello had sent Mikey and Master Splinter back out to where they hid the BattleShell earlier, just to be safe. Actually, Don would have sent Raph, but Leo had held the red banded turtle back as Don and April double checked everything before they started, including the stitches April had sewn onto Leo's neck wound. They were a bit large and uneven, but an excellent attempt by one as inexperienced as April. The scarring wouldn't be nearly as bad as it could have been.

Now the red banded turtle fidgeted with his sais just beyond Leo's rang of sight, looking like he wanted to be anywhere then where he was, but refusing to leave. Don had almost changed his own mind when Leo had carefully removed his armor and Donatello was forced to confront the fact that he would be adding yet another scar to his brother's chest. It didn't help that Leo looked so very helpless standing there sporting just the blue of his mask. True, they never wore clothing, they didn't have to with their anatomy, but he still looked so… unprotected. Not that that stopped Leo. He mater-of-factly took a magic marker and drew an x on his plastron where he thought the tracker was before calmly laying down on the table and giving Donatello an encouraging nod.

Only Raphael noticed Leo tense as Donny slid the needle out of his arm. That wasn't right; Leo was supposed to be relaxing, meditating to help the pain stuff work better. He really didn't want to have to step in, not before Don even got started. He sidled unobtrusively up to Leo's right side and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. Leo's eyes slid away from where Donatello was selecting the correct scalpel and locked on Raphael's own. Even as Donatello approached, Leo kept staring at his immediately younger brother, his second, and his safety net. He could do this, he could let go. His brothers would take care of him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Michelangelo sat with Casey and his father in April's store. Officially, they were on guard duty, making sure that no little Foot soldiers got any bright ideas before they were done. But Mikey knew that Leo was just trying to spare his feelings. The fact was, Donatello didn't need them, or want them, down there. Mikey wasn't sure how he felt about that. He was glad that he didn't have to see his older brother like that, not again, but part of him felt like he should. So, instead, he sat with his father, across from one Casey Jones, silent and waiting.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Don had decided to cut in through the side as opposed to straight through the plastron as the Shredder's scientists had. True, they would have to be more careful if they wanted to prevent infection, but it would take far less time to heal, and the trauma of the incision would be far less blunt. _'You can do this, Donny'_ he thought desperately to himself as he approached his brother, drawing strength from April's steadfast presence behind him.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Leo had just entered the lightest levels of meditation required for the procedure when he felt Donatello begin. The pain he felt was strangely familiar, though unlike anything he had felt in battle. The deliberate movement and carefully constant pressure caused a strange fluttering of panic. He worked to keep his muscles from tensing, knowing the damage the movement could do when there was a sharp metal object in his person.

_Sharp shiny. Hurts. The HimCreatures were hurting him. BadLookingCreatures! Sharp, too much hurting. Why? Where was the FatherCreature? _

Leo was assaulted by a wave of almost hysterical half formed images and feelings, the terror easily overwhelming any pain that Donatello had been causing. Master Splinter had prepared them for this though, and he knew how to throw up barriers against another presence trying to gain admittance to his mind. As he desperately cast up the walls, however, he relized that his opponent had somehow gotten around him, behind him, in him.

_ThinkingHimCreature hurting him-ThinkingHimCreature was a BadLookinCreatures? It was SharpShiny and hurt. He didn't want it to Look here. He had nothing here he was all gone. No looking, not didn't the LargerHimCreature stop it? _

Leo backpedaled from the onslaught

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello had made the first incision and had been gaining confidence, working to minimize any bleeding and damage as he carefully worked his way under his brother's plastron and toward the area that Leonardo had marked. It was still very unpleasant and more than a bit disturbing, but he was slowly getting over the fear that he would mess up and cause Leo to bleed out. In fact, he was almost sure that- yes, there _was_ something in there, something metal.

Suddenly Leonardo bucked under him, jarring his hands and causing him to withdraw without his prize. Donatello didn't understand what had happened, he had almost had the device, he didn't think that he had nicked anything, and Leo had assured him that, between the drugs that Don and April had on hand and the meditation, they thought that he could do without the heavier anesthetizing agents that humans usually used in this type of procedure. He should have refused- he should have insisted that they wait until Raph, Casey, or April could 'acquire' better supplies. But Leo had been so sure, and the engineer had just wanted them all to go _home_. Then he actually looked at Leonardo, and his breath caught.

Raphael had been studiously not paying attention to what Don and April had been doing. Logically, he knew that it made sense, but cutting someone up, even to save them, just didn't sit right with the turtle. Still, he had not forgotten his promise to his elder brother, so as soon as Leonardo twitched up, Raphael was there, ensuing that no great damage was done as Donatello quickly withdrew. Leo's hands were griping at his own almost blindly and with an edge of desperation. And Raph was about to demand just what had Donny done, when his thoughts were interrupted by the same turtle.

"Shell…" Don almost never swore, and his tone was one that Raph had really, really been hoping they could avoid for the next month at least. " Leo, Leo, it's okay. Remember? It's not what it looks like- I would never hurt you. " Raph was only half listening, looking instead at the confusion, pain, and fear on his older brother's face.

"Raph," said Donatello, switching tracks, " I'm almost done. Can you hold him still for a few moments more?" Raph eyed his terrified older brother. Though he had put on some weight, and even some muscle mass, Leo still appeared mostly shell to the red banded turtle's critical eye.

"Yeah, I got 'im. But hurry up, okay?" growled Raph, adjusting his hold so that he could hold his brother's plastron still as well as his arms, grimacing at the tense stillness that fell with his touch. Donatello worked quickly, sliding the forceps back in and locating the metallic glint he had seen before.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

'I'm sorry, I don't understand!' called Leo, forcing himself to remain calm in the face of such pure emotion. He retreated further into the darkness as the wild presence pushed him. Leo was ready to fight, if only he knew what he was up against. For all the pain that he felt, the assault still lacked any perceptible malice. If anything, it seemed… confused.

'Stop, stop,' moaned Leo, clutching his head again. There was the impression of metal and light and sound. Cruel sound and cold voices, though Leo could not understand their words.

_ThinkingHimCreature had hurt him-ThinkingHimCreature was a BadLookinCreatures? It was SharpShiny and hurt. He didn't want it to Look here. It wasn't supposed to, no looking, not again. Why didn't the LargerHimCreature stop it? _

'Stop, you are too loud,' pleaded Leonardo.

_He hurt. Hurt too much to listen to the HidingHimCreature .They weren't supposed to make noise, didn't the HidingHimCreature know? And where was FatherCreature? HimCreatures hurt him…he wanted no hurting, please… He had to get away. He had to find FatherCreature, it would protect him._

'Father? Master Splinter?'_ there was a lull in the storm of anxiety so Leo eagerly pushed forward. _'It's alright, I can take you to Master Splinter, he can help you. He can protect you. I can protect you as well. Please, tell me where you are.'

_HidingHim not know. It was his job to stay, to find FatherCreature- HidingHimCreature soud hide. It wasn't supposed to be here. SharpShiny would find it. find it, find them, too much Hurt!_

Leo furrowed his brow as he stood suspended in the murky ether swirling around him. He didn't understand this presence. It didn't seem rational, it was confused, a creature of instinct- Leonardo was not even sure that it was speaking a true language, though Leo understood him well enough. And how did this frightened thing know Sensei? _'…oh, Shell,'_ he thought, realization dawning. He had listened to his brothers tell him what he had been like shortly after being brought home from his time with the Shredder. Then he had listened to them talk among themselves so he could hear a truer version of advents. According to all that he had heard, and the fact that Leo was _sure_ that he had not strayed from his own mind, led Leo to believe that he was actually trying to have a conversation with himself, the part he had left behind. Abandoned. Shell… is sounded so young.

'Listen to me,' Leo said softly, pitching his voice at the soft register that he used when trying to wake one of his brothers from a particularly violent nightmare. 'The Shredder, the one who hurt you, the one who hurt us, he's dead now. Raphael stopped me and killed him. We are all safe now." There was a pause almost as though his words were being painstakingly translated, but finally there was a response:

_The … LargeHimCreature protected him, like the FatherCreature did… if the SharpShinyBadCreature … It had hurt him so bad, was it gone? Where the HimCreatures safe? 'No! Not safe! HimCreatures hurt, sharpshiny into him-father!'_

'They're helping!' cried Leo in distress as the emotions picked up and battered against his psyche once more. 'This must be done, then it's over. You have to let them do this.'

_He hurt. Everything had gone away, all of the HimCreatures. He had been alone. All alone with LookingHurtingBadCreatures and sharp shiny things. He didn't want that again. He couldn't do that again. It hurt to forget. _

'No, don't worry, don't forget, just… rest. I'll take care of us now. I'll take care of us all.'

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Donatello gave a deep sigh of relief when Leo relaxed against the makeshift operating table. He would have been more concerned were it not for the suddenly deep and even breathing that issued from the older turtle. Don had been considering calling the whole thing off as Leo continued to be combative, eschewing true injury only due to Raphael's presence and greater weight keeping him still. Donny had been crazy to agree in the first place.

As his elder brother stilled, however, he was finally able to grasp the metal that had been eluding him and pull it gently back out of his brother, only having to widen the area by the slightest of margins to ease the device out. He gratefully handed the blood encrusted metal off to April as he double checked for any excess bleeding before carefully stitching up the entrance wound. He had just finished washing his hands and instruments when Leo opened his eyes.

"Whoa, take it easy," Raph said gruffly as he placed a gently restraining hand on his elder brother's shoulder, unsure of what to expect. Leo had charged him with making sure that the turtle did not hurt April or Donny during the operation, or himself, for that matter. But with how Leo had freaked out, Raphael would be damned if he was letting him get off that table before Raph was sure he was in his right mind.

"It's okay, Raph, I'm fine," assured Leo, easing out from under the restraining hand of his brother, his eyes conveying his thanks.

"Are you sure, Leo? You gave us a scare. You had some sort of episode during the surgery," April said in a concerned voice.

"I know, I'm sorry," he confessed softly, "but I think I have an arrangement. It won't happen again." Leo drew in a slow deep breath. "It's gone, you got it out." Though it was more statement then question, Donatello held up the compact flat metal rectangle.

"Here it is. Don't worry, I've deactivated it," he quickly assured, "the tech looks quite impressive I'd like to break it down, figure out just what kind of information they were able to get out of it." Leonardo frowned in concern, looking slightly uncomfortable, but nodded slowly all the same.

"As long as you think it's safe, Don."

"Hey, is that Leo?" questioned an unmistakable voice as the door to the makeshift operating theater was pushed open.

"Mikey…" groaned Don, only to be drowned out as April exclaimed:

"Casey Jones, what do you think you're doing just walking into something like this!"

"Whoa, whoa," placated Casey, holding up his hands and taking a step back for good measure. "It wasn't my idea, babe, Master Splinter said youse was done."

"Oh," said April, flushing slightly as her gaze dropped to the rat standing in front of Casey and the youngest turtle. "Sorry, it's just been a little tense- but don't call me babe," she finished with a glower, eyes cutting over to pin the vigilante once more.

"All is well with you, my son?" asked Splinter, polity ignoring the strife around him.

"Yes, Sensei," replied Leonardo, only managing a slight inclination before the pain in his side forced him to halt, "I'm sorry to be the cause of such inconvenience and worry."

"The fault lies not with you, my son," Splinter assured, hoping that his eyes would convince his eldest of the truth if his words, yet suspecting that it would take significant more repetition. "And now I believe it is best that we return home. Miss O'Neil, Mr. Jones, I invite you to join us at any time. Especially as the streets may well become… agitated, with the fall of the Foot.

"I don't know…" murmured April, not wishing to impose.

"Really, April, it would probably be for the best- and it's not as if you have never returned the favor," Donatello pointed out.

"Well, maybe for a few days," conceded April smiling.

"All right- Slumber Party!" crowed Mikey. "Oww… Raph…" he broke off, rubbing the back of his head.

"Don't be such a girl," Raphael said disdainfully. Leo smiled at the banter as they all headed out to the BattleShell. For the first time in far too long, he felt happy- truly free without the foreboding weight of the Foot on his shoulder, or league warnings from his subconscious scratching at his brain. Perhaps now they could all heal in peace.

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A/N: I know that it is always hard to review a long chapter, but drop a line anyways. There is only one more chapter to go!


	40. Epilogue

A/N: Well, here it is guys, the last chapter. I can't convey how amazing you've all been, so please just read, relax, and enjoy.

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A few days had turned into a week, and the turtles' human friends showed no real desire to leave, nor did the small mutant family particularly wish them to. It was a bit cramped in the Lair with the extra bodies, but they managed. Besides, at the moment, under the streets really was safer than above.

Two days after the death of the Shredder, April's shop had been broken into, probably by a Foot or PD who wanted a leg up in the hopeful restructuring of the organization. As per April's arrangement, both the cops and fire department arrived before too much damage had been done, but none wanted to dwell on what could have happened if April had been there at the time.

The police had been coping well with the outbreaks of infighting among lieutenants of the old administration as the vacuum left by Saki beckoned. Raph and Casey did their part- always toting shellcells. Sometimes Mikey went with them, and Splinter had even gone once when the incredible fullness, and therefore loudness, of the Lair taxed even his legendary patience. Leo was still under house arrest, and so spent most of his time practicing. Don would probably have objected, but he and April had been holed up in his lab almost incessantly since their return.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.

"We've got it! Leo, guys, you have to listen to this!" Don and April exclaimed as they exploded from the Lab,

"Dude, what is it?" asked Mikey, poking his head around the arch to the kitchen, mixing bowl still in hand. "Did you and April finally discover a theory of everything or something?"

"We've been far too busy to work on that," dismissed April, "… Though, I have had some thoughts I wanted to run by you for the graviton detector."

"Really? I could pull out my old plans after dinner," rejoined Donatello eagerly before turning back to the younger turtle. "And since when have you been interested in theoretical science anyway, Mikey?"

"Whoa, dude, I was just kidding- is there really a theory of everything?- and if there is, you totally know that the answer is twenty four!"

"Okay, Mikey, I didn't really understand that and I don't think you did either. We're not really talking about an equation that would yield a simple numerical answer, we-"

"Enough already, brainiach! Didn't ya hightail it out here with somthin' actually important?" growled Raphael from his seat on the couch beside Casey as the hockey game droned on in the background.

"Right!" beamed Donatello, switching tracks smoothly. "Do you guys want to hear the interesting news or the weird news first?"

"The interesting news, my son," Master Splinter requested sagely, with a slightly bemused shake of his head. Everyone turned as he and Leo emerged from his paper sanctuary.

"Sure, Master Splinter. The interesting thing is that Shredder would never have found Leo, at least not as long as he stayed in the Lair."

"How can this be?" asked Splinter even as Leo questioned:

"Are you sure?"

"Well, the Foot could have found our Lair the old fashioned way, but he never could have traced Leo through the tracker," Don explained.

"Have you discovered why this is so?"

"We think so, Master Splinter," replied April. "Don and I discovered that the tracker uses a basic radio wave frequency, though coded and piggybacked in a truly ingenuous fashion. Really, it is able to hitch a ride on virtually any airborn signal."

"It did not, however, have the capability to record where it had been previously- live transmition only," jumped in the purple banded turtle.

"Yeah, I'm sure that that's fascinatin', Don, but how come they jus didn't trace Leo back here on day one?" growled Raphael impatiently.

"Well, the sewers themselves would have proven a difficulty, especially some of the older tunnels which used some lead and other signal dampening materials, but that would only have slowed them down," expounded Don, unmoved by Raph's ever short temper. "Mikey, you remember all the trouble we had with the entertainment monolith when we moved in?"

"You mean the power problem?" cringed Mikey, remembering the flack he had gotten for blowing all of the lights on the street above them.

"No, not that one," sighed Don, remembering all the frantic diversions he had been forced to throw up to misdirect the city engineers when they were sent to discover the source of the brownout.

"Oh, you mean the other one…" nodded Mikey sagely, hiding his relief behind serious eyes.

"I mean the wireless signals," Don huffed, rolling his eyes. "I tried a whole range of carriers and nothing- eventually I turned to physically wiring up the lair and routing the signal through a junction some distance away. I even had to come up with an entirely separate way of communication for our shellcells for just that reason."

"Point, Donny?" asked Leo, though his warmly amused smile sapped the statement of any real persuasive power.

"There was no way for Shredder's tracker to transmit from the enclosure of the Lair!" cried Don triumphantly.

"And, we think we know why," jumped in April before anyone could interrupt.

"Exactly," said Don, picking back up, "You all remember the ancient city we discovered in the underworld beneath the city?"

"You mean the one with the mutated monsters?" asked Mikey with a shiver.

"Hey it ain't their fault the Shredder ran them through his freaky experiments- you just need to figure out how not ta scream like a girl."

"Says you!" shot back Mikey maturely.

"My sons, my sons," sighed Splinter, dropping his head into his furred hands. Raph and Mikey looked away guiltily, and both were relieved when their Master motioned for Don to continue instead of further chastising them.

"_Anyway_, the same crystals that went into constructing that city are the same ones that are embedded in the walls of our own Lair. I've supposized that it could once have been an outpost, but whatever the case, the energy contained within the crystals themselves interfere with most signals that are sent through them." Leo lay his palm on the wall beside him, feeling the blue veining in the walls. This is what had kept his family safe when he had been unable to.

"But whenever I left…" Leo trailed off.

"Yes," confirmed Donatello, "anytime you left these walls they could track you." Leo closed his eyes as he recalled the sound of Foot in the sewers, how they always seemed closer after he and Raphael had been out working on Leo's swords. Every time he had been endangering his family, bringing the enemy closer the Lair. But how could he have done differently? True, any remnants of the Foot would have a much better idea of where their home was located in the vast network of tunnels that wended their way under the city, but the Shredder was dead, the Foot disorganized. Being more careful for a few months was surely not too much to pay for such a victory, for such a decrease of weight.

"And the other thing, the 'weird news'? " Leo asked after a pause.

"Oh, yeah," said April more softly. "We went over the results several times, just to be sure, but…"

"The blood on Raph's sais and the sample that I collected from the ground, well… the Shredder wasn't human, guys."

All movement in the room froze, all eyes locked onto Donatello, attempting to process such an unexpected announcement.

"I'm sorry, could you run that by us again?" breathed Mikey, barely preventing the batter from sloping onto the floor as the bowl had listed in his arms.

"The Shredder was not human," Don repeated slowly and clearly.

"What was he then? A mutant like youse guys? Cause I gotta say, he looked pretty normal ta me," chimed in Casey dubiously.

"No, I compared the blood to samples taken from both myself and my brothers as well as Master Splinter and the DNA sequences are nothing alike, even taking advanced and varied mutation into account. I couldn't even identify some of the basic nucleotide markers." Don shook his head. "Honestly, guys? It wasn't like anything ever recorded on Earth."

"You think that the Shredder was an alien or something? And you say _I_ watch too much science fiction!" exclaimed Michelangelo, all but doubling over in laughter, only to trail off as he realized that no one was joining in on his mirth. "You don't, do you?" he squeaked.

"I don't know Mikey. I'd feel better not discounting anything," Don replied. "Master Splinter, do you know of anything that would cause such a condition, or anywhere that such a thing would occur normally?"

"It was rumored through Japan that the one called the Shredder was a demon, or at the very least, a practitioner of the dark arts. I do not know exactly what would be the markings of such a person. To discover this, I would have to contact one more knowledgeable in the ways of such things. It would take several weeks to get a reply," Splinter admitted sadly.

"The first time- when I cut off the Shredder's head… I didn't think about it at the time," Leo dropped his head, "I should have - I should have noticed afterwards, but there wasn't much blood when I wiped my katana. It may not have been blood at all. "

"Well, I'm sure that this is fasinatin an' all," Raph offered up as a distraction, "but where exactly does this leave us?"

"Well, I'd like to take a closer look at Leo's swords, and have Master Splinter see what he can learn about any mystical possibilities, but without a body to study-"

"Since it 'mysteriously' disappeared," interjected Mikey with awkward one handed quotation marks.

"-there's not much we can do," Don finished.

"But we do know that the Lair is safe. There is no way that the tracker was traced here," offered April, feeling somehow that their news had brought with it a gloomy cloud- certainly not something they had intended.

"Still, Miss O'Neill, it seems as though each answer we uncover leads only to many more."

"Perhaps we are going about this the wrong way," suggested Leonardo thoughtfully. "Instead of trying to find our own answers, perhaps we should just track down someone who has them already."

"Yeah Fearless, ya got some sorta secret rolodex ya can pull out there?" growled Raph in frustration.

"Would that be under 'A' for answers or 'I' for impotence?" chimed in Michelangelo with a giggle.

"That would be 'O' for omnipotence, Mikey," sighed Don in despair.

"Actually, I was thinking of the Guardians," Leo said, talking over the responses of his siblings. "They made quite a point of their involvement with the Shredder and their desire to be allies of sorts-"

"But when all a this went down they left youse out to dry," finished Casey. Leo looked for a moment as though he would have liked to argue. They had seemed honorable and genuine, but Leo had no real answer to Casey's argument.

"It's a place to begin," he finally responded.

There was a moment of silence in the Lair when all present pondered the fact that no matter how much they had been through or even recovered from, life still went on, bringing always new goals and more questions.

"Yeah, well don't get your shell in a twist, Fearless," muttered Raph, turning back to the hockey game, "It ain't like we gotta do anything tonight."

"Hey Mikey, don't you actually have to bake that at some point?" asked Don, taking his cue from Raph and referring to the bowl the youngest was still absently mixing.

"Ha ha, not until the filling is done simmering, and that's not till…" he glanced at the wall clock. "Shell! My peaches!" he exclaimed, disappearing abruptly back into the kitchen.

"I'll go make sure he hasn't caught anything on fire," April volunteered, laughing softly. Don shook his head gratefully as he went to grab the book he had been reading before this all started- with their odd little family, one could never be sure when the next lull would come. They had learned early to take advantage when they could.

Leonardo watched as his family turned back to their tasks. Master Splinter softly confided that he had some letters to write and excused himself; Don re-emerged from the upper level and curled up in their Sensei's armchair with a book. Soft noises and quiet exclamations leaked from the kitchen, only to be all but buried under the jostling and snide comments that came with Raph and Casey 'congenially' watching sports. Leo sighed as he felt time wrap him in a bubble, his own little cocoon of space as life in the Lair went on around him. He had no doubt that there would be yet more trouble ahead of them. Shell, at times it felt that there were still problems _in_ him, but he could do this- they could just be _them_ for another day or so. Then they could go look for answers. He didn't want to put his family in any more danger then he had to, but it was just reconnaissance, and he, for one, would sleep better knowing once and for all what or who had been playing with his family for the last year. But whatever it was that they found, where ever it was that they had to go, Leo was determined never to leave his family again.

"Raph, help me set the table," came the pleading, whining voice that only the youngest of siblings can ever truly perfect.

"Naw," grunted Raph, glancing over at where the eldest still stood, "I'm busy. Make Leo do it- he ain't doin nothing." Before Leonardo had time to even think of protesting, not that he planned to, his arms were full of dishes piled haphazardly with silverware and his vision filled with a beaming Michelangelo. Shaking his head with an amused sigh passing his smiling lips, he obediently followed his youngest brother to the table, knowing in his heart of hearts that it was he who would be putting out the place settings while Mikey bounced around the table chattering about what ever came into his head.

Of course, he really wouldn't want it any other way.

The End

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A/N: I've been writing this for so very long that I feel a little lost without it, even if I am happy to finally be able to put it to bed. Of course, I have rather left it open for a sequel ;) I hope to get back to these guys after I've taken care of a few errant plot bunnies that popped up while I was busy with this story.

Once again let me say how amazing all of you reviewers have been, and forgive me for asking for just one more. Old times' sake? ~Ever, Delia Ra'Nar


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